I need advice. and a hug...and maybe a valuim

[scooter2071]

Ok, my folks have gone through some rough patches in the last year or so.
There was a big blow-out in April, my Mom had to leave town because she discovered a love letter written by my Dad to another woman. Very out of character for my Dad. This other woman works at the same facility as my Dad. My Dad apologized profusely and begged my Mom back and they decided to stay together, and work things out and have been in marriage counseling since.

Now, my FIL works at the same facility as my Dad and this woman. He was not privy to the events that transpired in April between my parents.
FIL took DH aside and asked how my parents are doing, because my Dad and the OW (same as love letter lady) have become sort of a joke throughout the facility they work at. Because my Dad is constantly trying to switch jobs/shifts to work with this woman, coming into work hours early to hang out with her etc. FIL believes its physical from what hes heard/observed.

Now, I am thoroughly upset.

I also have this info and feel quite burdened by it. DH waited a few days to tell me because he wasn't sure he should but then decided I should know so I wouldn't be caught off guard when the whole thing blows up.

What the heck am I supposed to do? Wait for my Mom to find out some other way? I don't know for sure whats going on, except for what my FIL said and he lacks credibility at times (but since the whole thing that happened in April...) Do I tell my Mother, do I wait it out and mind my own business??

[AdakAK]

Hugs Scooter!  I really have no advice.  I would want to tell my mom, or give my dad the chance to do it first, but I don't know that it would be the right thing to do.
 
Susan

[Jaywalker]

tell Dad 'you tell her or I will' -- it is unacceptable for one partner to opt out of a marriage and leave the other one in the dark

your Mother has the right to go find her own happiness and not provide maid service for someone who gets his relationship jollies somewhere else

[scooter2071]

I think I should at least tell my Dad that what hes doing isn't such a big secret. FIL said that its very blatant but they think they are being so clever and sneaky, Mom will find out eventually. I really just want to puke. DH wants me to stay out of it.

I'm super close to Mom, my Dad and I are kind of distant, he isn't much of a talker.
I think I'll call him this afternoon when I know my Mom won't be home.
He'll probably figure that if I know, my Mom will find out soon enough.

[Twik]

I'm not familiar with how therapy works - would it be possible to contact the therapist and tell them this, or would it be somehow "butting in"? It sounds like all the therapy is going for naught at this rate.

[AprilRenee]

((hugs)) That really sucks.

I sort of agree with telling your dad you know what is up.

[jais]

tell Dad 'you tell her or I will' -- it is unacceptable for one partner to opt out of a marriage and leave the other one in the dark

your Mother has the right to go find her own happiness and not provide maid service for someone who gets his relationship jollies somewhere else

ITA, I know from experience, your mom will most likely have a VERY hard time if she ever finds out you knew before her and didn't tell her.  You can PM me if you'd like. 

[hellgirl]

I think I should at least tell my Dad that what hes doing isn't such a big secret. FIL said that its very blatant but they think they are being so clever and sneaky, Mom will find out eventually.

This is exactly what I would tell him. You don't need to accuse him of having an affair (although I can't imagine the conversation will go smoothly and without a lot of emotion). It is really up to him whether he tells your Mum or not - but maybe tell him that he needs to decide what he's going to do, as this isn't a secret.

I know for myself (but very very different situation) the unfaithfulness of my ex-husband was hard enough - having other people tell me about it and pitying me was devastating. If you think your Mum would feel that at all, this is another thing to point out to him.

[Deetee]

I agree with what you already suggested. You should talk to your dad. (It will be awful. I am very sorry). Tell him that you know he is much too close to this woman (BTW, it doesn't matter one bit whether it's physical or not. He is "cheating") and everyone has people have noticed.

Tell him that he has to tell your mom within the week and go to counseling or you will tell your mom what you know.

After that, step back.

I'm very sorry. It's not your fault obviously, but it must still hurt.

[scooter2071]

I'm working up the courage to call my Dad. I know that my Mom won't be home until 6-ish every night this week. We also still have a house full of guests so I'm having trouble finding it convenient to get away.Actually, when I picked up the phone to call yesterday the battery dies and I was relieved!  Its so strange, if this wasn't me or my family I'd be like "Tell her. Immediately!"

[snowball's chance]

I agree with everyone else - tell you dad to tell your mom or else you will.  I did the same w/ a friend's wife.  She denied everything, so I had to tell him anyway.

[pennylane]

Add me to the "You tell her or I will" camp.  It won't be easy, but it's certainly not easy knowing what you know right now.  I think the anticipation is worse than making the phone call.

Hugs to you and my heart goes out to your mom.

[Veronica]

Hon, this is a horrible situation to be in.  I am so, so sorry.

[Peyton Fan]

What an awful situation to be in. I am so sorry. Did you have a chance to talk to your dad yet? I totally agree with the "You tell her, or I will" line.

[Felica]

Would it be incredibly nosy to ask for an update? I mean about what you decided to do and how your dad reacted if you did call him?