Basically, UBF extends the invitation, my parents accept for the whole family (and no, I can't decline for myself, it's apparently mandatory), UBF chooses the restaurant, then he orders the food for all of us, since the menus are written mostly in Chinese.
Hi freaky, I don't know how old you are, but it seems like if you are 18 years of age and your parents aren't supporting you financially, you can decline for yourself. Just contact UBF and advise you regretfully can't make it. Another option is to let him know in advance that you would enjoy the dinner much more if he were aware of your dietary restrictions.
By the way, why do you have a problem hugging him?
Grey area here.....I'm 22, I visit home on the holidays, and I'm *partially* self-supporting, meaning I pay my living expenses, and a small portion of my school tuition, from saved-up summer job earnings, while I'm away at school, but my parents pay for the remainder of my tuition and residence fees (I wish I could be more independent, but I only make eight dollars an hour, and that's *when* I work--i.e., when I'm not at school--I had a job for the first semester of last year, but I didn't get my job back this year, although I'd been good at it, because my boss said he was "looking for new people.") I'm sure that, were it not for my school expenses, I'd probably be able to support myself at a minimal level, but I want to do more than that, and my parents agree.....but still, I think it'd be better for everyone if I bowed out of these obligatory, all-Chinese dinners with UBF. As for the hugging thing....UBF is little more than an acquaintance to me, we see him *maybe* once a year, and I don't think his relationship
with my uncle really changes that. So, I'm not homophobic by any stretch, I have several g*a*y/lesbian
/bi/questioning friends, and we hug each other all the time. It's just that I'm not close with UBF, even less so than I am with my uncle (we see him MAYBE twice a year), and I don't let him hug me either......same for my immediate family. Also, I was sexually assaulted a few years ago (I got away before he had a chance to do any real damage, thank goodness), and that was the *one* time I wasn't assertive enough about saying "no," so now I don't think twice about it. My dad doesn't know about that, but I told my mom about a year and a half after the fact.
Edited to clarify that the sexual assault was by a random guy at a bar, NOT my uncle or his boyfriend.....in case anyone might have misread that. Both my uncle and UBF are perfectly good, kind, morally upstanding people.