Don't eat the meatballs! AKA: Stupid stuff you've done.

[Pinky830]

I've pretty much stopped toasting almond slivers because I never seem to be able to watch them and keep them from going from "toasted" to "incinerated."

I once took my gorgeous, perfectly seasoned Pampered Chef pizza stone out of the fridge (where I'd had a pizza crust doing a cold rise) and put it straight into a 550-degree oven.

I had just an "ohnosecond" to think, "Did I really just do that?" before it went KAPOW into 3 or 4 shards.

[Kaora]

Here's one 

Mum has taken to freezing and then defrosting  entire, store bought gallons of milk.  Maybe that's okay with some people, but to me, a milk aficionado, yuck.    It tastes like the freezing separates the lactose from the cream and from the fat, leaving it very sickly sweet.

I have a terrible headache, and thought it'd be nice to have some strawberry milk instead of water with Advil for once.  I take the milk, it was oddly heavy and kind of colder than normal, but thinking brain is hurting, so I didn't think anything of putting Strawberry Quik in it.

Remember how I said it was really, sickly sweet now?  Make it frozen, ill-inducing strawberry drink, practically.  Ugh. 

I probably wouldn't be so sensitive, either, if I didn't have a headache and got woken up by a certain sibling when I was taking a nap, hoping it'd go away.  Tired, hurting, and in a state of consciousness I equate to being flattened by a truck...

I have more to post, just later. 

[AylaM]

I was visiting family who lived in a high rise apartment.Bored one afternoon I decided to walk down the steps (30 floors).  Between the parking-levels and the living-levels was a fence/door.

Before I went down through it, I decided to check to see if it locked.  Because I knew I hadn't brought the key, and all the parking-level exit doors needed a key to open from the stairwell.  If the fence/door locked behind me I'd be locked in the stair case.  It did lock.  And I went through anyways.  I don't know why.  I guess maybe in the back of my head I thought I could reach through the fence to turn the door knob from the other side?  While it wasn't a concious thought, that is what I tell myself to make me feel less stupid.

I was pounding on the exit doors for a while and no one wanted to open them for me.  Was locked in the staircase for a while until someone else came in.

To this day I can't figure out why I did that. Obviously I was smart enough to check to see if it locked...
 

[GreenHall]

KayMarie's story made me think of my own. (The thought about it being a bad idea, then followed through on doing it)

At work, I needed to get a toner pod for the copy machine. I went downstairs where the extras were stored. (small office being used as a storage room).  Toner is on the top shelf.  I use a chair to get up to it.  Chair tries to tip as I get the toner. (ooh bad idea...)
There are 2 cartridges in the box, so I open it, get the one toner I need, and....step back onto the SAME chair to put the extra toner back where I found it....yah, this time it didn't 'start' to 'try' to tip - it dumped my on the floor (and a few boxes, etc scattered around as well.  I was glad the room was somewhat isolated, based on my immediate, non-ehell, non ANY polite company outburst.  Had some really pretty bruises for a very long time, but couldn't really show them off without risking a sexual harassment case....

[MonteCristo]

I have one of those big metal hooks on my keychain, and I also have a bad habit of shutting my door my the door lock, since I have to push it down anyway.  Those two things combined led to me closing the door by the little knob with the keys in the same hand resulting in the hook catching on the knob as I closed the door and me having my keys being ripped out of my hand as I closed and locked the door in one motion!  It was a little embarassing standing by my car and see the keys hanging right there on the lock. 

The first time I got locked out of my house was the day I moved in.  I had just finished unloading the last of my furniture from the trailer and was heading back to my Dad's house.  Of course I reached in my pocket to check that I had the keys before carefully locking my door...unfortunately I didn't remember until right after the door was locked that the keys I had in my pocket were to my Dad's truck that I was driving.  My keys were still inside.  Had to get a locksmith because I hadn't even had time to give my Dad a spare key.   

ETA - I just remembered another big one.  To save myself the typing I'll just copy and paste from the blog it was originally posted in....

Okay, so I'm not totally fed up with life, but I'm certainly not too thrilled about it. I have been trying to bake a cake for our church potluck tonight, but everything has gone wrong. It started yesterday morning when I made the first one. I never should have used that stupid daisy cake pan because since it was so deep, the cake turned out raw in the middle, and all the petals fell off (aaarrgghh!!). I have a slight (well maybe not so slight, but I'm working on it, honestly!) anger problem, so by this time I'm already rather put out. But I pulled myself together and started another one. This one I managed to cook long enough so that the middle was done, and I carefully placed on a completely flat surface so I wouldn't have to worry about the petals. Then I just couldn't get the icing colors to work right, and had to make several batches of icing. (  ) So I finallly get the icing right, and start icing the cake. Well I'm not very good with the decorating tools yet, so that took a long time. Then came the disaster, right when I was putting the last zig-zaggy thingamabob on, THE CAKE FELL OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!!! I have NO idea how that could have happened. And let me tell you, when a cake hits the floor, IT REALLY HITS THE FLOOR. That stupid cake smashed into thousands of crumbs!!! That is when I lost it. Thankfully I have been working on my anger enough to retain some control, so I went out in the backyard, got a sledge hammer, and demolished an old crate that we were getting ready to burn. It is now in nice little kindling bits.  Anyway, we will NOT be having a cake at the potluck tomorrow, and it will be a jolly long time before I try to make another.

[philliesphan]

I kind of love this thread, because it makes me feel less alone in my stoopidity.

Most recent boneheaded error: DH and I were visiting my in-laws over Labor Day weekend. I went out for a run in the wee hours of Saturday morning. I didn't take a key because they normally leave the front door unlocked for me when I'm out running.

I came back to find the door locked. I rang the bell. A confused-looking man answered it. "Can I help you?" This should have been my first clue. But oh no, I assumed he was visiting. "I'm [myname]," I explain. When this doesn't get me any farther I say, "I'm [DH's name]'s wife." When this STILL doesn't get any reaction, I say, "You know, he's [FIL's and MIL's names]'s son!" wondering when is their houseguest going to let me the Sam Hill in the door.

Finally recognition dawns on his face as he tells me, "I think you want the house next door." In my defense, I had just run 15 miles in 80% humidity, but still!

[Diane AKA Traska]

I kind of love this thread, because it makes me feel less alone in my stoopidity.

...

Finally recognition dawns on his face as he tells me, "I think you want the house next door." In my defense, I had just run 15 miles in 80% humidity, but still!

Ah, Philly weather in summer.  (For the non-Philadelphians, we have four seasons here:  Summer, Summer, Summer, and Blizzard.)  Also, love to see a phellow Phillies Phan on the phorums!  (Okay, I'll phinally stop now.)  Too bad the Phillies' season ended so abruptly.  Good news now is it's Flyers season. 

[philliesphan]

Ah, Philly weather in summer.  (For the non-Philadelphians, we have four seasons here:  Summer, Summer, Summer, and Blizzard.)  Also, love to see a phellow Phillies Phan on the phorums!  (Okay, I'll phinally stop now.)  Too bad the Phillies' season ended so abruptly.  Good news now is it's Flyers season. 

Ha! I actually live in NYC these days (and the ILs are in another state entirely; that weekend was miserable in lots of places, it seems!), but I am still phlying the Phillies phlag. Even after last Phriday.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Ah, Philly weather in summer.  (For the non-Philadelphians, we have four seasons here:  Summer, Summer, Summer, and Blizzard.)  Also, love to see a phellow Phillies Phan on the phorums!  (Okay, I'll phinally stop now.)  Too bad the Phillies' season ended so abruptly.  Good news now is it's Flyers season. 

Ha! I actually live in NYC these days (and the ILs are in another state entirely; that weekend was miserable in lots of places, it seems!), but I am still phlying the Phillies phlag. Even after last Phriday.

Well of *course* you're going to continue to root for the Phitins.  Who else would you root for?  The Yankees (an AL team, so they've got the DH rule... gah), the Mets (okay, you can stop laughing now)?

[Eastsider]

DH and I used to keep 2L bottles of soda on a set of shelves that are underneath the hooks where we keep our coats.  The shelves are at the top of our basement stairs.  Occasionally when taking a jacket off the hooks, the jacket would hit a bottle and it would tumble down the stairs.  No big deal just don't open it for a while right? 

Until one day... I am standing in the landing and I grab my coat and knock a bottle off the shelf.  It teeters on the edge of the top step and then tumbles down the stairs until it hits the basement.  The next thing I know, the bottle comes flying back up the stairs, spraying everything (including me) with soda.  IT WAS AWESOME.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and my poor DH was concerned I'd been hit by the flying bottle (he was hiding behind the door, the coward).  Luckily it was diet soda so it wasn't sticky.  We stopped keeping soda on the shelf after that.

[Diane AKA Traska]

DH and I used to keep 2L bottles of soda on a set of shelves that are underneath the hooks where we keep our coats.  The shelves are at the top of our basement stairs.  Occasionally when taking a jacket off the hooks, the jacket would hit a bottle and it would tumble down the stairs.  No big deal just don't open it for a while right? 

Until one day... I am standing in the landing and I grab my coat and knock a bottle off the shelf.  It teeters on the edge of the top step and then tumbles down the stairs until it hits the basement.  The next thing I know, the bottle comes flying back up the stairs, spraying everything (including me) with soda.  IT WAS AWESOME.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and my poor DH was concerned I'd been hit by the flying bottle (he was hiding behind the door, the coward).  Luckily it was diet soda so it wasn't sticky.  We stopped keeping soda on the shelf after that.

That's why you don't store your Mentos on the last step.

(I'm dyin' over here!)

[Eeep!]

DH and I used to keep 2L bottles of soda on a set of shelves that are underneath the hooks where we keep our coats.  The shelves are at the top of our basement stairs.  Occasionally when taking a jacket off the hooks, the jacket would hit a bottle and it would tumble down the stairs.  No big deal just don't open it for a while right? 

Until one day... I am standing in the landing and I grab my coat and knock a bottle off the shelf.  It teeters on the edge of the top step and then tumbles down the stairs until it hits the basement.  The next thing I know, the bottle comes flying back up the stairs, spraying everything (including me) with soda.  IT WAS AWESOME.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and my poor DH was concerned I'd been hit by the flying bottle (he was hiding behind the door, the coward).  Luckily it was diet soda so it wasn't sticky.  We stopped keeping soda on the shelf after that.

That's why you don't store your Mentos on the last step.

(I'm dyin' over here!)

I read this at first as saying you should store your Mentos there.  Which made total sense to me, because I envisioned the dramatic spraying of the bottle followed by the OP casually picking up the Mentos and popping one in her mouth and offering them to her DH.   

Edited because "pooping" is very different from "popping". 

[jpcher]

When I was growing up, we didn't have a fire extinguisher in the kitchen -- I was taught the "slap a pot lid on it" method of extinguishing. We had a gas stove, so we knew water was usually a bad idea. Didn't have one in my twenties either.  At around age 35 or so, however, I moved in with a new roommate who was big on fire extinguishers -- she hung one up right next to the electric stove.  I knew it was there; it was in plain sight, and I had to reach over it all the time to get things in and out of the pantry cupboard.

One morning, I was making breakfast for overnight guests.  It was New Years Day, so you can imagine my state of, ah, alertness.   I had started preheating the oven and was rolling out biscuits when I smelled smoke.

I looked over and saw flames inside the oven. 

I reached up, shut off the power to the oven, reached over some big red thing to open the cabinet, grabbed the box of baking soda, ripped off the top, reached around the big red thing to open the oven with one hand, tossed in the soda with the other, shut the oven door, put the baking soda box in the trash…

…big red thing…

Big. Red. Thing.

Oh. 

*facepalm*

Okay, yeah, it was a perfectly acceptable solution to the problem, and I didn't burn the house down -- or even ruin the biscuits.  But, really, reaching around the fire extinguisher twice before I noticed it?

Actually, I think you did the really smart thing here. Using that big red thing would have cause major clean-up problems.

And it would have ruined the biscuits!

[Seraphia]

I had a couple ohnoseconds today at work.

I'm a contractor at DataCorp, which means I'm working offsite through my computer. So, I come in today, ready to do a full day's work. I plug in my laptop, update itunes so I can listen while I work, run my registry cleaner, and click Log In.

Computer: No.
Me: Log In.
Computer: No. Can't make me.
Me: Log In!!
Computer: No. Don't like you.
Me: Uninstall, reinstall, log in!
Computer: Neener neener neener! No.
Me: Uninstall, reboot, clean registry, fresh install, LOG IN!
Computer: No. You smell funny.
Me: AAAAA!

My registry cleaner, for the first time ever, interfered somehow with the login procedure. Which, since it had never happened before, meant I hadn't backed up the changes. That meant two hours on the phone with tech support getting it fixed. Finally though, we got it sorted out. I log in and go to pick up where I left off yesterday. Except last night, all data was refreshed (wiped) in that area. Ok, no big deal, I'll just reload the data I need. Except I forgot one thing. If you click "Load All," the computer doesn't just load everything. It also wipes out everything in there previously. And once you click OK, the process is unstoppable. That's why the program purposely blanks that button out on all levels (except the one I was on). AAAA! I had to sit and watch as my computer merrily cleaned out eleven extremely important files, then calculated all my data based on now completely incorrect numbers. I swear it blew a raspberry as it finished.

I spent an hour and a half rebuilding those files. Based on one!! misclick. <Sigh> Not my finest moment.

[KimberlyM]

First one is my mom's.  She hasn't eaten white flour or sugar in longer than I can remember.  Every summer she buys crates of fruit at the local orchard and makes sugar free pie fillings that she freezes by lining a pie pan with saran wrap and foil, pouring in the filling and freezing.  Then in the winter if she wants a peach pie she pulls out a pie shaped disc of filling, pops it in a whole wheat (or gluten free, depending on her mood) crust, throws it in the oven and its done.  Really a great idea actually.  For my youngests first birthday she decided to do a gluten free one for her and a good friend of ours who has a million food allergies including sugar and gluten.  She brings over the pie still frozen and throws it in my oven.  A while later she goes to cut and serve it while the rest of us were eating cake only to discover she had removed the foil, but not the saran wrap so she has pie crust filled with melted plastic and peaches!  They did not get dessert.


Mine is car related and hubby still likes to tell people about this. 

We had a used mercedes that I loved, but it was old and broke down ALL THE TIME.  It was an automatic, our second car was a little toyota that was a stick.  At one point the mercedes was in the mechanics shop for over a month.  During that time I drove the toyota.  We finally got the mercedes back and I took it to do some shopping.  Once done in the store I went to start my car and it wouldn't start, no matter what I did.  I was furious, it had just gotten out of the shop.  This was before I had a cell phone, so I went to a pay phone to call hubby and the line is busy because this is also during the time of dial up internet.  Hubby and I argued constantly that he spent too much time on the internet and no one could ever get through on the phone.  After trying over and over again I gave up and began my 2 mile walk home in the rain and had plenty of time to get more angry.

By the time I got home I was really mad and yelled at him for making me walk home in the rain and that bleepity bleeping car (unreasonable I know, it was a long time ago).  He ended up calling a tow truck and met him at the car.  They went to attach it to the tow truck and discovered it was in neutral...automatics wont start if they aren't in park, but since I'd been driving the stick I had gotten used to just turning it off and setting the hand brake...I didn't even look to see if it was in park...$80 later (the fee for the tow truck just showing up) hubby had way more reason to be ticked at me than I did at him.