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  • November 17, 2017, 01:57:04 PM

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Author Topic: Your holiday hill to die on.  (Read 906302 times)

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StarDrifter

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2475 on: July 15, 2017, 06:34:41 AM »
I finally defriended my MIL on Facebook after she made a statement that basically disowned my children (it's a long story) and I feel like it was so overdue.  I didn't say a word to her about it and I don't plan on ever speaking to her about it.  She has had too much power to hurt me for far too long.  I'm just done.

Unfortunately, about two days later, one of our relatives who lives in our neighborhood announced that they want to host Christmas this year.  We aren't going if MIL and FIL will be there.  Period.  I am NOT spending Christmas with these people.  Us not showing up when we live one street away and other people had to travel cross country is going to make waves.  It is going to cause all kinds of drama and I do not care.  I am not going, and my children are not going.

There are some FAN-tastic deals you can get on cruises for families over the Christmas/New Year period. They can hardly expect you to show up to an event a few streets from home when you're in international waters!
... it might frighten them.
Victoria,

gramma dishes

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2476 on: July 15, 2017, 10:01:46 AM »
I finally defriended my MIL on Facebook after she made a statement that basically disowned my children (it's a long story) and I feel like it was so overdue.  I didn't say a word to her about it and I don't plan on ever speaking to her about it.  She has had too much power to hurt me for far too long.  I'm just done.

Unfortunately, about two days later, one of our relatives who lives in our neighborhood announced that they want to host Christmas this year.  We aren't going if MIL and FIL will be there.  Period.  I am NOT spending Christmas with these people.  Us not showing up when we live one street away and other people had to travel cross country is going to make waves. It is going to cause all kinds of drama and I do not care.  I am not going, and my children are not going.

I think if you already know there is going to be drama, you should be quite honest about it.  You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point.  Inquire whether or not your ILs are coming to this Christmas event and if they are, then tell the would-be hosts that you're very sorry, you'd love to see all of them, but you do not wish for yourself or your children to be in the presence of your ILs and therefore will not be attending but 'thank you for inviting us'.

miranova

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2477 on: July 15, 2017, 10:21:55 AM »
I finally defriended my MIL on Facebook after she made a statement that basically disowned my children (it's a long story) and I feel like it was so overdue.  I didn't say a word to her about it and I don't plan on ever speaking to her about it.  She has had too much power to hurt me for far too long.  I'm just done.

Unfortunately, about two days later, one of our relatives who lives in our neighborhood announced that they want to host Christmas this year.  We aren't going if MIL and FIL will be there.  Period.  I am NOT spending Christmas with these people.  Us not showing up when we live one street away and other people had to travel cross country is going to make waves. It is going to cause all kinds of drama and I do not care.  I am not going, and my children are not going.

I think if you already know there is going to be drama, you should be quite honest about it.  You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point.  Inquire whether or not your ILs are coming to this Christmas event and if they are, then tell the would-be hosts that you're very sorry, you'd love to see all of them, but you do not wish for yourself or your children to be in the presence of your ILs and therefore will not be attending but 'thank you for inviting us'.

It's difficult to do this on a large scale without asking other family members to get involved and take sides, which we don't want to do.  However, the host of the party knows some of the backstory, so I did preemptively tell her that we would not be spending Christmas with MIL and FIL and that she could handle that however is easiest for her and we do not expect her to change plans in any way.  She responded that she would leave us off of the FB invite and if anyone asks she will tell them that we had already communicated our unavailability to her.  Of course, this will NOT stop MIL and FIL from expecting us to be there.  I highly doubt they will bother to look closely at the FB event to see who is or is not invited....they will logically assume that we are invited and will have no reason to check.  I'm 95% sure that they will simply assume we are coming.  They may even pop over to ask us why we are late.  We have asked them before not to come over without calling but it hasn't stopped them before and it won't stop them this time.  It will just be a huge, awkward situation.  But the alternative is calling them and saying "we don't want to see you, so don't come over" which doesn't seem like a great idea either. 

I wish we could just be out of town, but it's not feasible for many unrelated reasons.

My dream scenario would be them not being able to make the trip at all.

VorFemme

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2478 on: July 15, 2017, 10:48:02 AM »
If you can't be out of town - can you be "out of the house", possibly visiting someone else in town? 

Having company of your own is also not an unreasonable way of needing to be "at home" instead of over at the other relatives' house...but I don't know if *the other side of the family* or *your oldest friend from out of town* is available to be hosted so that you have other obligations...sometimes having witnesses *who are not family* can get a toxic person to dial back on their usual shenanigans (not always).

Otherwise - it's like my old boss used to say "nobody said it would be easy".  But Christmas without being around them sounds like a much more relaxing holiday!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

Runningstar

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2479 on: July 15, 2017, 12:40:03 PM »
You don't have to go away, just post a note on the door (s) that you are all intensely ill with the stomach flu and to please not disturb you - and that you will not be answering the door for anyone.  Let them knock for a while - they'll tire out and leave eventually.  Hopefully.

miranova

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2480 on: July 15, 2017, 03:09:05 PM »
I know I sound like one of those people who shoots down every suggestion, but there is no way the "we are sick, go away" note will work unless I was willing to coach my kids to lie, which I'm not.  Grandma WILL call them and ask after them if the entire household is so sick that we can't walk down the street. 

It MAY work to host my family on the same night, I host them anyway near Christmas. But I need to find out the night of the in-law party first.  We aren't on the FB invite, so I don't even know exactly when it is yet. :P

GardenGal

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2481 on: July 16, 2017, 04:43:44 PM »
I know I sound like one of those people who shoots down every suggestion, but there is no way the "we are sick, go away" note will work unless I was willing to coach my kids to lie, which I'm not.  Grandma WILL call them and ask after them if the entire household is so sick that we can't walk down the street. 

It MAY work to host my family on the same night, I host them anyway near Christmas. But I need to find out the night of the in-law party first.  We aren't on the FB invite, so I don't even know exactly when it is yet. :P

Since your cousin already knows you're not coming, just phone her and ask her when the party is. And on the party date just go out for the day with your DH and kids.  Visit a museum, go window shopping, have a leisurely lunch and/or dinner, take in a movie or a show.  And if anyone asks, you can say your family had a quiet family day to relax during the busy holiday season.  It doesn't have to be a huge awkward thing, as everyone knows how busy and stressful the holidays can be.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

TracyXJ

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2482 on: July 17, 2017, 07:08:32 AM »
I know I sound like one of those people who shoots down every suggestion, but there is no way the "we are sick, go away" note will work unless I was willing to coach my kids to lie, which I'm not.  Grandma WILL call them and ask after them if the entire household is so sick that we can't walk down the street. 

It MAY work to host my family on the same night, I host them anyway near Christmas. But I need to find out the night of the in-law party first.  We aren't on the FB invite, so I don't even know exactly when it is yet. :P

Wait, MIL has "basically disowned" your kids, yet they are answering her phone calls?  Block her number and if she comes to your house, don't answer the door.  This woman is being given way too much power over your family.  Don't adjust your schedule or be out of the house.  Do your normal thing and ignore her. 

miranova

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2483 on: July 17, 2017, 07:23:15 AM »
It's a very long and complicated story.  The kids don't know what she said.  There is a ton of backstory that I'm not including simply because it would be novel-length.  There isn't much more I can do to cut her out of my life that I haven't already done.  She is blocked on FB, I do not call or speak to her, at all.  She doesn't call me either.  She hasn't called her son in 4 months.  Some of the kids still speak to her, and they are old enough to make that decision for themselves. 

AustenFan

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2484 on: July 17, 2017, 08:35:30 AM »
If the kids are old enough to make the decision to speak to her are they old enough to be told what's going on? Even an abbreviated version? I could see myself telling my kids something like  "Something happened between MIL, your father and I and as a result we are not attending events she is at. The details of what happened aren't anything you need to worry about but I want you to understand that if she says anything to you about the situation or whether we are going to events you are not to discuss it with her and let me or your father know immediately. Ok?"

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2485 on: July 18, 2017, 01:53:28 PM »
I finally defriended my MIL on Facebook after she made a statement that basically disowned my children (it's a long story) and I feel like it was so overdue.  I didn't say a word to her about it and I don't plan on ever speaking to her about it.  She has had too much power to hurt me for far too long.  I'm just done.

Unfortunately, about two days later, one of our relatives who lives in our neighborhood announced that they want to host Christmas this year.  We aren't going if MIL and FIL will be there.  Period.  I am NOT spending Christmas with these people.  Us not showing up when we live one street away and other people had to travel cross country is going to make waves.  It is going to cause all kinds of drama and I do not care.  I am not going, and my children are not going.
Sounds like you need to make some new Christmas plans!

Winterlight

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2486 on: November 09, 2017, 12:33:41 PM »
I know I sound like one of those people who shoots down every suggestion, but there is no way the "we are sick, go away" note will work unless I was willing to coach my kids to lie, which I'm not.  Grandma WILL call them and ask after them if the entire household is so sick that we can't walk down the street. 

It MAY work to host my family on the same night, I host them anyway near Christmas. But I need to find out the night of the in-law party first.  We aren't on the FB invite, so I don't even know exactly when it is yet. :P

Since your cousin already knows you're not coming, just phone her and ask her when the party is. And on the party date just go out for the day with your DH and kids.  Visit a museum, go window shopping, have a leisurely lunch and/or dinner, take in a movie or a show.  And if anyone asks, you can say your family had a quiet family day to relax during the busy holiday season.  It doesn't have to be a huge awkward thing, as everyone knows how busy and stressful the holidays can be.

This sounds like a good plan to me. Maybe drive around and see the lights, or go for a hike somewhere quiet. I like to go see the Zoolights display in my area.
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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mime

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2487 on: November 09, 2017, 01:16:12 PM »
Several pages back I stated that I'd watch football on Thanksgiving from now on.

It looks like that's not going to happen.  :(
Three quarters of the people at the gathering want to watch the game, and two are neutral, but the two who are opposed will scold anyone who has so little disregard for family and tradition that they think it the game is a good idea on Thanksgiving... right before they sit down with a pile of store ads and plan their Black Friday shopping.  ::)

So... when we get together with the other side of the family on Friday, with the game on TiVo-- that will be the real Thanksgiving for me!




AngelicGamer

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2488 on: November 09, 2017, 01:31:42 PM »
Several pages back I stated that I'd watch football on Thanksgiving from now on.

It looks like that's not going to happen.  :(
Three quarters of the people at the gathering want to watch the game, and two are neutral, but the two who are opposed will scold anyone who has so little disregard for family and tradition that they think it the game is a good idea on Thanksgiving... right before they sit down with a pile of store ads and plan their Black Friday shopping.  ::)

So... when we get together with the other side of the family on Friday, with the game on TiVo-- that will be the real Thanksgiving for me!

...no. I would be pushing back against it so much, especially since they do the bolded! They can go sit in another room if the game bothers them that much and go through the ads in peace.

Any chance they'll leave early for said Black Friday shopping? Not to inflict them on others but so y'all can watch the game(s). I know that I'll probably vanish to the basement if I'm not needed for cooking around the time of the Cowboys game because that's the one I care about but I also know they start as early as 11 (central). Also, of the family, I'm the only one who really watches sports religiously, so I know when to beat it to the basement and cozy up on the couch downstairs for some football. If it was reverse, my family members would know to go to other places in our smallish house because... well, that's what family does with respecting what we like / don't like.



lowspark

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #2489 on: November 09, 2017, 02:08:35 PM »
Several pages back I stated that I'd watch football on Thanksgiving from now on.

It looks like that's not going to happen.  :(
Three quarters of the people at the gathering want to watch the game, and two are neutral, but the two who are opposed will scold anyone who has so little disregard for family and tradition that they think it the game is a good idea on Thanksgiving... right before they sit down with a pile of store ads and plan their Black Friday shopping.  ::)

So... when we get together with the other side of the family on Friday, with the game on TiVo-- that will be the real Thanksgiving for me!

We compromise at our TG (at my sister's house) by having the game on but without sound. That way the folks who want to watch can do it without it disturbing the conversation and game playing that others want to participate in.

mime,
Who hosts? Is it one of the three quarters who want to watch the game by any chance? If so, I think they get the deciding vote!
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