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Author Topic: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?  (Read 10860 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2011, 01:36:17 PM »
Then next question: why not ignore the calls?

Because the polite thing to do is what the OP actually did -return the call by leaving a message on their answering phone saying that they weren't available.

yes, exactly.  the rude one here is Richard.  no need for our op to sink to his level.

I don't think ignoring the calls is rude. If an annoying person comes to your front door, you aren't obligated to run to open it and tell them "Sorry, I don't want to hang out with you." I feel the same way about annoying people on the phone. You see the number for Mr and Mrs Pain In the Butt on the caller ID, don't feel guilty about "Oh darn, I think I have to use the bathroom / write to my 3rd grade pen pal from 1989 / do my once a year attempt at pushups . Can't answer it now..."  The OP doesn't have caller ID, but I don't see anything wrong with someone who does have it using it that way
« Last Edit: October 13, 2011, 01:38:33 PM by TeamBhakta »

heathert

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2011, 03:38:27 PM »
I'm thinking not responding to the call might not be great because he may very well run into them when they both volunteer at the same organization so he'll have to face the jerky guy or his wife about why he's not responding to the phone calls.

Black Delphinium

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #32 on: October 13, 2011, 03:40:05 PM »
Well, considering what he said about being a "Phone Luddite"(his words, not mine ;)), he could always plausibly deny getting the message..."Oh, you called? The machine must have eaten your message."
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

TeamBhakta

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #33 on: October 13, 2011, 05:20:38 PM »
I'm thinking not responding to the call might not be great because he may very well run into them when they both volunteer at the same organization so he'll have to face the jerky guy or his wife about why he's not responding to the phone calls.

"You called and nobody answered ? Maybe it was a night we were out. I'm always telling the Mrs we should get a cellphone so we don't miss calls, har har!"

zyrs

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #34 on: February 20, 2012, 05:12:50 AM »
An update.

My wife has a very early bedtime.  Everyone knows not to call after a certain time because she are in bed asleep.  Unless it's an emergency, don't call.

Elizabeth has called a number of times in the past few months.  In every case but one, she has called 1, 2 or even 3 hours after the "no call unless it's an emergency" time.    Every phone call  started out with "Sorry to call so late, but I wanted to make sure and invite you to upcoming event, or lunch or whatever before I forgot."  When reminded that I had asked her not to call this late, it was "Well, I knew it would be okay because I didn't want to forget."

This last time, I had the ringer off and it went to the answering machine.  And was hours after we were asleep and was another "didn't want to forget there's an event I want you to go to that costs you money."

So I wrote her an email, graciously stating that we would be unable to attend the event, so she should leave those reservations for someone else.  Then I brought up the fact that she continues to call after my wife is asleep even though she has been asked not to numerous times and asked her not to contact me anymore in any way, for any reason.

Venus193

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #35 on: February 20, 2012, 05:35:53 AM »
I hope that was sufficiently embarrassing for them to cease and desist.

As to Richard calling your wife's workplace to "check up on her", I hope your wife has dealt with that.  This is a truly egregious violation and should not be ignored.





sidi-ji

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #36 on: February 20, 2012, 06:22:30 AM »
Update appreciated.  The "after hours" calls dried up the thin film of sympathy I harbored for Elizabeth.  No way has she or Richard granted you and your wife even a modicum of respect. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #37 on: February 20, 2012, 01:56:58 PM »
An update.

My wife has a very early bedtime.  Everyone knows not to call after a certain time because she are in bed asleep.  Unless it's an emergency, don't call.

Elizabeth has called a number of times in the past few months.  In every case but one, she has called 1, 2 or even 3 hours after the "no call unless it's an emergency" time.    Every phone call  started out with "Sorry to call so late, but I wanted to make sure and invite you to upcoming event, or lunch or whatever before I forgot."  When reminded that I had asked her not to call this late, it was "Well, I knew it would be okay because I didn't want to forget."

This last time, I had the ringer off and it went to the answering machine.  And was hours after we were asleep and was another "didn't want to forget there's an event I want you to go to that costs you money."

So I wrote her an email, graciously stating that we would be unable to attend the event, so she should leave those reservations for someone else.  Then I brought up the fact that she continues to call after my wife is asleep even though she has been asked not to numerous times and asked her not to contact me anymore in any way, for any reason.

Wow, this behavior would so make me believe they were trying to get me involved in some type of multi-level marketing scheme.  I think you handled it very well. 

Danika

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #38 on: February 21, 2012, 01:51:05 AM »
Update appreciated.  The "after hours" calls dried up the thin film of sympathy I harbored for Elizabeth.  No way has she or Richard granted you and your wife even a modicum of respect.

POD

blarg314

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Re: Always having other plans hasn't given the needed hint- what to do now?
« Reply #39 on: February 21, 2012, 03:11:38 AM »

I would be tempted to respond with the next after hours call with a curt "I told you not to call after X" followed by hanging up.  If you've been saying "No thank you" to invitations for *five years*, have repeatedly told them not to call after a certain time, and they admit that they knew that but decided to phone anyways, then I'd put them in the category of phone solicitors and crank callers, rather than clueless people.

Count me in with PP who think that Richard is making Elizabeth extend the invitations, though. Having the wife handle invitations and social scheduling is pretty traditional (and this is an older couple), plus Richard appears to be a controlling boor who is demeaning to his wife and has poor boundaries.