Author Topic: Who is in the wrong?  (Read 18925 times)

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bbgirl

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2011, 01:28:14 PM »
I'm with Steve.....I think finding a solution where your husband can be happy and you have a safe place for the child is optimal.  Get a cage, get a stand that you can secure to the wall, place a top over it so the child can't fall in....in short find a solution that ensures toddler safety (and they do exist) and you'll  be able to keep marital harmony. 

The way I'm reading your post you've basically not given an option to your husband that he is agreeable with.  It's store it, which he doesn't want to do, or sell it, which again he doesn't want to do.  How about make it safer so it's not an issue or designate one safe area for the child as opposed to allowing that standard to dominate the entire house?  I don't see why you have to ban the tank from both rooms...

little bird

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2011, 01:29:00 PM »
I am not being sarcastic Larabee, really: fish tanks can be mounted as safely as kitchen kabinets and nobody gets rid of those when they get kids.

There does not have to be any bumping or pulling or falling danger, at all. There are technical solutions to this. I just do not see the need to get rid of a fishtank, just because there is a small child in the house.

I agree.  For one, not every space in the house needs to be open for unsupervised or partly-supervised play for a small child.  For one, I can't think of any child who has ever suffered for only having one space in which to play indoors.  Perhaps the OP's husband would be satisfied with getting to keep the fishtank in the basement with the rest of the storage and having the Nom stick to the front room for his play area until he gets a bit older.  The phase where he'll constantly be trying to get at the fish won't last forever and then he could start playing in the basement as well.
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acicularis

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #32 on: October 02, 2011, 02:06:44 PM »
I'm torn here. On the one hand, I know full well what it's like to be the one keeping a small child out of things, and would resent it if the person not doing it all the time dismissed my concerns. On the other hand, as the owner of a number of fish tanks, I know how passionate people can be about the hobby and resentful someone might be at feeling forced to give it up.

If you could be convinced that the tank was not a hazard, would you be willing to keep it in the front room?  I know a lot of people who do keep tanks and toddlers without incident. It takes some planning, but it can be done.

First of all, let me reassure you that it's pretty hard to knock over a tank of that size, assuming it is on a stand made for that purpose. Aquarium stands are designed not just to handle the weight (water weighs about 8 pounds per gallon), but also withstand lateral stresses (like someone bumping into the tank).  A wrought iron stand might not be a good choice, since not only might a kid try to climb it, but there's no way to keep wires and things out of a toddler's reach. A cabinet stand (like the one in the link someone provided earlier) can keep wires and other equipment out of sight and reach, and a child latch placed on the door. It could be bolted to the wall for greater stability and peace of mind.

Is there a lid on the tank? I know a lot of people keep open topped tanks, but the idea of an open topped tank in a house with kids or pets gives me the willies! Some cabinet stands come with matching wood  "canopies" which keep things even more contained.

If you don't think the tank can be made safe, or don't want it in that room for other reasons, can it be placed anywhere else in the house that your boy does not have access to? Or, would your husband be willing to downsize, and find room for a smaller tank?

If the only option is to get rid of the tank for the time being, reassure your husband that it doesn't have to be forever.  And perhaps have a plan for how long "the time being" is. Or, if this would sweeten the deal, perhaps you could get your husband one of the "nano" tanks that are becoming quite popular now. Some come complete with lighting and filtration, and would fit on a kitchen counter or desktop. Maybe he'd like to explore a new aspect of the hobby, by keeping a nano reef tank, or a planted nano tank.

I got out of the hobby for a number of years after my first daughter was born. We were under a lot of stress, and caring for my tanks was becoming more a chore than a source of relaxation. I finally got back into it (with a 29 gallon) when my youngest was 3 (and my nephew and niece were 3 and 1). Except for peanut butter fingerprints (and the occasional nose print) on the front glass, we've had no problems. I have since set up quite a few more tanks (yes, I'm a bit obsessed), and share the hobby with my two younger daughters, who are now 11 and 8.

Yikes! 12 new replies since I started typing! I think I'll post anyway and hope for the best!
« Last Edit: October 02, 2011, 02:10:06 PM by chicken »

Daffodil

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #33 on: October 02, 2011, 02:11:59 PM »
I must have missed something because when I read the OP it was my understanding that there was no getting rid of pets. There are no fish involved and it's solely about the tank, no fish involved - so I don't understand why people are talking about getting rid of pets.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong ?

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #34 on: October 02, 2011, 02:13:17 PM »
I must have missed something because when I read the OP it was my understanding that there was no getting rid of pets. There are no fish involved and it's solely about the tank, no fish involved - so I don't understand why people are talking about getting rid of pets.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong ?

I think I started that, I assumed that a fish tank meant fish.

I apologise if I made an Interesting Assumption, it seemed logical.

SiotehCat

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #35 on: October 02, 2011, 02:14:44 PM »
I must have missed something because when I read the OP it was my understanding that there was no getting rid of pets. There are no fish involved and it's solely about the tank, no fish involved - so I don't understand why people are talking about getting rid of pets.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong ?

I think I started that, I assumed that a fish tank meant fish.

I apologise if I made an Interesting Assumption, it seemed logical.

In post 13, the OP mentions keeping some of the fish in a smaller tank. There are fish involved.

Daffodil

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #36 on: October 02, 2011, 02:17:23 PM »
I must have missed something because when I read the OP it was my understanding that there was no getting rid of pets. There are no fish involved and it's solely about the tank, no fish involved - so I don't understand why people are talking about getting rid of pets.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong ?

I think I started that, I assumed that a fish tank meant fish.

I apologise if I made an Interesting Assumption, it seemed logical.

In post 13, the OP mentions keeping some of the fish in a smaller tank. There are fish involved.

Ok, I see that now.

wyozozo

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #37 on: October 02, 2011, 02:19:10 PM »
If this is purely about an empty fish tank, DH just lost a bunch of points in his favor. I don't understand why an empty fish tank can't be stored until the nom is a bit older.



DuBois

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #38 on: October 02, 2011, 02:22:36 PM »
If this is purely about an empty fish tank, DH just lost a bunch of points in his favor. I don't understand why an empty fish tank can't be stored until the nom is a bit older.
#


Yeah, exactly. If the fish are being stored elsewhere, then what is the importance of the tank? I must be missing something.

Twik

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #39 on: October 02, 2011, 02:25:05 PM »
Okay, I will take the opposite stance:
It seems to me that a toddler and a fishtank do not need to be a danger to eachother. You can safely put the tank on a stance tall enough so the Nom can not reach.

Also, if the Nom has the basement to play, why does the other room have to be able to support semi supervised play time?

If it were my tank, I would also hate to see it go, especially for these reasons. There are technical solutions available to keep kids out of fishtanks.

I think that with a toddler, the entire house has to be toddler-proof. Toddlers will get into things that no adult would expect, and move faster than an adult could consider possible.

And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves
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acicularis

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #40 on: October 02, 2011, 02:35:29 PM »

I think that with a toddler, the entire house has to be toddler-proof. Toddlers will get into things that no adult would expect, and move faster than an adult could consider possible.

And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves

What do you mean by making the entire house toddler-proof? Do you mean that every single room must be toddler-proof? Maybe some people do that, but I sure didn't. However, rooms that were not completely toddler-proof were made inaccessible by means of gates and other measures.

I can't imagine a toddler being able to pull over a 29 gallon tank. An aquarium of that size on a stand designed to hold it is actually very stable.

Shores

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #41 on: October 02, 2011, 02:42:25 PM »
If this is purely about an empty fish tank, DH just lost a bunch of points in his favor. I don't understand why an empty fish tank can't be stored until the nom is a bit older.
#


Yeah, exactly. If the fish are being stored elsewhere, then what is the importance of the tank? I must be missing something.
You are. As mentioned a few posts above, the OP explained in post #13 that there ARE fish involved, that she offered to let him keep a few in a tabletop tank, but he wants to keep them all.


I agree with the PPs who said fish totally count as pets. Just because they don't cuddle doesn't mean people don't love them. I can't understand how people can love birds, but I certainly know enough of them that do. :P OP, many have suggested a sturdier, unclimbable stand that won't topple and I'm going to throw my hat into this ring. I think finding a way for DH to keep his fish would make him very happy and as long as the stand isn't a direct danger, the child can be trained not to mess with it.
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Brentwood

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #42 on: October 02, 2011, 02:42:31 PM »

I think that with a toddler, the entire house has to be toddler-proof.


I can't agree with this. If a person wants to toddler-proof her entire house, that's her prerogative, but I can't agree that it's a necessity or even a good idea. I raised three children through their toddler years without ever "toddler-proofing" my entire house. I tend to think that leads parents into a false sense of security for one thing, and for another, kids need to learn that not everything is theirs and that some things are just plain off limits. Yes, it's a lot of work to keep after little ones, to tell them no, and to be vigilant with them. But that's part of being a parent, and it teaches kids lessons they need to know.

Perfect Circle

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #43 on: October 02, 2011, 02:53:35 PM »
I completely agree with Cathy. We babyproofed some obvious hazards like chemicals but nothing else. Our child has learned very quickly that she has to respect things and not evertything is hers to touch.
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Sandi Papaya

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #44 on: October 02, 2011, 03:07:59 PM »
I completely agree with Cathy. We babyproofed some obvious hazards like chemicals but nothing else. Our child has learned very quickly that she has to respect things and not evertything is hers to touch.

I agree with this as well. I don't have children of my own, but my niece and nephew were often at my house as toddlers (they're 5 now). While we took a few precautions with the kids, we didn't babyproof everything in the house. It's part of the process of growing and developing that kids should learn that certain things should not be touched without permission, that no is no, and that there are boundaries and a child needs to learn to respect them. Of course I kept chemicals out of reach of the kids, covered outlets, etc, but they were taught to respect my things, not touch what I told them not to touch, and they've managed to reach five years of age without being disappointed that the world is not their playground. Of course it takes a good bit of vigilance when they're at my house, but that's part of my job when they're in my care and I understand that.

Making the entire house a toddler-safe zone only gives the child the message that the house is his playground; it's not. It's perfectly fine to have non-child-safe spaces in the home, and teach your child the necessary respect for what is off-limits to him.