Who is in the wrong?

[Jobiska]

Probably there are dozens of reasons this wouldn't work either--block the windows, prevent sleep--but the idea "fishtank headboard" sprang into my head, I googled it, and saw others had had it spring into their heads too.  So I just thought I'd mention it!

[Betelnut]

Posting for updates

[ItZWhoUKnow]

My solution would be to put it in the smaller room for now. Even if you get pregnant tomorrow you still have approximately 9 months and by that time your older child will be two and it might have lost it's attraction.

[General Jinjur]

I would just like to reiterate, again, that he would not be getting rid of the fish. Neither of us want that. We would keep a good amount of the fish - all the ones we have an attachment to. It's not as if I'm asking him to flush them!

[Firecat]

My solution would be to put it in the smaller room for now. Even if you get pregnant tomorrow you still have approximately 9 months and by that time your older child will be two and it might have lost it's attraction.

I tend to agree with this. At the very least it would buy time to find another solution, and would solve the immediate problem with the Nom.

[acicularis]

Well, sure. They could renovate the house, perhaps at a cost of thousands of dollars, to provide a space for the tank. Or, they could sell the house they've just bought and purchase a new one (again, probably costing them thousands of dollars). I suspect that the OP and her husband have already discounted those possibilities.

It sounds like the OP's husband simply expects that the OP will spend her entire day in permanent vigilance against fish raids. And that is not possible to make 100% effective. It would be like leaving a gaping hole in the living room floor, and telling the OP that it's really no problem, she just has to make sure that Nom doesn't fall in.

You're getting a little silly here. I don't think anyone recommended renovations that would cost thousands of dollars just to provide space for a tank that measures 30 inches long and 12 inches front to back. I don't recall anyone telling them to move either.

And "permanent vigilance against fish raids" did make me chuckle. But "gaping hole in the living room floor" --really??  I can only assume you'd think my house was full of gaping holes with all my tanks. Haven't lost a kid yet, though. 

[acicularis]

I would be very happy if most of the fish (well, at least half) stayed in a smaller tank. Or two; we could fit one on the bookshelves. What I am not willing to do is spend all day pulling the Nom off of it. I've been doing that a few months and I am totally done.

How big a tank are you talking about putting on the bookshelves, and how sturdy are these bookshelves? Maybe I'm overly cautious, but I tend to be nervous about anything larger than 5 or 10 gallons on something that was not intended to be an aquarium stand. If you do go that route, pay very close attention and be on the lookout for any bowing.

Of course, that probably complicates things further for you. Sorry. 

[BellyBionic]

I would just like to reiterate, again, that he would not be getting rid of the fish. Neither of us want that. We would keep a good amount of the fish - all the ones we have an attachment to. It's not as if I'm asking him to flush them!

A good amount of the fish isn't all of the fish.  What would you do with the ones you didn't keep?

[tnpenguinbaby]

The water alone in the tank would weigh 232 pounds.  Add in the tank itself, the gravel and other paraphenalia and it's about 250 pounds.  I'm thinking it is going to be very difficult for a child to pull this over if it's parked on a nice, sturdy cabinet base. 
I'm going to suggest child training.  Enough swats on the butt or timeouts (whichever is your style) and I imagine the Nomlet will leave the nice fishies alone.

[amanda_tlg]

My solution would be to put it in the smaller room for now. Even if you get pregnant tomorrow you still have approximately 9 months and by that time your older child will be two and it might have lost it's attraction.

I tend to agree with this. At the very least it would buy time to find another solution, and would solve the immediate problem with the Nom.

POD

It seems the Dh here is attached to the fish & tank. Concessions can and should be made both for your child AND your spouse. It's not like it's a 5' metal chicken.

FWIW - DH & I used to bre*ed lizards and frogs. At one point we had over 40 bre*eding pairs of lizards and almost 30 pairs of frogs. Our entire dining room (which was huge) was dedicated to this. Imagine the sheer number of cages and tanks.... At the same time I had a 3 yr old DS and a 2 yr old DS and was pregnant with #3. We kept up the bre*eding until the youngest was almost 2. We chose to train the kids to stay away from the tanks. An occasional butt swat, a few timeouts, lost priveleges & tv time, etc. There was never a tank-related accident. (Well, there was the time my oldest, then 4, broke open a carton containing 4000 live crickets but that's another story)

[Iris]

I agree that this is a very annoying situation. You decided together that the fish tank would have to go and now at short notice DH has changed his mind. Well I have to say that on top of moving stress I would go a bit batpoo crazy at that point. So I think you've done very well not to go all nuclear on his behind.

I will say though that I have a deep and abiding hatred of the "mum" or "bad guy" role and get a bit stabby if it is pushed upon me. Which is exactly what seems to be happening here with "How can you expect him to give up his pets" etc. Honestly at this stage I would make it HIS responsibility.

"I told you that the fishtank cannot go in the front room because I am concerned for Nom's safety. That hasn't changed. If you wish to keep the fishtank you either need to come up with a way to make it safe or find another place to put it. These are the things we had planned to put in the spare bedroom, if you can find a way to fit those and the fishtank then I am perfectly happy for it to be there. I am not discussing this further, you know the parameters we're working with, if you can find a solution then great." Then leave it at that. He is an adult and the Nom's safety is every bit as much his concern as yours and you made your requirements clear BEFORE your names were on the lease. His lack of planning is not your emergency.

[sisbam]

I would not suggest putting a smaller fish tank on a bookshelf, especially if the shelves already show signs of wear (e.g., bowing). Toddlers can climb bookshelves.

I also like the idea of assembling the tank in the second room with a gate.

[bbgirl]

OP, in your post you've stated you were willing to compromise but from your subsequent messages I'm not seeing that.  You've been given several options that would allow you to compromise with your husband but all I see if heel digging.  Does it matter if he's changed his mind? Not really, because the fact is that he's feeling differently about it now. Marriage is compromise, adjusting, and changing to one another's needs.  So you've said no to the front room. Then invest in sturdy stand and place it in the basement.  But I would recommend that instead of focusing on what he had agreed to do and now he's changing it, focus instead on how to keep your partner...the man you love and live with, happy while at the same time working on solutions for the actual problem.  What I gather is the problem is a safety concern.  In which case, please respond as to why a sturdy stand is not an option in the front room? 

Ultimately, toddler stage is short. Marriage is long and built up resentments last a long time and can lead to dissolution later down the road.  Find a compromise that works for both of you, not just yourself.  Good luck.

[General Jinjur]

I am willing to compromise; he just doesn't like the options. That is not the same as not compromising at all. I am OK with keeping the fish in separate tanks, and storing the larger fishtank. I don't like the idea of a different stand because it's the tank itself that is so appealing to the Nom. It's true, I am not willing to compromise on putting it in the front room. I have had a lifetime of pulling the Nom off of the tank, and I am done. Totally done. Not happening any more. So if I have to dig my heels in, so be it - did I mention I am done?

The tank can't go in the smallest bedroom in part because that will be where we deposit my MIL when she visits. So DH doesn't want it there regardless, as then she wouldn't have anywhere to sleep.

I'm not asking him to get rid of his fish (the ones we can't keep would find new homes). I'm not asking him to get rid of the tank. I'm saying it's not going to work in the front room right now. In a couple of years, if we're still there, he can bring it up from storage and repopulate it, that would be fine - but not now.

[Shoo]

So....what's the specific problem with a baby gate or some kind of fence to keep the little one away?  I don't think I've read where you mention that, and several of us have suggested it.