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Author Topic: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"  (Read 9737 times)

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AustenFan

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #45 on: January 08, 2017, 11:25:42 PM »
I used to go to my sister in law's ( Lake House Sally - long back story - she's a bit entitled / selfish ) for Thanksgiving.  I'd be assigned to bring - all the vegetables/sides ( there were specific things I had to bring ) , an appetizer, and drinks for my family ). In addition -  I would get call of can you pick up "x" on your way here.

She would provide turkey, her daughter would provide pies. 

In attendance would be my family of four,  her daughter's family ( 4 ), her 2 son's and their girlfriends.

I would walk into a kitchen disaster, put on my apron and help ( this involved doing dishes, getting things organized etc. ) - I would spend a good hour in her kitchen after a lot of prep in mine that morning.

I would end up carving the bird ( she would insist ) and helping clean up.  I am an excellent cook and the horde would eat most of the dishes I brought. 

She would have a LOT of leftover turkey ( she would do 1 large bird and a turkey breast ). I was never ever offered even enough to make a sandwich for my lunch at work the next day.  I honestly think I should have.  Side dishes can be pricey and frankly I think they are as much work as the turkey.  I also kicked butt in her kitchen.

Finally this year, DH told her - you know - it feels like POF is cooking at least half the meal and transporting it as well as doing a lot of kitchen work. Heck - we don't even see her much since some of us sit in the dining room and some of us sit in the kitchen ( 'and he didn't say - because your kids grab the choice seats and we have to split up ).  Since she has been working so many hours and doesn't even have Black Friday off this year, we made reservations to give us a break. 

Now this is unusual ( I hope ) but there are situations where maybe leftovers ought to be offered.  But even though I thought I should have them - I knew it was rude to as and I never ever did.

I'm probably going to get jumped all over for this with how this forum goes rabid over Lake House Sally, but I don't get why you think you were entitled to extra turkey. You each contributed enough for one meal and shared the work. If you had brought enough for leftovers to be split up then I could see it, but you didn't...so why should she share just because she made enough of what she was providing to make sure there would be extra?

Sophia

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #46 on: January 09, 2017, 10:12:45 AM »
Similar situation here. My mother demands leftovers. It feels churlish to refuse, but I resent the tone, resent the entitlement. Resent that she has never once waited to be offered leftovers. Once we weren't even finished eating before she started. It took great control not to snap "Could we finish eating before you place your take out order?"

Ugh, I think if that were my mother I probably WOULD have said that. But I hate any form of "meal is finished" activity while I am still eating. That includes bringing out dessert, stacking dishes, getting up to wash things, going on and on about how stuffed you are, and it would certainly include packing up leftovers. I'm not even overly fond of the way my mother asks, "Are you going to want any more potatoes" when I still have potatoes on my plate that I am actively eating. How do I know if I'm going to want any more potatoes until I've finished the ones I have?

Unless it's a quick, casual bite to eat on the go, have the courtesy to let everyone finish eating before rushing on to the next thing, ESPECIALLY if the person still eating is the same one who slaved away all day to provide the meal.

Oh, yes, totally agree. it had jumped out at me about the dishes being washed. 

SianMcClay

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #47 on: January 09, 2017, 11:37:11 AM »
I used to go to my sister in law's ( Lake House Sally - long back story - she's a bit entitled / selfish ) for Thanksgiving.  I'd be assigned to bring - all the vegetables/sides ( there were specific things I had to bring ) , an appetizer, and drinks for my family ). In addition -  I would get call of can you pick up "x" on your way here.

She would provide turkey, her daughter would provide pies. 

In attendance would be my family of four,  her daughter's family ( 4 ), her 2 son's and their girlfriends.

I would walk into a kitchen disaster, put on my apron and help ( this involved doing dishes, getting things organized etc. ) - I would spend a good hour in her kitchen after a lot of prep in mine that morning.

I would end up carving the bird ( she would insist ) and helping clean up.  I am an excellent cook and the horde would eat most of the dishes I brought. 

She would have a LOT of leftover turkey ( she would do 1 large bird and a turkey breast ). I was never ever offered even enough to make a sandwich for my lunch at work the next day.  I honestly think I should have.  Side dishes can be pricey and frankly I think they are as much work as the turkey.  I also kicked butt in her kitchen.

Finally this year, DH told her - you know - it feels like POF is cooking at least half the meal and transporting it as well as doing a lot of kitchen work. Heck - we don't even see her much since some of us sit in the dining room and some of us sit in the kitchen ( 'and he didn't say - because your kids grab the choice seats and we have to split up ).  Since she has been working so many hours and doesn't even have Black Friday off this year, we made reservations to give us a break. 

Now this is unusual ( I hope ) but there are situations where maybe leftovers ought to be offered.  But even though I thought I should have them - I knew it was rude to as and I never ever did.

I'm probably going to get jumped all over for this with how this forum goes rabid over Lake House Sally, but I don't get why you think you were entitled to extra turkey. You each contributed enough for one meal and shared the work. If you had brought enough for leftovers to be split up then I could see it, but you didn't...so why should she share just because she made enough of what she was providing to make sure there would be extra?

Hmmmm(the sound, not the poster).  You have a point.  The question is, what happened to all the leftovers of the sides and veggies, if there were any.  We're they packed back up and brought home, or just left there?  And If Sally always has so much turkey left over, why does she add a breast? 

gramma dishes

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #48 on: January 09, 2017, 11:51:35 AM »
It sounds like the OP had four people at the dinner.

Lakehouse Sally had her own family of four ...
plus her daughter's family of four ...
plus her two son's and both of their girlfriends!
So a grand total of twelve Lakehouse Sally People (compared to four POF people). 

So POF was providing appetizers and several different sides for all sixteen people.   Plus POF did by far the majority of the work involved (both before and after the dinner itself) and had to bring her own family's beverages.  "Here POF.   You spend all the money for the food and do all cooking and clean up and we'll gobble down all your food and send you home with nothing!"

Reika

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #49 on: January 09, 2017, 11:53:30 AM »
It sounds like the OP had four people at the dinner.

Lakehouse Sally had her own family of four ...
plus her daughter's family of four ...
plus her two son's and both of their girlfriends!
So a grand total of twelve Lakehouse Sally People (compared to four POF people). 

So POF was providing appetizers and several different sides for all sixteen people.   Plus POF did by far the majority of the work involved (both before and after the dinner itself) and had to bring her own family's beverages.  "Here POF.   You spend all the money for the food and do all cooking and clean up and we'll gobble down all your food and send you home with nothing!"

That was what I got from her story too.

I'm also curious to know if anything was said about the POF-less turkey day at Lakehouse Sally's. ;)

gramma dishes

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #50 on: January 09, 2017, 11:58:54 AM »

...   I'm also curious to know if anything was said about the POF-less turkey day at Lakehouse Sally's. ;)

Yes.  I wondered about that too.  I have a feeling it might have been a bit of a shock for LHS and her family!

VorFemme

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #51 on: January 09, 2017, 12:59:01 PM »
It's amazing how much more work it is to cook for a large group without an "expert assistant" who already has the side dishes prepared...it is not quite a hill to die on, but I will be working to make sure that I don't get stuck with cooking, clean up, dishes, and "everything" while traveling - unless it's my own idea for one or possibly two meals.  But not for days on end...especially not on vacation.

I've cooked for a dozen or so people for several days in a row "on vacation" or when staying with family while Dad was so sick last November (he died early in December).  I had to be very clear after a couple of days that I would be happy to cook or I would be happy to clean up - but I was not doing everything because I wasn't getting any chance to talk to Dad, Mom, or the other relatives who were there (either on vacation or at the house my parents shared with Baby Brother & his family).

When we went back for the memorial service - we stayed at a hotel, lunch was served by the church, and - due to really, really bad weather coming in - it was 16 degrees F, starting to snow, and we live in Houston and do not have snow tires on our vehicle - nor do we have thermal underwear & socks - we left after lunch and headed south to get to VorGuy's parents' house.  We stayed in a hotel there, too. 

I'd already cooked for fifteen+ people during the last trip and there were even more people there for the service (even if most of them were staying in hotels as there was *not* space in Baby Brother's house even for that many sleeping bags).  I hope that their bedroom has gotten put back together after the plumbing repair was finished - but as that might involve new flooring & the weather had been "very cold" and snow & well below freezing temperatures were expected - we did not take the time to drop by to find out...

Snow is pretty when you're in a snug warm house with a big pot of soup simmering - it's scary when you're driving in it and it's been seven or so years since the last time you even saw snow...much less drove in it.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 01:01:05 PM by VorFemme »
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AustenFan

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #52 on: January 09, 2017, 05:01:41 PM »
It sounds like the OP had four people at the dinner.

Lakehouse Sally had her own family of four ...
plus her daughter's family of four ...
plus her two son's and both of their girlfriends!
So a grand total of twelve Lakehouse Sally People (compared to four POF people). 

So POF was providing appetizers and several different sides for all sixteen people.   Plus POF did by far the majority of the work involved (both before and after the dinner itself) and had to bring her own family's beverages.  "Here POF.   You spend all the money for the food and do all cooking and clean up and we'll gobble down all your food and send you home with nothing!"

I assume getting her house ready to host that many people and the resulting clean up was quote a bit of work, and that OP knew about the number of people invited beforehand and agreed to provide the sides/beverages. Complaining about it after agreeing to do it repeatedly seems disengenous to me.

VorFemme

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #53 on: January 09, 2017, 06:12:19 PM »
The OP knew that she was bringing food for that many people and beverages for her family - she didn't know that she'd have to do her own cooking, take food to Lakehouse Sally's, then help cook there for an upspecified period of time, then help serve, help cleanup, and then go home to do her own cleanup (if it hadn't been done before they left).  I think she was complaining about Lakehouse Sally getting more work & "help" time from her on top of the work she'd already done at her own house.

Lakehouse Sally apparently has a history of always needing more help and never showing up early or sticking around to "help" if the event is not at her house.  She does the minimum and expects other people to "help" her when she doesn't return the favor.  Except by hosting another time and expecting more help...

edited to add - I used to arrange to swap my help with a friend, we'd spend an afternoon with both of us working at their house (sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, move the couch & dining room table to clean under them - that sort of thing).  About the third time I helped someone and they...were too busy to help me in turn, I quit doing that.  At all.  Once is an coincidence, twice is indicative of *something* going on, and the third time was just the last time. 

I help relatives that I'm staying with or people that I'm close enough to that I don't mind and I don't do more than I feel comfortable doing.  But I'm never again swapping my time & energy for their help.  At least in part because I'm almost 60, I'm hypothyroid, and I just don't have the energy any longer - but in part because...I just don't think that it's likely to happen.

At least one time, every time we set up for it to happen - she got called to pick up a kid from school, she got sick, the car broke down, I got a job as a substitute teacher, it just never, ever worked out.  But if even the universe is against me getting help...well, I quit arguing with the universe.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 09:51:35 PM by VorFemme »
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POF

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #54 on: January 09, 2017, 06:51:09 PM »
It sounds like the OP had four people at the dinner.

Lakehouse Sally had her own family of four ...
plus her daughter's family of four ...
plus her two son's and both of their girlfriends!
So a grand total of twelve Lakehouse Sally People (compared to four POF people). 

So POF was providing appetizers and several different sides for all sixteen people.   Plus POF did by far the majority of the work involved (both before and after the dinner itself) and had to bring her own family's beverages.  "Here POF.   You spend all the money for the food and do all cooking and clean up and we'll gobble down all your food and send you home with nothing!"

I assume getting her house ready to host that many people and the resulting clean up was quote a bit of work, and that OP knew about the number of people invited beforehand and agreed to provide the sides/beverages. Complaining about it after agreeing to do it repeatedly seems disengenous to me.

So - just to be clear, yes - you are right I agreed to it for years - this year I was done.  Mostly so that my kids could see their cousins many of whom came home from college at that time.  I really posted this as an example of a situation where I think I should have been offered some leftovers.  ( I mean a few slices of turkey for a sandwich.) My husband and sons work retail and get fed on Black Friday. I usually work and thought it would be nice to have a sandwich to pack. .

I helped get the kitchen cleaned up and organized, help set the table and carve the bird.  This was almost co-hosting.

As far as my food - I would typically bring:
Cheese balls, crackers, veggie plate and roasted nuts - usually mostly eaten or very picked over. I always made Sally an extra cheese ball since it was her favorite.

Sides - Squash, green bean casserole ( from scratch ), stuffing and a salad.  I would typically take some things home - but would give my nephews and nieces some stuff as well.

I also usually brought a tin of homemade candy. 

I never said anything or did anything to make an issue of it.  We just decided that it was a lot of work and decided to go our own way.  I find a turkey very easy to cook, I made just 3 side dishes and we bought a pie.  No driving, packing up food or cooking for 16.  A lot cheaper too.

Honestly Sally means well - but she doesn't think about other people. 

Edited to add: - I love to cook and love to share what I have.  I was really just saying that well it would have been nice if LHS gave me some turkey.  Now that I am older and work at a harder job - I am a bit tired :)





« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 06:54:29 PM by POF »

POF

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #55 on: January 10, 2017, 07:25:18 AM »
It sounds like the OP had four people at the dinner.

Lakehouse Sally had her own family of four ...
plus her daughter's family of four ...
plus her two son's and both of their girlfriends!
So a grand total of twelve Lakehouse Sally People (compared to four POF people). 

So POF was providing appetizers and several different sides for all sixteen people.   Plus POF did by far the majority of the work involved (both before and after the dinner itself) and had to bring her own family's beverages.  "Here POF.   You spend all the money for the food and do all cooking and clean up and we'll gobble down all your food and send you home with nothing!"

That was what I got from her story too.

I'm also curious to know if anything was said about the POF-less turkey day at Lakehouse Sally's. ;)

I heard they ate really really late about 21/2 hours after the planned meal time. It threw a wrench in some of the schedules, because some folks had to work that evening or were planning to go somewhere else.

 

Chipmunky

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #56 on: January 10, 2017, 07:51:33 AM »
I helped get the kitchen cleaned up and organized, help set the table and carve the bird.  This was almost co-hosting.

As far as my food - I would typically bring:
Cheese balls, crackers, veggie plate and roasted nuts - usually mostly eaten or very picked over. I always made Sally an extra cheese ball since it was her favorite.

Sides - Squash, green bean casserole ( from scratch ), stuffing and a salad.  I would typically take some things home - but would give my nephews and nieces some stuff as well.

I also usually brought a tin of homemade candy. 

I never said anything or did anything to make an issue of it.  We just decided that it was a lot of work and decided to go our own way.  I find a turkey very easy to cook, I made just 3 side dishes and we bought a pie.  No driving, packing up food or cooking for 16.  A lot cheaper too.

Honestly Sally means well - but she doesn't think about other people. 

Edited to add: - I love to cook and love to share what I have.  I was really just saying that well it would have been nice if LHS gave me some turkey.  Now that I am older and work at a harder job - I am a bit tired :)

I understood where you were coming from. You didn't demand LHS give you some turkey, you certainly didn't act entitled to any bird.  However, as you've pointed out, you went above and beyond in the past to be a good guest/contributor to the meal.

If LHS were gracious, or (based on how I've read her on your other posts) a bit less self-absorbed, she'd offer you some turkey, even a small amount as a token acknowledgment of all the work you put in. But she didn't/won't.  Good for you for stopping the train of goodies (please divert them my way!!) ;D ;D


On the general topic....we had Christmas dinner with friends. They had a 14 lb ham, plus sides (we brought desserts, after asking what we could provide), and insisted we take home some leftover meat and veggie. We kindly accepted.

Last weekend, we had them over for home made Mexican (mole spice steak strips, spicy chicken, build your own taco or burrito fixings, Mexican rice, (literal) bean dip, grilled veggies, crema, etc). We made a LOT of food, and asked them before they left if they wanted to take some home. They graciously declined, but did accept some of the homemade churros I offered "in case their DD kept them up that night."  ;)

Politeness and generosity in sharing leftovers, while obviously a kind thing to do, is not obligatory on anyone.

Emmy

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #57 on: February 23, 2017, 01:25:19 PM »
The tone of the letter bothered me because it sounded as if the letter writer truly felt cheated because they did not get the leftover turkey.  I totally agree with the response, the hostess did all the work in preparing the meal and there is no etiquette that says guests must take home leftovers.  I kind of have a picture in my mind of them slobbering expectantly while the hostess was carving the leftover turkey, then watching with a crestfallen and puzzled look as 'their' leftovers go in the hostess's fridge.  I wonder if these guests contributed to the meal at all by bringing a dish or two or if they just felt entitled to the turkey because it is their obscure tradition.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: "Our host didn't give us her leftovers"
« Reply #58 on: February 23, 2017, 06:32:26 PM »
I agree that this is a personal thing and in no way a custom.

I generally offer people leftovers after hosting a large meal (though that's a rare occurrence anyways) because at the house there is only BF and I, so most of the food goes bad before we can eat it all and i hate wasting food.  I'd rather give it away than throw it away.

My family generally offers leftovers too because we always have way too much.  I'll definitely accept if offered (and am quietly and internally a little bummed out if they aren't offered because we have no bad cooks in my family) but I definitely don't feel like I'm entitled and would never ask.
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