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Author Topic: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?  (Read 11805 times)

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Adios

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2011, 02:56:45 AM »
I'd be really really blunt

"You know mate, I'm going to be honest with you, my wife and I aren't going to be up for going to dinner with you ever - we are just very different people".

still in va

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2011, 07:01:29 AM »
Sorry , the only answer is "we already have plans". They annoying but being asking to dinner 2-3 times a year isn't a romantic  suitor situation that's "I'm busy" is being HARMFULLY misunderstood as "ask again", it's  not an acquaintance asking 3 times a week for months. It's a minnor annoyance , you can get them off the phone quickly and you can give a preemptive blanket answer " we're booked for the foreseeable future" there is no reason to tell them "we're not compatible"

so the OP should just be "busy" for the next 5 years as he has been for the last 5 years?  this all would have been over years ago if he had simply said "i don't think we're a good fit" or whatever version of we're not compatible you'd like. 

Richard trampled over so many lines it's not funny, including checking the OP's wife's work colleagues.  serious overstepping.

Yes , OP should just be busy for 5 more years. They ask a FEW times a year not a few times a month.

we'll have to agree to disagree, i guess. 

we don't know who is issuing the invitation or how.  i'm betting it's the wife.  i'm sure she realizes that zrys isn't interested in having dinner with them, ever, but her husband is insisting that she call.  if i were the wife, i'd much rather be able to tell Richard that they aren't interested in getting together, ever. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2011, 07:15:00 AM »
But if it is the wife who's calling to extend the invitation, why go out of your way to hurt her feelings. Just say, "I'm sorry, we're really booked up for the next several weeks. But it's nice of you to ask. And I hate to say it, but I've got to go; I'm in the middle of a project, and the glue is drying."

still in va

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2011, 07:24:56 AM »
But if it is the wife who's calling to extend the invitation, why go out of your way to hurt her feelings. Just say, "I'm sorry, we're really booked up for the next several weeks. But it's nice of you to ask. And I hate to say it, but I've got to go; I'm in the middle of a project, and the glue is drying."

oh i quite agree, Toots, i wouldn't want to hurt her feelings either.  i'm just saying that if I was the wife, i would hate to have to make those calls, because i would know, after 5 years, that the answer would be no any time i issued an invitation.  of course, i wouldn't still be calling after 5 years.  i would already have gotten the message!  ::)  and so would my husband.  Richard sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant individual. 

heathert

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #19 on: October 12, 2011, 02:47:37 PM »
I think if one said "We're not compatible," or "We're not interested, but thanks," that is polite enough. Why would she get her feelings hurt? It's merely one person recognizing they do not having anything in common, it's not an insult or saying they are "bad."  At some point, I really think you can just be politely honest.  I have more respect for people who can show me polite honesty than someone who is not interested but does not have the ability to say so.

Lisbeth

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #20 on: October 12, 2011, 05:43:35 PM »
For Richard: "As to getting together: no drilling, no grilling, not willing."
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

gramma dishes

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #21 on: October 12, 2011, 07:26:25 PM »
For Richard: "As to getting together: no drilling, no grilling, not willing."

LOL!!!   ;D ;D ;D

bopper

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2011, 09:35:00 AM »
Who is asking, Richard or the wife?  Also you could "blame" not wanting to visit on your wife.

If the wife: "I think we will have to say no. My wife feels uncomfortable when Richard grills (or is preparing to)her about her company. It stressful to always feel challenged like that at a social occasion."

If Richard: "I think we will have to say no. You made it clear that you didn't feel I used proper table manners so I wouldn't want to subject you to that again."

zyrs

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #23 on: October 13, 2011, 10:47:39 AM »
It is always Elizabeth that calls and asks.  And she called and left a message and I called back and it was the answering machine, so I just stated we had other plans for that day.


Giggity

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #24 on: October 13, 2011, 10:49:07 AM »
I'll ask again ... why take their calls at all? Why not block them?
Words mean things.

zyrs

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2011, 11:14:38 AM »
I'll ask again ... why take their calls at all? Why not block them?

Sorry, didn't see you asked this.  The answer is that my wife and I are phone Luddites.

I do not have a cell phone, my wife has one for when she is at work and away from her desk, it is off the rest of the time.  We have a home phone line that does not have caller ID or call waiting and use a 22 or so year old answering machine.  In order to block the number, we would have to do major upgrades.

Giggity

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2011, 11:42:43 AM »
Then next question: why not ignore the calls?
Words mean things.

delphinium

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2011, 11:57:13 AM »
"We're unable to attend, but thanks anyway. Why ? Oh,  we've got a charm school class that day. Can't miss Proper Utensil Use 101 *crumples paper ball* RICHARD ? RICHARD ? I THINK WE'RE BREAKING UP, GOTTA GO, BYE"

LOL! ;D

barefoot_girl

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2011, 12:07:27 PM »
Then next question: why not ignore the calls?

Because the polite thing to do is what the OP actually did -return the call by leaving a message on their answering phone saying that they weren't available.

still in va

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2011, 12:11:45 PM »
Then next question: why not ignore the calls?

Because the polite thing to do is what the OP actually did -return the call by leaving a message on their answering phone saying that they weren't available.

yes, exactly.  the rude one here is Richard.  no need for our op to sink to his level.