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  • January 17, 2018, 10:09:36 PM

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Author Topic: Charging for Christmas Dinner  (Read 5153 times)

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Chez Miriam

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #45 on: December 07, 2017, 08:08:59 AM »
She only charges for adults, and it's a whole day (from early morning to late at night).  I'm sure my mum would love to find somewhere that cooked a meal on Christmas Day for less than £50 + alcohol!

On the actual programme, she pointed out that her family wanted her to continue hosting.  I'm guessing that anyone who thought they were being ripped off would be at their own home, making their own dinner [or paying a lot more to eat out].

It was actually her ex-grandparents-in-law who suggested giving money to her, so that she could continue hosting, IIRC.

Re: the gifts, I didn't get the impression [I watched the whole interview, live] that they were paid for by the £30, rather an example of the whole package.  She said all the money goes to buy the food she prepares.  No-one said others weren't allowed to give gifts, so I'm not sure where that idea came from.

She prepares: nibbles on arrival, and a sit-down meal of starter [ham or prawns], main course of turkey + all the trimmings [we don't have Thanksgiving; Christmas Day is our turkey-eating occasion], puddings, and cheeseboards, alcohol (including champagne).  Plus enough food for snacking all day long before/after the sit-down meal, from what I understood.

She tried a potluck/contributions approach, and no-one brought anything [they really aren't common in the UK].

Original interview.  I don't think that will work for those of you not in the UK?

She says her ex-husband and his family come, so not everyone hates the idea!

I agree with the others that this seems like a transaction not a hosting situation. If the family is ok with it, Iím fine with chipping in for food so one person can manage an allergy but the alcohol and gift seems wrong. I guess the alcohal would be fine if the fee was pro-rated for the level of drinking of each guest. Children should also be prorated. Alcohol likely has nothing to do with the allergy and buying my own gift is just wrong.  I would also resent paying if the ďhostísĒ friends didnít pay.
I donít think the person is really even a host because they are charging.

Iím sure sheís not factoring two year olds into the alcohol budget.

Is she still charging $40/head for the 2 year olds, though?

She doesn't charge anything for children.  She said some/one family has five children, I think?  She has, over the years, increased the price from £10 to £30, as more of the children have become adults...  And more alcohol is consumed.  I really didn't get the feeling that she makes a profit at all, just covers her costs.  She came across as a really nice lady, and I would be delighted to go to hers and not have to make the effort myself! ;)
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

Hmmmmm

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #46 on: December 07, 2017, 08:26:52 AM »
She only charges for adults, and it's a whole day (from early morning to late at night).  I'm sure my mum would love to find somewhere that cooked a meal on Christmas Day for less than £50 + alcohol!

On the actual programme, she pointed out that her family wanted her to continue hosting.  I'm guessing that anyone who thought they were being ripped off would be at their own home, making their own dinner [or paying a lot more to eat out].

It was actually her ex-grandparents-in-law who suggested giving money to her, so that she could continue hosting, IIRC.

Re: the gifts, I didn't get the impression [I watched the whole interview, live] that they were paid for by the £30, rather an example of the whole package.  She said all the money goes to buy the food she prepares.  No-one said others weren't allowed to give gifts, so I'm not sure where that idea came from.

She prepares: nibbles on arrival, and a sit-down meal of starter [ham or prawns], main course of turkey + all the trimmings [we don't have Thanksgiving; Christmas Day is our turkey-eating occasion], puddings, and cheeseboards, alcohol (including champagne).  Plus enough food for snacking all day long before/after the sit-down meal, from what I understood.

She tried a potluck/contributions approach, and no-one brought anything [they really aren't common in the UK].

Original interview.  I don't think that will work for those of you not in the UK?

She says her ex-husband and his family come, so not everyone hates the idea!

I agree with the others that this seems like a transaction not a hosting situation. If the family is ok with it, Iím fine with chipping in for food so one person can manage an allergy but the alcohol and gift seems wrong. I guess the alcohal would be fine if the fee was pro-rated for the level of drinking of each guest. Children should also be prorated. Alcohol likely has nothing to do with the allergy and buying my own gift is just wrong.  I would also resent paying if the ďhostísĒ friends didnít pay.
I donít think the person is really even a host because they are charging.

Iím sure sheís not factoring two year olds into the alcohol budget.

Is she still charging $40/head for the 2 year olds, though?

She doesn't charge anything for children.  She said some/one family has five children, I think?  She has, over the years, increased the price from £10 to £30, as more of the children have become adults...  And more alcohol is consumed.  I really didn't get the feeling that she makes a profit at all, just covers her costs.  She came across as a really nice lady, and I would be delighted to go to hers and not have to make the effort myself! ;)

Thank you for providing a more complete synopsis of the scenario. I wasn't able to watch the video but based on the interview that I did read she seemed extremely gracious and reasonable and her guests were coming back year after year.

Chez Miriam

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #47 on: December 07, 2017, 08:53:36 AM »
She only charges for adults, and it's a whole day (from early morning to late at night).  I'm sure my mum would love to find somewhere that cooked a meal on Christmas Day for less than £50 + alcohol!

On the actual programme, she pointed out that her family wanted her to continue hosting.  I'm guessing that anyone who thought they were being ripped off would be at their own home, making their own dinner [or paying a lot more to eat out].

It was actually her ex-grandparents-in-law who suggested giving money to her, so that she could continue hosting, IIRC.

Re: the gifts, I didn't get the impression [I watched the whole interview, live] that they were paid for by the £30, rather an example of the whole package.  She said all the money goes to buy the food she prepares.  No-one said others weren't allowed to give gifts, so I'm not sure where that idea came from.

She prepares: nibbles on arrival, and a sit-down meal of starter [ham or prawns], main course of turkey + all the trimmings [we don't have Thanksgiving; Christmas Day is our turkey-eating occasion], puddings, and cheeseboards, alcohol (including champagne).  Plus enough food for snacking all day long before/after the sit-down meal, from what I understood.

She tried a potluck/contributions approach, and no-one brought anything [they really aren't common in the UK].

Original interview.  I don't think that will work for those of you not in the UK?

She says her ex-husband and his family come, so not everyone hates the idea!

I agree with the others that this seems like a transaction not a hosting situation. If the family is ok with it, Iím fine with chipping in for food so one person can manage an allergy but the alcohol and gift seems wrong. I guess the alcohal would be fine if the fee was pro-rated for the level of drinking of each guest. Children should also be prorated. Alcohol likely has nothing to do with the allergy and buying my own gift is just wrong.  I would also resent paying if the ďhostísĒ friends didnít pay.
I donít think the person is really even a host because they are charging.

Iím sure sheís not factoring two year olds into the alcohol budget.

Is she still charging $40/head for the 2 year olds, though?

She doesn't charge anything for children.  She said some/one family has five children, I think?  She has, over the years, increased the price from £10 to £30, as more of the children have become adults...  And more alcohol is consumed.  I really didn't get the feeling that she makes a profit at all, just covers her costs.  She came across as a really nice lady, and I would be delighted to go to hers and not have to make the effort myself! ;)

Thank you for providing a more complete synopsis of the scenario. I wasn't able to watch the video but based on the interview that I did read she seemed extremely gracious and reasonable and her guests were coming back year after year.

I have to admit, I made a point of watching it on the TV as I thought the idea was heading towards 'tacky'.  I changed my mind, seeing her interviewed.  Not sure I'd do all that hosting with four children and being 8 months pregnant, though! :o
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

mime

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #48 on: December 07, 2017, 10:28:55 AM »
Yes-- thank you for filling in the gaps in the story.

It sounds like it was more of a collaborative thing, all the way back to the formation of the idea. That makes a difference to me, as well as knowing that little kids aren't charged and other details like that.


Chez Miriam

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #49 on: December 07, 2017, 10:47:11 AM »
Yes-- thank you for filling in the gaps in the story.

It sounds like it was more of a collaborative thing, all the way back to the formation of the idea. That makes a difference to me, as well as knowing that little kids aren't charged and other details like that.

If it helps, it seems that The Daily Mail [source of the article in the OP] often has a 'drum to bang'...

I joke that I like to read it if I feel my blood pressure is getting too low!  I don't rely on it for unbiased reporting, rather as a starting point for discussion/thought, and that's not to say I don't buy it occasionally or find it entertaining when I do.

I remember my mum posting me an article on sushi: how it was incredibly bad for you/risky to eat.  At the end of it, I concluded that everything that was wrong with raw fish in sushi was equally wrong for cooked fish [at least according to the facts as presented], just that the scale of the risk must be greater with a whole plaice/tuna steak, etc, because it wasn't just one small mouthful of fish!  The Mail didn't see fit to make that conclusion, nor mention any other way of eating fish than sushi.  Can't remember the details, but it seemed to be flukes that could only be killed at >400C or <-200C (or something like that; conditions that would not be met by any normal freezing or cooking process).
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

miranova

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #50 on: December 07, 2017, 11:16:38 AM »
I can't imagine being charged to attend a family event.  And if I'm paying an admission, I'm going to do it someplace I have more choice of what is provided to me. 

Paying for my own gift?  Outrageous.

Paying for alcohol I may or may not like?  Not happening.  Especially since that would have absolutely nothing to do with the son's allergies.

Paying for dinner up front?  No.  I will reimburse you a split amount but I am not letting you make a profit off of a holiday meal.  Especially since I'm still going to end up paying for more than my fair share since I'm not a big eater.

This is where I land, especially the bolded.  Of course I've paid $30 per person for a meal before, that doesn't mean that this would be ok with me.  When I pay for my meals, I get to choose where I go and what I eat.  I would not like paying a per head charge and then having literally zero control over the menu.

Also, I personally do not know of many families where everyone is in the exact same financial situation.  There were years in my life where I absolutely did not have $30 for one meal.  Period.  I understand that hosting is expensive, I do it myself all the time.  But that's the thing, the reason I choose to host is partially because I can now, at this stage in my life.  Other people can't right now, and that's ok.  We are all at different stages in life, not everything has to be split fairly at a family holiday party.  I would not ever expect anyone to host me if they could not afford to do so.  And if a host cannot afford to host then they don't have to.  The host in this situation is under no obligation to host.
 The whole thing can be potluck and that way everyone can bring what they can afford.

I'll throw in the obligatory "if everyone is fine with it, then fine" comment but I will say, that there have been dozens of times in my life that I've gone along with something I didn't agree with and nobody was the wiser.  It doesn't mean I was "fine with it".  It just means I chose to stay silent.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #51 on: December 07, 2017, 02:58:07 PM »
Yes-- thank you for filling in the gaps in the story.

It sounds like it was more of a collaborative thing, all the way back to the formation of the idea. That makes a difference to me, as well as knowing that little kids aren't charged and other details like that.

If it helps, it seems that The Daily Mail [source of the article in the OP] often has a 'drum to bang'...

I joke that I like to read it if I feel my blood pressure is getting too low!  I don't rely on it for unbiased reporting, rather as a starting point for discussion/thought, and that's not to say I don't buy it occasionally or find it entertaining when I do.

I remember my mum posting me an article on sushi: how it was incredibly bad for you/risky to eat.  At the end of it, I concluded that everything that was wrong with raw fish in sushi was equally wrong for cooked fish [at least according to the facts as presented], just that the scale of the risk must be greater with a whole plaice/tuna steak, etc, because it wasn't just one small mouthful of fish!  The Mail didn't see fit to make that conclusion, nor mention any other way of eating fish than sushi.  Can't remember the details, but it seemed to be flukes that could only be killed at >400C or <-200C (or something like that; conditions that would not be met by any normal freezing or cooking process).

Someone (I think it was Ben Goldacre) looked at the Mail's coverage over time, and concluded that they were engaged in a long-term project of sorting every food in existence into one of two categories: things that cause cancer, and things that cure cancer. (Yes, some foods increase the risk of cancer, and some seem to decrease it, but a lot do neither. Most of the time it's just a sandwich.)
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

lakey

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #52 on: December 07, 2017, 05:05:36 PM »
I wouldn't do it myself because the cost of groceries isn't a problem for me. However, I do most of the holiday meals for my family of up to 17 people, and the cost of groceries and beverages is really high. The woman in question has 4 children, so I suspect that she really can't afford to absorb the cost of feeding Christmas dinner to her entire family every Christmas. In my case other members of the family offer to help by bringing wine and some of the side dishes. As long as her family is okay with it, I think it's fine. They have a place to have their family holiday meal and they don't have to do the work, so everybody wins.

Allyson

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #53 on: December 07, 2017, 08:32:50 PM »
I'm of two minds about the situation itself in the abstract.  I think that *this* woman, with the way it's described, is fine, and the collaborative nature is really a good thing.  I know that some people loooooove being "big host" and doing everything, but I have never experienced such a scenario as a family (was always collaborative with many people bringing stuff) and recently, my friends and I have done group holiday dinners where some people cook, some do dishes etc.  I personally love having a night of relaxation so I always pay for groceries and sit back! This would horrify some people but works for us, so oh well.

That said there are so many ways this could go wrong.  If other people feel they are being pressured into never hosting and paying for food they might not love and can't push back because allergies, that could be a recipe for resentment. Also considering the prevalence of food allergies, what if another child has "competing" allergies? I think that in the case described the woman sounds like she'd be gracious and awesome about it, but in other cases it could really feel like "show up, pay for your own gift and food you don't really care for and you better not complain about anything or you're a horrible monster who doesn't care about children." 

Personally I would never mind chipping in for food instead of bringing a dish or helping to clean though, LOL.

cross_patch

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #54 on: December 08, 2017, 12:02:32 AM »
She only charges for adults, and it's a whole day (from early morning to late at night).  I'm sure my mum would love to find somewhere that cooked a meal on Christmas Day for less than £50 + alcohol!

On the actual programme, she pointed out that her family wanted her to continue hosting.  I'm guessing that anyone who thought they were being ripped off would be at their own home, making their own dinner [or paying a lot more to eat out].

It was actually her ex-grandparents-in-law who suggested giving money to her, so that she could continue hosting, IIRC.

Re: the gifts, I didn't get the impression [I watched the whole interview, live] that they were paid for by the £30, rather an example of the whole package.  She said all the money goes to buy the food she prepares.  No-one said others weren't allowed to give gifts, so I'm not sure where that idea came from.

She prepares: nibbles on arrival, and a sit-down meal of starter [ham or prawns], main course of turkey + all the trimmings [we don't have Thanksgiving; Christmas Day is our turkey-eating occasion], puddings, and cheeseboards, alcohol (including champagne).  Plus enough food for snacking all day long before/after the sit-down meal, from what I understood.

She tried a potluck/contributions approach, and no-one brought anything [they really aren't common in the UK].

Original interview.  I don't think that will work for those of you not in the UK?

She says her ex-husband and his family come, so not everyone hates the idea!

I agree with the others that this seems like a transaction not a hosting situation. If the family is ok with it, Iím fine with chipping in for food so one person can manage an allergy but the alcohol and gift seems wrong. I guess the alcohal would be fine if the fee was pro-rated for the level of drinking of each guest. Children should also be prorated. Alcohol likely has nothing to do with the allergy and buying my own gift is just wrong.  I would also resent paying if the ďhostísĒ friends didnít pay.
I donít think the person is really even a host because they are charging.

Iím sure sheís not factoring two year olds into the alcohol budget.

Is she still charging $40/head for the 2 year olds, though?

She doesn't charge anything for children.  She said some/one family has five children, I think?  She has, over the years, increased the price from £10 to £30, as more of the children have become adults...  And more alcohol is consumed.  I really didn't get the feeling that she makes a profit at all, just covers her costs.  She came across as a really nice lady, and I would be delighted to go to hers and not have to make the effort myself! ;)

Because itís ehell, and if something doesnít get invented out of nowhere is it even a thread?

I think it sounds like a great, collaborative idea that allows a lovely big group of people to celebrate happily without undue stress.

And if sheís 8 months pregnant she is a straight up HERO.

Chez Miriam

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #55 on: December 08, 2017, 07:38:20 AM »
She only charges for adults, and it's a whole day (from early morning to late at night).  I'm sure my mum would love to find somewhere that cooked a meal on Christmas Day for less than £50 + alcohol!

On the actual programme, she pointed out that her family wanted her to continue hosting.  I'm guessing that anyone who thought they were being ripped off would be at their own home, making their own dinner [or paying a lot more to eat out].

It was actually her ex-grandparents-in-law who suggested giving money to her, so that she could continue hosting, IIRC.

Re: the gifts, I didn't get the impression [I watched the whole interview, live] that they were paid for by the £30, rather an example of the whole package.  She said all the money goes to buy the food she prepares.  No-one said others weren't allowed to give gifts, so I'm not sure where that idea came from.

She prepares: nibbles on arrival, and a sit-down meal of starter [ham or prawns], main course of turkey + all the trimmings [we don't have Thanksgiving; Christmas Day is our turkey-eating occasion], puddings, and cheeseboards, alcohol (including champagne).  Plus enough food for snacking all day long before/after the sit-down meal, from what I understood.

She tried a potluck/contributions approach, and no-one brought anything [they really aren't common in the UK].

Original interview.  I don't think that will work for those of you not in the UK?

She says her ex-husband and his family come, so not everyone hates the idea!

I agree with the others that this seems like a transaction not a hosting situation. If the family is ok with it, Iím fine with chipping in for food so one person can manage an allergy but the alcohol and gift seems wrong. I guess the alcohal would be fine if the fee was pro-rated for the level of drinking of each guest. Children should also be prorated. Alcohol likely has nothing to do with the allergy and buying my own gift is just wrong.  I would also resent paying if the ďhostísĒ friends didnít pay.
I donít think the person is really even a host because they are charging.

Iím sure sheís not factoring two year olds into the alcohol budget.

Is she still charging $40/head for the 2 year olds, though?

She doesn't charge anything for children.  She said some/one family has five children, I think?  She has, over the years, increased the price from £10 to £30, as more of the children have become adults...  And more alcohol is consumed.  I really didn't get the feeling that she makes a profit at all, just covers her costs.  She came across as a really nice lady, and I would be delighted to go to hers and not have to make the effort myself! ;)

Because itís ehell, and if something doesnít get invented out of nowhere is it even a thread?

I think it sounds like a great, collaborative idea that allows a lovely big group of people to celebrate happily without undue stress.

And if sheís 8 months pregnant she is a straight up HERO.

Thanks for that laugh!  ;D  Sometimes it does seem as though threads are the written equivalent of "telephone".
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

Chez Miriam

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #56 on: December 08, 2017, 07:41:56 AM »
Yes-- thank you for filling in the gaps in the story.

It sounds like it was more of a collaborative thing, all the way back to the formation of the idea. That makes a difference to me, as well as knowing that little kids aren't charged and other details like that.

If it helps, it seems that The Daily Mail [source of the article in the OP] often has a 'drum to bang'...

I joke that I like to read it if I feel my blood pressure is getting too low!  I don't rely on it for unbiased reporting, rather as a starting point for discussion/thought, and that's not to say I don't buy it occasionally or find it entertaining when I do.

I remember my mum posting me an article on sushi: how it was incredibly bad for you/risky to eat.  At the end of it, I concluded that everything that was wrong with raw fish in sushi was equally wrong for cooked fish [at least according to the facts as presented], just that the scale of the risk must be greater with a whole plaice/tuna steak, etc, because it wasn't just one small mouthful of fish!  The Mail didn't see fit to make that conclusion, nor mention any other way of eating fish than sushi.  Can't remember the details, but it seemed to be flukes that could only be killed at >400C or <-200C (or something like that; conditions that would not be met by any normal freezing or cooking process).

Someone (I think it was Ben Goldacre) looked at the Mail's coverage over time, and concluded that they were engaged in a long-term project of sorting every food in existence into one of two categories: things that cause cancer, and things that cure cancer. (Yes, some foods increase the risk of cancer, and some seem to decrease it, but a lot do neither. Most of the time it's just a sandwich.)

That reminds me of something that ought to be in the little things driving you up the wall thread: the issues where page 13 will be telling you that (eg) 'coffee causes cancer' and page 27 will be telling us 'drink more coffee to prevent cancer!'.

I get a little bit "grrr! >:(" and somewhat 'stabby' when I come across contradictory articles on the same day. ::)
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #57 on: December 11, 2017, 04:01:37 AM »
Normally I'd say this is rude, but given the details in the update, I think this woman is fine. It sounds like her relatives and friends did have the option of bringing potluck dishes in the past, but chose not to contribute anything. So if they're happy for this lady to keep hosting, I think in *this* particular case, it's reasonable that she charges something.

VorFemme

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #58 on: December 11, 2017, 09:58:39 AM »
Depending on how far people are driving or how many "passengers" they are wrangling (kids, elderly, or neighbors who are invited but never learned to drive - more common in urban areas than rural ones) - it may simplify things enormously not to have to bring anything with them in the vehicle.  I can remember Mom finding that it was simpler to keep kids out of potluck dishes that were wrapped up & in the trunk of a vehicle than it was to keep us out of dishes that were wrapped up but inside the vehicle (station wagon in the 1960s - or an SUV or minivan some fifty years later). 
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 10:01:51 AM by VorFemme »
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TootsNYC

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Re: Charging for Christmas Dinner
« Reply #59 on: January 02, 2018, 12:20:58 PM »
I think there is a mindset that holiday gatherings are family responsibilities--not the responsibility of any one MEMBER of the family.

That's the mindset that has people bringing side dishes, etc.

It's a perfectly valid mindset. It reflects the fact that there's greater pressure on people to attend, and greater impact on people by creating a way to strengthen and preserve family ties.

Since we all benefit, we should all participate.
In her case, the safety issue makes it even more important that she be the one to do the physical work.

I think that both of my families (birth family and in-laws) would go along with this!