Author Topic: The crazy returns updated with original thread  (Read 7170 times)

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Ilovemygeek

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The crazy returns updated with original thread
« on: October 26, 2011, 09:30:20 AM »
I apologize for not linking to the original post about my father and his crazy 2nd wife (the woman who logged into his email to send me an email from my "father" wishing that my brother and I were never born) but I couldn't find it. Anyway, we are now proud parents of a 22 month old as well as a 3 month old, both beautiful girls and my husband was feeling a little sad that my father had no inkling of their existence (he had heard about my first pregnancy but not my second and knows nothing about the kids). I had an old LinkedIn request for connection from him that was about 6 months old and so I went ahead and approved it to see if maybe he could behave himself with a 3rd chance. I never heard from him but SHE immediately requested to connect on the same site. Considering how disturbed this woman is, I have no intention of her ever ever ever spending time or even meeting my girls, so I think this is her way of saying that she won't let my dad speak to me without me speaking to her first. Am I right to just ignore her? My husband doesn't think I need to bother to connect with her given what she has put me through in the past.

Update: Found the original thread http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=58173.0
« Last Edit: October 26, 2011, 09:33:56 AM by Ilovemygeek »

Miss March

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Re: The crazy returns
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2011, 09:33:28 AM »
I would ignore her request. Absolutely.
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Perfect Circle

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Re: The crazy returns
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2011, 09:33:50 AM »
You are absolutely right to ignore her.

This I think is your original thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=58173.msg1374387#msg1374387

I would not get in touch with that woman. Her behaviour towards you has been absolutely abhorrent and I would not trust your father who seems to think it's ok either.

I'm sorry. Hugs.
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blue2000

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Re: The crazy returns
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2011, 09:51:06 AM »
No, you don't have to speak to her. Your father knows why you aren't speaking, doesn't he? So it shouldn't be a surprise that you won't reconnect with him unless his wife stays out of it. If he wants to talk, he'll talk.

FTR, my dad has not seen or spoken to his grandkids in years (long story). My niece only saw him as a baby and has no memory of him. She's not sad. He isn't sad. It is us kids that are sad about what he is missing. So give your DH a hug and tell him not to worry about it, OK?
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FoxPaws

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2011, 09:56:04 AM »
Ignore her. In fact if it's possible on LinkedIn, delete or block both of them. It is sad that your father has chosen not to have his daughter and grandchildren in his life, but that's exactly what it is - his choice.

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TootsNYC

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2011, 10:26:02 AM »
Your thread title says "the crazy returns," but I think it would be more accurate to say, "I tried to go back to the crazy."

Someone in your DH's position can have a hard time recognizing that your situation w/ your dad is simply too toxic. Give him a hug, and stand firm against his (understandable) assumptions.

JenJay

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2011, 10:52:48 AM »
If your Dad is ever ready to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve then he will take the initiative to contact you with an apology and an olive branch. Until then I'm afraid you're going to get nowhere. I'm really sorry! It isn't right, but that's the way he's made it. The best you can do is continue taking care of yourself and your precious family.

cicero

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2011, 11:28:59 AM »
I am sorry for what you are going thru. i agree that you should ignore. it's sad when this happens but... it happens.



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Lisbeth

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2011, 11:30:16 AM »
I think ignoring her is exactly the right thing to do.  But I'm very sorry you have a father who isn't willing to treat you with love and respect.
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Ilovemygeek

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2011, 11:48:58 AM »
I tend to hold on a grudge long and hard and since I have copies of all the original emails I wasn't going to even give him this chance but my husband thought one last shot was in order since he's become a softie since becoming a daddy again. The problem is that he is a bit of a martyr and really does believe the onus of all this is on us because we didn't come to the wedding and show her what he sees as proper respect and was only willing to have a discussion once his wedding gift was received (it was 2 days late because they were married on a 3 day weekend and the mail didn't deliver on their actual wedding day).

Angel B.

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2011, 11:58:35 AM »
Ignore her.
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greenleafmountain

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2011, 12:22:42 PM »
I don't know why you are distinguishing between contacting him and contacting her.  They have made it clear in the past that they are on the same page, and that he approves of and supports her behavior.  No good will come of contacting either of them. The fact that she just sent you a friend request only confirms that he is still telling her everything and allowing her to interfere in any contract he has with you.  Unfortunately, it seems like as long as they are still together, it does not seem like your father will be willing to have a relationship with you apart from his wife.  Your father is the one who needs to contact you and apologize before there will be any possibility for the two of you to rebuild your relationship.  At this point the best thing to do would probably be to unfriend and block both of them on any social media you have.

Ginya

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2011, 12:41:16 PM »
I don't know why you are distinguishing between contacting him and contacting her.  They have made it clear in the past that they are on the same page, and that he approves of and supports her behavior.  No good will come of contacting either of them. The fact that she just sent you a friend request only confirms that he is still telling her everything and allowing her to interfere in any contract he has with you.  Unfortunately, it seems like as long as they are still together, it does not seem like your father will be willing to have a relationship with you apart from his wife.  Your father is the one who needs to contact you and apologize before there will be any possibility for the two of you to rebuild your relationship.  At this point the best thing to do would probably be to unfriend and block both of them on any social media you have.

This ^ I read your other threads and honestly after everything they've put you through they don't deserve anything. She obviously controls all of his communications, nothing good will come of this.

KimberlyRose

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2011, 01:35:17 PM »
I've said on other threads, and I'll say it again here so you can point it out to your husband: in all the situations I've seen where a spouse insists that his/her spouse have contact with an estranged parent, it never ends well.  Ever.  I've never seen a post where the there's been a happy reconciliation.  He needs to understand that not having your dad around is not going to be traumatic for your child.  Your dad's made his choice.  Your husband needs to accept that.

HermioneGranger

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Re: The crazy returns updated with original thread
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2011, 01:40:59 PM »
Ignore her, and congratulations on your two little ones.   :D  I posted on your prior thread, and my husband and I came to the decision that his father (and I use that term loosely) and his wife will not be seeing our daughter (due in December), due to the latest round of drama that she stirred up this past summer.  I told my husband that I refuse to allow my daughter see me or my husband treated as second class citizens by those two, lest she grow up thinking that that kind of behavior is normal.  She has three other grandparents and a stepgrandfather who will love her unconditionally, no matter what, so it's his father's loss in the end that he'll never know his only grandchild. 
« Last Edit: October 26, 2011, 01:42:35 PM by HermioneGranger »