Your holiday hill to die on.

[gramma dishes]

^^^  I know this is not funny, but sorry, I had to laugh.  It sounds like one of those "everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong" events.

How rude of your inlaws!  Do they not know what happens to food when it has to be 'held'?  I think I'd be having a discussion with my DH sometime before next Christmas so this doesn't become a repeat performance though.  Nothing like planning a wonderful, quiet, peaceful snuggling Christmas Eve home alone and then having it turn into bloat soup and cleptomania village!  Perhaps next year you'll get your scissors back as a Christmas gift from your SIL.   

[rose red]

I will never host DH's family at our house for Christmas eve again.

*snip*

His mother asked if this would be a new family tradition. I told her "no, I don't think so. Perhaps DH's brother/SIL will want to do something next year since they will have the baby then".

I think next year, the person who invites people without asking the spouse should do the cleaning, shopping, and cooking.

[Luci45]

I'm so sorry. How disappointing for you that no one would enjoy your efforts. How rude of your family.

A new hill to die on, for you, I guess. Be sure to remind us next year, please.

Honestly, though. We have learned long ago to just go ahead and dine at the designated time. Clean up, put things away. Don't apoligoze. Admittedly, it was never parents.

Also, I usually just cook the pasta or rice separately, then add it to the soup at the last minute. In your case, I would cook the pasta in boullion water (1/2 strength). I hope you never have to use these tips!

[suzieQ]

That sounds like my DH but thankfully he does all the cooking, so he can invite anyone he wants - as long as he cooks! 

I spend days getting the house clean but I know my family will come, so that effort is not wasted. His family was invited again this year, and again they never called and didn't show up. DH called them to find out what was going on and was told his DB woke up sick that morning. You know, if it was a one-time thing I might fall for that. But that's the way it always is with them. It's the very rare occasion they are invited that they actually show up. And anyone with any manners would have called to cancel when they woke up sick, not waited until DH called them to find out where they were!

I quit inviting them the year DH turned 30. I called them all and begged them to come to his surprise party. Told them not to bring a gift, their presence would be enough. They all said they would come and not a one of them showed or even called to cancel. I had bought enough pizza for all of them and I'm not a fan of leftover pizza.
My family was there, but his - nothing. As usual.

[Morticia]

I will never host DH's family at our house for Christmas eve again.

*snip*

His mother asked if this would be a new family tradition. I told her "no, I don't think so. Perhaps DH's brother/SIL will want to do something next year since they will have the baby then".

I think next year, the person who invites people without asking the spouse should do the cleaning, shopping, and cooking.

POD

[The Wild One, Forever]

Lady Claire, I'm sorry that your husband's family were so rude.  Sounds to me like you really went the extra mile for them, (making the foods his dad could eat was especially sweet of you), and they treated you and your efforts with blatant disregard.  That's so not cool.  I hope y'all had an otherwise lovely Christmas to compensate for that nonsense.   

[MC Clapyohanz]

Lady Claire, are you ever invited over to his sister's place at all? Because I'm thinking it's time to reclaim  the scissors. Also, would it embarrass her if she knew you took them back when she can't find them in her house? Probably not, huh.

[LadyClaire]

Lady Claire, are you ever invited over to his sister's place at all? Because I'm thinking it's time to reclaim  the scissors. Also, would it embarrass her if she knew you took them back when she can't find them in her house? Probably not, huh.

We're very rarely invited over to her house. She lives nearly an hour away from us, and her work causes her to travel a lot, so we see her maybe..oh...two or three times a year, and most times it's when she comes over to our house or there is something at another family member's place.

[philliesphan]

I've decided my new hill to die on is gifts for my dad. I will no longer put any effort into picking out something nice, or caring whether he likes what I chose.

My family always demands a wish list from me at birthdays and Christmas. Not the way I like to give or receive gifts -- I'd much rather pick out something special, and get things that show that the giver knows me and was thinking of me. But I can't make them give presents the way I give presents, so I hand over the lists. But I continue to pick out presents for my family myself, no wish lists. Everyone is cool with this except my dad.

Usually at Thanksgiving my dad will approach me and say "If you want to get me something for Christmas, you could get me..." and I stop him to let him know I've already picked out his gift. This year was no different. Then when he opens the gift (which I have usually put a lot of thought into), I get a grunted, "Okay." No smiles, not even "thank you." Contrast this with my 17-year-old niece, who can't keep the delight off her face when she opens her presents. (Gee, Dad, that might be why we give her three times as many presents as we give you.) Oh, yeah, and my parents just ended up giving me a gift card because they didn't feel like looking for the items on the wish list they asked for.

So, if dad doesn't want to put any effort into getting me something I like, or politely receive the gifts I pick out especially for him, I'm not going to put any effort in either. He can have whatever books are in the bargain bin at the bookstore. I will continue not to listen to his flat out requests for gifts. (In the past, I tried listening to what he wanted in an effort to try and please him; best case scenario, I would get him what he wanted and STILL get no thank-you; worst case, he would ask for a gift I found objectionable, I wouldn't buy it, and then I'd have to hear for the next six months "why didn't you buy me X?") I wish I could just stop gift exchanges altogether, but boy, would it start a mess of complaining if I exchange gifts with every member of my family but my dad. I think no-effort gifts are the way to go to keep him quiet without investing time and energy only to have it ignored.

[Snooks]

I will no longer make an effort for my ILs.  I took time and effort to make them a Christmas present this year and as yet no acknowledgement of it.  We made sure it arrived with them before Christmas day yet when we spoke to them on Christmas day there was no mention of it (we know it got there as there was a mention of the other gift in the parcel for another family member).  We're due to see them tomorrow but I suspect there will be no thanks then either.  Also, given that I have always made sure their presents arrived with them to open on Christmas day I'm a little hurt that they couldn't be bothered to let us know that our present wasn't going to be with us on Christmas day.  I'm not even sure where our present is going to, us or them.  If it's going to them it would have been nice to know that we were going to do presents when we saw them as I wouldn't have bothered sending theirs to them if it's just going to sit unopened until we see them.  Given that they rarely let us know when they're going to be in the country then guilt trip us for not visiting them this will also be the last year I put plans in place to see them over Christmas.

[gmatoy]

Apparently, another hill arrived this week...

No, I will not stand in an hour long line at the grocery store today because at the last minute my kids have decided I should cook a traditional turkey & dressing dinner for Christmas eve!  There are restaurants open that evening - pick one. 

We will have the smoked turkey (I already own), mashed potatoes and green bean casserole for Christmas day lunch.  You girls want more, get your fannies into the kitchen and prepare it.  We have over 100 cookbooks and internet service - find the recipe you want to deal with.

I work 60 hours a week and took college classes, spring and fall and both summer semesters - I'm tired and I am happy with a cold sandwich and tomato slices.  And I have a very, very stiff spine!

You know to this day my mom still gives everyone two choices for dinner.  Take it, or leave it! 

My mother always said, "The one who complains makes the next meal." So, if you complained about dinner, the next dinner was on you. Not one of us ever complained a second time, and several of the younger ones never complained a first time.

(I will admit that it was fun watching everyone try not too complain about the meal I made.)

[Nora]

Apparently, another hill arrived this week...

No, I will not stand in an hour long line at the grocery store today because at the last minute my kids have decided I should cook a traditional turkey & dressing dinner for Christmas eve!  There are restaurants open that evening - pick one. 

We will have the smoked turkey (I already own), mashed potatoes and green bean casserole for Christmas day lunch.  You girls want more, get your fannies into the kitchen and prepare it.  We have over 100 cookbooks and internet service - find the recipe you want to deal with.

I work 60 hours a week and took college classes, spring and fall and both summer semesters - I'm tired and I am happy with a cold sandwich and tomato slices.  And I have a very, very stiff spine!

You know to this day my mom still gives everyone two choices for dinner.  Take it, or leave it! 

My mother always said, "The one who complains makes the next meal." So, if you complained about dinner, the next dinner was on you. Not one of us ever complained a second time, and several of the younger ones never complained a first time.

(I will admit that it was fun watching everyone try not too complain about the meal I made.)

Your mother is brilliant! If I did not have such grateful eaters in my household, that would totally be what I'd tell them. "Don't like it? Fine, you make dinner for everyone tomorrow then."

[Redneck Gravy]

I think I will refrain from answering the telephone if it is someone that is habitually negative that I don't want to deal with on Christmas Day.

My former MIL called and spent half an hour chewing me out & complaining.  She is very PA and negative, I should have ignored the call but I knew she would just call back later in the evening. 

I was polite and attentive, but I do not want to hear that junk on Christmas Day.  She's not just venting, these are complaints she thinks I "should" do something about - but I have absolutely no control over her issues. 

[TootsNYC]

My mother always said, "The one who complains makes the next meal." So, if you complained about dinner, the next dinner was on you. Not one of us ever complained a second time, and several of the younger ones never complained a first time.

Your mother is brilliant! If I did not have such grateful eaters in my household, that would totally be what I'd tell them. "Don't like it? Fine, you make dinner for everyone tomorrow then."

So, wait--you taught your kids manners, how to be appreciative, and THIS is the thanks you get? You can't ever dump dinner on them and feel self-righteous about it? Bummer!

[heartmug]

I think I will refrain from answering the telephone if it is someone that is habitually negative that I don't want to deal with on Christmas Day.

My former MIL called and spent half an hour chewing me out & complaining.  She is very PA and negative, I should have ignored the call but I knew she would just call back later in the evening. 

I was polite and attentive, but I do not want to hear that junk on Christmas Day.  She's not just venting, these are complaints she thinks I "should" do something about - but I have absolutely no control over her issues.

Yes, caller i.d. - one of the best inventions ever!  Good for you.  You don't need that.