Author Topic: Your holiday hill to die on.  (Read 250106 times)

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iradney

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #135 on: November 08, 2011, 03:05:35 AM »
Another possibility for the Christmas tree.  Do you have any clear empty wall space?  Create a tree out of construction paper and decorate with stickers.  You may even find a way to attach lights.  Not a perfect solution but sounds like a way to decorate without sacrificing floor or counter space.

 :o you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? Thank you!  ;D   ;D  ;D
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bluhairfreak

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #136 on: November 08, 2011, 04:20:32 AM »
Another possibility for the Christmas tree.  Do you have any clear empty wall space?  Create a tree out of construction paper and decorate with stickers.  You may even find a way to attach lights.  Not a perfect solution but sounds like a way to decorate without sacrificing floor or counter space.

 :o you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? Thank you!  ;D   ;D  ;D

^_^  You're welcome.  Please post pictures when you're done.

amylouky

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #137 on: November 08, 2011, 10:45:13 AM »
Hill to die on? Yeah ... and I died.

Until about 8 years ago, it was mandatory ... we HAD to go on the 4-hour drive to be at my wife's childhood home with her family ON CHRISTMAS DAY. It did no good to point at the radio and say "see, they're playing 'It's So Nice to Be Home For The Holidays', we're married with 2 children, so why can't we be home?"

My FIL had been trading on his frail health for years ... can't upset or worry 'The Holy Father' 'cause he has a heart condition and he might diiiiieeee. That led to a few instances (it wasn't constant, but it was repeated) of him running roughshod over boundaries, and you can't tell him 'no' because he might diiiiieeee. I couldn't even disagree with the old so-and-so without a kneejerk screaming session from my wife because he might get upset and diiiiieeee. I never got her to understand that gentlemen of good character may disagree on occasion. I never got her to understand that I didn't hate my FIL (even though neither he nor I went with the women to late Christmas Eve church, and we would chat away the evening and he confided numerous things about his health and his history that he had never told anyone else in the family).

I never once got to have Christmas at home because he'd get upset if he didn't see the children come running down the stairs to tear into presents. I never once saw that at my house. Not that I wanted it that badly, I just wanted to come FIRST for once in my marriage. Until I had a stroke 10 years ago plus 'The Holy Father' finally dropped the other shoe and diiiiieeeed. Then we agreed that, between my disability and my attitude, we could stay home on The Big Day and they could go without me on the following weekend.
Am I a bad person because I find this post hilarious?

Well, if you are then I am too.. I was thinking it sounds like the plot to a comedy. "A Focker Christmas", maybe??

Ambrosia Hino

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #138 on: November 08, 2011, 12:40:49 PM »
DH and I have several agreements as to holidays, due to the fact that while his family (sister, father & step-mom) live half an hour or less away, my family live half a continent away.

#1 - there shall be no decorating for holidays we will not be home for (awwww :-\ )

#2 - Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas & New Year's with mine when possible (my hill-to-die-on)

We had a 4-day weekend from work for Thanksgiving. That is not long enough to be worth a 1,000+ mile round-trip to my parents' house, and since FIL got remarried, Thanksgiving has really become SMIL's thing.

Christmas & New Years, we try to arrange for a 2 week vacation, and have the 3,000+ mile "Tour de Texas" in which we spend Christmas in Waco and New Year's in San Angelo, with stops in Houston, Dallas/Fort Worth, and a few other places. DH has family out there too, and stops to visit them do get factored in, but the actual holidays still land us with my family.

SIL and MIL used to argue about how I was being selfish to "make Christmas all about me and my family" nevermind we lived nearby them and could see them any day of the week we chose, much less any and all other holidays if plans were mentioned.

They thought they won in 2008 & 2009, due to health problems eating the vacation-time needed. There was a royal fit thrown (by MIL) because we *gasp* were spending Christmas Day '08 with my parents when they drove from Texas to Georgia to see us for Christmas. 2009 was just a bad year overall, and I don't really remember much about that Christmas.

Luckily, when Christmas 2010 rolled around, MIL was in jail for bad behavior, and we took Baby Hino down to Florida for a week in a condo with my parents and brother. Plans get modified when you have an 8-week old ;D

This year, SIL has seen the light, and instead of trying to go to both her father's house (FIL) and her in-law's house for both occasions, they will also be splitting Thanksgiving & Christmas (Turkey Day with FIL, Xmas with BIL's family). No one is speaking to MIL anymore, both of her children (SIL and my DH) have given her the cut-direct, so she has become a non-issue.

Yeah, we haven't made it to see my family every year, due to extenuating circumstances. But starting out with that as the plan, that is my hill-to-die-on.

darling

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #139 on: November 08, 2011, 12:44:53 PM »
Luckily, when Christmas 2010 rolled around, MIL was in jail for bad behavior, and we took Baby Hino down to Florida for a week in a condo with my parents and brother. Plans get modified when you have an 8-week old ;D

Wait... what??? Your MIL was in jail over Christmas for bad behavior??? I must have missed that story...

Ambrosia Hino

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #140 on: November 08, 2011, 12:56:35 PM »
Luckily, when Christmas 2010 rolled around, MIL was in jail for bad behavior, and we took Baby Hino down to Florida for a week in a condo with my parents and brother. Plans get modified when you have an 8-week old ;D

Wait... what??? Your MIL was in jail over Christmas for bad behavior??? I must have missed that story...

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's if you want to more accurate >:D

Not sure if I posted anything about it, but long story short, SIL called the cops on 'Mommy Dearest' and gave her the cut direct behind that. After some more soul-searching (and a few arguements with me) DH blocked her on Facebook and started ignoring her calls as well. Without MIL to instigate things, SIL and I are actually quite capable of getting along beautifully now and life with my various in-laws has become amazingly more pleasant. There is still some light drama with DH's step-brother vs step-mom, but we are on the outskirts of that, and its nothing compared to the toxic problems of the past few years.

I will have to see if I can remember all the drama for the original story for a full-on post. Its kinda tied up in my maternity leave/post-partum/new mommyhood experiences and kinda goes by in a blur unless I start dwelling. There was a lot going on there for awhile!

kudeebee

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #141 on: November 08, 2011, 03:06:12 PM »


I can understand that you might not have your tree up or want to make a big meal, but don't get why you can't open the presents.  Many people have Christmas early with one side of the family.

We have Christmas early or late with them every other year. For this once, we invited them to come to our house so we could all celebrate baby's first christmas together. They said they'd love to. I know the baby won't understand it's christmas (she'll be under 3 months at the time) but it's important to me... having them visit us at times is important to me, it makes me feel loved and accepted. We've told them that much.

After having promised to come and celebrate with us and my parents, they decided they couldn't, for reasons I won't get into but which really are no reasons at all (husband agrees). They have the annoying habit of accepting invitations and then cancelling at the last minute for really strange reasons. A lot. It hurts my husband and it hurts me. We've told them that. Gently.

So, when that happened again, about baby's first Christmas - and they went on to invite themselves to our house one week before Christmas... so I'll have to have the place clean earlier, will have to cook and bake for more people that week as well (all the while caring for a 2.5-month-old) my husband and I just decided that "sorry, no, there will be no christmassy stuff that weekend. If they want Christmas with us, they need to honor their commitments with us". We've gone along with the changed plans for years, I've done all I've could to make sure I have time to take care of them when they're here - I'm a freelancer and last-minute-changes really can screw up my plans - and we've come to the conclusion that we cannot change them, but we will stick to our plans at all times. Including Christmas.

Next year, we'll be travelling again, most likely to my family (abroad). We'll do Christmas early or late with the ILs then, at their place, at the time of their choosing. And once we've agreed on a weekend, we will not change plans on them in the last minute  ;)

Ahh, that bit o fbolded  background is good to know as it makes it easier to understand your decision. Probably should have included that in the original post.

Knowing what you have said about the way they always change plans to meet their needs, I think you are fine to go ahead and do things the way that you have them planned.

Jaelle

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #142 on: November 08, 2011, 03:39:36 PM »
Add me to those whose holiday hill to die on involves spending Christmas Day at home. We informed both sides that this would happen when we had children and we've stood by it. We both want our kids to enjoy their Christmases, and not be hauled hither and yon by increasingly stressed parents. We have our morning as a little four-person family, and MIL (if she's not with SIL & Co.) and my folks show up in early afternoon and spend the rest of the day with us, with a big dinner, etc.

Christmas Eve, we alternate one year with my folks, one year with MIL ... although the latter now happens at our house anyway, since MIL discovered it was far more fun to play with the kids while I did all the cooking. ;) This is fine with me, BTW. I've even put a new spin on her ethnic tradition's holiday recipes, which I cook for that evening despite being from an entirely different tradition. I think she was a little amazed that she liked the new way, but now it's part of our own new tradition! :)

It's nice to know that things like that can work out.
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VorFemme

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #143 on: November 09, 2011, 08:37:21 AM »
Luckily, when Christmas 2010 rolled around, MIL was in jail for bad behavior, and we took Baby Hino down to Florida for a week in a condo with my parents and brother. Plans get modified when you have an 8-week old ;D

Wait... what??? Your MIL was in jail over Christmas for bad behavior??? I must have missed that story...

While I was there to doula for the newborn - Crazy MIL went, well, crazier and the bovine excrement hit the rotary air distribution device big time.

Her two kids saw their mother's behavior in a whole new way..............and it was NOT going to pass for "normal" or even "nearly normal"............so, yeah, she was held in jail for a while.  The crazy is no longer allowed near their spouses or other family members - because she is too crazy to trust - and has demonstrated it in public in front of witnesses big time.............
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

HermioneGranger

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #144 on: November 09, 2011, 01:41:46 PM »
We're not setting foot out of the house on Christmas this either, and I rather like the idea of Christmas at home anyway.  I remember opening all of my toys, then getting dragged away from them to visit all day and not getting to play with them until the next day.  I don't want those kind of memories for my daughter.  They can either come to us, or we'll see them a day or two before or after. 

CaffeineKatie

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #145 on: November 09, 2011, 05:13:01 PM »
My holiday last stand came 20+ years ago, when we were newly married and broke.  My DH got  a teaching job 1000 miles away from my parents, and since he had winter break they INSISTED we come for Christmas.  We set out in a near blizzard in a rusty VW bug with no heat.  We made it 60 miles and pulled in to see if anything could be done to fix it.  After 3 hours of unsuccessful tinkering and $100 we couldn't afford, my DH mentioned he had lost all feeling in his feet.  We turned around for home in heavy blowing snow, barely made it back and then spent several hours thawing his feet.  I called my mom and got an earful of screaming about my ingratitude and how my selfishness would give my father another heart attack (obesity/3 packs a day/stress of living with her had nothing to do with his first one, of course).  That was it--no more travelling on the worst weeks of the year.  Of course, no one was willing to come to visit US--it's too far/too icy/too hard to fly on the holidays--and that ended any tiny guilt pangs I had left.

MOM21SON

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #146 on: November 09, 2011, 06:09:52 PM »
My hill came when I was 26 and asked my Mum if I could come home for Christmas and she wouldn't have me.  It was the last time I asked.

I asked in October and her reaction was so toxic, I didn't dare mention the subject again.  I made myself a solitary meal and was just sitting down to it when she arrived with my stepfather to collect their presents, two hours later than we'd arranged as it suited her better.  You see they were on their way to my aunt's and she hadn't wanted to make two journeys.  My aunt cried when I told her as she would have invited me as well if she'd known but my Mum didn't tell her.  My mother just picked her presents up and left looking smug.

Happy ending: my friends were appalled and I was inundated with invites the next year.  We've been to DH's family every year since.  My mother was infuriated!

Happiest ending: I stood up to her 13 years ago and she hasn't spoken to me since.  The afore-mentioned aunt took over as surrogate mother and I couldn't have asked for a better one ;D

And I still LOVE Christmas!!!

Are you my sister?  OOPs, forgot to add  ;D
« Last Edit: November 09, 2011, 07:16:16 PM by MOM21SON »

cabbagegirl28

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #147 on: November 10, 2011, 12:56:41 AM »
I will not go to church late.

Going to church on Christmas Eve is important to me, but it's not so important that it messes up other important (at least to me) family traditions, such as Christmas Eve snack. Also, the last time that I happened, I was stressing out so much about all the stuff I had to do in the service that I passed out.

Also, when I have my own place, Christmas decorations are going up on Black Friday (no shopping; it's too crazy), and they're not coming down until January 6th.


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magdalena

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #148 on: November 10, 2011, 02:28:03 AM »


I can understand that you might not have your tree up or want to make a big meal, but don't get why you can't open the presents.  Many people have Christmas early with one side of the family.

We have Christmas early or late with them every other year. For this once, we invited them to come to our house so we could all celebrate baby's first christmas together. They said they'd love to. I know the baby won't understand it's christmas (she'll be under 3 months at the time) but it's important to me... having them visit us at times is important to me, it makes me feel loved and accepted. We've told them that much.

After having promised to come and celebrate with us and my parents, they decided they couldn't, for reasons I won't get into but which really are no reasons at all (husband agrees). They have the annoying habit of accepting invitations and then cancelling at the last minute for really strange reasons. A lot. It hurts my husband and it hurts me. We've told them that. Gently.

So, when that happened again, about baby's first Christmas - and they went on to invite themselves to our house one week before Christmas... so I'll have to have the place clean earlier, will have to cook and bake for more people that week as well (all the while caring for a 2.5-month-old) my husband and I just decided that "sorry, no, there will be no christmassy stuff that weekend. If they want Christmas with us, they need to honor their commitments with us". We've gone along with the changed plans for years, I've done all I've could to make sure I have time to take care of them when they're here - I'm a freelancer and last-minute-changes really can screw up my plans - and we've come to the conclusion that we cannot change them, but we will stick to our plans at all times. Including Christmas.

Next year, we'll be travelling again, most likely to my family (abroad). We'll do Christmas early or late with the ILs then, at their place, at the time of their choosing. And once we've agreed on a weekend, we will not change plans on them in the last minute  ;)

Ahh, that bit o fbolded  background is good to know as it makes it easier to understand your decision. Probably should have included that in the original post.

Knowing what you have said about the way they always change plans to meet their needs, I think you are fine to go ahead and do things the way that you have them planned.

You're right, I should've added it, sorry. My only - and not very good - excuse is that I've been venting about this habit so much lately that I forgot not everyone in the world knows about it (coming to see our baby was a thread of it's own, really... the only reason I'm not posting is that I've found my solution which is to try and not take it personally...)



lady_disdain

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #149 on: November 10, 2011, 12:10:18 PM »
Another possibility for the Christmas tree.  Do you have any clear empty wall space?  Create a tree out of construction paper and decorate with stickers.  You may even find a way to attach lights.  Not a perfect solution but sounds like a way to decorate without sacrificing floor or counter space.

 :o you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? Thank you!  ;D   ;D  ;D

^_^  You're welcome.  Please post pictures when you're done.

I think cutting it from foam core would work well. You could poke small Christmas lights through it, hiding the ugly wiring behind it, and use pins to hold ornaments up, as long as they aren't too heavy.

Another alternative would be to cut it from green felt - it would look great, reusable and still cheap.