Your holiday hill to die on.

[NyaChan]

That feel a lot like my ILs who don't believe in celebrating anything (they are Witnesses), but still want us over for Christmas. Yeah no, we're not going to sit there and not eat our turkey dinner and not unwrap presents. Just won't happen. I can't even believe they asked that of us when they know quite clearly where we stand on the matter (aka: yaaaay Christmas). DH shut them down immediately.

Sounds like the ILs thought they found a way to keep you from celebrating Christmas too, yay for DH for putting his foot down.

[UpdatedName]

That feel a lot like my ILs who don't believe in celebrating anything (they are Witnesses), but still want us over for Christmas. Yeah no, we're not going to sit there and not eat our turkey dinner and not unwrap presents. Just won't happen. I can't even believe they asked that of us when they know quite clearly where we stand on the matter (aka: yaaaay Christmas). DH shut them down immediately.

This is how I am, too. And, to be honest, I would have been fine not doing anything overtly "Christmas-y", but she doesn't even really interact with us while we're there--we just spend the whole time in front of the TV.

[gramma dishes]

UpdatedName ~~  If you invited her to your house for Christmas would she come?

Also I notice that you say every other year you go to his Dad's house and every year in between you end up going to hers.  When you do spend Christmas with your own family? 

[UpdatedName]

UpdatedName ~~  If you invited her to your house for Christmas would she come?

Also I notice that you say every other year you go to his Dad's house and every year in between you end up going to hers.  When you do spend Christmas with your own family?

No, she wouldn't come if we invited her--she can't travel that often, and when she can, she visits the BIL with children (her grandkids). One visit (not Christmas, just a regular visit) I tried to bring some groceries to cook for the three of us, since I always go hungry at her house, only to find that she had no cutting knives, no measuring cups/spoons, no cooking utensils, and only one small pot. There's not even room in her freezer to store a frozen pizza. So no real chance of taking Christmas dinner into our own hands.

My family lives in the same city as his dad, so we see them every other year when we go to his place--however, my family is toxic, and we just stop in for a brief visit, which is more than enough. I actually really enjoy the years at his dad's (actually DH's grandparents, as FIL lives with them). His aunts, uncles, and cousins all come, and we all sit around and talk, go for walks, eat a ton of food, and sometimes play a board game.

[weeblewobble]

That feel a lot like my ILs who don't believe in celebrating anything (they are Witnesses), but still want us over for Christmas. Yeah no, we're not going to sit there and not eat our turkey dinner and not unwrap presents. Just won't happen. I can't even believe they asked that of us when they know quite clearly where we stand on the matter (aka: yaaaay Christmas). DH shut them down immediately.

That makes my brain hurt.  Either you celebrate Christmas, or you don't.  You can't have it both ways.

[Nora]

That feel a lot like my ILs who don't believe in celebrating anything (they are Witnesses), but still want us over for Christmas. Yeah no, we're not going to sit there and not eat our turkey dinner and not unwrap presents. Just won't happen. I can't even believe they asked that of us when they know quite clearly where we stand on the matter (aka: yaaaay Christmas). DH shut them down immediately.

That makes my brain hurt.  Either you celebrate Christmas, or you don't.  You can't have it both ways.

[/b]

That is coincidentally the exact same thing DH told them.

[Morticia]

That feel a lot like my ILs who don't believe in celebrating anything (they are Witnesses), but still want us over for Christmas. Yeah no, we're not going to sit there and not eat our turkey dinner and not unwrap presents. Just won't happen. I can't even believe they asked that of us when they know quite clearly where we stand on the matter (aka: yaaaay Christmas). DH shut them down immediately.

That makes my brain hurt.  Either you celebrate Christmas, or you don't.  You can't have it both ways.

[/b]

That is coincidentally the exact same thing DH told them.

It sounds like they're trying to enforce their religious beliefs on you.

[heathert]

UpdatedName ~~  If you invited her to your house for Christmas would she come?

Also I notice that you say every other year you go to his Dad's house and every year in between you end up going to hers.  When you do spend Christmas with your own family?

No, she wouldn't come if we invited her--she can't travel that often, and when she can, she visits the BIL with children (her grandkids). One visit (not Christmas, just a regular visit) I tried to bring some groceries to cook for the three of us, since I always go hungry at her house, only to find that she had no cutting knives, no measuring cups/spoons, no cooking utensils, and only one small pot. There's not even room in her freezer to store a frozen pizza. So no real chance of taking Christmas dinner into our own hands.

My family lives in the same city as his dad, so we see them every other year when we go to his place--however, my family is toxic, and we just stop in for a brief visit, which is more than enough. I actually really enjoy the years at his dad's (actually DH's grandparents, as FIL lives with them). His aunts, uncles, and cousins all come, and we all sit around and talk, go for walks, eat a ton of food, and sometimes play a board game.

Man, I think I would even tell DH he had to drop me off first if he even tried to go to her house due to "feeling guilty." No way I would go.

[Softly Spoken]

I was forced to choose my hill just last year (you know last month? ).

While many posters on this thread stand up for their right not to slave away in the kitchen on Christmas, I actually had to defend my right to do so.

BG: 2011 had been quite trying. The biggest thing was my widowed father introducing me for the first time (as in I had no knowledge of her whatsoever up to this point and my father lives with me) to his "special friend" in April (on my birthday) and they were married  in September. It wasn't just adjusting to new gf-->FSM-->SM it was doing it do frickityfrackin FAST. Cue emotional roller coaster, counseling etc. etc. New SM seems nice for someone who is still for all intents and purposes a complete stranger. *sigh* End BG

Dad and I are out to lunch in early December. He says something (stated as fact not as a request for plans/feedback) about spending Xmas day with SM and her family (she has 4 grown kids, 2 or which are married so lots of ILs on their side). I was absolutely crushed. I managed to speak past the knot in my chest and inform my father that the traditional Christmas breakfast I have been making for him, myself, my mother when she was alive, and my 3 older brothers for the past 10 years is my gift to the family and I was deeply hurt that he didn't want to attend. I told him that this was the first Christmas celebration I was looking forward to since Mom had died, and I was hurt because it felt as if he was abandoning me to be with his "new" family. I made a point to stress that I was not asking him to choose and that I had been looking forward to having SM come over to share our tradition as well (this invite and the result is another thread for another time ).

I am proud of myself that I managed to convey my feelings to him w/out being too emotional, or putting him on the defensive.

When he realized it was important to me, he talk to SM and they arranged to celebrate with her family on Xmas Eve and then come to be with us on Xmas Day.

I don't know what will happen this year, but last year felt like it was far less of a disaster then it could have been, had I not chosen my holiday hill to die on.

[sparksals]

It sounds like you conveyed your feelings very well.  It also sounds like your FAther's wife is an understanding woman and willing to share the holiday.  We have heard many nightmares here, so I think yours is a happy ending. 

Please post the other thread about the invite and the result!@

[amylouky]

I am proud of myself that I managed to convey my feelings to him w/out being too emotional, or putting him on the defensive.

When he realized it was important to me, he talk to SM and they arranged to celebrate with her family on Xmas Eve and then come to be with us on Xmas Day.

And you should be.. it sounds like you, your dad, and your SM handled things very well and I'm glad it worked out. It's a refreshing difference from the usual holiday horror stories on here!

[gramma dishes]

... I had no knowledge of her whatsoever up to this point and my father lives with me ...

Does your father still live with you?

And congratulations on handling this issue with such finesse!

[Softly Spoken]

... I had no knowledge of her whatsoever up to this point and my father lives with me ...

Does your father still live with you?

And congratulations on handling this issue with such finesse!

As a matter of fact his has just found a house to buy with his new wife (and not a moment too soon bc she was *not* going to move in with us and I can't afford to move out).

Since I was never able to move out bc of finances (and would probably have ended up moving back in anyway to help take care of mom when she was sick), we now have a kind of reverse 'empty nest' thing happening where the baby bird is watching the parent fly away.  Very exciting/scary/big adjustment for all of us...

[gramma dishes]

...   we now have a kind of reverse 'empty nest' thing happening where the baby bird is watching the parent fly away.  Very exciting/scary/big adjustment for all of us...

That really is kind of a change of pace from the "usual and customary"! 

So his wife has been living separately from him during this time period?  Interesting marriage too!  Yes, I agree this is going to be a huge adjustment for all of you, but it could be lots of fun too, especially if New Wife really is a nice person.

[zyrs]

Considering what happened this year with presents for my FIL, my holiday hill to die on will be not to buy him clothing.  All of it has 'disappeared for alterations'.