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Author Topic: Your holiday hill to die on.  (Read 935411 times)

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Elfmama

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #915 on: December 05, 2013, 04:09:04 PM »
The Christmas Bingo cards? I'm going to be through them like salts through a sick goose. I can't lose this year. You know I've already ticked off the space for 'some member of the family changing all the arrangements without telling anybody else'? I can also tick off 'some member of the family inviting everybody else to some other member of the family's house without telling that person that they're hosting a party'.
OK, I can understand the second, that's easy but infuriating. "Susan is hosting a cookie party on Saturday! Everybody bring 6 dozen cookies to exchange!" And poor Susan doesn't know zip until everyone shows up on her doorstep.

But how do you change ALL the arrangements without telling anyone?  Canceling reservations and making new ones?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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emwithme

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #916 on: December 05, 2013, 04:16:41 PM »
That's actually a running joke in my family. Whenever something is really good we always tell each other, "Oh this isn't any good, you won't like it. I'll just make the sacrfice and eat it." That's code for, "get some. right now. it's delicious."

BFF and I always used to "test the mushrooms to see if they're poisonous" when chopping them for cooking.  They always were! 

(These were not poisonous mushrooms that we had randomly picked, they were shop-bought button or chestnut, generally)

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #917 on: December 05, 2013, 05:37:23 PM »
The Christmas Bingo cards? I'm going to be through them like salts through a sick goose. I can't lose this year. You know I've already ticked off the space for 'some member of the family changing all the arrangements without telling anybody else'? I can also tick off 'some member of the family inviting everybody else to some other member of the family's house without telling that person that they're hosting a party'.
OK, I can understand the second, that's easy but infuriating. "Susan is hosting a cookie party on Saturday! Everybody bring 6 dozen cookies to exchange!" And poor Susan doesn't know zip until everyone shows up on her doorstep.

But how do you change ALL the arrangements without telling anyone?  Canceling reservations and making new ones?

Basically, yes. 'I don't want to do it the way we've always done it, and the way we have already started to arrange it for this year, so I'm just going to book something different that will be much more expensive for everybody, and much less convenient for everybody except me. Oh, by the way, I'm not going to tell you directly.' Add in somebody who was party both to the original discussion of 'this is what we always do; the only question is where we do it and here is the only convenient place' and also to the discussion of 'but I don't want to do that any more', but who didn't think to mention to anybody that the two plans were mutually incompatible.

After that the inviting people to someone else's house was inevitable - 'because we're not doing the plan we have honed over ten years until it works, we suddenly need a Plan B to cover this event, and Plan C for that one. I know! Johnny will deal with Plan B and Mary with Plan C!' But nobody thought to mention to Johnny that he had been voluntold for this, and it came as something of a shock since Johnny had never been involved in hosting at all...

Well meaning people, but good with the communication? Not so much. To be fair, it's the old line about when it's a choice between cock-up and conspiracy... No point in getting ratty about it, so one might as well just fill the wine glass and enjoy the show.

Kariachi

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #918 on: December 06, 2013, 11:55:53 AM »
That's actually a running joke in my family. Whenever something is really good we always tell each other, "Oh this isn't any good, you won't like it. I'll just make the sacrfice and eat it." That's code for, "get some. right now. it's delicious."

BFF and I always used to "test the mushrooms to see if they're poisonous" when chopping them for cooking.  They always were! 

(These were not poisonous mushrooms that we had randomly picked, they were shop-bought button or chestnut, generally)

We do the poison thing. For anything.

"Nope, it's poison. Better put it back, I'll bite the bullet. Being the loving, caring daughter I am."

It's reached the point where "that was disgusting" is code for "CRUD MONKEYS! are there seconds?".
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature — that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

wolfie

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #919 on: December 06, 2013, 12:23:19 PM »
The Christmas Bingo cards? I'm going to be through them like salts through a sick goose. I can't lose this year. You know I've already ticked off the space for 'some member of the family changing all the arrangements without telling anybody else'? I can also tick off 'some member of the family inviting everybody else to some other member of the family's house without telling that person that they're hosting a party'.
OK, I can understand the second, that's easy but infuriating. "Susan is hosting a cookie party on Saturday! Everybody bring 6 dozen cookies to exchange!" And poor Susan doesn't know zip until everyone shows up on her doorstep.

But how do you change ALL the arrangements without telling anyone?  Canceling reservations and making new ones?

Basically, yes. 'I don't want to do it the way we've always done it, and the way we have already started to arrange it for this year, so I'm just going to book something different that will be much more expensive for everybody, and much less convenient for everybody except me. Oh, by the way, I'm not going to tell you directly.' Add in somebody who was party both to the original discussion of 'this is what we always do; the only question is where we do it and here is the only convenient place' and also to the discussion of 'but I don't want to do that any more', but who didn't think to mention to anybody that the two plans were mutually incompatible.

After that the inviting people to someone else's house was inevitable - 'because we're not doing the plan we have honed over ten years until it works, we suddenly need a Plan B to cover this event, and Plan C for that one. I know! Johnny will deal with Plan B and Mary with Plan C!' But nobody thought to mention to Johnny that he had been voluntold for this, and it came as something of a shock since Johnny had never been involved in hosting at all...

Well meaning people, but good with the communication? Not so much. To be fair, it's the old line about when it's a choice between cock-up and conspiracy... No point in getting ratty about it, so one might as well just fill the wine glass and enjoy the show.

If the meddler didn't tell anyone that Plan A was off then wouldn't people still do plan A anyway? Since they don't know it isn't there? And if she is the only person who wants Plan B can't they just do plan A without her?

I am being too logical in the face of the crazy, right?

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #920 on: December 06, 2013, 05:55:42 PM »

Basically, yes. 'I don't want to do it the way we've always done it, and the way we have already started to arrange it for this year, so I'm just going to book something different that will be much more expensive for everybody, and much less convenient for everybody except me. Oh, by the way, I'm not going to tell you directly.' Add in somebody who was party both to the original discussion of 'this is what we always do; the only question is where we do it and here is the only convenient place' and also to the discussion of 'but I don't want to do that any more', but who didn't think to mention to anybody that the two plans were mutually incompatible.

After that the inviting people to someone else's house was inevitable - 'because we're not doing the plan we have honed over ten years until it works, we suddenly need a Plan B to cover this event, and Plan C for that one. I know! Johnny will deal with Plan B and Mary with Plan C!' But nobody thought to mention to Johnny that he had been voluntold for this, and it came as something of a shock since Johnny had never been involved in hosting at all...

Well meaning people, but good with the communication? Not so much. To be fair, it's the old line about when it's a choice between cock-up and conspiracy... No point in getting ratty about it, so one might as well just fill the wine glass and enjoy the show.

If the meddler didn't tell anyone that Plan A was off then wouldn't people still do plan A anyway? Since they don't know it isn't there? And if she is the only person who wants Plan B can't they just do plan A without her?

I am being too logical in the face of the crazy, right?

'Fraud so, yes. Two families were still intending to do Plan A. Meddler was on Plan B. And Intermediary had apparently agreed to both.

I got to tell Johnny that he had been voluntold to host everybody else. Well, actually, I started a conversation with 'OK, when we all come to you, do you want me to bring anything?' That was the first Johnny had heard about it.

You just have to back off and enjoy the show.

---

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #921 on: December 06, 2013, 11:47:36 PM »
I think I'll be spending Christmas with the roommate's family from now on, at least they've been consistant with where they're having their holiday parties, who is hosting, and if plans have to change they'll give better notice.

Every year for the past X amount of years, Thanksgiving was at Aunt It's house, Christmas was at Cousin It's house. Before Aunt It and I moved to our current locations (we're about a half hour away from each other, she moved here first then I did two years later), Thanksgiving was at my parent's house, Christmas was at Aunt It's house. This year Thanksgiving was at Cousin Jr.'s house, Christmas at Aunt Eve's house.

Or so I was told about four months ago, then again at Halloween, come Thanksgiving it was the same plan, then I was told earlier today that "what do you MEAN we're having Christmas at Aunt Eve's house?". Apparently we're having Christmas at my parents house and everyone, with the exception of Cousin It (who really doesn't want to visit home anyways) and myself, are driving there and staying until past New Years.

This is Very Big Problem. Why is that? Because my parents live almost thirteen hours and four and a half states away.

Yes you read that right. My family, who has insisted that we're having Christmas with Aunt Eve -- who, by the way, lives less then an hour and a half away -- has suddenly said, two and a half weeks BEFORE Christmas, that they're going to my parents house. Which will take a half of a day, one way, by car. And they insist that Aunt Eve was never hosting Christmas this year, despite the fact that I had talked to her on THANKSGIVING and said that she was looking forward to showing me around her new house.

And they wonder why I suddenly can't spend Christmas with them.

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #922 on: December 07, 2013, 03:37:07 AM »
Let's introduce Aunt Eve, who thought she was hosting, to Johnny, who thought he wasn't. I expect it would work for both of them.

kckgirl

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #923 on: December 07, 2013, 05:33:28 AM »
And they insist that Aunt Eve was never hosting Christmas this year, despite the fact that I had talked to her on THANKSGIVING and said that she was looking forward to showing me around her new house.

And they wonder why I suddenly can't spend Christmas with them.

Can't you still visit Aunt Eve? Or is she going to your parents' house?
Maryland

gramma dishes

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #924 on: December 07, 2013, 09:32:20 AM »
And they insist that Aunt Eve was never hosting Christmas this year, despite the fact that I had talked to her on THANKSGIVING and said that she was looking forward to showing me around her new house.

And they wonder why I suddenly can't spend Christmas with them.

Can't you still visit Aunt Eve? Or is she going to your parents' house?

^^^  That was my exact question.  Kckgirl beat me to it.

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #925 on: December 07, 2013, 06:55:33 PM »
And they insist that Aunt Eve was never hosting Christmas this year, despite the fact that I had talked to her on THANKSGIVING and said that she was looking forward to showing me around her new house.

And they wonder why I suddenly can't spend Christmas with them.

Can't you still visit Aunt Eve? Or is she going to your parents' house?

She, too, is going to my parent's house. Aunt Eve lives an hour and a half away and close to the route the rest of the family is going to be taking. Apparently she thought that during our Thanksgiving conversation, I was going to see her new house when they stopped over to come pick her up. She had no idea that I didn't know plans had changed! She thought that I had been told on Thanksgiving, which was when it supposedly had gone from 'We're spending Christmas with Aunt Eve' to 'We're picking Aunt Eve up then going to your parents for Christmas'.

It's really not my parent's fault, I can't blame them for this since they thought I knew.

gramma dishes

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #926 on: December 07, 2013, 08:59:11 PM »
...   It's really not my parent's fault, I can't blame them for this since they thought I knew.

How did they think you knew?  Who did they think told you?   ???

NyaChan

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #927 on: December 07, 2013, 11:31:15 PM »
My new hill - after two years of non-family Thanksgivings, an uncle decided to try the ginormous family get-together one more time.  The last time was at our house and I don't know about the other relatives, but by the end of the ordeal I was sick and exhausted, my sister was sick and delirious from lack of sleep, my mom had a nervous breakdown, and my dad who normally has little patience for emotional scenes was practically in tears with my mom over the toll it took on their relationship

Well, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as last time for my family as a whole.   I'm still done with the giant family Thanksgivings though.  Highlights:  I waited on them hand and foot with the rest of my family when they were our guests, so I felt it was a bit of slap in the face that they had no seat for me at Thanksgiving dinner - as in everyone including the 2 year old had a chair at the long table while I was perched on a couch behind all of them - and didn't remedy it until my dad got upset.  No apology by the way, the uncle actually gave me attitude as if I was the problem.  Cuz it's so fun to walk up and down and up and down a table full of your family as people insist there is a chair at the other end (but of course there isn't) and why won't you sit down already?   

Then I got to enjoy getting intimidated and cold shouldered into taking my cousin's small child to the movies along with all the pre-teens - meaning a change in movie to account for the 4 year old, the difficulties normally associated with babysitting a child who doesn't even listen to his own parents, and missing out on spending the day with the cousins who are my age because the kids' movie was at a different time.   

So yeah, I'm done.  Next November, I'm starting the planning early for an immediate-family and maybe some friends Thanksgiving like we used to enjoy before this side of the family ruined it.  Otherwise, I'm not going at all.  Enough is enough.

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #928 on: December 08, 2013, 12:02:28 AM »
How did they think you knew?  Who did they think told you?   ???

They assumed that Aunt It had explained it to me months earlier that the family further away were going to be visiting from the weekend before Christmas to the weekend after New Years and to take the necessary time off. I can not fault them for putting more faith in Aunt It's communication skills then I'm willing to do at the moment, but I *can* fault them for not directly telling me to see if I'm able to visit. I am not as upset with them as I should be, not yet anyways, as they had no reason to believe that Aunt It would give me false information.

I will be having a conversation with them tomorrow morning before I finish my Christmas shopping for the roommate and friends and will ask them why they didn't call me directly. Maybe then I will see how much more fault they really have.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #929 on: December 09, 2013, 02:58:56 AM »
On the subject of failed communications… the Good Ethnic Boy and I arrived at my mum and stepdad's place on Christmas Eve last year, started settling in and decorating the tree (which Mum always leaves for 'the kids' to do, including finding where all the ornaments got put away the year before and humping boxes down the stairs), and were very VERY surprised when my sister and her five children (ranging from 3 to 21yo) arrived. Because they live overseas, and Mum had forgotten to tell me they were coming for Christmas for the first time in five years. Despite long planning times and many opportunities to bring it up, or heck, just mention "when V and the kids are here…"

So there was a frantic shopping trip, because we didn't have anything to give them. At 6pm, on Christmas Eve, in a small country town. And Mum was surprised we weren't sticking around to keep decorating the tree. >:(

Ahem. Anyway. My hill to die on came a few years ago; namely, I am no longer my family's Chief Wrapping Elf.

This requires a bit of background explanation. It is tradition in my family (inviolable tradition!) that Everyone Gets A Christmas Stocking. These are no puny little stockings, either; we use pillowcases, and they tend to be pretty full. It used to also be tradition (inviolable!!!) that Everything In The Stockings Is Wrapped Individually Because That's More Fun… right down to the little mini candy bars and lollipops and so forth. Once my sister and I were old enough to really help with Christmas preparations, Mum gradually dumped more and more of them onto us, including handing me a bunch of money a few days before Christmas and telling me what to buy for the stockings, and giving me V's under-the-tree and stocking presents to wrap, giving V my under-the-tree and stocking presents to wrap, and getting one or both of us to wrap all Stepdad's stuff. Meanwhile, Stepdad was handing me a bunch of money and getting me to buy and wrap Mum's stocking presents.

As V started having kids, more and more of all this got pushed over onto me, culminating in the year where I went 'home' for Christmas two weeks before the day itself and was immediately presented with a pile of things to wrap, stuff to wrap it all in, and money to buy more stuff to wrap. I spent at least three hours a day, usually more like five, wrapping presents during those two weeks, in between shopping trips to buy more things. On Christmas Eve, I got up at 7am and wrapped ALL DAY, stopping only for meals, and finally finished at FOUR AM CHRISTMAS MORNING. The kids dragged me out of bed again at 6 for the traditional (inviolable tradition!!!!!) early-morning communal stocking unwrapping, which I zombied my way through, and I swore Never Again.

The next year, I put my foot down and only wrapped things it made sense to wrap - no more individually wrapped mini chocolate bars. Nobody complained. I also got my sister and her older children to share a lot more of the "wrap things for Mum/Grandma" chores, and used work as a (perfectly true) excuse as to why I couldn't come down early and do all that shopping. A couple of years after THAT, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and politely refused to wrap a dang thing that wasn't a present FROM ME. Now that the arthritis is better controlled I do SOME wrapping for Mum and Stepdad, but it's never gotten up to ridiculous proportions again and I am well prepared to put my foot down again if I need to. >:D
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