Author Topic: Your holiday hill to die on.  (Read 292527 times)

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Hillia

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1080 on: December 25, 2013, 11:52:29 AM »
BIL gave me the gift of a brand new hill for next year.
\
I posted in another thread the mild eyerolling irritation that he already gave, by giving his folks the gift of a big screen TV after assuring me  in June that they would hate it and never use it.  Now he's basking in the 'such a thoughtful son' messages on FB.  OK, whatever.

But now...I've known DH for 8 years.  For 8 years I have handled all the holiday/birthday present giving for both of us.  I have racked my brains every Christmas and birthday to find, purchase, and ship a meaningful gift for BIL.  Not once in 8 years has he even acknowledged receiving the gift, let alone thanked us or reciprocated.  This year I sent a box to the ILs, which contained BIL's Christmas gift as well as some drill bits that DH had picked up for him and a book about a topic he's interested in that I found at a yard sale.  He thanked DH (well, acknowledged) for the drill bits, and completely ignored the existence of the book and gift.   ::)  What's the saying about happenstance, coincidence, and enemy action?

So no more gifts for BIL.  It actually makes me a little sad; I have few enough people to celebrate the holiday with as aside from DH adn DS, my only living family member aside from some far flung cousins is my brother, who lives across the country with his family.  I admit that even with all the horror stories, I'm a little jealous of people with big families to celebrate with. BIL is more of a spoiled child than anything else, he's not ruining my holiday, but at least with badly behaved kids you can hope they'll grow out of it!  At 35...probably not happening.

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Minmom3

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1081 on: December 25, 2013, 02:04:20 PM »
Hillia, find something else to spend time and attention on, where that person/project WILL appreciate the effort you put out.  It doesn't have to be Christmas presents, it can be other.  Something that matters to you, where it also matters to THEM.  Much more rewarding for you than the endless void that your BIL sounds like...
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FoxPaws

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1082 on: December 25, 2013, 02:41:54 PM »
My hill is to quit feeling guilty about giving Gift Certificates instead of "real" presents.

I suck at gift giving. I hate shopping. I am not "crafty". My memory and imagination desert me entirely at any hint of a deadline.

I do not begrudge a dime of money or a moment of time spent on my loved ones, but I do begrudge the stress caused by attempting to find something that fits my budget, their tastes, and a box by a specific date. It just isn't my talent/skill/thing.

So the new rule is that if something doesn't throw itself in my path saying, "Sis/Mom would love this!" I'm gift carding. With love, affection, and a complete and utter lack of guilt.
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Kimblee

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1083 on: December 25, 2013, 03:00:53 PM »
My hill? Rudolph the song and any other related items aren't allowed in my home. If I can avoid outside I will.  I find it a horrible message. If you're different you have to prove your worthiness/value to be accepted.

I prefer the message of Nightmare Before Christmas.

Even the best intentions can go wrong.
But if you do badly you can make it right.
And make friends too.

And best lesson of all:

An unusual, red nosed animal isn't loved because he's useful. He's useful because he's loved and loves in return.
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Minmom3

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1084 on: December 25, 2013, 03:11:46 PM »
I think my hill to stand on, going forward, will be that the housekeeping to get the place guest ready MUST be finished by the day BEFORE the event - it's Christmas today, but this is an ongoing issue with him - because I'm sick and tired of doing the bulk of the cleaning the day of the event.  And most of the mess (99%) is DH's, because he's very messy, and a borderline hoarder.  If that means I make boxes up and fill them with his carp and throw them in 'his' rooms, then I will do it.  It's noon, and I'm still vacuuming and sweaty and I'm peeved.  Seriously peeved.  I do the bulk of the cleaning because DH has heart failure, and really cannot do most of it, but he COULD pace himself and do more, earlier on, giving me more time earlier on to do the dirty work.   >:(  And he's pouting and upset that I'm upset that I'm having to do this at the last stinking minute.   >:(   >:(  And my vacuum is now having issues of it's own.
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kherbert05

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1085 on: December 25, 2013, 03:26:15 PM »
My hill is to quit feeling guilty about giving Gift Certificates instead of "real" presents.

I suck at gift giving. I hate shopping. I am not "crafty". My memory and imagination desert me entirely at any hint of a deadline.

I do not begrudge a dime of money or a moment of time spent on my loved ones, but I do begrudge the stress caused by attempting to find something that fits my budget, their tastes, and a box by a specific date. It just isn't my talent/skill/thing.

So the new rule is that if something doesn't throw itself in my path saying, "Sis/Mom would love this!" I'm gift carding. With love, affection, and a complete and utter lack of guilt.
I'm with you.
Loren got craft kits
Brett got a hand made leather sword and shield
ON, BIL, Sis got a Day out. GC for an ativity they like, a store they like, and a restaraunt they like. Babysitting included for Sis and BIL if they need it.
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Elfmama

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1086 on: December 25, 2013, 03:32:42 PM »

My hill? Rudolph the song and any other related items aren't allowed in my home. If I can avoid outside I will.  I find it a horrible message. If you're different you have to prove your worthiness/value to be accepted.
Especially since once the emergency is over, poor Rudy will probably go back to being the goat.

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ladyknight1

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1087 on: December 25, 2013, 05:37:33 PM »
Why does every visit with in-laws end up with me being their tech support? And why have I had to show them how to download library books 5 times in one year?

PastryGoddess

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1088 on: December 25, 2013, 05:55:36 PM »
Why does every visit with in-laws end up with me being their tech support? And why have I had to show them how to download library books 5 times in one year?

This is my family. I don't play that game anymore

My uncle tried to do that to me today. He greeted me and said, "I'm glad you're here, I need you to set up Skype for me". Mind you, I had 1 foot in the door and one foot outside at the time.  I told him that he needs to download it and set up a user name, then went in the kitchen to greet the rest of the family.  Just as I sat down to eat, he tried to get me again saying he needed me to help him add contacts.  I told him to look in the help section on the top and kept on eating and talking. 

The relative who told me I should go and help my uncle got told to go and help him herself since it was so important. 

SoCalVal

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1089 on: December 25, 2013, 06:53:18 PM »
Why does every visit with in-laws end up with me being their tech support? And why have I had to show them how to download library books 5 times in one year?

This is my family. I don't play that game anymore

My uncle tried to do that to me today. He greeted me and said, "I'm glad you're here, I need you to set up Skype for me". Mind you, I had 1 foot in the door and one foot outside at the time.  I told him that he needs to download it and set up a user name, then went in the kitchen to greet the rest of the family.  Just as I sat down to eat, he tried to get me again saying he needed me to help him add contacts.  I told him to look in the help section on the top and kept on eating and talking. 

The relative who told me I should go and help my uncle got told to go and help him herself since it was so important.

I was looking for the "Like" button on this.

My holiday hill is I will not be traveling for Christmas anymore unless DH's aunt starts the day earlier (no skin off my nose if she doesn't since I don't want to travel in the first place).  DH's relatives live a 5-hour round trip away.  Just by chance, I am on vacation until next year so her starting Christmas activities at 2pm doesn't affect my work schedule this year.  However, I normally have to be up for work at 5:30am to be there by 7am.  I don't want to be traveling back from anywhere late at night when I have to be at work the next day.  DH's aunt refuses to serve the Christmas meal earlier in the day; she insists that it be dinner (but also expects everyone to travel to her house for Christmas, including those of us who live far away and have to work the next day).  So, I'm done.  While I know it's DH's aunt's prerogative to start the day whenever she wants, it doesn't mean I have to accept it (DH knows no different and LOVES to travel to see his family; he's done this every year, multiple times a year, his entire life).

Today, I'm home.  I really didn't want to travel, and DH knows that.  With my blessing, DH is on his way to his aunt's house.  Hey, I figured out the gifts, shopped, wrapped, did all the grocery shopping, did all the Christmas cards so, guess what?  I'm doing what *I* want for Christmas...which is stay home to veg, watch TV, clean my messy house, write a work schedule, surf the Internet and sign up for as many decent mystery shopping companies as I can find (didn't realize until typing this all out that, outside of putting the ribbon on the gifts, going to one location to pick up two gifts and answering my questions, DH did nothing for Christmas gifts and cards this year).



Luci

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1090 on: December 25, 2013, 07:03:52 PM »

My hill? Rudolph the song and any other related items aren't allowed in my home. If I can avoid outside I will.  I find it a horrible message. If you're different you have to prove your worthiness/value to be accepted.
Especially since once the emergency is over, poor Rudy will probably go back to being the goat.

I always felt the message was that everyone has a skill or attribute that will help them find a niche. I was always encouraged, and knew that even if it is just showing care for others or bringing out an gift in others, it will one day show up. Life wouldn't necessarily be sunny every day, and not everyone will accept and love me, but it's there. Just search or be aware of it.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1091 on: December 25, 2013, 09:10:27 PM »
A couple of days ago I heard a version of Rudolph that had an added verse.  When all the reindeer decide they love Rudolph, he says something like, "Hey look, you laughed at me, called me names, and wouldn't let me join in your games.  You behaved horribly and hurt my feelings.  I can't forget about that and be buddies all of a sudden".  The other reindeer apologize profusely, and Rudolph forgives them.

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MOM21SON

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1092 on: December 25, 2013, 09:51:04 PM »
I took a leave of my senses and went back on my hill. 

The MOTHER is crazy!.  I hope all of you will remind me next year.

Her list of hates is longer than anything I can think of.

Her conversations with my son are so wrong.  The whole visit lasted almost 2 hours and I couldn't wait to take her back.

Evil Evil Evil hateful woman.

gramma dishes

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1093 on: December 25, 2013, 10:00:08 PM »
I took a leave of my senses and went back on my hill.  ...

Isn't it funny how we tend to want things to be different -- better -- so much that we just never seem to be able to quite completely give up hope.  "This time will be better, surely!"  But it never is and then we come home and beat ourselves over the head about it.

At least you managed to cut it to two hours.  Which I'm sure was 1 hour and 58 minutes too long. 

We'll remind you next year!!   ;D

Luci

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Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Reply #1094 on: December 25, 2013, 10:36:11 PM »
I took a leave of my senses and went back on my hill. 

The MOTHER is crazy!.  I hope all of you will remind me next year.

Her list of hates is longer than anything I can think of.

Her conversations with my son are so wrong.  The whole visit lasted almost 2 hours and I couldn't wait to take her back.

Evil Evil Evil hateful woman.


Isn't it funny how we tend to want things to be different -- better -- so much that we just never seem to be able to quite completely give up hope.  "This time will be better, surely!"  But it never is and then we come home and beat ourselves over the head about it.

At least you managed to cut it to two hours.  Which I'm sure was 1 hour and 58 minutes too long. 

We'll remind you next year!!   ;D

My suggestion is that if you can and feel you must and can manage it, visit your mother alone, without your son. Show her pictures, ignore admonitions about why he isn't there. She sounds incompetent enough to not really notice a change in conversation. I have always found with the totally lost  :'( that asking about meals distracts them. But never the less, a quick change in conversation, "Whatever happened to Bucky?' or "Do you remember the trip to Grand Canyon" or "Do you remember the day Lily dropped the soup?" will get anyone off track. If your mom is so incompetent, your son doesn't need to see her.

I honestly feel that if you have good stories about your mom and tell them to your son under other conditions, that is far better than his actually meeting her and feeling the family is abused. Your son is still a product of your mother, and he will realize it soon, so please don't do anything that make him fell dimished by being 1/4 of this woman.

You and your son have hugs forever for this one.