Author Topic: Who is in the wrong?  (Read 18495 times)

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Larrabee

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #45 on: October 02, 2011, 03:22:37 PM »
I'm pretty sure complete 100% toddler proofing is actually impossible unless you want padded walls and no furniture. 

wyozozo

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #46 on: October 02, 2011, 03:32:51 PM »
I have to join the "get a sturdy stand" chorus.



Ms_Shell

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #47 on: October 02, 2011, 03:42:04 PM »
Would it be possible to put a baby gate across the doorway and make the whole front room off limits until the Nom is a bit older?   
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General Jinjur

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #48 on: October 02, 2011, 04:30:21 PM »
Geez, you spend all day packing, and look what happens to the topic....

Would it be possible to put a baby gate across the doorway and make the whole front room off limits until the Nom is a bit older?   

Not at all possible. The main part of the house is like this: small front room opening into the kitchen, with two small bedrooms off to the side. The reason I need the front room to be reasonably toddler-proof is that will allow me to supervise him while working in the kitchen, which in our current home I can't do (I have to put him in a playpen, which he doesn't like). So it doesn't need to be perfect, but it DOES need to be safe enough that I can make dinner a few steps away. He can get into trouble in seconds, so the fewer hazards, the better. And the fishtank would be out of my view from the kitchen, which is worrisome.

Also, if the Nom has the basement to play, why does the other room have to be able to support semi supervised play time?

See above. The basement is the safe space, but I can't stay down there all day. Dinner doesn't make itself.

Jinjur - Obviously you and your husband both feel very strongly about this.  You mention another bedroom which it could fit in but wouldn't leave much room; could it not go there temporarily until your little one is out of the 'ooooo swirly fishies' stage?

The smallest bedroom would be good for that, except that we are hoping to have a Nomlet soon, so it would just be postponing the issue a little. Might as well handle it now.

I think I started that, I assumed that a fish tank meant fish.

I apologise if I made an Interesting Assumption, it seemed logical.

There are fish, but we'd be keeping most. We are both rather attached to the platys, who have names. We actually declined to sell the tank to someone who wanted to flush them (why?!).

And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves

Exactly. The pleasure derived from the fishtank seems like it isn't worth the risk.

Shores

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #49 on: October 02, 2011, 04:32:57 PM »
And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves

Exactly. The pleasure derived from the fishtank seems like it isn't worth the risk.
But that simply isn't true. IF it's worth the cost and effort, there are always ways to house the tank that would be impossible to pull over.
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Wonderflonium

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #50 on: October 02, 2011, 04:37:23 PM »
So you'd be keeping (most of) the fish and just getting rid of the big tank? Now I definitely think your DH is being unreasonable.
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SamiHami

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #51 on: October 02, 2011, 04:37:56 PM »
IMHO I don't see any reason for getting rid of the aquarium. Several posters have already given you great suggestions that would eliminate the danger. Another thought might be to break it down to two or three smaller tanks that can be put in more convenient areas around the house.

I get the feeling that maybe it's less of a safety issue for you and more likely that you just don't want to keep it. Is your DH good about caring for the fish and keeping the tank clean? Or is he spending too much money or time on it? Could it be that he's dumping all the work on you?

A lot of people manage to maintain both having aquariums and raising small children without it causing any problems at all. I really think that if you actually wanted to find a way to keep it, you would.



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Twik

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #52 on: October 02, 2011, 04:38:35 PM »
And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves

Exactly. The pleasure derived from the fishtank seems like it isn't worth the risk.
But that simply isn't true. IF it's worth the cost and effort, there are always ways to house the tank that would be impossible to pull over.

Well, sure. They could renovate the house, perhaps at a cost of thousands of dollars, to provide a space for the tank.  Or, they could sell the house they've just bought and purchase a new one (again, probably costing them thousands of dollars). I suspect that the OP and her husband have already discounted those possibilities.

It sounds like the OP's husband simply expects that the OP will spend her entire day in permanent vigilance against fish raids. And that is not possible to make 100% effective. It would be like leaving a gaping hole in the living room floor, and telling the OP that it's really no problem, she just has to make sure that Nom doesn't fall in.
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Wonderflonium

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #53 on: October 02, 2011, 04:40:32 PM »
I think I started that, I assumed that a fish tank meant fish.

I apologise if I made an Interesting Assumption, it seemed logical.

There are fish, but we'd be keeping most. We are both rather attached to the platys, who have names. We actually declined to sell the tank to someone who wanted to flush them (why?!).

Just want to make sure everyone sees this...
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BellyBionic

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #54 on: October 02, 2011, 04:57:50 PM »
If you'd be keeping most of the fish, what would happen to the ones you're not keeping?

Honestly, I think you're the one being unreasonable.  Lots and lots of people have both fish tanks and toddlers without problems.  There are plenty of options for securing the tank so it's not dangerous.  A 29 gallon isn't even that big.  When I was little, my parents had a 75 gallon saltwater tank in the living room with 3 kids under the age of 6, and the tank was never an issue.  If the problem is that the tank is on a stand that's too low or unstable, then replace the stand.  I just looked at a pet store website and saw easily a dozen options that would get the tank high enough that no kid could fall in and would give no hand or toe holds for climbing.

General Jinjur

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #55 on: October 02, 2011, 05:04:11 PM »
IMHO I don't see any reason for getting rid of the aquarium. Several posters have already given you great suggestions that would eliminate the danger. Another thought might be to break it down to two or three smaller tanks that can be put in more convenient areas around the house.

I get the feeling that maybe it's less of a safety issue for you and more likely that you just don't want to keep it. Is your DH good about caring for the fish and keeping the tank clean? Or is he spending too much money or time on it? Could it be that he's dumping all the work on you?

A lot of people manage to maintain both having aquariums and raising small children without it causing any problems at all. I really think that if you actually wanted to find a way to keep it, you would.

Sure they do, but I imagine not all are working with our space constraints.

The thing is, I like the fishtank. DH has always kept it up nicely so it doesn't smell, which would be a problem. I like to look at the fish swirling around serenely. I would be very happy if most of the fish (well, at least half) stayed in a smaller tank. Or two; we could fit one on the bookshelves. What I am not willing to do is spend all day pulling the Nom off of it. I've been doing that a few months and I am totally done.

Well, sure. They could renovate the house, perhaps at a cost of thousands of dollars, to provide a space for the tank.  Or, they could sell the house they've just bought and purchase a new one (again, probably costing them thousands of dollars). I suspect that the OP and her husband have already discounted those possibilities.

It sounds like the OP's husband simply expects that the OP will spend her entire day in permanent vigilance against fish raids. And that is not possible to make 100% effective. It would be like leaving a gaping hole in the living room floor, and telling the OP that it's really no problem, she just has to make sure that Nom doesn't fall in.

It's a rental, actually - and I doubt the owner would be pleased if we started building!  ;)

Here's the thing. When we looked at the house, we realized that certain concessions would have to be made. We would have to put our beloved, but rickety, cabinets in storage for a few years. We'd have to find someplace to keep the wine rack (downstairs bathroom - really) other than the kitchen. We'd have to store a lot of our art, because there is very little wall space. And we talked about the fishtank, and decided, together, that it wasn't going to fit. It's only now, one day before we move, that he's gotten cold feet and decided he wants to keep it. That's the most frustrating thing for me - we'd already talked about this! Numerous times! I tend to think that if he was OK with it last month, then suddenly springing this deep devotion to the fishtank on me now is rather unfair.

Brentwood

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #56 on: October 02, 2011, 05:11:46 PM »
It would be like leaving a gaping hole in the living room floor, and telling the OP that it's really no problem, she just has to make sure that Nom doesn't fall in.

Well, no, it wouldn't actually be like that at all. That's pretty hyperbolic. There are ways to safely install a fish tank. There's no way to make a "gaping hole" safe.

dman

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #57 on: October 02, 2011, 05:50:30 PM »
I admit I don't know the first thing about keeping fish, light needs etc.  But is there a way you could just fashion a cardboard or paper coveringing for the sides of the tank so the child doesn't see the fish?  You could remove it when he is napping/in bed or out.  Can't see the pretty fishies, no attraction to the tank.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #58 on: October 02, 2011, 06:13:25 PM »
I don't think its unreasonable to be frustrated with a spouse who agreed to do something and is now backing out at the last minute.
 
Since you are talking about putting the fish in one or two smaller aquariums in the kitchen and on a bookshelf, could you then just empty out the big one and put it in storage--will it just not fit in storage anywhere?

You could agree to put it in the potential nomlet room set up or not (depending on nom's access to the room).  At least it would give you both some time to come to some other mutually agreeable solution.

Shores

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #59 on: October 02, 2011, 06:17:42 PM »
And the problem appears to be that there is no "stance" high enough for a large fishtank. This isn't just a bowl for goldfish. It sounds like it's something that, quite possibly, could kill a child if the child pulled it over on top of themselves

Exactly. The pleasure derived from the fishtank seems like it isn't worth the risk.
But that simply isn't true. IF it's worth the cost and effort, there are always ways to house the tank that would be impossible to pull over.

Well, sure. They could renovate the house, perhaps at a cost of thousands of dollars, to provide a space for the tank.
  Or, they could sell the house they've just bought and purchase a new one (again, probably costing them thousands of dollars). I suspect that the OP and her husband have already discounted those possibilities.

It sounds like the OP's husband simply expects that the OP will spend her entire day in permanent vigilance against fish raids. And that is not possible to make 100% effective. It would be like leaving a gaping hole in the living room floor, and telling the OP that it's really no problem, she just has to make sure that Nom doesn't fall in.
Yay for hyperbolic sarcasm!

The issue in the bedroom was space. The issue in the living room was safety. The OP clearly says that there is room, but it wouldn't be child-safe. So your "build a new house", while amusing, didn't fit the scenario or suggestion at all.

The fact is that husband is having second thoughts. OP can either dig in her heels and there can be conflict, or she can bring him some suggestions and find one that works. She's already come up with one "small tank in kitchen" and she's been provided with a couple others here "child-safe tank stand",  "fence around tank", "more than one small tank so that no fish have to be discarded". Hopefully she and husband can find a compromise that both can live with. But there's no reason to paint her husband as a bad guy (or become sarcastic about options) just because he's having second thoughts about getting rid of his pets.
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