Thoughts on registering for honeymoon???

[cass2591]

And I already paid for my toaster so please don't. Just because you didn't get something doesn't mean others can't.

The problem I have with them is twofold. First of all, they're telling guests what to give them, unlike a registry which provides, ideally, a wide range of choices.

Secondly, and to me most important, is that with these registries couples are essentially registering for money, and that is bad manners. I have, on many occasions, given a check for a wedding present but I wasn't instructed to do so nor was there a bank registry telling me how much to give and what it would buy the couple.

[cass2591]

Can't people just lighten up and enjoy themselves.

Etiquette and enjoying oneself are not mutually exclusive.

[RandomAngel]

The problem I have with them is twofold. First of all, they're telling guests what to give them, unlike a registry which provides, ideally, a wide range of choices.

Secondly, and to me most important, is that with these registries couples are essentially registering for money, and that is bad manners. I have, on many occasions, given a check for a wedding present but I wasn't instructed to do so nor was there a bank registry telling me how much to give and what it would buy the couple.

The original post presented a registry that provided a number of options: one might choose to pay for airfare, hotel time, or any of a number of activities during the trip.  I agree that "Put money in this account for our honeymoon" is rude, but this example strikes me as asking for something rather different. 

Done correctly, it's the difference between giving guests a bank account number "so we can buy household items," and registering for said items so that guests may choose a specific item to give.

[Peyton Fan]

Well, based on a lot of the comments on this post, and finding out that the company gets a cut, I'm going to NOT do the honeymoon registry. It just doesn't sit right with me. I'll probably give them good old cash and let them decide how they want to use it. DH and I got married in our 30s and both had most of what we needed, but it wouldn't sit right to register for a honeymoon. We went to an all-inclusive in Mexico. Could only afford 4 nights and couldn't swim the dolphins or any of that, but we still had a wonderful time. We did what we could afford. Thanks again for all the insight. It did help me with my thoughts on it all.

[CocoCamm]

I thought registries were only rude if they are presented poorly (ie sticking the registry card in the invite). Why is a honeymoon registry rude if word of it is passed via word of mouth?

Honestly I dont see a difference between asking for cash, scuba lessons, a gravy boat or a lawn mower. Either way your giving the couple something they want and or need.

[ZipTheWonder]

[The honeymoon] .....is not meant to be seen or make any kind of an impression on the guests. It is a truly private experience. 

I think that's an excellent argument for paying for it yourself!

[ZipTheWonder]

The original post presented a registry that provided a number of options: one might choose to pay for airfare, hotel time, or any of a number of activities during the trip.  I agree that "Put money in this account for our honeymoon" is rude, but this example strikes me as asking for something rather different. 

I looked at a few of these and all of them are as described earlier.  Register for "stuff," then get cash. 

Guests would have no reason to go looking for this information, and so they are unlikely to know the true nature of their gift.  How are the bride and groom planning to explain to Aunt Mildred that they didn't take the scuba lessons they registered for and she gifted them??

[sweedetobee]

The original post presented a registry that provided a number of options: one might choose to pay for airfare, hotel time, or any of a number of activities during the trip.  I agree that "Put money in this account for our honeymoon" is rude, but this example strikes me as asking for something rather different. 

I looked at a few of these and all of them are as described earlier.  Register for "stuff," then get cash. 

Guests would have no reason to go looking for this information, and so they are unlikely to know the true nature of their gift.  How are the bride and groom planning to explain to Aunt Mildred that they didn't take the scuba lessons they registered for and she gifted them??

Cause they are supposed to use that money for the scuba lessons and shame on them if they don't. You get the cash and you're supposed to use it for the honeymoon. Supposed to.....

I could return all my china to the department store and use the store credit to get a new wardrobe, but I don't because I genuinely want what I registered for.

I know some people abuse the registry and it seems like the honeymoon registry has more potential for abuse than most.

In my area - NY/NJ- most people give cash as a wedding gift and the registry is mostly used for the bridal shower. So...after reading all of the posts and the research that some of you have done regarding companies that provide honeymoon registries it would seem awfully silly to have such a registry in my area. All you would be doing is giving the registry company a fee since about 90% of your guests would have just given you the check directly!

[ZipTheWonder]

I think some of the idea is that couples can mask the fact that the gift being requested is actually cash.  Cash is considered a crass gift, so if it's 'scuba lessons,' Aunt Mildred may not feel squicky about giving it.  ANd, yes, that's do-able with a lot of other registries, too, and it's equally bold to register for expensive china with the intention of using it to get more cash.

I don't really see how these registries would work, anyway.  I can't imagine most couples wait until they find out what 'the take' is and THEN make honeymoon plans.  I know I couldn't just decide to upgrade my suite or to fly somewhere, etc. without some advance planning.  I would think most people who want to take a big honeymoon trip would have budgeted for it beforehand.  After all, what if nobody wants to donate??  Do you cancel the trip to Greece on your wedding day because you planned a trip you can't afford without donations??   

[Brentwood]

I think some of the idea is that couples can mask the fact that the gift being requested is actually cash.  Cash is considered a crass gift, so if it's 'scuba lessons,' Aunt Mildred may not feel squicky about giving it.  ANd, yes, that's do-able with a lot of other registries, too, and it's equally bold to register for expensive china with the intention of using it to get more cash.

I don't really see how these registries would work, anyway.  I can't imagine most couples wait until they find out what 'the take' is and THEN make honeymoon plans.  I know I couldn't just decide to upgrade my suite or to fly somewhere, etc. without some advance planning.  I would think most people who want to take a big honeymoon trip would have budgeted for it beforehand.  After all, what if nobody wants to donate??  Do you cancel the trip to Greece on your wedding day because you planned a trip you can't afford without donations??   

Good points.

[MadMadge43]

Once again I do hold my reservations about the actual registry system.

But if it wasn't just asking for cash, but actually asking for items that you had already arranged and were most definitely going to do whether or not it was paid for, just like you were actually going to finnish purchasing your china if not one bought it for you. Would you still think it was tacky.

[ZipTheWonder]

It would be inappropriate to ask people to pay for any of the expenses related to getting married. 

Your guests are presumably bright enough and sufficiently interested in you that, if they are looking for a non-traditional gift, they can ask you.

[SPRG_CHIC]

I don't recommend it - it is tacky.  Planning a Honeymoon that one can afford is the best method  - but to expect others to pay for it is low.