Just wanted to share some tips that help me with my sweetie. When we first lived together I was so resentful.... I did everything--cleaned because he never thought to do it, washed the laundry--because he would just fling it around and never "felt like it", handled all of the finances--because he would forgot to pay things on time, and so on. I tried a few strategies with varying degrees of success....Going on Strike
I continued doing my own laundry, washing the dishes I used (we had a dishwasher!), picked up stuff I left out but then let all of his things fester. This didn't work...the mess drove me crazy and didn't effect him at all.I'm Not Your Mommy!
I decided I would continue to clean but anything He left a mess--everything dirty dishes left on the coffee table, empty soda cans, clothes in the living room, work tools, CDs, anything and everything would be getting thrown into a newly purchased large Rubbermaid container with lid. I would then take the container down the hall to our storage room and would lock it in there.
The result was a lot better. The first time he realized anything was wrong (because the place was clean) was when he ran out of socks and asked me where I had put the laundry. I told him that I had washed everything in the hamper and put it away. "But.....I don't have any socks!"...."Were your socks in the hamper? I only washed the dirty cloths in the hamper" "Well were are the other cloths?"...."Oh....well I needed to clean up so I put them in the storage room in the green rubbermaid container for you to sort out when you get to it."
A few days later (lol yes!) we goes to the storage room, wheels the storage thing back to our living room, opens it and freaks out
"Why are my cloths all mixed up with garbage?
" ....."Oh, well I didn't know what was garbage and what needed to be washed or kept so i just put it all in here for you to sort out when you had a chance."
I think he saw the light. I continued to doing a "'clean sweep" every day and anything he left out went into the box for him to "sort out later". Amazingly, eventually he began throwing out his own empty food containers, put away (or at least stack in one area) his CDS, and put the dirty cloths in the hamper.
Now it was time for my next move.You Need to Help Too
Now that he seemed to grasped the put it away and throw it out concept I moved on to getting him to actually help. What I have found works....
1. Ask him to do something very specific. If I said "Can you clean the bathroom" he would either do a lazy job, or just not do it. I realized it is because he needs more concrete things to do. So now I say, "Can you fill the tub up with hot water and pour in some bleach? After that, you can swiffer the floor to get all the hair and junk up. The toilet cleaner and brush are under the vanity sink, clean under all of the rims. Thanks baby!" This got better results.
2. Give and take. Laundry was always a loosing battle, he just hates it....but I don't mind it. So I do it, because it was becoming too much of a fight. I however hate dusting, but it is something I can get him to do.
3. I was very clear to him about how his lack of helping made me feel. I didn't make statements like "You don't care about me...." I used the "I think/feel/want/need" angle.
Believe me I know how frustrating this is. I just realized he isn't organized, he doesn't think to do these things on his own. The constant nagging and fights so loud I am not embarassed was just not working, there was so much stress.