I'm single - not diseased. rant.

[GlindaBunny]

I don't understand how some people try to make others feel bad for being single or married.

I enjoyed being single.  I enjoy being married.

Which is better?  Neither.  They're both good.

[kingsrings]

My own mother makes me feel bad for being single. In fact, just now I am preparing for a dose of this on Sunday. I have invited her along with several of my friends to lunch, and one of the friends going is a single guy. Very nice man, but I am not interested in him, and vice versa. I just know that after the lunch is over, my mother will start in on me about this guy. What a nice guy he is, why don't the two of us get together, get married, blah, blah, blah. I can find my blood pressure rising right now just thinking about it. My mother has been after my brother and I for the longest time to get married and have kids. She just can't understand that this might never happen for either or both of us. I also have friends who are in their 40's and above who are not married. My mother questions me as to why they have never married. She thinks this is weird. If she starts in on me Sunday, I am either going to lose it and scream my head off at her, or I am going to start crying, because I have just had it with my own mother thinking I am a reject for not marrying yet.

[DottyG]

I have to say that, in my family, I'm very fortunate in that my Mom's best childhood friend didn't marry until she was in her 50s.  She's EXTREMELY happy with the man she married - waiting gave her the chance to find her true soulmate.

The fact that this person was older when she finally married - and is so incredibly happy with her husband - keeps anyone in my family from commenting on the fact that I'm not married, yet.

My parents were married when Mom was 19 and Dad was 21.  They'll be celebrating their 44th anniversary this year.  They, too, found their soulmates - they are truly one.

Beautiful marriages can happen when the couple is young or when they're old.  Age at the wedding isn't what makes a marriage happy.

[Sterling]

After the end of my last relationship when he and I talked about trying to work things out someone actually said

"You are 27 isn't it time for you to find someone who will marry you?  You are just wasting time."

I don't want to be married.  And the ralationship was great and provided me with experiences I never would have enjoyed if not for his friendship.  So how was that a waste?   

[MissBrit]

I'm 27 and I'm single and people always seem to ask about my love life. I have taken to telling them that I really don't wish to discuss it and for the most part, people tend to back off. My grandmother was the worst about this. She was ALWAYS asking me if I was dating someone and even considered inviting men from the airforce base to our holiday dinners in the hope of trying to set me up with one of them. Luckly, she didn't.
I've had men interested in me, but I was never interested in them and I don't want to date someone just to date someone.
For anyone who is interested, there is a book that came out in November 2006 by Bella DePaulo called "Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored: And Still Live Happily Ever After" that is fabulous. No, it does not bash marriage nor does show singles to be "poor, poor, pitiful me" types either. You can check out her credentials and studies on her website if you're curious.

[Lady Vavasour]

People who ask, "When are you getting married?" must be either insensitive clods or socially clueless. Unless there is actually a date, it is almost certain that the question will cause discomfort.

[kingsrings]

The next time someone asks me if I have a boyfriend yet, or how is my love life, I think I will ask them how their marriage is or if they've gotten divorced yet.

[Nannerdoman]

When I was in my 20's and 30's, my mom went through a bit of this "Why-aren't-you-married-yet" stuff for two reasons:  (1) She and my dad had such a great marriage that she couldn't imagine anyone being happy and single; and (2) She worried that she'd done something wrong in bringing me up and that was why I wasn't married.

We had some long talks and she got over it when she realized that being happily single is a lot better than being unhappily married.

What gets me now (at age 53) is the number of people who say, "Well, it's not too late!"--as though marriage was the ultimate goal of life.  Some of them even remind me that with assisted reproductive technologies being what they are, it would still be possible for me to Have Kids!!

Just as married people don't like singles "bragging" about their freedom etc., so single people don't like the assumption that life without a mate is inherently inferior to life with one.

As OP said--I'm single.  I don't have cooties.  Really.

[alli_wan]

People who ask, "When are you getting married?" must be either insensitive clods or socially clueless. Unless there is actually a date, it is almost certain that the question will cause discomfort.

Maybe it's just me, but the people who always ask this are people who would never, ever, be caught dead dating someone like me.  (Short, overweight, annoying voice, graying hair, geeky and an academic whose hobbies include knitting, not dressing like a slut and clubbing.)  While most of the askers are relatives, it irks me that they somehow expect me to find a suitable husband when they would consider my type completely unacceptable to even date either themselves or their children.

(Edited to clarify that I'm not expecting relatives to date me.)

[ehartsay]

So today I am talking to a co-worker about his wife. He really, truely loves her and I am happy for him and have never been hesitant to let him know that. He's really, generally, a great guy. But then he queries that god-awful question - "So when are you going to get married?". First of all, with my sister's wedding coming up in October I am getting this enough from my own family ("Aren't you jealous," "We hope one day that we will be organizing your wedding"). Second off, at this point in my life, I am not dating, not in a relationship and not really looking. Also, I have had several relationships - and of them one was controlling and another was abusive so relationships in general are hard and I don't trust easily enough for most people. And it's not really his business. I told him that I didn't want to get married he looked at me like I had two heads. "Well, why not?" he asked. I said I had never been in a really good relationship and I didn't like to compromise, so I had decided to focus on my own career and education instead. Then he said, "Well, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Don't worry."

I am not unhappy being single, honestly. I have been promoted three times within a year, with the promise of another significant promotion and payraise before next year. I have a degree from a prestigious college, I am an intelligent person, I am attractive, I have friends who love me so I don't really feel "incomplete" without a SO. I am frankly sick of people acting like there is something wrong with me - the worst offenders being my family who are big on the "Marry and Breed as Fast As You Can" theory of life. With my sister's wedding, I've been TOLD that I MUST be jealous of her. Um, no actually, I'm not thank you.

In conclusion - I am NOT defective, I am NOT diseased, but gosh darn it I am single and enjoying it!

"So when are you going to get married?"
"ME? *Married*??!!!??? Ummm...." *shudders, gives squicked look.*

"Well, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Don't worry."
"Light at teh end of the tunnel? Oh, you mean that oncomming train? The labeled 'marriage'? I think I'm gonna jump aside for that sucka to pass me - take a pass and all that!"

[NEDESAPIO]

I came to the conclusion years ago that I'm not married because I don't want to be. I turned down three proposals and people think I'm nuts. But as a colleague of mine said, "You must not have truly loved them if you turned them down." Honestly, I just did not like being part of a social unit. I like being able to do what I want, when I want. I guess in some ways that sounds selfish, but as soon as I'm around anybody else for too long I become restless and annoyed... it doesn't matter how much I love them.

When I mentioned this on another thread a while back someone took it like I was bragging that I'm single but I don't have to be, people have asked me, nyah, nyah. I do not mean it like that. Some people who are single do want to be married, and I hope they find the right person. Some others don't want to, and more power to them. Me? For me there is no Mister Right (unless Michael Shanks is available!) because I'm happy being single.

I wish more people understood this.

I understand it, T,Mar.   

I've knew from age 11 that I didn't want to marry or have children.  I still have no desire for these things.  The way I see it is this:  most people in this world will marry and raise families, but SOME people will stay single.  That's the way it will always be, no matter who tries to pressure who into doing what they don't want to do. 

[llaroo87]

I agree withthe poster who said better no marrage that a divorce.  I had my 20 yr HS reunion and 3 of the women have never been married, SO what? I told one well better to be single than to marry  mr wrong

[RuneGuardian]

I hate when people start asking, "So when are you going to get a BF/GF?", then, "When are you gonna get married?", then, "When are you going to have children?" and so forth. Why is this so concerning for other people? I assume it's because the people who ask are married and/or have kids and are miserable and they want you to be as miserable (since misery loves company, as we all know).

This may be slightly off-topic, but I cannot understand the people who can't ever be single - they always need to be with someone. Perhaps I just feel this way because I've been a loner most of my life, but what is so awful about being single? Someone could be physically and mentally healthy, have a job that pays well, have wonderful and loyal friends, and just have things going overall good, but they brood because they can't find a date. And I don't mean just heaving a disappointed sigh and moving on with life - I mean the people who whine constantly about how awful the single life is. All I can say is that if the only thing you have to complain about is not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should consider yourself very lucky.

*end rant*

[nolechica]

Try being single and left-handed, then get back with me.    I do like being single, just wish it weren't dateless as well. 

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

Try being single and left-handed, then get back with me.    I do like being single, just wish it weren't dateless as well. 

I'm single and left-handed. What does handedness have to do with it??