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Author Topic: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?  (Read 6258 times)

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Aggiesque

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sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« on: October 25, 2011, 03:12:46 AM »
So... the IL's really wanted to do a shower for DD2. I talked them into a meet the baby (we also live far away). We are doing that this weekend.

I saw the invites, looked like a stop by and meet the baby, etc. I had no problems.

Now one person is mentioning "let me know if you are going to the baby shower! If not I'm about to start calling!" etc (this is a host).

It's on a social media site.

Is there a polite response I can make as a comment, or is this a bite-my-tongue type of situation?

Again, these are in laws, not my family, or I would certainly say something. The IL's and I are not close (no bad feelings, just don't know each other/see each other more than a 2-3 times a year).
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Perfect Circle

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2011, 03:52:17 AM »
Could you not just say in a friendly way something along the lines of "It's a meet the baby party, not a shower, and I really hope to see you on Saturday". This does need a bit better, friendlier tone but my brain just isn't functioning enough at the moment for that.
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QueenofAllThings

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2011, 06:14:31 AM »
Or a really PA "Shower? Who's having a shower? I hadn't heard. Will I see you at next week's 'Meet the Baby'?"

Sounds like your ILs did exactly what they wanted to do in the first place.

atirial

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2011, 07:27:29 AM »
Can you contact the people who are meant to be organising it privately to make sure they are clear this is a meet the baby party and not a shower? If they ask, point them at the status and request they correct it politely.

To be honest, I'm not sure of the difference.

Assuming a shower is something you really don't want, the organisers know this, and since this is one of the organisers making the comment, I would probably let DH and the organisers know I - and the baby - would be politely bowing out to avoid upstaging the lucky shower recipient.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2011, 07:31:25 AM by atirial »

Kitty Hawk

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2011, 07:31:00 AM »
The name of the function may be important to you, but not necessarily to anyone else. 

For most people, a party for a new baby is a shower, no matter what else you may want to call it.  And I imagine that everyone is going to bring a present anyway.


Aggiesque

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2011, 07:43:36 AM »
I'm guessing people will bring presents, too, but I don't want them to be obligated to- I'm hoping the focus would be more on the baby than presents, since there is a baby to be at the party (vs my shower with the first child, where obviously the highlight is the baby "stuff" you get).

Blah. It's a family party for them anyway, so I guess it looks like I do just bite my tongue at this point.
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Aggiesque

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2011, 08:07:59 AM »
I don't think it's anything malicious/trying to subvert, it's just very different from my family culture.

I think I may try and compose a friendly e-mail to her trying to explain that I don't want people to think they need to bring stuff. Originally all this was done through MIL, but I think she's delegated a lot to SIL.
Aggie

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Kitty Hawk

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2011, 10:12:21 AM »
But isn't it likely or possible that people will want to bring presents?  I can't imagine meeting a baby like that without taking a present.

You know, most people do it out of love and respect, rather than a feeling of duty.  At least in my experience.


Lisbeth

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2011, 10:18:48 AM »
But isn't it likely or possible that people will want to bring presents?  I can't imagine meeting a baby like that without taking a present.

You know, most people do it out of love and respect, rather than a feeling of duty.  At least in my experience.

The difference is, the word "shower" conveys an expectation of gifts which etiquette doesn't allow for second and subsequent children-it also doesn't allow relatives to throw them.

A "meet the baby," party, on the other hand, can be thrown by anyone, and does not create this expectation, while at the same time allows people to give gifts if they feel like it.  There just won't be any expectation that the gifts will be opened at the party.
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Yvaine

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2011, 10:20:38 AM »
But isn't it likely or possible that people will want to bring presents?  I can't imagine meeting a baby like that without taking a present.

You know, most people do it out of love and respect, rather than a feeling of duty.  At least in my experience.

The difference is, the word "shower" conveys an expectation of gifts which etiquette doesn't allow for second and subsequent children-it also doesn't allow relatives to throw them.

A "meet the baby," party, on the other hand, can be thrown by anyone, and does not create this expectation, while at the same time allows people to give gifts if they feel like it.  There just won't be any expectation that the gifts will be opened at the party.

This is probably a dumb question, and absolutely not meant with snark, but are the expectations for a "meet the baby party" actually that well known in the public at large? I had never heard of one until eHell and would have had no idea what the gift expectations might be or what the party would be like (other than, obviously, the meeting of the baby).

Lisbeth

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2011, 10:22:39 AM »
But isn't it likely or possible that people will want to bring presents?  I can't imagine meeting a baby like that without taking a present.

You know, most people do it out of love and respect, rather than a feeling of duty.  At least in my experience.

The difference is, the word "shower" conveys an expectation of gifts which etiquette doesn't allow for second and subsequent children-it also doesn't allow relatives to throw them.

A "meet the baby," party, on the other hand, can be thrown by anyone, and does not create this expectation, while at the same time allows people to give gifts if they feel like it.  There just won't be any expectation that the gifts will be opened at the party.

This is probably a dumb question, and absolutely not meant with snark, but are the expectations for a "meet the baby party" actually that well known in the public at large? I had never heard of one until eHell and would have had no idea what the gift expectations might be or what the party would be like (other than, obviously, the meeting of the baby).

I would say that the only expectations for a "meet the baby" party are that the baby will be present.  There are no gift expectations or any other expectations that wouldn't be there for any other party.  Possibly it is less likely that there will be alcohol present, but I don't think that's a given-a backyard barbecue where beer is served is just as likely as in a fancy restaurant (probably more so would be my guess).
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dawbs

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2011, 10:31:22 AM »

I KNOW I was in the right thread.  Then I hit 'refresh' and *poof*
Moving :)
« Last Edit: October 25, 2011, 10:34:21 AM by dawbs »

Lisbeth

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2011, 10:32:00 AM »
An "I'm very sorry you went/are going through that" could work.
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Kitty Hawk

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2011, 10:51:35 AM »
Well, then maybe it is just me, but I wouldn't go to any sort of a new-baby party, no matter what you call it, without a gift.

Lisbeth

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Re: sigh... what happened to meet the baby?
« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2011, 10:56:31 AM »
Well, then maybe it is just me, but I wouldn't go to any sort of a new-baby party, no matter what you call it, without a gift.

As long as you don't expect the gift to be opened in your presence, that's completely fine.  It would only be acceptable to "expect" that if the party were a shower-and labeled as such by the hosts and honoree.
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