This past weekend DH and I were at a bonfire hosted by friends. The guests included a few of DH's coworkers, including a woman who I will call V. I had only met V one other time; it was brief and included no interaction, but I had heard stories about her poor attitude. After hot dogs were roasted and s'mores were made, guests were casually drinking, talking, and playing card games. Through out the night, V became more obnoxious as she consumed more wine. No one called her out on her behavior because "that's just how she is." Since she wasn't doing anything personal to me, I just bit my tongue.
However, when she started to direct her behavior towards DH, I became irate. As DH and his friend were playing a card game that most would consider "nerdy," she started belittling them and their game with obscenities. They ignored her and continued on. After spilling some drink on table, she told DH that he should clean it up with his clothes. When he responded that he wouldn't and said she should clean it up with her clothes. She responded, "My clothes actually cost money!" After the mess was cleaned, they continued with their game. She decided to make a hat out of paper towels and put it on DH's head. He removed it and set it aside. She did it again, so I removed it. She did it again! After I removed it again, she said, "Oh, looks like takeheart is getting mad!" and laughed. The last straw was when she was leaving, she slapped DH across the face 'playfully' but hard enough to be heard. Why? Because all night she kept saying that when she gets drunk that's what she does. What I did afterward would put me in etiquette hell for good! It was not my best moment, but I was livid at that point.
Afterward, she text DH with a text along the lines of, "Way to pick a wife. I would be concerned about whether she's mature and capable enough to raise children." (DH and I recently welcomed a baby boy two months ago). He responded, "That was uncalled for." She responded again, but he didn't reply this time. When I talked to DH about why he didn't say something to her, especially when her behavior was directed towards him. His response was that he knows he's better than her as a person and didn't want to stoop to her level. Also, she works with him, so he had to maintain composure to keep the peace at work.
My questions are how much bean dipping can a person do and what would others have done in a similar situation?