"You're so young, why on Earth are you parking in the handicap spot?!"

[Luci45]

My dad has used a cane since his early 20's (degenerative bone muscle disease) and only once had someone attempt to grab his cane. Fortunately he was accompanied by my younger brother and I (both in our early teens). I had been holding his other hand and Bro was slightly behind him. This guy about Dad's age grabbed his cane and started to yell at him. I managed to hold Dad up and Bro body checked the guy and grabbed Dad's cane. Bro then informed him that he best leave before he needed emergency services (Bro was still holding the cane). Bro even at 13 had a deep bass voice, a very muscled physique and a no nonsense attitude. Guy picked himself up and walked off muttering about rude people and disrespectful brats.

Not the polite way to handle it; but Bro was not (and still isn't) known for his diplomatic skills and this guy seriously scared us.

Safety trumps etiquette. Your little brother for a win. I think this was an emergency situation.

[kherbert05]

My mother is wheelchair bound (RA), and while she'd never confront someone who didn't appear to be handicapped, she WOULD if their placard and their apparent age didn't add up. In her state, the hanging tags display the birthday/year of the assigned person, because there is so much fraud (misuse of valid tags by non-handicapped relations/friends). So a chippy young lass of early 20s alone in a vehicle with WWII veteran license plates and a hanging tag that reads 1/20/1924...would get a "you know you're not supposed to use the handicap space unless the disabled person is in the vehicle" from my mom. Might not be etiquette approved, but I don't care.

I understand the sentiment - but in my family we try to never take the last space unless the person the tag is for is driving. We will pull into the space unload the person the tag is for and most of the party. Then the driver will move the car to a regular space. Freeing up the space for someone like the OP, who is driving and needs the close space. Then at the end of dinner/shopping/movie two of us will hike out to the back 40 get the car and if a handicapped space is available park there to load the rest back in. If there isn't a space available the person we go to the nearest loading zone and load there.


When sis broke both her knees she was quiet strong minded about not taking up a handicapped space when she was being driven around. Others needed it more.

[camlan]

My SIL gets this a lot. She's not disabled, but my nephew, her oldest child, is. They have a wheelchair van and need the handicapped spots so they can lower the wheelchair ramp. The usual routine is that SIL parks, gets out of the van, goes over to the ramp and then lowers it with the remote. She doesn't want Nephew, who can be a bit careless in parking lots, getting out of the van until she's right there with him.

More than once I've been with her and she's been yelled at or called ugly names, up to the point where the ramp lowers and Nephew wheels out.

But one time I was there and an elderly man started in on her as soon as she got out of the van. She tried to explain that the placard was for her son, but the man wasn't listening. Then Nephew got out of the van and SIL pointed out that they needed the spot. To which the elderly man replied that they didn't--because Nephew wasn't driving.

Because you could only possibly need the handicapped spot if you were driving.

Nephew is 13; they aren't going to give him a license for a few years yet, if at all.

[Kimblee]

My SIL gets this a lot. She's not disabled, but my nephew, her oldest child, is. They have a wheelchair van and need the handicapped spots so they can lower the wheelchair ramp. The usual routine is that SIL parks, gets out of the van, goes over to the ramp and then lowers it with the remote. She doesn't want Nephew, who can be a bit careless in parking lots, getting out of the van until she's right there with him.

More than once I've been with her and she's been yelled at or called ugly names, up to the point where the ramp lowers and Nephew wheels out.

But one time I was there and an elderly man started in on her as soon as she got out of the van. She tried to explain that the placard was for her son, but the man wasn't listening. Then Nephew got out of the van and SIL pointed out that they needed the spot. To which the elderly man replied that they didn't--because Nephew wasn't driving.
Because you could only possibly need the handicapped spot if you were driving.

Nephew is 13; they aren't going to give him a license for a few years yet, if at all.

The (very non-eHell) term for this is "butthurt"

As in, the old guy KNEW he was wrong at that point, but could not bring himself to admit it so he lashed out one more time to soothe his butthurt.

My dad approves (and partially dictated) this message. He also would like to make it clear that anyone who gets to wrestle a big darn wheelchair deserves to park where ever its possible to wrestle said chair. (He worked in the MHMR field for fifteen years or so.)

[zyrs]

My SIL gets this a lot. She's not disabled, but my nephew, her oldest child, is. They have a wheelchair van and need the handicapped spots so they can lower the wheelchair ramp. The usual routine is that SIL parks, gets out of the van, goes over to the ramp and then lowers it with the remote. She doesn't want Nephew, who can be a bit careless in parking lots, getting out of the van until she's right there with him.

More than once I've been with her and she's been yelled at or called ugly names, up to the point where the ramp lowers and Nephew wheels out.

But one time I was there and an elderly man started in on her as soon as she got out of the van. She tried to explain that the placard was for her son, but the man wasn't listening. Then Nephew got out of the van and SIL pointed out that they needed the spot. To which the elderly man replied that they didn't--because Nephew wasn't driving.

Because you could only possibly need the handicapped spot if you were driving.

Nephew is 13; they aren't going to give him a license for a few years yet, if at all.

Unfortunately. this could have been my FIL.  He's always griping about how no one should use the handicapped spaces except elderly people.

[drebay]

Unfortunately. this could have been my FIL.  He's always griping about how no one should use the handicapped spaces except elderly people.

Which is why my earlier post is what it is

[gmatoy]

I'm another one who had her cane pushed out from under me; I was in front of a table and clutched at it while going white in pain. The woman called me a "Drama Queen."  Totally ruined my day. Then my mother told me that if I didn't care about that woman's opinion about religion, politics, or global warning I shouldn't care about her very wrong opinion about me. (My mother rocks!) Helped me.

[nuit93]

Well...since you have the placard displayed, you don't OWE them any explanation.  But since people are rude, it sounds like you have the perfect answer already!

[emwithme]

I've been told that I'm too young to need a disabled parking space.  I have ME and fibromyalgia, and (depending on how that day's going) I use either one stick, two sticks, a wheelchair or - on a good day - I can manage by myself.  Usually in a supermarket, I'll use the trolley to lean on so I don't tend to take my sticks with me (I can generally manage from the car to where the trolleys are kept).

I've also been told that I can't have ME because I'm out and about.  At this point, I haven't been out of the house since Tuesday lunchtime (it's now Thursday evening) because the pain (a) makes it too hard to get dressed and (b) makes me slower and so I have difficulty crossing the road between my house and the rest of the village.  Fortunately, when I'm like this, my DF goes and does all the chores. 

I do get that it's difficult for people to equate (relatively) young - I'm 34 - and healthy-looking with disabled, especially when I'm dressed smartly.  Sometimes, however, the reason I've dressed smartly, done my hair and put some makeup on is because without it I look like death warmed up and I need to boost my self-esteem enough to be able to go out.  And a lot of the time, there's a HUGE difference in how I'm walking and how I look when I get out of the car on arrival to how I look getting back to the car having done whatever. 

[Elfmama]

And a lot of the time, there's a HUGE difference in how I'm walking and how I look when I get out of the car on arrival to how I look getting back to the car having done whatever.

Exactly!  If you say to me "I saw you walking in from way out in the parking lot.  You don't need that scooter if you could do that" I will tell you that I use the scooter so that I CAN walk from the store back to my car.  My fibro is at a stage where there is a very sharp dividing line from "more or less OK" and "can barely move from the pain"; that line is crossed with a certain distance walked, which changes from day to day. (One reason that I don't have a handicapped placard.)  If I walk around the store, especially for a full shopping trip up and down all the aisles, I will be in agony about halfway through it.  If I have a scooter, I'll stay at the first stage.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I hear you.  I frequently have to warn that "I'm running out of steps" during shopping trips.  I'm good for a couple of hours of walking with the stick on a good day, but if the pain is bad, I run out of steps quickly and the line between OK but tired and DONE is very thin.

[emwithme]

Have you heard of the Spoon Theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/)

I find it really handy, especially now I've trained DF to understand that physical, emotional and mental spoons are all on different, but linked, meters.

[drebay]

Have you heard of the Spoon Theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/)

I find it really handy, especially now I've trained DF to understand that physical, emotional and mental spoons are all on different, but linked, meters.

That is exactly my situation.  Someone (was it you?) emailed me that link in the past.

[Lorelei_Evil]

It's a cute theory, but my good days and bad days are so erratic I usually end up with a fistful of forks.

Too euphemistic for my crowd, I think. 

[JacklynHyde]

Have you heard of the Spoon Theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/)

I find it really handy, especially now I've trained DF to understand that physical, emotional and mental spoons are all on different, but linked, meters.

Oh my...  I think I start to understand.

One of my new friends has Lupus.  Her husband left her and she had to move halfway across the country back to her parents' home.  She's an immensely funny lady and even has a stand-up comedy act she's brought with her to hone.  Now I understand why that smile of hers doesn't always go to her eyes.  The fact she doesn't have handicapped plates or tags amazes me.  She must play her spoons close to the chest.