The difference between men and woman's communication?

[Allyson]

To use the gym/cuddle example, isn't *someone* going to end up doing something they don't really want? It seems like you're saying if she says 'actually, I'd rather you stay here with me' that he'll be forced to not go to the gym. But if she says 'sure honey, have a great time!' when she is really gritting her teeth, that's not any better, is it? *One* person isn't expressing how they feel in order to not upset the other.

The problem only occurs if one person is trying to pressure the other into doing what they want instead of accepting their partner for who they are. If someone is dating another person that loves going to the gym (which they find out via dating before commencing a relationship) does it really come as a surprise when that person continues to go to the gym? Conversely, the active gym goer that despises prolonged displays of affection should think twice before engaging in a committed relationship with a homebody that loves to snuggle.

I agree that pressuring one's partner is a problem, though I think different people have different definitions of 'pressure', too. For instance, if my boyfriend and I don't have plans on a particular day, and we were tentatively planning to just hang in and watch bad movies on the couch, and someone calls and asks us to come out with them. If one of us wants to go and the other doesn't, it can really come off as one person pressuring the other or saying 'oh, it's OK' when it obviously isn't..one person has to do something they'd prefer less.

[PaddedPaws]

Something I want to mention is that men are often told NOT to give advice when a woman wants to vent or complain about a problem. This is a generalization, but most men, as soon as they hear of a problem, jump to thinking about how to fix it. Another generalization, but most women don't want that from their guy. They just want to be able to vent. I know in my own relationship I had to impress on my boyfriend that all I really wanted was hugs and comfort. I didn't want him to fix my issues. I would fix them myself. I just wanted to enjoy some hugs and encouragement while I was in the middle of doing so.

So perhaps Ian may think he is being sensitive to what women want? Of course, the problem with generalizations is that they're far from universal. I agree with those who say communication is a good thing. Let him know when you could use some advice, and let him know when you just want a safe space to vent.