Author Topic: Your holiday hill to die on.  (Read 249354 times)

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Auntie Mame

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #495 on: November 29, 2012, 03:14:28 PM »
Congratulations, Auntie Mame! I like that spine of yours. (I am polishing my up as well since I too am the one expected to travel. I do have a car, but why should I do all the driving?) Have a great Christmas.

Thanks.  Believe me, I certainly wasn't born with it and it was a long hard road to grow it but totally worth it.
Auntie needs fuel, black coffee and a side car.

HermioneGranger

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #496 on: November 29, 2012, 03:15:19 PM »
My holiday hill is a bit of a ways off, but I know it's coming.
DH and I got married last year. We plan on saving for a downpayment for a house in the next year. At some point, we'll be starting a family.
And there it lies. Every year since DH and I have been together (this will be year #8), we have had Christmas with his parents. I love my in-laws, imperfect as they may be, but they have certain expectations of "just how things are done."

In my family, mom wrapped her gifts to us. Santa didn't. My kids won't have gifts from Santa that are wrapped. I don't see what the big deal is, but my MIL actually has told me (more than once) that "The presents Santa leaves for them at MY house will be wrapped!"
So...she's going to one-up me on giftwrapping? Seriously? For non-existent children? She doesn't know it yet, but Santa won't be visiting her house for any children I have. I think Santa belongs to the parents, NOT the grandparents. And if Santa DOES make a stop....well, we won't be.

If this wasn't a pattern with her for EVERYTHING, it might not bother me so much.  But it is, and I don't appreciate the attitude. Of course, I would want her to have a loving, close relationship with any kids DH and I have, but she is going to be their grandmother, NOT the "other" mother.

This is why DH and have pulled waaaaay back from my family since having our daughter.  My parents basically raised my nephew because his parents couldn't be bothered.  Then they tried to horn in on me and my husband.  I don't think so.  You had your chance to raise your kids.  You screwed up one, but I turned out relatively normal.  It's not your place to raise her.  It's ours.  Sigh.  Christmas this year should be interesting.  The three of us are staying home, and we're preparing ourselves for the whining from them about not being able to see her on Christmas Day. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #497 on: November 29, 2012, 04:37:33 PM »
My holiday hill is a bit of a ways off, but I know it's coming.
DH and I got married last year. We plan on saving for a downpayment for a house in the next year. At some point, we'll be starting a family.
And there it lies. Every year since DH and I have been together (this will be year #8), we have had Christmas with his parents. I love my in-laws, imperfect as they may be, but they have certain expectations of "just how things are done."

In my family, mom wrapped her gifts to us. Santa didn't. My kids won't have gifts from Santa that are wrapped. I don't see what the big deal is, but my MIL actually has told me (more than once) that "The presents Santa leaves for them at MY house will be wrapped!"
So...she's going to one-up me on giftwrapping? Seriously? For non-existent children? She doesn't know it yet, but Santa won't be visiting her house for any children I have. I think Santa belongs to the parents, NOT the grandparents. And if Santa DOES make a stop....well, we won't be.

If this wasn't a pattern with her for EVERYTHING, it might not bother me so much.  But it is, and I don't appreciate the attitude. Of course, I would want her to have a loving, close relationship with any kids DH and I have, but she is going to be their grandmother, NOT the "other" mother.

I'd be joining you on that hill, but my MIL gave in quite nicely when I told her Santa comes to the house where the children are sleeping. And so no, Santa wouldn't be filling a stocking at HER house too.

I'm completely with you--Santa is MY turf, mine and DH's, and the grandparents have to butt out. They had their chance. This is my turn.
   And if I ever have grandkids, then I'll cheerfully watch from the sidelines as my kids get to be Santa.
   

VorFemme

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #498 on: November 29, 2012, 05:20:27 PM »
To add to the mix, there are garters for men that clip to the hem of a dress shirt and the top of the sock, keeping the shirt neatly tucked in and the sock pulled snugly up.  I believe these are often worn by military men with their uniforms.

I buy several of them every year during the summer for my husband's students.....it's the only way some of them can keep their socks pulled up and their shirts tucked in.....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

JenJay

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #499 on: November 29, 2012, 05:48:12 PM »
I had to climb the Santa hill but fortunately nobody took a shot at me. When DD got old enough to be excited for Christmas we asked my parents to stop filling a stocking at their house (no biggie, they're awesome!) and after the first few years we asked DH's stepmom not to mail her gifts "from Santa". She complained a little bit because DH was older when she met him so she never really got to play Santa, but that's not my problem. DH let her know if she labeled the gifts from anyone but her and FIL he'd just fix them. Fortunately she didn't make a big deal about it.

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #500 on: November 29, 2012, 11:49:36 PM »
My hill to die on this year may be a big one!  I'm not going to let illness in the family cancel all Christmas celebrations.

My niece is in the hospital with a staph infection, and at the moment they are saying she will need to be there through January 6th.  No home care, no day passes, nothing.  Of course, she is only a month old, so it's understandable that the hospital staff wants to make sure everything is going well.

My MIL is acting like this is the end of the holiday season.  Apparently nothing can happen to celebrate the holiday if my niece and her mom (my sister in law) are not there.  I'm not saying we should shut them out, but surely there are ways we can celebrate the season while also making sure they are included?  Maybe visiting them in the hospital with a tin of fresh baked goodies?  Or having part of an early Christmas with everyone else, then going to the hospital with presents for them to celebrate there too?  I'm sure there's something we could do, and that's what I'm going to suggest. 

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

MariaE

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #501 on: November 30, 2012, 01:18:35 AM »
I didn't think I had a holiday hill to die on, but the talk about Santa made me realize otherwise.

I will not lie about Santa (or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter). I feel very strongly against letting kids believe in Santa, so mine won't. There may still be gifts "from Santa", but my kids will know perfectly well that it's just make-believe and they're really from mum and dad / grandma and grandad / whoever.

I won't lie to other kids either. Of course, I'm not going to be a spoilsport and go out of my way to tell them the truth, and even if they ask me straight out, I'll do my best to bean dip or get them to ask their parents instead, but the words "Yes, Santa's real" (or some variation of that) will never cross my lips. Their right to parent as they wish does not extend to forcing me to lie. Fortunately it's never been an issue as redirecting seems to do the trick  :)

 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

BarensMom

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #502 on: November 30, 2012, 03:04:00 AM »
I didn't think I had a holiday hill to die on, but the talk about Santa made me realize otherwise.

I will not lie about Santa (or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter). I feel very strongly against letting kids believe in Santa, so mine won't. There may still be gifts "from Santa", but my kids will know perfectly well that it's just make-believe and they're really from mum and dad / grandma and grandad / whoever.

I won't lie to other kids either. Of course, I'm not going to be a spoilsport and go out of my way to tell them the truth, and even if they ask me straight out, I'll do my best to bean dip or get them to ask their parents instead, but the words "Yes, Santa's real" (or some variation of that) will never cross my lips. Their right to parent as they wish does not extend to forcing me to lie. Fortunately it's never been an issue as redirecting seems to do the trick  :)

What?!?  You mean Santa's not real?  :'( :'( :'( I'm crushed! :'( :'( :'(

MariaE

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #503 on: November 30, 2012, 03:55:25 AM »
I didn't think I had a holiday hill to die on, but the talk about Santa made me realize otherwise.

I will not lie about Santa (or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter). I feel very strongly against letting kids believe in Santa, so mine won't. There may still be gifts "from Santa", but my kids will know perfectly well that it's just make-believe and they're really from mum and dad / grandma and grandad / whoever.

I won't lie to other kids either. Of course, I'm not going to be a spoilsport and go out of my way to tell them the truth, and even if they ask me straight out, I'll do my best to bean dip or get them to ask their parents instead, but the words "Yes, Santa's real" (or some variation of that) will never cross my lips. Their right to parent as they wish does not extend to forcing me to lie. Fortunately it's never been an issue as redirecting seems to do the trick  :)

What?!?  You mean Santa's not real?  :'( :'( :'( I'm crushed! :'( :'( :'(

Sorry to burst your bubble  :-*
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #504 on: November 30, 2012, 04:17:59 AM »

What?!?  You mean Santa's not real?  :'( :'( :'( I'm crushed! :'( :'( :'(

Breathe through it... Don't worry, stuff appears at the end of my bed every Christmas, and I haven't bought it, so it must be Santa.

Actually, the Santa thing went on much longer than usual with us because I was a late baby, so by the point at which it might have faded away, it was actually a fully-fledged family tradition for the older ones. No big presents from Santa, but we went on doing stockings every year. Then when I got married, DH, whose family had given it up when his youngest sibling was about 8, loved the idea and joined in.

When the Elder Chick was about 5 and the younger one 3, my FIL, who has the tact and diplomacy of a steam-roller, said something loud in their hearing about "Oh, does Santa still come in your house? Do they still believe..." We all glared daggers at him, and I said crisply that Santa continued to visit me and always had. He grasped that he had said something untoward, but not what, and added weakly, "oh, I haven't had a present from Santa in years."

My MIL looked over the top of her spectacles at him and said drily, "That's probably because you haven't been good." Ah, I loved that woman.

weeblewobble

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #505 on: November 30, 2012, 07:22:55 AM »
Santa is also my sister's hill this year.  She and her BIL give the Santa gifts.  Period.  She had this issue with her MIL last year.  (Background thread:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=111546.0)

Short summary: Sis and BIL usually spend Christmas Eve at MIL/FIL's house, meaning my Niece opens her presents from Santa there. MIL bought a boatload of presents last year from Santa, despite Sis telling her that Sis and BIL wanted to give the Santa gifts.  Sis had a number of issues with this, including that the extra gifts from MIL would mean Niece spending that much more time opening presents, delaying Sis and BIL's departure for our family's Christmas celebration. (A six hour drive.) They'd told MIL ahead of time when they planned to leave.  MIL has a history of minimizing Sis's need to spend time with us.

Sis and BIL decided to let Niece open as many gifts as she could before the time they originally planned to leave in order to make it to our side's celebration.  Even if there were still presents left.  They arranged the presents so Niece opened the ones from them first.  Sounds sneaky, but they wanted to see their daughter open their gifts on Christmas morning.  When it was time to get up and leave, they left.  MIL was not happy.

This year, Sis and BIL will celebrate Christmas eve at MIL's house, but they will drive home that night and Niece will have Christmas morning at home.  Any presents from MIL will be from MIL, since Santa won't have time to come by yet. Sis is excited that she will finally have Christmas at home with her daughter.  MIL is doing everything she can to persuade BIL to stay on Christmas Eve.  Her listening style has not changed.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2012, 07:35:22 AM by weeblewobble »

weeblewobble

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #506 on: November 30, 2012, 07:27:43 AM »
My hill to die on this year may be a big one!  I'm not going to let illness in the family cancel all Christmas celebrations.

My niece is in the hospital with a staph infection, and at the moment they are saying she will need to be there through January 6th.  No home care, no day passes, nothing.  Of course, she is only a month old, so it's understandable that the hospital staff wants to make sure everything is going well.

My MIL is acting like this is the end of the holiday season.  Apparently nothing can happen to celebrate the holiday if my niece and her mom (my sister in law) are not there.  I'm not saying we should shut them out, but surely there are ways we can celebrate the season while also making sure they are included?  Maybe visiting them in the hospital with a tin of fresh baked goodies?  Or having part of an early Christmas with everyone else, then going to the hospital with presents for them to celebrate there too?  I'm sure there's something we could do, and that's what I'm going to suggest. 

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

Even if MIL declares there is no Christmas this year, there's no reason that you and DH (and your kids if you have them) can do your own celebration.  If MIL decides not to celebrate, that's her deal.

weeblewobble

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #507 on: November 30, 2012, 07:32:08 AM »
I didn't think I had a holiday hill to die on, but the talk about Santa made me realize otherwise.

I will not lie about Santa (or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter). I feel very strongly against letting kids believe in Santa, so mine won't. There may still be gifts "from Santa", but my kids will know perfectly well that it's just make-believe and they're really from mum and dad / grandma and grandad / whoever.

I won't lie to other kids either. Of course, I'm not going to be a spoilsport and go out of my way to tell them the truth, and even if they ask me straight out, I'll do my best to bean dip or get them to ask their parents instead, but the words "Yes, Santa's real" (or some variation of that) will never cross my lips. Their right to parent as they wish does not extend to forcing me to lie. Fortunately it's never been an issue as redirecting seems to do the trick  :)

My BIL and Sis feel the same way, but they too, are really good sports about helping us maintain our kids belief in Santa.  I want to hug people like you. :)

DD figured out this year that there is no Santa. She's a little upset, but we explained that now that she's in the know, she can be our helper elf and provide the Santa experience for her little brother.  She loves feeling "grown up" so that's helping a lot.

magdalena

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #508 on: November 30, 2012, 07:44:55 AM »
My husband and I have found a common hill.

Starting next year, we will celebrate Christmas at our house with our daughter and anyone who would like the join us.
No travelling over Christmas, just before or after, possibly.
There might be exceptions to the rule one day, perhaps, but that's up to us and not the ILs to decide  ;) (and at the moment, we're the only ones who know that there ever might be exceptions).

Also, there will be no presents before Christmas. None. If the ILs want to be there when she opens their gifts, they can either come to us, or wait until after Christmas. We don't care if the presents are from them or from Santa or Christkind, but we both feel strongly that the presents only come on Christmas Eve or later.

This Christmas, we're travelling to see the ILs so they can have Christmas with the Froglet. But after this year, it's up to them.



gramma dishes

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #509 on: November 30, 2012, 10:56:31 AM »
My hill to die on this year may be a big one!  I'm not going to let illness in the family cancel all Christmas celebrations.

My niece is in the hospital with a staph infection, and at the moment they are saying she will need to be there through January 6th.  No home care, no day passes, nothing.  Of course, she is only a month old, so it's understandable that the hospital staff wants to make sure everything is going well.

My MIL is acting like this is the end of the holiday season.  Apparently nothing can happen to celebrate the holiday if my niece and her mom (my sister in law) are not there.  I'm not saying we should shut them out, but surely there are ways we can celebrate the season while also making sure they are included?  Maybe visiting them in the hospital with a tin of fresh baked goodies?  Or having part of an early Christmas with everyone else, then going to the hospital with presents for them to celebrate there too?  I'm sure there's something we could do, and that's what I'm going to suggest. 

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

Even if MIL declares there is no Christmas this year, there's no reason that you and DH (and your kids if you have them) can do your own celebration.  If MIL decides not to celebrate, that's her deal.

I totally agree with WeebleWobble!  If your MIL doesn't want to celebrate, that's her right.  But it doesn't mean that you and your immediate family have to just curl up and ignore Christmas!  You go ahead and do whatever you want and if MIL doesn't wish to be a part of it, that's fine.

I will add, however, that if the baby is in the hospital with a staph infection it is highly unlikely that they will allow visitors other than her actual parents into her room.