Killer car wreck

[jfulle5]

So yesterday was one of my best friends wedding. Two of my girlfriends and I were going to meet up at the reception hall and go together. I rode with a friend and my other friend, Trisha, was suppose to meet us there. Trisha got in a wreck on the way there which resulted in a person in the other car being killed. We are all close and I have no clue how to handle this and somehow "gee, I'm sorry you killed someone" doesn't cut it. BTW it was raining so hard yesterday that it flooded half of my town. The police are still investigating the accident but we're pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain. She is obviously upset but I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

[Suze]

I think that this is also the place for the

I'm here for whatever you need. whenever you need it.

and just cry with her and be there for her.

I had a classmate that had that happen to her when we were in high school.  The emotional pain wracked her for years. (the judge ruled it was not her fault, but still.....)

[ehellion]

Wow, that's a tough situation. Just be sure to let her know you're there for her. If she decides she wants to talk about it, she'll know you're open for that.

[JeanFromBNA]

I don't know how you're "pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain."  I'd reserve judgment for the experts, and if you can't be an objective friend, stay out of it.

[Hawkwatcher]

So yesterday was one of my best friends wedding. Two of my girlfriends and I were going to meet up at the reception hall and go together. I rode with a friend and my other friend, Trisha, was suppose to meet us there. Trisha got in a wreck on the way there which resulted in a person in the other car being killed. We are all close and I have no clue how to handle this and somehow "gee, I'm sorry you killed someone" doesn't cut it. BTW it was raining so hard yesterday that it flooded half of my town. The police are still investigating the accident but we're pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain. She is obviously upset but I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

Unless Trisha has a reputation for driving too fast for weather conditions, I am afraid that I would have to agree with Jean about reserving judgement for the experts.  Realize that if Trisha suspects that you blame her for the accident, she may end the friendship.

Your best approach would be to tell her that you are thinking of her and, as the other posters suggested, provide her with the necessary emotional support.

[Peyton Fan]

it didn't sound to me that the OP was implying that her friend was at fault for the accident. More like she was defending her friend by saying it was most likely weather related, not do to negligence. At least that was my take on it. I agree to just offer to be there and tell her how sorry this has happened.

[Bijou]

So yesterday was one of my best friends wedding. Two of my girlfriends and I were going to meet up at the reception hall and go together. I rode with a friend and my other friend, Trisha, was suppose to meet us there. Trisha got in a wreck on the way there which resulted in a person in the other car being killed. We are all close and I have no clue how to handle this and somehow "gee, I'm sorry you killed someone" doesn't cut it. BTW it was raining so hard yesterday that it flooded half of my town. The police are still investigating the accident but we're pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain. She is obviously upset but I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

Did you mean to say you were "pretty sure it was NOT her fault due to the rain"?  (sorry for the caps...my italics and underling are not working).  In any event, I would just let her know I am there for her.  She must be suffering terribly, along with the family of the person who was killed. 

[Adah]

I don't know how you're "pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain."  I'd reserve judgment for the experts, and if you can't be an objective friend, stay out of it.

Being an objective friend is NOT what's called for in this instance. Frankly, it's nearly impossible for anyone to be objective, period, and in this instance in particular. What she needs is a very supportive friend who she can lean on and whose actions are dictated by her love and connection with the friend.   

[IndianInlaw]

For openers, you can say "I head about the accident...are you okay?".  She'll either want to talk about it or not.

One of my son's classmates killed someone at 17. It was first degree murder.  Long story.


His mother had begged a judge (prior to this) to put him in residential treatment, but instead they put him in a program where they find an apartment for teens and offer minimal supervison.  Go figure.

To cut to the chase, I encountered his mom shortly thereafter and what does one say?  I just said "How have you been?"   After that, she just started talking about how awful she felt about it.

[jfulle5]

I don't know how you're "pretty sure it was her fault due to the rain."  I'd reserve judgment for the experts, and if you can't be an objective friend, stay out of it.

this was coming from her, not me.