Your holiday hill to die on.

[AfleetAlex]

My SIL and Bro are having a similar hill to die on re: traveling at Christmas. Family tradition has always been that we get together at one house with Mom's side of the family (Dad has very little family living). Bro and SIL are always a bit late, even when the drive was only about 15 minutes. (At max, it's 45 minutes so we're not talking multi-state trips here.) Now that they have kids, SIL wants to do Christmas morning at home with just their immediate family, which makes perfect sense.

Mom, however, didn't quite get what SIL was getting at, at first, and was trying to figure out how that would change the whole family get-together. I said it wouldn't. They're welcome to spend Christmas morning at home together, and I (single, childless) am still planning to join the rest of the family for Christmas morning as usual. As we will also have a small Christmas celebration with Bro, SIL and the kids separately anyway, it's not like we're not going to see them over the holidays.

[Tea Drinker]

Those sock-and-dress-shirt garters sound really useful. Can someone give me a standard name or search term, so I can see about buying some?

[JenJay]

DH calls them "shirt-stays". 

[JeanFromBNA]

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

As a childless couple, DH and I are aware that we are the Least Important People In The Family.  That's okay; it gets us out of a lot of nonsense, and means Christmas in the Caribbean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os6wu85r-I4.

I posted this link last year.  Maybe I'll make it an annual thing.

[jedikaiti]

What?!?  You mean Santa's not real?  I'm crushed!

Breathe through it... Don't worry, stuff appears at the end of my bed every Christmas, and I haven't bought it, so it must be Santa.

Actually, the Santa thing went on much longer than usual with us because I was a late baby, so by the point at which it might have faded away, it was actually a fully-fledged family tradition for the older ones. No big presents from Santa, but we went on doing stockings every year. Then when I got married, DH, whose family had given it up when his youngest sibling was about 8, loved the idea and joined in.

When the Elder Chick was about 5 and the younger one 3, my FIL, who has the tact and diplomacy of a steam-roller, said something loud in their hearing about "Oh, does Santa still come in your house? Do they still believe..." We all glared daggers at him, and I said crisply that Santa continued to visit me and always had. He grasped that he had said something untoward, but not what, and added weakly, "oh, I haven't had a present from Santa in years."

My MIL looked over the top of her spectacles at him and said drily, "That's probably because you haven't been good." Ah, I loved that woman.

I hit my mid-30s before my parents quit doing a stocking for me every year - and they'd been threatening to stop for about 10 years at that point (I had no problem with it!). And it was the same BIG LONG stocking Mom had bought when I was a baby. And always an orange in the toe. They still hang it up every year (at least when I make it over for Christmas), but it doesn't necessarily get filled, although I suggested stuffing it with newspaper and wrapping a couple little empty boxes to stick in the top, just for decoration.

[Lady Snowdon]

My hill to die on this year may be a big one!  I'm not going to let illness in the family cancel all Christmas celebrations.

My niece is in the hospital with a staph infection, and at the moment they are saying she will need to be there through January 6th.  No home care, no day passes, nothing.  Of course, she is only a month old, so it's understandable that the hospital staff wants to make sure everything is going well.

My MIL is acting like this is the end of the holiday season.  Apparently nothing can happen to celebrate the holiday if my niece and her mom (my sister in law) are not there.  I'm not saying we should shut them out, but surely there are ways we can celebrate the season while also making sure they are included?  Maybe visiting them in the hospital with a tin of fresh baked goodies?  Or having part of an early Christmas with everyone else, then going to the hospital with presents for them to celebrate there too?  I'm sure there's something we could do, and that's what I'm going to suggest. 

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

Even if MIL declares there is no Christmas this year, there's no reason that you and DH (and your kids if you have them) can do your own celebration.  If MIL decides not to celebrate, that's her deal.

I totally agree with WeebleWobble!  If your MIL doesn't want to celebrate, that's her right.  But it doesn't mean that you and your immediate family have to just curl up and ignore Christmas!  You go ahead and do whatever you want and if MIL doesn't wish to be a part of it, that's fine.

I will add, however, that if the baby is in the hospital with a staph infection it is highly unlikely that they will allow visitors other than her actual parents into her room.

Actually they are allowing people into her room; We've gone and visited several times so far.  I should have been clearer - it's a bone infection caused by the staph bacteria. 

DH and I are going to visit my parents in another state this Christmas, and I think MIL's even a little miffed about that, as if we should be throwing away our tickets to stay here and do nothing while Niece is in the hospital.  I'll be emailing MIL this weekend to discuss plans for getting together next weekend as was originally planned...should be interesting!

[CakeEater]

Send all your MIls my way! I hate Christmas shopping for gifts, so I'd be over the moon if someone wanted to buy all the santa presents for my kids. My Mum does buy a couple that we put in with ours. The only reason I've even bought Santa presents at all in past years is because we've always been in a grandparent house with other kids, and I didn't want them to realise that Santa didn't leave any presents for our kids.

Before you get too horrified at my mothering, my little ones are little, and haven't understood the whole concept of the Santa sack in previous years. Oldest DD might understand this year, I'm not sure. She does recognise Santa now, so maybe.

[Piratelvr1121]

For us it's making sure we have Christmas with the kids at home before we go anywhere else.  I like doing something just the 5 of us before we get together with the family.  That and the IL's have a small house so they don't keep a lot of toys for the kids at their house, so we usually have the boys bring their new stuff to their house and then take it home, along with what they get from the in laws.

[Luci45]

We were ones who wanted to see family every Christmas, which meant Christmas Eve in northern Illinois, travel to southern Illinois on Christmas Day. It was most important to see my grandmother, 6 hours away. My mom was an only child and passed away early, so there were just my brother's family and my family. She did have a couple of very loyal neices locally, so that helped.

We had a deal with Santa that he deliver to our house on the AM of the 24th. He was very cooperative about it. I think he was relieved to have one less stop that night. Then the kids had all day to play with their new stuff.

We do not hold our children to the same schedule, but as they live 1 3/4 hours and 2 1/4 hours away with us in between, we usually get to serve them dinner here after they have had the morning for church and nuclear family time. We are very understanding when son-in-law has to get home early. He's in retail. (Store manager) Daughter and son are best friends and their  spouses are pretty close, too, so I think they would be heartbroken not to see each other and all the kids. I wouldn't doubt that that is hill for both of them.

I think our hill to die on was that we would see everyone. How many snowstorms did we travel through? Enough - it really snowed a lot in the 70s and 80s in Illinois - even southern Illinois.

[BarensMom]

We were ones who wanted to see family every Christmas, which meant Christmas Eve in northern Illinois, travel to southern Illinois on Christmas Day. It was most important to see my grandmother, 6 hours away. My mom was an only child and passed away early, so there were just my brother's family and my family. She did have a couple of very loyal neices locally, so that helped.

We had a deal with Santa that he deliver to our house on the AM of the 24th. He was very cooperative about it. I think he was relieved to have one less stop that night. Then the kids had all day to play with their new stuff.

We do not hold our children to the same schedule, but as they live 1 3/4 hours and 2 1/4 hours away with us in between, we usually get to serve them dinner here after they have had the morning for church and nuclear family time. We are very understanding when son-in-law has to get home early. He's in retail. (Store manager) Daughter and son are best friends and their  spouses are pretty close, too, so I think they would be heartbroken not to see each other and all the kids. I wouldn't doubt that that is hill for both of them.

I think our hill to die on was that we would see everyone. How many snowstorms did we travel through? Enough - it really snowed a lot in the 70s and 80s in Illinois - even southern Illinois.

My father was from Marshall, Illinois.  I always wanted to spend Christmas back there - I'm a little jealous.

[Luci45]

We were ones who wanted to see family every Christmas, which meant Christmas Eve in northern Illinois, travel to southern Illinois on Christmas Day. It was most important to see my grandmother, 6 hours away. My mom was an only child and passed away early, so there were just my brother's family and my family. She did have a couple of very loyal neices locally, so that helped.

We had a deal with Santa that he deliver to our house on the AM of the 24th. He was very cooperative about it. I think he was relieved to have one less stop that night. Then the kids had all day to play with their new stuff.

We do not hold our children to the same schedule, but as they live 1 3/4 hours and 2 1/4 hours away with us in between, we usually get to serve them dinner here after they have had the morning for church and nuclear family time. We are very understanding when son-in-law has to get home early. He's in retail. (Store manager) Daughter and son are best friends and their  spouses are pretty close, too, so I think they would be heartbroken not to see each other and all the kids. I wouldn't doubt that that is hill for both of them.

I think our hill to die on was that we would see everyone. How many snowstorms did we travel through? Enough - it really snowed a lot in the 70s and 80s in Illinois - even southern Illinois.

My father was from Marshall, Illinois.  I always wanted to spend Christmas back there - I'm a little jealous.

I just looked up Marshall. It is quite a bit further south than we are and a bit north and east of my family homestead.

But WOW! That main street looks exactly like ours. We also are the county seat, double the population, but with pretty much the same demographics. Even the proportion of antique stores is about the same.

We lived in the fifth largest city in Illinois (Aurora, over 100,000) for 34 years. I love the quiet and friendliness of the small town. I hope someday you can visit Marshall and look up the old address and cemetery. You may love it.

[Roe]

I didn't think I had a holiday hill to die on, but the talk about Santa made me realize otherwise.

I will not lie about Santa (or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter). I feel very strongly against letting kids believe in Santa, so mine won't. There may still be gifts "from Santa", but my kids will know perfectly well that it's just make-believe and they're really from mum and dad / grandma and grandad / whoever.

I won't lie to other kids either. Of course, I'm not going to be a spoilsport and go out of my way to tell them the truth, and even if they ask me straight out, I'll do my best to bean dip or get them to ask their parents instead, but the words "Yes, Santa's real" (or some variation of that) will never cross my lips. Their right to parent as they wish does not extend to forcing me to lie. Fortunately it's never been an issue as redirecting seems to do the trick 

What?!?  You mean Santa's not real?  I'm crushed!

No, no, no...don't believe it.  Santa is real!   He visits our home every year!  Who else would leave such cool toys/gadgets for the kids!  I sure as heck don't do it! 

[MrTango]

I'll be visiting my mom's side of the family this year (a 3-hour drive from home in good weather).

My two hills:
1) I'm staying at a hotel.  That way, I have a place to retreat when LadyTango or I get overwhelmed by having too many people around.
2) If my mother's eldest sister starts in on her evangelical and/or racist rants, I'm leaving.

[ladyknight1]

My hill to die on this year may be a big one!  I'm not going to let illness in the family cancel all Christmas celebrations.

My niece is in the hospital with a staph infection, and at the moment they are saying she will need to be there through January 6th.  No home care, no day passes, nothing.  Of course, she is only a month old, so it's understandable that the hospital staff wants to make sure everything is going well.

My MIL is acting like this is the end of the holiday season.  Apparently nothing can happen to celebrate the holiday if my niece and her mom (my sister in law) are not there.  I'm not saying we should shut them out, but surely there are ways we can celebrate the season while also making sure they are included?  Maybe visiting them in the hospital with a tin of fresh baked goodies?  Or having part of an early Christmas with everyone else, then going to the hospital with presents for them to celebrate there too?  I'm sure there's something we could do, and that's what I'm going to suggest. 

If MIL still insists that no celebration can happen without Niece and SIL there, this will serve to confirm my feelings that DH and I are the least important people in the family, and we'll have a whole 'nother hill to climb next year!

My parents are the same way. We can only celebrate when everyone can be there, no matter which day the actual holiday or event is on. I have put a firm foot down on this, and we (meaning my immediate family) will celebrate our anniversary, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's on that day. If one of the family works on that day, or is traveling, so be it.

[MayHug]

My father was from Marshall, Illinois.  I always wanted to spend Christmas back there - I'm a little jealous.
[/quote]

I am also from Illinois, I used to live near Marshall. My niece's husband is originally from Marshall.