S/O of retaliatory rudeness -who is the thread for

[rashea]

A comment was made in the retaliatory rudeness thread that made me wonder.

The OP is not the only person posting in the thread and whose opinion matters.

Here's the basics:
The OP asked for comments about the ethics of situation X.
Some people responded that doing X is unethical (let's leave the discussion of "sinful" out of this one).
People felt judged and labelled "unethical".

I agree that the OP is not the only person in the thread, but if we're discussing the ethics of situation X as invited to do so by the OP, how do we handle this. Is there a way to say, "I find doing X unethical" that doesn't offend, or is that so inherently judgmental that it should be reserved for obvious things like racism?

My solution has been to say that I find doing X to be unethical for myself, but that others ethics may differ.

[PeasNCues]

I would leave ethics out of it all together.

Why not just say, "for personal reasons, I won't do ______"

[rashea]

I would leave ethics out of it all together.

Why not just say, "for personal reasons, I won't do ______"

Because I would think it would stop conversation. To me, ethics is debatable. My ethics aren't set in stone, and change. If someone just said "personal reasons" I would assume that meant "back off, I don't want to talk about it".

[Judah]

This isn't an ethics board, it's an etiquette board.  I don't think it falls withing the scope of the board to discuss the ethics of a situation unless directly and inextricably related to the etiquette of the situation.  In the situation that spurred this discussion, the ethics of the situation were easily separated from the etiquette issue.

[jimithing]

I would leave ethics out of it all together.

Why not just say, "for personal reasons, I won't do ______"

Because I would think it would stop conversation. To me, ethics is debatable. My ethics aren't set in stone, and change. If someone just said "personal reasons" I would assume that meant "back off, I don't want to talk about it".

I think that if someone were to say, "My ethics prevent me from doing this.", or even "I don't do this for religious reasons.", most people wouldn't have an issue with this. It's when someone says, "This behavior is clearly and obviously unethical/immoral.", that I see the issue, especially on things where there is gray area for a lot of people.

I think most of us can agree that murdering someone is unethical/immoral. But when we are talking about things like drinking, eating meat, dumping out baby food, it tends to get into a gray area. There are thing that I do in my life because of my personal moral code. But I don't necessarily agree that they are wrong or unethical in general.

For instance, I don't drink for religious reasons. And for me, that is important because of my personal beliefs. But I honestly don't give a crap if other people want to drink. I have no issue with that. So I really think that it's all in the tone. "Personally, I don't drink for religious reasons.", is much different than, "Drinking is immoral. "

[Lynn2000]

I'm not entirely clear on the connotations of using the word "ethics," I must admit. If an OP literally says, "Is this ethical?" I would feel like posters were expected to get out their Philosophy 101 textbooks and cite the arguments of various dead Greeks.

If it's the more usual, "Is this rude?" then obviously various answers are going to be posted. I prefer to take pains to phrase things as only my own opinion, which is meant to apply to only my own actions (perhaps to the point of removing myself from the situation/not associating with people who act in ways I disagree with). But, I know that I tend to be wordy, and other people prefer a more straightforward style that can come across as harsh or dismissive.

Sometimes I see threads as a conversation, at the end of which I might actually change my opinion or at least broaden my perspective; other times I see them more as something where I drop in, state my stance on the matter (politely I hope), and then never really think about it again. I think both approaches are fine as long as the responses are, as always, polite and productive.