Regifting, Part III

[Venus193]

I was on the phone an hour ago with the financially-challenged friend who visited her brother in Florida for Christmas (he paid the fare).  Naturally, she brought gifts with her.

Her brother's GF has a 21-year-old daughter who is apparently, like us, fond of vampire novels and movies (although she is less familiar with the older ones).  "I gave her a bat necklace and one of those vampire romances you gave me."

Imagine openly telling someone you regifted something you gave her? 

If she had not shocked me in the next sentence with the comment that the girl had never seen the Hammer films or Dark Shadows I might have reacted to that comment with "Did you at least read it first?"

Comments, please.

[sammycat]

If I was regifting I certainly wouldn't tell the original gifter!

Is your friend always this tactless or was this just a one off slip up?

[Venus193]

Oy, she is etiquette-challenged in other ways.  I have posted about her more than once.

[Alida]

That is... wow.  Would it help to think that maybe she liked it so much she passed it on? 

[MsEva]

I had the same thing happen to me. I used to sell Avon and have a ton of stock left. I invited my friend, "Amy", to help me sort out some stuff to give to a battered women's shelter. I also let her know that it was going to be an Avon Christmas for most everyone on my list since things are a little tight. Since she was helping me I told her that she could pick whatever she wanted and that would be my gift to her. She was thrilled. She asked if she could take a few things for her roommate/oldest friend and I was fine with that.

Amy called me a couple of days later and told me that her friend said to thank me for the items and then proceeded to let me know that her coworkers loved the gifts that she picked out for them. Hello?? I never agreed to let her use it as her personal shopping for coworkers. She never even mentioned that she was picking out things for them, she made it sound like it was for her. She also will do things like wait until I leave the room to help herself to something good (like Fanny May candy) and will let me know when I get back - "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I helped myself to some chocolate. I just couldn't resist!" Drives me bonkers.

[sammycat]

A friend of mine attended a wedding once where her gift to the HC was some sort of appliance.  A short time later she received a note thanking her for some towels.  She mentioned to HC that she gave them the appliance.  They told her that they hadn't liked that so they'd swapped it for some towels instead. That's fine, but couldn't they just have thanked my friend for the appliance and just quietly exchanged it without mentioning the swap?

[Suze]

I have said it before -- I think that re-gifting is not right. 

If it is something that you do not like and you know someone else will, just give it to them, don't make it a present.

But telling someone that you just gave away the gift that they gave you is the TACKYIST thing that I have ever heard of.

And MsEva- I wouldn't give Amy the right to pick anything out again.  If she wanted the Avon things for gifts she should have bought them from you.

[ClaireC79]

'One of those vampire novels you gave me' doesn't have to mean it is the same physical book.  She enjoyed reading it, so brought one by the same author for someone who has similar interests

[Quossum]

I would be flattered, so long as it seemed to be in the vein of, "That vampire book was SO good that I wanted So-and-so to read it, too!" rather than, "I couldn't bother reading that dreck you gave me, so I passed it on to someone else."   

It sounds like you and your friend share interests, and the friend wanted to pay your gift forward.  I would have asked how she liked the book, though.   

Books are a special case, of course.  Regifting other items...I'd do it depending on the circumstances, but certainly never tell the original giver about it.

--Q

[IndianInlaw]

Cut her some slack..she was broke.

I'll bet she read the book first.

[Venus193]

Amy called me a couple of days later and told me that her friend said to thank me for the items and then proceeded to let me know that her coworkers loved the gifts that she picked out for them. Hello?? I never agreed to let her use it as her personal shopping for coworkers. She never even mentioned that she was picking out things for them, she made it sound like it was for her.

That was tacky in the extreme.  It sounds like she planned this from the beginning, so she should have offered to pay for them.

She also will do things like wait until I leave the room to help herself to something good (like Fanny May candy) and will let me know when I get back - "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I helped myself to some chocolate. I just couldn't resist!" Drives me bonkers.

Not only tacky, but immature.  If she ever visits you again, lock up the chocolate.

[Venus193]

That's fine, but couldn't they just have thanked my friend for the appliance and just quietly exchanged it without mentioning the swap?

There actually are a few people in this world who really believe that "honesty" trumps everything.  There was no good reason for them to tell your friend they did this.

[Venus193]

To everybody else so far: 

I have no idea whether she read the book.  Certainly if this subject comes up again I will ask.  I was too shocked at her tactlessness to ask the title or whether she had read it before giving it away.

I suspect she gave away the exact book I gave her, since she is always crying poverty.  This is the same person who wrapped the books she gave me with the paper taped to the books first.

Interestingly, I will have to regift a book she gave me because I already own a copy of it.  However, that's not in the same class.  Since she moved a major distance away, it's not like I could have handed it back to her and I wouldn't even try to exchange it.

Since I treat paperbacks with kid gloves they still look brand-new after I read them.  I therefore have no conscience about making wrapped gifts of them.  This friend is someone who doesn't take great care of paperbacks, which is why I ended up always giving her her own copies of stuff I've read rather than risking my own by lending them to her.

[Slartibartfast]

I have less of an issue with regifting books and movies than I do with a lot of other things.  Now, DH teases me because I'm the kind of person who will happily read the same book three times, but there are just some books (and movies, and other entertainment-based media) that aren't readable more than once.  When you figure out who the secret murderer is, the book just doesn't have any re-readability value.  I wouldn't have a problem with someone reading a book I gave them and deciding they liked it so much they wanted to pass it on to someone else, given that they would never read it again.  This also assumes the book or movie still looks "like new" when the next person gets it!

People on my mother's side of the family tend to give books as presents, which is fine, but they always read the book first!  Sometimes there's the noticable crease in the cover where the thing has been opened for a while, and usually the note on the card says something like "This book was great; you'll really like when the wizard turns out to secretly be the missing prince!"  One memorable occasion, Grandma gave me a book she loved SO much, she took the notes she had taken in the margin of her book and copied them into the margins of mine!  Gee thanks, Grandma, nothing like getting a formerly new book with Grandma scribbles in it. 

[platys]

It wouldn't bother me at all if a friend gave away a book I gave her.  I mean, in my world, books are meant to circulate.   I keep a lot of books, loan them out, and if they come back, good, if not, then no big deal.  (Well, for most of them.  If I do care, I say "I need this one back", and my friends happily comply.)

To me, if someone gave a book I gave them to someone else, I'd be flattered, because that meant they thought it was good, or at least, that the other person would like it.