Your holiday hill to die on.

[starbuck]

My hill is broad and it is that DH and I get to have our schedules considered as well, even though we are the only child-free people in the family. Nobody was doing anything to be malicious but it got to the point where every last thing of the holidays - or just extended family time together - was decided around kids and their schedules. At one point every meal during holiday week was taking place at 8pm or later b/c my sibs wanted their kids to be in bed before we ate. Now, I don't mind doing that even most of the time but SOME of the time people needed to consider that DH and I were traveling an hour each way, every day, that week, and weren't on vacation or stay at home parents or retired. Luckily my family is basically awesome and when I gently pointed this out one night everyone agreed it wasn't fair and things were adjusted, including the fact that DH and I don't always have to be the ones to travel. Thanks, fam. =)

[loopyluna]

My hill is that I will not travel twice for the same holiday.

I went to school out of state and would fly home for Christmas (usually about two weeks). Since I needed public transportation to get to and from the airport, this made for very long, uncomfortable travel days. Three out of four years, I finally arrived at home to be informed that we were going to drive 8 hours to see relatives I barely knew, usually leaving the day after I arrived. It's very hard to catch up with my parents/brother when their attention is split catching up with people I don't know. I also did not appreciate being simply informed with a few hours notice that I was going to have a full day of travel immediately after flying home. Once, and only once, I was criticized for not having dressy enough clothes to visit people; I was living out of a suitcase and had no idea I needed to bring something suitable, and I said as much (and was never bothered about it again).

Four years is enough. I've made it very clear to my parents that when I travel around holidays, I'm traveling to see them and to be home. Since I started working, I can't control my schedule, and my time off is extremely limited and all the more valuable to me. If I have 5 days off, I want to spend 2 traveling and 3 visiting, not 4 traveling and 1 visiting. Not worth my time/money/days off. The fact that I can't travel this year for Christmas has helped my parents see my side of it; I so rarely see them these days that they don't want to "share" me by throwing a sudden extra trip into the mix and letting other relatives take away from the time they get to spend with me. I don't care if they want to have Christmas in Home State, out in Brother's State, in My State, or Exotic Sunny Island; once they choose a location, I will travel to that place and nowhere else.

[TeamBhakta]

My hill is that I'm taking over Thanksgiving cooking next year. And any other holidays. Because my sister is not respectful of my dad's diabetes + high blood pressure medicine when cooking. I've tried explaining it to her. My parents have tried explaining it to her. We've all offered to bring dishes, to help in the kitchen and to teach her easy, fast, healthy recipes. Doesn't do any good, because the same thing keeps happening over and over: the only healthy things are whatever gets brought by us. My parents don't want to eat at her house anymore, it's that bad. Last Thanksgiving she served  TGIF frozen potato skins, frozen breaded chicken patties, frozen cheesey potatoes and more frozen, high salt food but no veggies, to give you an idea of what it's like.

[gramma dishes]

Last Thanksgiving she served  TGIF frozen potato skins, frozen breaded chicken patties, frozen cheesey potatoes and more frozen, high salt food but no veggies, to give you an idea of what it's like.

*whine, whine*

"But it's trad-i-tion!!!"  LOL!   

[something.new.every.day]

Last Thanksgiving she served  TGIF frozen potato skins, frozen breaded chicken patties, frozen cheesey potatoes and more frozen, high salt food but no veggies, to give you an idea of what it's like.

*whine, whine*

"But it's trad-i-tion!!!"  LOL!   

It's like she's trying to make things as unhealthy as humanly possible.  I was thinking she was adding too much butter and salt to the fresh potatoes and veggies--but wow!   I'm cringing at all of the salt and chemicals in the meal she's "preparing".  Good for you for not going along with it anymore. 

[blue2000]

Last Thanksgiving she served  TGIF frozen potato skins, frozen breaded chicken patties, frozen cheesey potatoes and more frozen, high salt food but no veggies, to give you an idea of what it's like.

*whine, whine*

"But it's trad-i-tion!!!"  LOL!   

It's like she's trying to make things as unhealthy as humanly possible.  I was thinking she was adding too much butter and salt to the fresh potatoes and veggies--but wow!   I'm cringing at all of the salt and chemicals in the meal she's "preparing".  Good for you for not going along with it anymore. 

Ugh! I agree! Even if she doesn't want to spend much time cooking, there are better choices than that for a nice holiday meal. A deli would have some healthy choices, and you can get good frozen food too.

[Dindrane]

My hill is that I'm taking over Thanksgiving cooking next year. And any other holidays. Because my sister is not respectful of my dad's diabetes + high blood pressure medicine when cooking. I've tried explaining it to her. My parents have tried explaining it to her. We've all offered to bring dishes, to help in the kitchen and to teach her easy, fast, healthy recipes. Doesn't do any good, because the same thing keeps happening over and over: the only healthy things are whatever gets brought by us. My parents don't want to eat at her house anymore, it's that bad. Last Thanksgiving she served  TGIF frozen potato skins, frozen breaded chicken patties, frozen cheesey potatoes and more frozen, high salt food but no veggies, to give you an idea of what it's like.

Frozen food for Thanksgiving dinner might be enough to drive me to take over the food prep even without the health considerations your family is working with.  I don't think I'd be all that interested in eating that much frozen food for any meal, and certainly not a holiday one!

[GreenEyedHawk]

You all make me that much more grateful that my mom is such a spectacular cook.  Her holiday meals would never include frozen anything of any kind.

[Ambrosia Hino]

well, my Thanksgiving went well, how about everyone else?

SIL had gotten details mixed up and ended up spending the holiday with her husband's family 2 hours away. She is a bit put-out that we won't rearrange Christmas to make-up for her mistake, but after a quick explanation of the logistics (like the point that DH, Baby Hino, & I will be in Texas and step-sibs will be in Virginia) she understood that it was on her. She and I did go out for sushi on Sunday, while DH went with SIL's hubby and his dad to Hooters to watch the ATL Falcons game. So she did get some holiday time, but not with her dad & his household (came down with colds Saturday night).

Bonus, just got a year's warning that we're on our own for Thanksgiving next year, because SMIL is taking them (FIL, SSIL, and SBIL) down to Puerto Rico for the holiday, for her parents' 50th anniversary. Hey, at least we have plenty of warning!

[darling]

Here's my update:

My cousin's 10 year old decided that she was too old for the kids table, as did my 16 year old cousin and her boyfriend. They went through the line first with the rest of the kids, and plopped down at the adult table, taking up 3 of the available spots. My granny apparently decided to not put the other two leaves in the table, which meant there were only 6 spots left for 12 adults. My mom, sister, sister's DH, ended up at a card table in the dining room with my niece. I ended up at the kid's table, which was thankfully moved to the living room, and as I sat down with my aunt and my son, I decided to make the best of it. "Alright!!! I get to sit at the COOL table!!!", which cracked up the little ones, and made the 10 yo look wistfully at the kids' table, which was now full. I wonder how she enjoyed the lively discussion about health insurance? The boyfriend left right after dinner, since all we were going to do was talk.

As usual, one aunt and uncle's adult children brought NOTHING to share. This aunt always brings one small bowl of coleslaw to each and every family dinner. This apparently covers the 10 of them. I brought my beer bread and spinach dip (which is being consumed by everyone, even as I uncover it, LOL), my parents brought a big casserole dish of green bean casserole, the sweet potatoes and the buns, which my sister helped make. My other aunt made two pies, a huge pan of brownies, and helped my granny cook the turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, and the corn, and another salad, plus a snack tray. I wanted to ask my cousins if they seriously thought that it was fair to never once bring a potluck contribution in the 11 & 8 years they've been married. They seriously all showed up with their kids, and ate. No cleanup help from them at all.

I did have a good time, though. The little kids thought my son was hysterically funny. He's really, really tall, and he could get his head to touch the archway between the living room and dining room by barely going up on his toes. They thought that was the funniest thing they had ever seen (ages 2-7). In fact, that's how we got my nephew to eat his turkey, instead of just buns. "Eat two more bites, and I'll do it again..." It's great having all of the little kids around again, and they adored my 17 yo son because he actually took the time to play with them (even if it consisted of them asking him for the zillionth time to touch the ceiling with his hand, or his head to the archways).

I look forward to a repeat at Christmas, although at least we'll be at my aunt's house, which is much larger (and she is, seriously, the BEST HOSTESS, and my role model!). Although, with their well going dry, we may end up hosting at my parents' house, on Christmas day. Oh well, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

[lilfox]

My hill to die on will be where we spend next Christmas.

This will be the fourth year in a row that I have spent Christmas with DH's extended family (every year since we got married).  The primary reason is that his family lives within driving distance (7 hours, but drivable) and mine is a 6 hour flight away.  My parents have been surprisingly laid back about it and rather than insisting that we alternate (which I was prepared to do but DH was not), we have met up at another time in the year (DH didn't even go the last trip).

A few days ago my mom says they'd like to 'reserve' next Christmas with us.  I haven't responded but I mentioned to DH that this is my family's request.  He's already said he doesn't like being left out of the decision (that, er, hasn't been made yet) and has he mentioned lately how expensive and hassle-prone holiday flights will be?  FWIW, cost is not a legit issue in our case.

Well, I say the decision hasn't technically been made but that is what I'm doing and by extension DD too.  DH's family will understand, they're great and appreciate the effort and sacrifice I've made to be part of their celebrations at the expense of my own.  It's DH that will be the holdout.  His idea of a compromise is to put my parents and brother on a plane (at their expense of course) + a 3 hour drive on country roads to spend the holidays with us and DH's family at the big cabin in the woods, so that he won't miss the holidays with his family/at the cabin, or have to spend money, or be hassled at the airports.

The way I see it, Christmas next year with my family is not only a totally reasonable request, it is also (in my mind) non-negotiable.  In other words, if DH opts out of that trip, it won't just be a holiday hill to die on.   

[MsOverThinker]

Wow, just read the whole thread!  My holiday hill to die on was not eating Grandma's cooking for Christmas ever again.  She graciously volunteered to cook for us Christmas 2009 and it was terrible.  She's never been a good cook and the meal was inedible.  The next year I told my BF that I was going to cook something (thinking simple casserole or anything but grandma's instant foods that always disappoint) and he amazingly volunteered to host Christmas dinner 2010 for my parents, sister, and grandparents last year.  It was a fabulous meal (he's a trained chef) and we haven't stopped talking about it yet.

That 2009 dinner had other factors that caused me to lose my appetite, including some guests Grandma invited over to my parents' rented beach condo who decided hers was the only conversation that could happen in the room and shushed me (I was 27 at the time and had never met this woman) when I made an aside to my Grandfather, who was not participating actively in their conversation.  I should point out that in my family, in a room with more than 6 people in it, there can easily be 3 conversations going on and is considered perfectly acceptable behavior.  I excused myself from the room for the rest of her visit. 

That's my other hill to die on.  Holidays, whether spent with family or friends, should be laid-back affairs.  I shouldn't have to dress up (not-holey jeans and a decent shirt/sweater should be acceptable attire) or make stilted conversation with people I barely know.  I prefer to be with family and friends I know well who don't stand on  ceremony.  After that Christmas and a Thanksgiving with relatives-of-a-friend that was WAY more formal than I was lead to believe it would be (generous of them to invite me but never again), I am very careful about how I plan my holiday participation.

[JacklynHyde]

Sadly, mine was a couple of years ago to refuse to spend holidays with my father's side of the family.  While I miss my solo surviving grandfather desperately at times, my uncle and aunt (Dad's brother and SIL) had made holidays something to be endured rather than enjoyed. 

Aunt breeds dogs of a yippy variety and there have been up to a dozen of them howling in the laundry room or running through the house.  My oldest cousin abused me when we were kids and I'm still waiting for an apology.  I'm told the entire family is aware of his past behavior but never did anything.  His younger brother is a little kinder but has given me a lot of grief for being childless, as if my infertility is a personal affront to the rest of the family.

The topper is that every time I was dragged to Christmas or Thanksgiving, my side of the family (including my grandparents) were seated away from the rest of the family in the sun room, sharing space with a hot tub.  The seats in the dining room were for Aunt, her sisters and her dog irresponsible parent of the human variety friends.  By the time dinner was served, I was usually defensively tippled.

Things are much easier now that I am living in another state.  Slowly, my brother and even my parents have followed my lead.  My grandfather still enjoys the holidays with his elder son, but he tends to turn off his hearing aids when the dogs get out and into the party.

[blueyzca01]

I was able to fully recognize my hill after my little sis showed me her hill… and lo, it was the Same Hill.

Growing up, my father insisted on the same glorious basic dinner for both Thanksgiving and Christmas:  turkey, gravy, oyster dressing, and mashed potatoes.  But Mom always made all this other food too: that dreadful diety-awful Green Bean Casserole, salad, bread, and corn (because diety-awful Green Bean Casserole and mashed potatoes weren’t reeeeeally veggies).  Sometimes she’d substitute Brussels sprouts for the corn.

Now, on any given day, I’m perfectly fine eating veggies, salad, corn, even Brussels sprouts.  But we ONLY get turkey and oyster dressing on those 2 days.  And I’m a mighty 5’0 tall person…there just isn’t a lot of room in the tummy and I hate stuffing myself.  But Mom always insisted that we eat some of everything and every year we all had tummy aches.  And because we were little kids we really couldn’t say anything, and as we got older we just put up with it and stuffed ourselves.

So, my sister grows up, marries, and has her own family.  And she told me that one of the first things she did on her first married Thanksgiving was to 86 all the other stuff and stick to the core menu that everyone loved:  turkey, gravy, oyster dressing, and mashed potatoes.  Two days a year without veggies wouldn’t hurt anyone.  She never made her 3 kids eat any veggies on those 2 days.  My mouth dropped  open, I was so impressed with her!  I guess becoming a wife and mom made her stand up for herself. 

So I finally stood up to my mom and told her that I wasn’t going to eat everything.  A tummyache-free Thanksgiving!!  Wow.  It was a whole new world. 

Now, hubby and I go to my SIL’s house for TG and I eat  4 things.  I’m sure you can guess what they are. 
Everyone keeps insisting that I can’t eat just turkeymashedpotatoesgravystuffing.  I insist otherwise.

[blueyzca01]

Sadly, mine was a couple of years ago to refuse to spend holidays with my father's side of the family.  While I miss my solo surviving grandfather desperately at times, my uncle and aunt (Dad's brother and SIL) had made holidays something to be endured rather than enjoyed. 

I've always said that Life is too short to endure holidays.