Thoughts on registering for honeymoon???

[RandomAngel]

Now, those lovely little things... coffee pots, toasters, blenders... are the little things that make a house into a home (along with love, security, and comfort of course).  The idea is that two individuals are becoming a family, so let's help with the things that make a family, the little daily necessities.  A honeymoon is in no way a necessity.  The marriage is a trip they'll remember for the rest of their lives.  The honeymoon is a nice extra, but after it's over, it in no way enhances your daily life.

I entirely disagree with this.  1) Many people consider travel the best possible use for money, and 2) Isn't it up to the couple to decide what will make their lives richer?  If you disagree with their assessment, go buy them a gravy boat as I suggested, which you would be free to do no matter what they registered for.

You can make toast in the oven, blend by hand, and all you really need for coffee is a filter and a saucepan and a mug (with a little imagination you can simulate a French press).  You don't need those things, it's just that having them is better than not having them.  The same can be said for having the memory of cliff-diving in Fiji.

And if a couple is prepared to make do with whatever stuff they may already have and slowly replace it with newer/nicer things after a few years on their own in favor of taking an amazing trip right after their wedding, then who are you to determine that they are being greedy?  How does this in any way resemble a dollar dance? 

And to address your first point: who wants two dinners out on the same day?  A registry serves the same function here as anywhere else--except for the part about it being a scam, which I acknowledged in my original post.  I'm talking about the spirit of the idea, not the execution.

[willow08]

I have never responded with warm fuzzy thoughts when I'm sent a registry card for honeymoon money. I think it's tacky to tell me you want me to send you money for a surfing lesson or a massage. I don't do this to people when I go on vacation. (Hey, the family is heading to Fla., can I have some cash to cover breakfast at the Pier Waffle Shoppe?) The honeymoon is something the bridal couple is supposed to be paying for. I usually give those couples a crockpot.

[ZipTheWonder]

he purpose of a wedding registry (someone correct me if I'm wrong here) is so that multiple people do not give the same wedding gift. 

"I didn't want to get you $200 toward your honeymoon since you already got that from somebody else.  So, I got you $50 instead.  Let me know if anyone duplicates it, and I'll replace it with $20."

[ZipTheWonder]

The objection I have to this is that the groom is traditionally responsible for the honeymoon expenses.  I see soliciting funds for this to be no different than if the bride were to have a shower registry with a jewelry store for the groom's wedding ring.

[Lauren]

I go back and forth on these. They're a lot more common in Australia now (most travel agency have a sign advertising them) and I don't mind the idea of them. I didn't realise you pay for "experiences", I just assumed that you put as much money in as you wished.

Only thing I think where they could go horribly wrong, is if the couple got a print out of who gave how much. *shudders*

[MadMadge43]

First off, times have changed. There are no more traditional roles as to who pays what. We have all agreed to that, so it isn't just the groom trying to get out of paying for something.  Let's face it, people without a fully equipped house are just trying to get out of paying to equip it.

Second, who cares if they see how much you gave? They would know how much you gave if you wrote them a check, or know the approximate price of a gift.

There are some who might think that having matching china is an extravegance and the b/g are being entitlement princesses because they would like that. I just think we all need to realize that our value systems are not necassarily someone elses and try not to judge them on that.

I also need to read up on this, but from the limited amount I know, I'm not so sure they're such huge scams as they're being made out to be. I think the b/g can use it to scam people, but I think they can do that off of traditional registries as well. 

The agency commission is only taken if the b/g take cash, otherwise the company providing the service (hotel, surf lesson co.) pays them the 10%. And it's fair for this agency to take that commission for the work they have done if b/g decide not to use the services bought for them. They're not in this from the goodness of their heart. I think you need to decide if the b/g are using it as a get cash system, or are going to actually use your gifts. Registries don't scam people, only b/g's can do that...

[RandomAngel]

First off, times have changed. There are no more traditional roles as to who pays what. We have all agreed to that, so it isn't just the groom trying to get out of paying for something.  Let's face it, people without a fully equipped house are just trying to get out of paying to equip it.

Second, who cares if they see how much you gave? They would know how much you gave if you wrote them a check, or know the approximate price of a gift.

There are some who might think that having matching china is an extravegance and the b/g are being entitlement princesses because they would like that. I just think we all need to realize that our value systems are not necassarily someone elses and try not to judge them on that.

I also need to read up on this, but from the limited amount I know, I'm not so sure they're such huge scams as they're being made out to be. I think the b/g can use it to scam people, but I think they can do that off of traditional registries as well. 

The agency commission is only taken if the b/g take cash, otherwise the company providing the service (hotel, surf lesson co.) pays them the 10%. And it's fair for this agency to take that commission for the work they have done if b/g decide not to use the services bought for them. They're not in this from the goodness of their heart. I think you need to decide if the b/g are using it as a get cash system, or are going to actually use your gifts. Registries don't scam people, only b/g's can do that...

Exactly!!  And whatever is not given as a gift, be it china, a toaster, or the honeymoon, a couple will have to buy for themselves.  What is it to you if they decide to put their money toward more usual gifts, and ask you for something they would normally pay for themselves instead?  That's a question tradition, not etiquette.

I do think I would only feel comfortable paying toward the honeymoon if you could pay for specific parts of it, because it feels more like a gift and less like just writing a check, but I think that the knee-jerk negative response to these registries is a bit outdated.

[taralee]

With that said, should only people who are financially solvent take honeymoons?

But most of the honeymoon registries I've seen have been for "dream" honeymoons, to exotic locations. I think almost anyone can scrape up a few hundred dollars to take a honeymoon somewhere. My husband and I had almost no money to take a honeymoon when we got married, so we went to a theme park for a couple of days, and then Mackinac Island for a couple of nights. It was still plenty romantic, and quite cheap.

[Brentwood]

I don't like them because it isn't any different than asking for cash. If I want to give cash, I'll give cash. I don't need to be told that the couple wants cash - I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't.

[behindbj]

The fallback of those who disagree with etiquette - Times Have Changed.

Asking for money on a registry is rude.  Letting a close family member know and then having that family member respond as such when asked by an attendee what type of gift they would really like?  Not rude. 

If you disagree with a particular etiquette issue, do as you please.  However, I certainly do not appreciate being told that I am behind the times because I think it is still rude.  Just because lots of people do it doesn't make it right, either.

And, yes - if I don't have the financial resources to take a trip - ANY kind of trip, I don't go.  I've never understood taking out a loan for a vacation.  My parents made do with a short, reasonable honeymoon because they had to.  And they seem to have gotten over it in the 43 years they've been married.  I have not felt the least bit deprived because I have not had my 6 week cruise through the Panama Canal (which my parents, through years of hard work and thrift, can afford and are getting ready to book.  Lucky ducks...and no jealousy on my part.  They've earned every second of it - especially for having to deal with me for 37 years...).  My last vacation?  Pittsburgh - enjoyed every second.

Registries asking for money are inappropriate - I feel the same way about a down payment registry.  While I have been known to give money for such a purpose, no registry was involved (close family members were, and my closeness to the married couples involved also helped).

I also dislike housewarming registries or registries for children other than baby showers.  But that's me.

behindbj

[Evil Duckie]

It is tacky.

I have seen this before. It really is just asking for everyone to pay for their vacation.

No one paid for my honeymoon or any other vacation.

Too many people believe that they are entitled to a BBW, an exotic honeymoon and a big house immediately and without paying for it themselves.

Too many people think that registries are mandatory especially for weddings. They are nice but not mandatory.

[MadMadge43]

The fallback of those who disagree with etiquette - Times Have Changed.

I think that's the reason this discussion board is so valuable, if we just had a list of do's and don'ts we wouldn't need to talk about things. Times do change, I can think of a list a mile long of etiquette that is no longer valid.

But the core value stays the same, it is to treat others with respect and make them feel comfortable and not take too much for yourself. (I'm trying to be brief.) We also don't judge others because their values are different than ours.

So the reasons why the honeymoon registry is so sneered at are becoming more and more passe. Men no longer pay for the honeymoon, couples already have a well equipped house, more value is placed on experience than things etc. So it would make sense that registry's would change with the times.

Asking for money is still crass, so therefore b/g's have found a new way to still register for specific things without asking for money. They just place more value on experience. I like to get people what they will enjoy and don't understand all of the indignation of everyone that only wants to get people what they deem is appropriate.

A Honeymoon is a luxury item, but so are all brand new appliances and crystal. You don't need to buy anything off of it, but I think condeming them to e-hell isn't right either.

[ZipTheWonder]

Men no longer pay for the honeymoon,

Sure they do.   But, I don't really care whether he pays, she pays or they pay.

If the couple takes a honeymoon, it is an expense of getting married -- just like the flowers and the ring or the Justice of the Peace.

It is gauche to hint that one's guests pay one's expenses.

[MadMadge43]

It is gauche to hint that one's guests pay one's expenses

Then we just shouldn't get people anything at all, because no matter what gift you get them besides a photo album you are basically paying for their "expenses".

[ZipTheWonder]

I was referring to wedding-related expenses, actually.