Your holiday hill to die on.

[VorFemme]

With the additional background that Alkira6 has mentioned - I think that their families could be finding themselves waiting a LONG time for Alkira6 and her SO to join them again for the holiday season.............

Even if the family thinks that they are normal & supportive - it sounds rather like they are normally rude and supportive of getting you to see a therapist to find out why your self esteem is so low................

But they could be just the world's worst at phrasing questions....................and to steal a line from a tv show's theme song "but I don't think so".

[Luci45]

I think that their families could be finding themselves waiting a LONG time for Alkira6 and her SO to join them again for the holiday season.............

I certainly hope so!

[VorFemme]

A line from Star Trek just seems the correct thing here................"blah, blah, blah for TWO HUNDRED years!"

"That ought to be just about right........." whether said by Kirk or Alkira6 & her SO - two hundred years sounds about right.......or possibly the twenty second century would work out just as well as the twenty third...............but not THIS decade of this century.

eta - I messed up the quotes - so I removed them

[wheeitsme]

We will not take our puppy that gets carsick on a 10-12 hour road trip (each way).  If that means that we spend Christmas by ourselves, we'll deal with that.  Luckily, in appears that my MIL is willing to accept that. <fingers crossed>


...oh, and my sisters holiday hill to die on?  Jello is not a salad.   

[Hillia]

I am cooking Christmas dinner to my menu, my way, without the addition of giant globs of bacon grease (the IL's favorite cooking method).  I will also be serving it on my nice china (Eschenbach, which my mom received as wedding gifts in 1961), with the food placed in serving dishes, and a tablecloth on the table.  Maybe even a centerpiece.

Thanksgiving was at my ILs, served from the pans on paper plates to reduce 'bother'.  That's MIL's method, and in her house, she has the right to do it any way she chooses.  But just because FIL and BIL regard meals as an interruption in their busy lives, and take the approach of 'cram in as much as possible as fast as possible' doesn't make me high maintenance or snooty or anything else because I like to have nice things on the table for one day out of the year.

[Minmom3]

Alkira, if I were you (which I'm not, just sayin') I would never go near those people again. Sounds like they've been nothing but hateful to you over the years.  Their hate has caused you enormous pain over the years, and there is no reason to subject yourself to it anymore.  You sound like a text book case of "I'll make my OWN family, TYVM, and get people who love me as I am, and think I'm wonderful".  Because your blood family certainly doesn't treat you that way.

I have all your future holidays are at the very least peaceful and happy for you and your husband, and that you have only loving friends and family around you.  You deserve that!   Reading your posts here just brings out all my nasty verbiage that is forbidden on this site.

[alkira6]

Thank you for the sentiment. I really have dealt with the families and things have gotten better but will never be perfect.  I didn't visit my family for about 6 years, and rarely spoke to them.  DH cut his family off after the visit to the apartment to tell us how useless we are.  One thing that is very much a button for DH is attacking me.  He really let them have it on that one  . Unfortunately, he's not as good at standing up for himself, but he's gotten better. 

DH's dad died last year, so most of our contact was during the months before he died and right after he died. The last time he visited before this he went (by himself), drove 6+ hours, stayed for 45 minutes, and then turned around and drove 6+ hours home.  He had warned then that he would leave if they started in on either of us, so he did.

The lack of holliday celebrations for the two of us was mostly my doing. After a while I had such a bad attitude about Christmas that we stopped trying.  This year I just decided to do what I want to.  I am not bothering with my family and DH's family is his problem.  I have not bought a single gift this year that is not for DH, myself, a friend, or a family member of my choosing.  DH has bought nothing for his side,, he didn't even send cards.

Huh, I guess my hill has come and passed and this is the aftermath of victory.  Off to try a nummy recipe for shortbread - it contains cornstarch of all things to make it light and flakey. We'll see. It works for coating chicken to fry, so why not.

[weeblewobble]

Alkira6, I want to be you when I grow up.  Just sayin.

[blue2000]

My hill? I will not sleep at my DB and SIL's house on Christmas Eve. Just won't do it. In fact, I try to avoid that house from 1st December because my SIL turns into a crazy Christmas monster. She tried to tell me she didn't want me to be alone on Christmas Eve, which is nice, but I like alone. Alone means sitting on the couch with a beer watching Muppets Christmas Carol, rather than stayig at DB/SIL's house counting the hours until I can escape from the crazy.

LOL! Sounds a little like my mother. "We have to spend the holidays together! You can't stay home - it's just not the same!"

No. No it isn't. Thank goodness!

[purplemuse]

I will not watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Anyone at my parents' house who wants to do so is more than welcome, but I will be elsewhere.

Also, if my mom refers to us having a "Griswold Family Christmas" (when no one in the immediate family, extended family or even family by marriage has a name that's even close to Griswold), I may actually scream.

I really, really hate that movie.

[LadyClaire]

Mine is simple.

My house.  My guest list.  Strict no jerks allowed policy.

Which means since Uncle can't bring himself to not torment my critters (and those other guests are permitted to bring, like my cousin's seeing-eye dog), he doesn't get to come, and Grandfather cannot cope with the fact that my beloved nephew has a parent of a different ethnicity than everyone else in the family, he will not be invited.

On behalf of your nephew, thank you. I'm of two races and as I was growing up I started to notice how poorly my grandmother treated my mother, and how my dad did nothing about it. I was her only grandchild, so she was nice to me, but she made my mom miserable. It really made me rethink my relationship with both my grandmother and my father, and I wish he had stood up to her for us. Good for you for refusing to tolerate that nonsense from YOUR family.

I agree, too. My dad's family despised my mother because she's turkish and made her life a living hell at times because of it. They also treated me and my sister differently than all the other kids. My father never once stood up for Mom or for us. I now have nothing to do with my father (for more reasons than that) or his side of the family.

[tiggnduff]

This year is my hill to die on.  Every holiday for the last 3 yrs hubby and I (well mostly me as I do all of the cooking) have hosted.  Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays and Christmas.  The excuse always being that I like to cook and that we have room.  I'm just done. It's too much work! I've asked for people to bring sides or do a pot luck but nope...what I get is sister in law or mother in law passing hubby 20 bucks and saying this is to help out for dinner.

And the $$$ is not the point. I'm tired. It's a lot of work cooking dinner for 13 to 20 people. I don't enjoy one bit of it any more but hubby is whining that there is no where else to have it.  So I'm doing Christmas this year and politely asking who is doing Easter!!

[diesel_darlin]

I will not watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Anyone at my parents' house who wants to do so is more than welcome, but I will be elsewhere.

Also, if my mom refers to us having a "Griswold Family Christmas" (when no one in the immediate family, extended family or even family by marriage has a name that's even close to Griswold), I may actually scream.

I really, really hate that movie.

My sentiments exactly.
 But unlike you, I made one major decision in my life that results in my being tortured with this movie constantly. I married a Griswold.  Drat!

[Sanity Lost]

And the $$$ is not the point. I'm tired. It's a lot of work cooking dinner for 13 to 20 people. I don't enjoy one bit of it any more but hubby is whining that there is no where else to have it.  So I'm doing Christmas this year and politely asking who is doing Easter!!

So.....Hubby is the one doing the cleaning, shopping, budgeting and cooking this year correct? After all, he who whines must therefore serve the wine. I would hand him the menu, shopping list and to do list and tell him to have fun; oh and if he needs help to be sure to call his Mom and Sis to come over. After he finishes sputtering; calmly inform him you will ASSIST him this year due to the short notice; but that other arrangements are needed for Easter.

[JoyinVirginia]

And the $$$ is not the point. I'm tired. It's a lot of work cooking dinner for 13 to 20 people. I don't enjoy one bit of it any more but hubby is whining that there is no where else to have it.  So I'm doing Christmas this year and politely asking who is doing Easter!!

So.....Hubby is the one doing the cleaning, shopping, budgeting and cooking this year correct? After all, he who whines must therefore serve the wine. I would hand him the menu, shopping list and to do list and tell him to have fun; oh and if he needs help to be sure to call his Mom and Sis to come over. After he finishes sputtering; calmly inform him you will ASSIST him this year due to the short notice; but that other arrangements are needed for Easter.

It is also not too late to order prepared food from someplace. Kentucky fried chicken will give you a big bucket and sides, many Chinese and asian restaurants will be open, get big frozen containers of lasagna or whatever your want, and get paper plates, plastic cups and cutlery, and keep the clean up to a minimum!
The year that youngest DD was born, DH and I ordered Thanksgiving dinner from local grocery. DH picked it up day before, and on Thanksgiving my mother and DH heated stuff up and we enjoyed our dinner on fancy paper plates.