Author Topic: Give him a chance - I'd rather not UPDATE #32  (Read 15054 times)

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Petticoats

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #15 on: October 27, 2011, 10:08:02 AM »
Some people seem to think that just because you want to date *somebody*, you should want to date *anybody*. The attitude seems like, 'well, you keep complaining you don't have shoes--here are some shoes! why aren't you grateful, even if they're not your size?"

That's such a great analogy!

Would-be matchmakers should understand that, while we may appreciate their thinking of us, ultimately we must rely on our *own* judgment in life.

Lady Anne

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2011, 10:30:39 AM »
First, I want to agree that no woman is EVER obligated to go on a date with ANY man for ANY reason!  This is paramount!!!!

However, OP, I also want to put a thought out there.  Steve is one of you friends' close friends.  She knows him better than you and may know him in different settings and therefore have an idea as why you might be a good fit.  It may not be a simple case of OP is single, Steve is single, perfect!  Believe me, I totally get that you haven't felt a click.  But it also doesn't seem like you are super-open to seeing people in different situations to see if they might click with you on a different level.

I first met my other half more than a year before we started dating.  He was a friend of a friend who occasionally showed up at group events.  When I would ask him questions to try to get to know him, he would answer me in one-word sentences while looking away.  Needless to say, I felt no spark.  I need someone I can talk to!  Over a year later, my three roommates and I threw a casual party and he was there.  At the end of the night, he started to help me clean up.  That is when he really started to open up!  We talked until 4 in the morning and were both reluctant to call an end to the night!  We have now been together for almost six years and he is now quite comfortable and able to be himself in my group of friends and is becoming more and more comfortable in new environments with large groups of people.

My point is that the aggressive opinions could be insecurity in a new situation.  The click might happen when it is just the two of you with no one around.  Of course, you do NOT need to go out with this guy or any guy at all and your friend needed to immediately back off when you said you weren't interested!  However, I do caution you (as I do my friends IRL) that sometimes you really do need one-on-one time to be able to feel a spark and expecting a spark before ever even going on a date can be unrealistic (though not impossible).  Don't go out with anyone who makes you uncomfortable, makes you feel icky, gives you a bad vibe or for any other reason you don't want to.  However, try to be open to the idea that sometimes you can feel very different about someone in a one-on-one setting as opposed to a group.

Good luck with your search for the person who makes you happy!
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2011, 10:50:24 AM »
"His behavior is that of an opinionated jerk. I see no reason to waste an evening in his exclusive company."

It may be more commentary than needed, but it also identifies the bar on your standards.

It also stops short of calling him an opinionated jerk; it is possible that he isn't, but needs to know how he comes across to others who don't know him.
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hobish

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #18 on: October 27, 2011, 11:03:11 AM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?





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whiterose

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #19 on: October 27, 2011, 11:31:04 AM »
If it were a simple case of "I do not feel anything special when talking to him", then it may be worth giving him a chance.

But it seems like Steve makes the OP uncomfortable with his being so pushy, aggressive, and opinionated. The OP may not be getting a strong gut feeling that Steve is downright dangerous- but it is still a valid incompatibility that is making her uncomfortable. Emma may enjoy Steve's bluntness and outspokenness, but MissMolly may need someone who is nowhere near as pushy.

It may be an insecurity on Steve's part. But the OP has said that she has met him several times- it was not just someone that she met once and who may have been having a bad day that time. Emma may be seeing something in him that the OP has not picked up. But Emma may be trying to pair up her two remaining single friends for whatever reason.

If Steve is making the OP uncomfortable with his being so aggressive in his opinions- as compared to a simple "I have spoken with him a few times, and I do not feel a special click any more than what I feel with my girlfriends or platonic male friends"- then in no way should the OP feel that she needs to do Steve or Emma a favor by going out with Steve.
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Twik

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #20 on: October 27, 2011, 11:46:55 AM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?

She didn't say she was screaming at e-Hell, she suggested screaming at the friend who seems to think that there is an obligation that all single people get matched up.
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #21 on: October 27, 2011, 11:51:45 AM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?


Thank you - I agree completely.
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bopper

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #22 on: October 27, 2011, 01:40:37 PM »
1) "I feel uncomfortable around Steve, and not in a good way."

2) "I don't want to end up on My Very Worst Date" (http://myveryworstdate.com/)

Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #23 on: October 27, 2011, 01:43:25 PM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?

She didn't say she was screaming at e-Hell, she suggested screaming at the friend who seems to think that there is an obligation that all single people get matched up.

Not exactly screaming at the friend.  It's akin to going outside and screaming at a brick wall because you are so frustrated with something.

Yes, but none of us need screaming on our screens. 
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WillyNilly

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #24 on: October 27, 2011, 02:11:51 PM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?

She didn't say she was screaming at e-Hell, she suggested screaming at the friend who seems to think that there is an obligation that all single people get matched up.

Not exactly screaming at the friend.  It's akin to going outside and screaming at a brick wall because you are so frustrated with something.

Yes, but none of us need screaming on our screens.

Sorry to jump on the threadjack, but I too found the red-shadow, bolded, etc text to be very off putting. 

Auntie Mame

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #25 on: October 27, 2011, 02:24:20 PM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?

She didn't say she was screaming at e-Hell, she suggested screaming at the friend who seems to think that there is an obligation that all single people get matched up.

Not exactly screaming at the friend.  It's akin to going outside and screaming at a brick wall because you are so frustrated with something.

Yes, but none of us need screaming on our screens.

Sorry to jump on the threadjack, but I too found the red-shadow, bolded, etc text to be very off putting.

Except I didn't do that, someone else did.
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Auntie Mame

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #26 on: October 27, 2011, 02:26:31 PM »
1) Point blank ask your friend why she refuses to accept your no.

2) Tell your friend no woman is ever, EVER, obligated to go on a adte with any man for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER! Sorry to scream that, but that attitude rankles me to no end.

3) Tell Steve.  No. nothing else, no.

I thought that needed just a weensy bit more emphasis.

A bit over the top.  I didn't post it like that all.  Mine was more of a gritted teeth thing.
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Bibliophile

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #27 on: October 27, 2011, 02:30:39 PM »
1) Point blank ask your friend why she refuses to accept your no.

2) Tell your friend no woman is ever, EVER, obligated to go on a adte with any man for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER! Sorry to scream that, but that attitude rankles me to no end.

3) Tell Steve.  No. nothing else, no.

I thought that needed just a weensy bit more emphasis.
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I would try to skirt around the issue, but if he comes straight out with it, just say you're not interested in him in that way and aren't looking to take the friendship to any other level.  I would then have another private conversation with your friend and reiterate that you are not interested in him - while he might be a great fit for someone, he is not a great fit for you.

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Auntie Mame

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #28 on: October 27, 2011, 02:47:38 PM »

No one is suggesting the OP is obligated to go out with any guy that asks. Why are you screaming about it? Do you think EHellions need to be screamed at? Do you think we need that particular message screamed at us? Do you think the OP does?

She didn't say she was screaming at e-Hell, she suggested screaming at the friend who seems to think that there is an obligation that all single people get matched up.

Not exactly screaming at the friend.  It's akin to going outside and screaming at a brick wall because you are so frustrated with something.

Yes, but none of us need screaming on our screens.

I didn't post it like that originally.  Someone modified my text and made it look like me.
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War_Doc

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Re: Give him a chance - I'd rather not
« Reply #29 on: October 27, 2011, 03:45:31 PM »
1) Point blank ask your friend why she refuses to accept your no.

2) Tell your friend no woman is ever, EVER, obligated to go on a adte with any man for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER! Sorry to scream that, but that attitude rankles me to no end.

3) Tell Steve.  No. nothing else, no.

I thought that needed just a weensy bit more emphasis.

The above emphasis was totally unnecesary.  If you wish to make a point, make it without doing this.
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