not registered for baby shower

[jimithing]

My DH's cousin and his wife are expecting any day now.  They live about 45 minutes from us.  I hadn't received a shower invitation and wasn't sure if they were doing one.  I checked some of the popular websites that people register on and they were never on them.  DH called his cousin and asked if they were registered.  He said that his wife's sister threw her a very small family shower and they didn't register because he think's that they are weird and tacky.  I ended up buying them a diaper bag and just filling it with lots of things like clothing, onesies, Peepee Teepee's, etc.  She got the gift a few days ago and called to tell me how thrilled they were with everything.  I also received a TY note two days later!  Yay for them!

[littleoats]

I would absolutely recommend registering for a baby shower.  I did and got several things we needed.  We also got gifts from people who ignored the registry and I didn't use half of it.  I still have a pack of receiving blankets upstairs that I never opened but couldn't return because they were from the Evil Empire.  He also has outfits that he never wore (mostly regifted by now) because he was only in 0-3 month size for 2 weeks and could wear 3-6 month stuff since birth. 

If people want to get something special fine but when people ignore the registry and buy yet another pack of blankets (I have wholly unused blankets and several that were used only a few times) it kind of says that they don't care IMO.

[jimithing]

I would absolutely recommend registering for a baby shower.  I did and got several things we needed.  We also got gifts from people who ignored the registry and I didn't use half of it.  I still have a pack of receiving blankets upstairs that I never opened but couldn't return because they were from the Evil Empire.  He also has outfits that he never wore (mostly regifted by now) because he was only in 0-3 month size for 2 weeks and could wear 3-6 month stuff since birth. 

If people want to get something special fine but when people ignore the registry and buy yet another pack of blankets (I have wholly unused blankets and several that were used only a few times) it kind of says that they don't care IMO.

So, you think that because someone decides not to go off a registry, which is not mandatory or a requirement, they just don't care?  Then I must not have cared about my friend when I spent $200 on her baby shower gift which was a diaper bag filled with clothing, onesies, and other little things, and nothing I purchased was on her registry.  In fact, she told me that she was actually taking back the diaper bag that she had registered for because she loved the one I gave her better.

[newf]

I would absolutely recommend registering for a baby shower.  I did and got several things we needed.  We also got gifts from people who ignored the registry and I didn't use half of it.  I still have a pack of receiving blankets upstairs that I never opened but couldn't return because they were from the Evil Empire.  He also has outfits that he never wore (mostly regifted by now) because he was only in 0-3 month size for 2 weeks and could wear 3-6 month stuff since birth. 

If people want to get something special fine but when people ignore the registry and buy yet another pack of blankets (I have wholly unused blankets and several that were used only a few times) it kind of says that they don't care IMO.

This is exactly the attitude that we are trying to avoid.  The focus here is on the 'stuff'....and it's stuff you didn't like or didn't use or whatever....sheesh.  Since when is it okay complain because you don't like the gift someone gave you??  I think the gifts are secondary to the relationship you have with your family and friends. 

Having said that, I'd like to give an update.  We spoke with more friends and they were wanting to get together on a bigger item and they really wanted to know what my daughter might like.  So for the first time in 20 yrs., I went into the "baby mega store" and checked things out.  We put a few large items on a registry...like carseat, stroller, etc.  The shower is later this month.  We'll see how it goes. 

[littleoats]

A baby shower is about stuff and gifts, the whole idea is to shower the new baby with gifts!  I'm not saying it's a bad thing to make a nice gift, I've made gift baskets for occasions like this myself and they've gone down well.  My go-to gift for baby showers is a baby bath filled with toiletries and bath toys; if there's a bath on the registry I get that one. 

The key thing IMO is that some thought goes in to the gift whether that means making a nice basket or taking the time to look at the registry and find out what is needed.  Nipping to walmart and buying a packet of blankets and a packet of onesies isn't being thoughtful, not when the gift giver could have looked at the registry and seen that the mom-to-be wanted X number of blankets and that those were already purchased.

[jimithing]

A baby shower is about stuff and gifts, the whole idea is to shower the new baby with gifts!  I'm not saying it's a bad thing to make a nice gift, I've made gift baskets for occasions like this myself and they've gone down well.  My go-to gift for baby showers is a baby bath filled with toiletries and bath toys; if there's a bath on the registry I get that one. 

The key thing IMO is that some thought goes in to the gift whether that means making a nice basket or taking the time to look at the registry and find out what is needed.  Nipping to walmart and buying a packet of blankets and a packet of onesies isn't being thoughtful, not when the gift giver could have looked at the registry and seen that the mom-to-be wanted X number of blankets and that those were already purchased.

I disagree that a baby shower is about stuff and gifts.  That is one part of a shower, but the shower is also about celebrating the mother to be and wishing her well.  I can wish someone well all day long, but it's not rude and thoughtless to not look at their "expected gift list", i.e. registry, and purchase something else.  I think that you are being very presumptuous to assume that someone going to Walmart to buy a pack of onesies is not being very thoughtful.  You don't know what their financial situation is, you don't know if they know how to look at a registry, and you may not know the reason behind why they chose that gift.  Again, I have purchased many "typical" baby shower gifts like diapers and onesies because I was doing just that. Being thoughtful.  I have had many moms tell me that you can never have too many of those thing.

Your attitude about this is the problem that people have with registries in general.  This immediately makes me think of the submitted story on this site where the bride berated the grooms family for not purchasing off the registry because she planned to return the gifts anyway.  A pack of blankets doesn't equal thoughtless and to assume that it does is quite thoughtless in my book.

[twinkletoes]

If left to his own devices, my husband would just buy onesies and a blanket from Target for a baby gift.  I know men - and women - who would do the same.  Baby stuff is tricky, and if you are pressed for time and/or not creative in thinking of things to get in the first place, you can get flummoxed at all the things you can buy for a baby shower gift (never mind if you're like me and find yourself buying a shower gift the day OF the shower, and you realize all the stuff in your price range has been snapped up).  I don't think these folks are careless - it's just that it can be quite bewildering to buy something.

I also think the phrase "it's the thought that counts" should go by the way-side.  It seems, to me, to say "It doesn't matter if you think the present is a piece of crap - it's the thought that counts!"  Bollocks.  If you know someone put no thought into the gift and they gave you something that looks like it was sitting in their garage for 10 years and they thought "eh, I'll just put a bow on this and call it a day," I think it's fair to say that *no* thought was put into it.  I realize this paragraph is outside the scope of the thread, but I wanted to get my two cents in.

[jimithing]

I also think the phrase "it's the thought that counts" should go by the way-side.  It seems, to me, to say "It doesn't matter if you think the present is a piece of crap - it's the thought that counts!"  Bollocks.  If you know someone put no thought into the gift and they gave you something that looks like it was sitting in their garage for 10 years and they thought "eh, I'll just put a bow on this and call it a day," I think it's fair to say that *no* thought was put into it.  I realize this paragraph is outside the scope of the thread, but I wanted to get my two cents in.

I am glad that you made this point, as I was going to go back and edit my post to add something like this.  Obviously, there are times when a gift is purposely thoughtless, or the thought is an intentional slight.  I have read numerous stories on this site about evil MIL's that have given a very rude and cold gift intentionally. 

My problem with the previous posts is that I don't think that going off a registry equates thoughtfulness and vice versa.  My SIL was invited to a baby shower of an acquaintance about six months after she had her baby.  She did look at the registry and discovered that the registry included something on there that she actually had received and had not used.  So, she wrapped it up and gave it to the mom-to-be.  I absolutely have no problem with re-gifting, as it was done in this case, but it definitely wasn't thoughtful.  It just happened to be convenient. 

On the other hand, I attended one of my best-friend's baby shower several months ago.  She lives out of state so I flew in for the shower.  I only knew two of the women there and there were many young college students from my friend's church who had been invited.  I happened to overhear two of them talking about what they got for my friend.  One of them indicated that she was embarrassed because she couldn't afford very much and was only able to get her a pack of onesies.  She said that she didn't get them off the registry but she found some that she thought were very cute and hoped the MTB liked them.  Even though this gift was "just a pack of onesies" and wasn't off the registry, it was more thoughtful, in my book, than picking something that doesn't require any thought, because someone else has already indicated that they want it.