Thoughts on registering for honeymoon???

[ZipTheWonder]

Something that can be "used up."  Dinner out?  After it's eaten, the gift is gone.  Even a candle -- burn it, and the gift is gone. 

Really, I think if you want to give a couple a massage or a nice dinner out, you don't need hints.  If you don't have a lot of details, you just go to them and say "I'd like to have the hotel deliver something to your room, if you're willing to share where you'll be staying." 

[Bijou]

I have a question. I just found out an aquaintance who is getting married has included in her places to register - her honeymoon. There are different amounts people can pay and different things people can pay for: Prices range from $25 - $150 per item. Things like: 500 miles of airfare, breakfast for two in bed, swimming with the dolphins, etc. This is something new to me. When I got married (only 8 years ago), this wasn't something I'd ever heard of. What do y'all think of this? Is this the norm today? It strikes me as a bit odd and strange. But maybe that is just me. I'd love to hear others thoughts on this.

TIA!

Sounds like an entitlement problem, to me.  I cannot imagine doing this, nor contributing to someone else doing it.  Pretty nervy if you ask me. 

[JudiAU]

I would ignore the "registry" and buy them whatever gift I choose. Most honeymoon registries are fake and you aren't even buying them that "dinner out" or "scuba fun" that you think. People should take the vacation they can afford.

[ZipTheWonder]

What do you mean by "fake?"  I'm not really familiar with how honeymoon registries function. 

Do you mean that companies that provide this service simply give the couple cash to do with as they please rather than vouchers (or something similar) for the experiences for which purchaser as paid?   If so, I would go with something stronger -- like "fraudulent" unless this is clarified before the purchase is made.

[MineralDiva]

UGH!  I echo the sentiment that if you can't afford to go somewhere...DON'T GO! 

[dawbs]

What do you mean by "fake?"  I'm not really familiar with how honeymoon registries function. 

Do you mean that companies that provide this service simply give the couple cash to do with as they please rather than vouchers (or something similar) for the experiences for which purchaser as paid?   If so, I would go with something stronger -- like "fraudulent" unless this is clarified before the purchase is made.

You're completely correct in your guess--the companies providing the registry simply give the couple the check (minus their fees) and allow them to use (or not use) the money in the ways it was earmarked.

So if I log onto Cousin Jay's honeymoon registry and buy them "2 hours of scuba lessons" for $100, the company gives them a check for $90 (assuming 10% fee to the company) and Cousin Jay can use the cash for scuba lessons...or not as the case may be.

[MineralDiva]

So if I log onto Cousin Jay's honeymoon registry and buy them "2 hours of scuba lessons" for $100, the company gives them a check for $90 (assuming 10% fee to the company) and Cousin Jay can use the cash for scuba lessons...or not as the case may be.

Whaaaat?  It's even more heinous than originally imagined!

[ZipTheWonder]

Dear Aunt and Uncle,

Thanks so much for the two hour scuba lesson.  We used it to purchase new towels for the guest bathroom.  I hope you'll pay a visit in the near future so that you can enjoy them.

Mr & Mrs Dialing For Dollars

[ZipTheWonder]

http://www.thebigday.com/i/RegAnnounceCard.gif


"We are pleased to announce.........?"

Goodness, I'd be horrified to announce that I was asking someone to pay for scuba lessons that I might or might not actually experience.  Talk about disingenious.

I never liked these things but this is REALLY bad.

[lolane]

It's true about the honeymoon registry. You're not actually buying the couple the specefic thing, reason being, if everyone bought them dinners, massages and scuba diving lessons and no one bought them hotel nights or airline miles, they may not actually be able to get to the location to enjoy the things the guest purchased. So it actually just ends up being given to them in a lump "credit" that they can use at the travel agent. So, between the fact that they will actually use the money for whatever they want, and the fact that most travel agents take a fee you're better off just giving $100 cash, rather than $100 massages, which will actually only end up as $90 (for example) credit towards their honeymoon. - Another reason I dislike the honeymoon registry, it's very misleading to guest.

[Gileswench]

Wow! I had no idea how misleading honeymoon registries are!

So in addition to my general feeling of how tacky it is to ask others to pay for your trip, there's the additional wrongness of taking a percentage off the top and not applying the funds to the requested item at all!

As for the importance of having a huge, fancy trip for the honeymoon, well I can only say my personal experience was that our honeymoon was beyond fabulous, even though it was on a tight budget. We spent our wedding night in a local B&B, then started driving north. We had a hotel booked in Vancouver, BC for two nights, but other than that we were free to chose the path we wanted and hunt out nice but inexpensive places to stay along the road. We checked out antique stores, stopped anyplace that looked fun, and had a fabulous time. We had a total of about two fancy meals, built up a store of hilarious stories about hotels both good and bad, chatted with random people we met along the way, and generally had the time of our lives. No, we didn't swim with the dolphins, but the octopus at the Vancouver Aqaurium danced for me after hiding most of the day. We didn't get a couples massage, but we had a nice chat with a pleasant transexual in a hobby shop in the middle of nowhere Oregon. I adored spending quiet time with my husband simply seeing whatever there was to be seen.

And when we took our dream trip to London six years later, we had a blast on that one, too...and paid for it by ourselves.

If the couple has everything they need, give them a basket of gourmet foods, a pair of pretty champagne flutes, a special ornament for their first Christmas tree...there are so many options that nobody would ever register for, but will add to the HC's life in delightful and unexpected ways. As long as the couple isn't inflexible and the guests exercise their imagniations, there's always a  wonderful and fun way to please a good friend or a relative.

But paying for someone's honeymoon through a register...not in a million years.

[Brentwood]

http://www.thebigday.com/i/RegAnnounceCard.gif


"We are pleased to announce.........?"

Goodness, I'd be horrified to announce that I was asking someone to pay for scuba lessons that I might or might not actually experience.  Talk about disingenious.

I never liked these things but this is REALLY bad.

"Our glorious honeymoon wish list"? Barf!

[RandomAngel]

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with the premise--if we accept that registries for "traditional" gifts are okay and even often useful, then why would it be less okay to use one to organize giving toward a trip the couple will remember for the rest of their lives?

And I don't understand people who are acting like this is an entitlement issue: a gift is a gift.  People aren't "entitled" to fine china or matching towels either, but they register for those.  These people have simply decided that they want something more durable than table linens--they will never have to replace their worn-out honeymoon.

And I would hate to discover that I had given them scuba lessons in Hawaii while their great-aunt had bought them dinner for that evening in Cancun.  A registry makes perfect sense here.

That is only, however, if it is possible to give in the way OP described: money toward specific parts of or activities during the trip.  I would assume that for something big like airfare or the hotel, the couple would be prepared to pay for anything that guests chose not to give them, and so I would want to know that as soon as I clicked the little button, the couple was enrolled in the darned scuba lessons.  The deceptive practice that other posters describe DOES sound like a disgusting cash grab, and I would send the couple a lovely gravy boat in that case.

I disagree, though, with the majority of posters about the inappropriateness of the concept described.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with the premise--if we accept that registries for "traditional" gifts are okay and even often useful, then why would it be less okay to use one to organize giving toward a trip the couple will remember for the rest of their lives?

Well, the purpose of a wedding registry (someone correct me if I'm wrong here) is so that multiple people do not give the same wedding gift.  Contrary to some's bneliefs, you can have too many toasters, or blenders, or coffee pots.  A registry makes certain that no two people buy the same gift and neglect other areas of necessity.  As much as I dislike the concept of a registry, it does that well.

Now, those lovely little things... coffee pots, toasters, blenders... are the little things that make a house into a home (along with love, security, and comfort of course).  The idea is that two individuals are becoming a family, so let's help with the things that make a family, the little daily necessities.  A honeymoon is in no way a necessity.  The marriage is a trip they'll remember for the rest of their lives.  The honeymoon is a nice extra, but after it's over, it in no way enhances your daily life.

Add on top of that the fact that a honeymoon registry is a scam, a sham, a fraud, a con, a snow job, a fake, a fiction, an unreality, a prop, and altogether untrue, and you see why they hold a place even lower than the beloved Dollar Dance in most eHellion's hearts.

[MadMadge43]

If someone can't afford to buy a toaster they certainly shouldn't be paying for a honeymoon. With that said, should only people who are financially solvent take honeymoons?

I'm in the minority here that I really don't think they're all that bad. I don't see a difference between paying $75 for a place setting or paying $75 for part of a hotel room. I want to give them what they want, not what I see fit. Most of my peers don't want the traditional things anymore, that doesn't make them entitlement princesses, just people with different values than yours.

I however don't like the percentage paid to these "agencies". I would think there'd be a less crass way of going about it.

And also, if you don't like the honeymoon registery you can always ignore it and get them what you think is a proper wedding gift, they're not holding a gun to your head.