Why written thank you notes?

[CakeEater]

Huh! Isn't it strange how you assume that things like that are completely universal, but they're not!

[Ereine]

Thank you cards don't really exist in Finland, except for confirmation (or equivalent, confirmation camps are so common that there's a non-religious alternative and either way afterwards you have a party), high school graduation and weddings. All of them involve bigger parties and gifts. Thank you notes are most often (or almost always) small cards with a picture of the guest of honor and a pre-printed message. There's no details for the gift because the cards aren't really for that but for attending, you'd send to even people who didn't give you a gift.

[Steph.A.]

Wedding gifts in Germany usually come with an actual card, in which one congratulates the couple. Of course, that card is signed. I thought it was the same in the U.S.? Or do you just have those little stickers?

[kareng57]

Wedding gifts in Germany usually come with an actual card, in which one congratulates the couple. Of course, that card is signed. I thought it was the same in the U.S.? Or do you just have those little stickers?

I'm not in the US but in Canada - where I am it's fairly common for guests to bring gifts to the reception.  The gifts are of course accompanied by signed cards - but it's not unheard-of for the card to get unstuck from the gift during transportation.  Taping-down the card at at least two ends is a good bet.

[dqduck]

Thank you notes don't exist in my culture either. A phone call or a verbal thank you is more highly valued. I moved to Australia a couple of years ago and there gave my American friend a couple of gifts for her baby shower. I was thanked in person and I assumed that that would be the end of that. I admit I felt a bit uncomfortable when I received a thank you note from her--it confused me because I didn't understand why (at the time) she would give me one and why a verbal thank you was not enough. I had also received birthday presents from my friends here and had not written any thank you notes, just thanked them in person, so I was afraid that I might have slipped up by not doing so. I was told when I asked that here, thank you notes were usually for 'big' events like weddings and showers etc.

[Slartibartfast]

It varies quite a bit, even in the US, despite what previous eHell threads might make you think    I was raised to send written TY notes for birthday and Christmas presents, while in contrast DH has never written a TY note in his life.  I very rarely write TY notes now, honestly, even for "formal" occasions - I've had some bad experiences with TY notes in the past (pretty sure I've posted about my exacting grandparents here before) and the idea of writing formal TY notes leaves me a nervous wreck.  I prefer to email, call, or thank someone in person.

I think partly it's generational, too - the older generation didn't have email as an option, and long-distance calls were more expensive.  So a written TY note was totally normal.  It's also a gender thing - I notice guys aren't expected to write TY notes anywhere near as much as women are.  Even for a wedding - if the couple doesn't send out TY notes, it's the bride who gets censure, not the groom!

[baglady]

I think partly it's generational, too - the older generation didn't have email as an option, and long-distance calls were more expensive.  So a written TY note was totally normal.

You're making me feel old here, but it's true! BTW, the term "long distance call" sounds so quaint now, doesn't it? Ditto "air mail." ::hobbles to window to shoo kids off lawn::

I've always thought of thank you notes as something you sent when you couldn't thank the giver upon receipt of the gift, either because it came in the mail or because you didn't open it on the spot (such as at a wedding). If you did thank them in person, then a note is a nice touch but not required (and in some circles might be considered odd).

[shhh its me]

   OP you mentioned letters in general I think American etiquette would say a letter inclding a "thank you" is better then a note.  There are also some family "rules" when my child is an adult he will likely know I would preffer a call  to a note if I send a gift.  To me that's an example of "we made an express mutual exception to the rule" and it would be rude of him to presume that privilege with anyone else.

[hobish]

I was raised in the US and i was not taught to write thank you notes. I remember writing little childish - because i was a child - letters to my grandparents sometimes. When i was 14 or so i met BFF and her family was very much about thank you notes. I'm glad i learned a little something there.

Now i write them because

1. I like to write them. I really do. I have relatives i really like who i see once every so often and they give me things unexpectedly. I say thank you in person, but i really enjoy using a nice pen and paper to write it all out.

2. I figure adults usually get unpleasant mail. Flyers, bills, flyers, junk ... it's nice to get good mail. So i like sending good mail.

3. Maybe i am old school but i value the written word over the typed word when it comes to thank you notes.

4. Probably goes back to #1. I have beautiful handwriting when i try. I'm vain about it

[violinp]

I was raised in the US and i was not taught to write thank you notes. I remember writing little childish - because i was a child - letters to my grandparents sometimes. When i was 14 or so i met BFF and her family was very much about thank you notes. I'm glad i learned a little something there.

Now i write them because

1. I like to write them. I really do. I have relatives i really like who i see once every so often and they give me things unexpectedly. I say thank you in person, but i really enjoy using a nice pen and paper to write it all out.

2. I figure adults usually get unpleasant mail. Flyers, bills, flyers, junk ... it's nice to get good mail. So i like sending good mail.

3. Maybe i am old school but i value the written word over the typed word when it comes to thank you notes.

4. Probably goes back to #1. I have beautiful handwriting when i try. I'm vain about it

Ha! Someone like me! I used to have horrible handwriting until I was a teen because of my left - handedness. I taught myself calligraphy, and now I'm the one who does placecards for family dinners.

[hobish]

  OMGoodness, same here, violinp! That is so funny!

[violinp]

  OMGoodness, same here, violinp! That is so funny!

*highfives*

[MamaCaz]

Love it hobish!

Where I live in Australia, you're lucky to get a thank you for a wedding.  And that would definitely be the only occasion, although I do know of rare exceptions.

We do thank you notes because I like to, and with the children's parties these days, the gifts tend to get dumped rather than given to the birthday child.  My eldest wrote (traced) her own this year (she has just learned to write, so good practice).  They were very simple but I thought the exercise was important (they seem to get so much, it doesn't hurt them to show a little appreciation).  She complained bitterly after the first few, but changed her tune when I suggested we could avoid the work by not having a big party.  For my little one's birthday, she just added her 'writing' underneath my note.

We rarely receive a thank you note from another child but it is lovely to receive something, maybe a little anecdote about how they love their gift or a photo of them with the gift.  It doubles the joy of giving, IMO.