What is the purpose of the I Need A Hug folder?

[kingsrings]

I read somewhere that we can rise to meet the crisis and big issues .... but often times its the day to day grind that kills us.  And often times .... I just want to commiserate with someone not im my day to day circle.

I ignore posts that I don't want to read ..... and I owuld assume people would do the same.


I think it is unnecessary to worry about what is in the HUGS folder.  I am a pet lover ... but I know many who aren't and they would think that pet issues are trivial ... so it is really all in the point of view of both the poster and the reader.

I think the onus is on this. What would be the point of telling someone who posted something in INAH that their problem isn't big enough, or too trivial, or other similar criticism? No point or purpose in that that I can think of. If you don't like or agree with it, then just ignore it and go on to threads that do suit you more.

[rashea]

Geez I feel bad ( can I have a hug .... LOL ) .... I am wondering if I was the onus behind this thread because I posted about DH frustrating the heck out of me this weekend.

Yeah - its probably trivial to a lot of people .... but who gets to judge what is trivial.

I guess I'll think twice about posting in I need a Hug.

Here's how I would word my concerns about that folder. You posted about your DH being a pain. You got advice and hugs. That's what the folder is for.

If you posted there with the exact same problem every week or so, ignored the advice, and started bringing it into other areas of the board, then it's a problem. I think everyone occasionally needs a hug for trivial things. But when it's the same topic repeatedly, and you aren't doing anything to work on it, then it starts wearing out the goodwill of others.

[HermioneGranger]

Geez I feel bad ( can I have a hug .... LOL ) .... I am wondering if I was the onus behind this thread because I posted about DH frustrating the heck out of me this weekend.

Yeah - its probably trivial to a lot of people .... but who gets to judge what is trivial.

I guess I'll think twice about posting in I need a Hug.

Here's how I would word my concerns about that folder. You posted about your DH being a pain. You got advice and hugs. That's what the folder is for.

If you posted there with the exact same problem every week or so, ignored the advice, and started bringing it into other areas of the board, then it's a problem. I think everyone occasionally needs a hug for trivial things. But when it's the same topic repeatedly, and you aren't doing anything to work on it, then it starts wearing out the goodwill of others.

That's kind of how I feel.  Everyone has a crappy week now and then.  But when it's every other week, and you haven't done anything to try to remedy your situation, it's gets old, and people start to lose sympathy.  This is an internet board, not a replacement for a therapist. 

[penelope2017]

Geez I feel bad ( can I have a hug .... LOL ) .... I am wondering if I was the onus behind this thread because I posted about DH frustrating the heck out of me this weekend.

Yeah - its probably trivial to a lot of people .... but who gets to judge what is trivial.

I guess I'll think twice about posting in I need a Hug.

Here's how I would word my concerns about that folder. You posted about your DH being a pain. You got advice and hugs. That's what the folder is for.

If you posted there with the exact same problem every week or so, ignored the advice, and started bringing it into other areas of the board, then it's a problem. I think everyone occasionally needs a hug for trivial things. But when it's the same topic repeatedly, and you aren't doing anything to work on it, then it starts wearing out the goodwill of others.

That's kind of how I feel.  Everyone has a crappy week now and then.  But when it's every other week, and you haven't done anything to try to remedy your situation, it's gets old, and people start to lose sympathy.  This is an internet board, not a replacement for a therapist.

Exactly. It is at that point that I feel like being a good friend is to tell them it is time to try to look at their own actions - that is my attempt at comforting.

[LadyPekoe]

Here is how I see it.

Some things truly are trivial.  If it's the capper on a bad week, I get that.  But if you wanted a meatball sub for lunch and only had $5 instead of $7 because you forgot the other $2 at home?  And there are absolutely posts like that.  But that's not why I started the thread.

I started the thread because of two distinct points:

1.  People keep saying that constructive criticism is "not the point of the folder".  I wanted clarification and it seems like EHellDame was saying it was okay, it most circumstances.  Personally, I think if you want nothing but endless ((hugs)) and nothing else, maybe a support forum would be better, but that's just me.

2.  People who post over and over and over again with the exact same problem without doing anything to help their circumstances.  Look, if it's time three you've posted the same thing, you are going to get advice whether you like it or not.

And, frankly, I don't think the INAH thread means that people can't troll.  If I posted "I really need a hug today.  Yesterday, little green men beamed me up to their spaceship as I was walking the dogs (they beamed the dogs up too).  We gave us dinner, we all got probed (yes, even the dogs), but then they beamed us down 3 miles away from the house!  It was a long walk but by the time I got home, all the media outlets were there waiting to interview us (from the newspaper to "Dog Fancy"!).  Unfortunately, I had lost my voice   Please give me hugs" I don't think people should sit there silently and just agree that was probably traumatic. 

[Wendy Moira Angela Pan]

LadyP, you may just be the best. And I think the dame was saying that the inah board is not the place to recount the same minor problem over and over while refusing to address it and rebuffing advice.

I also think it's pretty nasty to go into some one's thread and deride them for even caring about the issue. No matter what board they post it to. If you don't like a thread, don't read it. If you feel that it's inappropriate for the forum, report it. Or you might kindly warn the op that their thread is beyond the scope of the forum and may be locked.

[kingsrings]

LadyP, you may just be the best. And I think the dame was saying that the inah board is not the place to recount the same minor problem over and over while refusing to address it and rebuffing advice.

I also think it's pretty nasty to go into some one's thread and deride them for even caring about the issue. No matter what board they post it to. If you don't like a thread, don't read it. If you feel that it's inappropriate for the forum, report it. Or you might kindly warn the op that their thread is beyond the scope of the forum and may be locked.

Agree. There would be a lot less bickering if people just did this!

[Scuba_Dog]

Has there been any thought about getting rid of the INAH folder altogether? 

It seems like it's more trouble than it's worth and it's certainly not a necessity, considering the mass amount of support type forums that already exist online.

[Yvaine]

LadyP, you may just be the best. And I think the dame was saying that the inah board is not the place to recount the same minor problem over and over while refusing to address it and rebuffing advice.

I also think it's pretty nasty to go into some one's thread and deride them for even caring about the issue. No matter what board they post it to. If you don't like a thread, don't read it. If you feel that it's inappropriate for the forum, report it. Or you might kindly warn the op that their thread is beyond the scope of the forum and may be locked.

Agree. There would be a lot less bickering if people just did this!

MegaPOD.

[DuBois]

Has there been any thought about getting rid of the INAH folder altogether? 

It seems like it's more trouble than it's worth and it's certainly not a necessity, considering the mass amount of support type forums that already exist online.

I see your point, but I think it would be a shame. I think that the very best, most compassionate side of the forum is to be found in that folder. I agree that it is a shame that trolls seem to target it more than other folders, though.

[RainhaDoTexugo]

Has there been any thought about getting rid of the INAH folder altogether? 

It seems like it's more trouble than it's worth and it's certainly not a necessity, considering the mass amount of support type forums that already exist online.

I see your point, but I think it would be a shame. I think that the very best, most compassionate side of the forum is to be found in that folder. I agree that it is a shame that trolls seem to target it more than other folders, though.

Has there been any thought about getting rid of the INAH folder altogether? 

It seems like it's more trouble than it's worth and it's certainly not a necessity, considering the mass amount of support type forums that already exist online.

I see your point, but I think it would be a shame. I think that the very best, most compassionate side of the forum is to be found in that folder. I agree that it is a shame that trolls seem to target it more than other folders, though.

I'd hate to see it go because of a few bad apples.  I don't use it often, but it's been a help for the few times I've needed it.  If nothing else, I think it's a good resource for keeping up with people I'm friendly with here.  I'd hate to ask someone how their adorable dog is doing, and find out that the dog ran away six months ago, you know?  I think the board brings us together more than it tears us apart.

I do think a support site might be better for people with chronic problems, who won't or can't take constructive criticism.  I understand that sometimes you just need to have someone on your side.  I have a dear friend in a situation that a lot of her friends aren't thrilled about, and I've promised to be the Supportive Friend, because she needs that from someone, and I love her.  It's unrealistic to expect an entire forum to take that approach, though, because we don't have the close relationships that real life friends would have, and because there are just too many of us.  Even my dear friend understands when, now and then, I ask her a few probing questions.  Posters who are unhappy with the advice in the hugs folder might be able to find a couple PM buddies who are willing to give hugs without judgment, though.

I've been thinking on the "trivial" problems issue, and I have an idea that may or may not work.  I understand wanting to keep "I stubbed my toe!" threads from eclipsing "I'm leaving my husband!" threads, but I also understand that sometimes, you stub your toe, and it sucks, and your husband isn't home, and you really want someone to say "aww, poor Rainha, that sucks!"  What about, possibly, a Small Hugs thread?  It would be up to a poster's discretion whether their issue is a small hug or a big deal situation, but we seem to be doing a good job policing ourselves in similar ways in the craft folder (posting small projects in the Current Projects folder, and making threads for big things), as well as a couple other places.  It would be an outlet for people who just want a hug or two because of some small blip in their day.

[demarco]

Rainha, I like the idea of a small hugs folder. 

[KittyBass]

I would really hate to see the Hug folder go. I've posted there a few times and I got far more than hugs out of it. I got a lot of support and great advice and I will always be thankful for that.

[Solanna Dryden]

Or even just a Small Hugs thread? I was going to suggest that too.

[gramma dishes]

...  it's gentler to use "I love you, and" instead of "I love you, but:"

One of my good friends will sometimes say, "You know that I love you and I support you 100 percent.  And I also think you need to consider ...."

This is awesome and although I've long known that the word 'but' negates whatever niceties might have been uttered right before it comes out of one's mouth, I've never heard this use of 'and' as an alternative.  But it's beautiful!!! I'll be keeping this one in mind in case I ever need to use it in the future.    Thank you.