General Etiquette > Family and Children
I think my grandmother has gone crazy
cmoonchild:
Hi all --
New to the EHell forums. I needed to post this.
My mom's family tends to put much too much emphasis on Christmas gifts. They've complained in the past about the size of gifts (too small) or that I didn't send a card, etc. My husband and my solution has been to give my grandmother and two aunts small (under $20) gifts as tokens so there isn't a game of who loves whom more by the price tag as a gift.
This year, I gave my grandmother and two aunts coffee sets topped with a Christmas ornament that reflected their unique tastes. My two aunts were clearly happy with their gifts; my grandmother, on the other hand, didn't say much.
I came home yesterday to this note:
Dear (my name) and (my husband's name) --
I just want to thank you for my $10 Christmas gift from you both. $5 each!
I feel hurt and offended and now I know how you really feel about me.
-- Your grandmother :(
My grandmother, who is 83, lives in a two-room studio apartment in elderly housing. I purposely gave her something she could use up and that would not take up space in her apartment. My brother gave her a scarf and glove set and got a similar note, with the last line saying something about loving her so little that she got so little. I joke about her going crazy in my title, but I don't think she has lost her marbles. She just attaches way too much importance to gifts.
My husband is ready to kill her, and I'm completely ticked off. How do we handle this? We've already decided no gifts next year.
Rose2Bear:
That is definetly uncalled for and not nice. A gift is a gift, and it does sound like you put care and thought behind this gift, the price is irrelevant anyways.
Becasue of her age though... maybe there is something else wrong? Maybe she is depressed or as you said "loosing her marbles?" I say this because I have an elderly relative who, in older age, sometimes says rude, cranky things with out thinking, its as though this person's ability to censor their thoughts is sometimes lacking... maybe this was a moment like that?
If not, it just shows a very strange attachment to gifts and her behavior was not nice nor should it be tolerated.
MsEva:
She was so out of line. Are you near Chicago? We could introduce her to my 87 yo FIL. I think they would be perfect for each other. ::)
Seriously, if you think she still has her faculties she probably is just feeling that age is an excuse to say what's on her mind. Is she lonely? Maybe she feels more that you and your brother don't spend enough time with her and she's hurt. Sometimes expressing anger is easier than expressing the "needier" feelings like sadness or lonliness.
freakyfemme:
Old or not, that's rude. If I got a cute scarf and glove set for Christmas, I'd thank the person who gave it to me, and not throw a tantrum. I
Verruca:
Next year you shouldn't give her anything. That way you can tell her that you feel she's "priceless."
(Edited to add some actually helpful thoughts...)
I don't know if you're crafty, but if you are, would it be worth it to you to make something for her next year instead? Or write her a letter, or put together a photo album or a family memory book for her?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this - it's mortifying to have the best intentions interpreted so meanly.
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