Author Topic: Has a window opened?  (Read 2826 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

whiterose

  • From the good old US of A!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4455
Has a window opened?
« on: October 30, 2011, 12:06:33 PM »
A platonic friend of mine- let's call him Gregory-  that I have known for several years now just messaged me on Facebook asking me if I wanted to go to a local new amusement park about an hour away from us. He had suggested going in a previous comment when I posted pics from when I visited it last weekend with my younger brother.

Last time I heard from Gregory (other than random FB comments) was when he wanted me to do a presentation at the school he worked at back in January of this year- totally professional.

Gregory says he wants to see me again, since it has been a while, and put a smiley.

Gregory is the kind of platonic friend whom I would give a chance if he asks me out- but I would probably not ask out myself since I have never felt romantic feelings for him (but I have never felt a NO either, and there is nothing in him that would send him straight to the friends territory or worse). Maybe I had never thought of Gregory that way because he had a girlfriend that he met in anime club for several years- in fact, when he interviewed me back about 3-4 years ago when it was his turn to be in library school, he was considering proposing to her soon- so he never was in the prospect category. But he is a great person and I would gladly give him a chance- I doubt it would "ruin the friendship" since I do not see him often, and do not work in the same library system or anything like that.

I told him that I will be busy for the next few weeks (true- heavy programming month at work, among other things) and that I will be in another state next weekend (100% true)- and then asked him if he was going to the local anime convention the weekend after that (we actually met at anime club when I was in library school and he was in undergrad), since I would be going on the Friday.

Would my stating that I am out of town be construed by him as a "NEVER"? Is a geeky amusement park centered around a popular toy to be interpreted as strictly platonic? Was my mentioning the convention and that I would likely be there on a specific day be too forward, or a brush-off, or a good alternative? Am I reading too much into this and he just wants a platonic friend with a reliable car and enough income to pay for both of us to take him there?
« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 12:21:37 PM by whiterose »
I have pet mice!

Veronica

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5158
  • the Patron Saint of Judgmental Statues
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2011, 04:35:03 PM »
I think you're fine.  If you're available three weeks from now (19th?) ask him if he's available then. Have fun!  :)

Florida

whiterose

  • From the good old US of A!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4455
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2011, 04:43:01 PM »
Nope, not that weekend either. I have to work both Friday and Saturday- plus have a guitar lesson on Sunday.

Gregory is a substitute teacher- so he works weekdays. Unless his job has changed and I am not aware of it.
I have pet mice!

Reason

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 774
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2011, 09:35:08 AM »
Unless you counter with a date that you are available, most men would take your busy schedule as a subtle hint that you are not interested at the moment. Mind you that won't stop most men.

The general rule is ... or was when I was dating... is to ask a maximum of three times and if the lady is "busy" all 3 times than it's best to move on.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2011, 10:33:26 AM by Reason »

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28648
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2011, 09:55:04 AM »
Yes. The "unwritten code" is

"Sorry, I'm busy." = Not interested.

"Sorry, I'm busy that day. Maybe some other time, when we're both free?" = Kind of interested.

"So terribly sorry, I can't make it that day. Oh, but I would really like to go. Could we maybe make it X day instead?" = Genuinely busy that day, but interested.

whiterose, if you can't figure out a time when you and he are both free, the relationship isn't going to get too far.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

evely28

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2600
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2011, 11:16:45 AM »

 Am I reading too much into this and he just wants a platonic friend with a reliable car and enough income to pay for both of us to take him there?

Why would you pay for both of you? Let him know what the entry fee is and ask him if he would also kick in $x for gas. Have a good time as "platonic" friends and let things go where they may. Maybe he is only interested in friendship, at least you can have a good time with a "friend".

whiterose

  • From the good old US of A!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4455
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2011, 11:19:50 AM »
Well, he did not mention a specific date. Just that he wanted to go to the amusement park with me. A park would be a day long trip- especially since we both live about an hour away from it. He has not asked me out to dinner. Or to the local amusement park <10 minutes from my house. Or a local museum. Or anything else- he seems to just want to go to that one park.

It is his first time ever explicitly asking me out (if you consider this to be asking someone out).

Is my asking if he will go to the upcoming anime convention and my stating I will (probably) be there on the Friday of the con showing some interest and openness, or is it a slammed door?

I do make more money than he does right now, plus have a condo and no debt. Maybe that is why the paying assumption.
I have pet mice!

Reason

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 774
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2011, 11:38:41 AM »
Also, maybe I am old fashioned, but I think asking a girl out should be done in person, or at least over the phone. But if you are inclined to give him a pass on that account, just let him know that you are available on date X and would like to go.

Personally I find it a little strange to pick a venue so far away for the first date, especially if you share a ride as it will be very difficult to extract yourself from the festivities should you find yourself to not be enjoying his company. But you do say that you've known him for several years, which makes it even stranger that he wouldn't just pick up the phone and call you...

evely28

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2600
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2011, 11:51:32 AM »
Also, maybe I am old fashioned, but I think asking a girl out should be done in person, or at least over the phone. But if you are inclined to give him a pass on that account, just let him know that you are available on date X and would like to go.

Personally I find it a little strange to pick a venue so far away for the first date, especially if you share a ride as it will be very difficult to extract yourself from the festivities should you find yourself to not be enjoying his company. But you do say that you've known him for several years, which makes it even stranger that he wouldn't just pick up the phone and call you...

It's not known whether he's asking the OP out as a date or just a casual get together. Also, if the OP would rather go to the amusement park closer to home then suggest or state that.

whiterose

  • From the good old US of A!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4455
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2011, 11:58:54 AM »
To further clarify, Gregory did not give me a specific date. He is aware that public libraries are open 7 days a week (though my branch just 6- yet on rare occassions I may cover elsewhere on a Sunday)- and thus my schedule is irregular. He just mentioned going to the specific park. And I told him that next few weeks would be busy- and specifically mentioned my going to Texas next weekend. I am having a hard time making time to see my best friend, whose schedule I know well and who sleeps over at my condo without issue. Imagine anyone else whose schedule is not so well known.

I do not think he has my phone number. I did ask someone else out about 2 1/2 years ago via Facebook message because I had no other contact info for him. My email address is on my FB page. House number and address are easily findable online- cell phone I have not let out. He had my AIM handle back when I used AIM- but I deactivated it over 3 years ago due to someone else harassing me through it (actually the last straw, there were other issues).

If Gregory had asked me for my personal number, I would have given it to him without thinking twice and assumed he may want to get a hold of me to invite me to a party or for work related reasons (easier than going through my work number).

I do not know if we would share the ride there- makes sense, since parking is expensive. When I went with my brother, I met him at a nearby shopping center with plenty of free parking, then rode with him to the actual park.
I have pet mice!

Spoder

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3657
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2011, 12:03:38 PM »
Well, he did not mention a specific date. Just that he wanted to go to the amusement park with me. A park would be a day long trip- especially since we both live about an hour away from it. He has not asked me out to dinner. Or to the local amusement park <10 minutes from my house. Or a local museum. Or anything else- he seems to just want to go to that one park.

It is his first time ever explicitly asking me out (if you consider this to be asking someone out).

Is my asking if he will go to the upcoming anime convention and my stating I will (probably) be there on the Friday of the con showing some interest and openness, or is it a slammed door?

I do make more money than he does right now, plus have a condo and no debt. Maybe that is why the paying assumption.

Unless there are other reasons for it, I honestly find that an odd assumption. I make almost no money right now but it would never cross my mind in a billion years to ask someone to an amusement park with the expectation that s/he would pay, regardless of how comparatively well-off they were.

Anyway, as for the 'is it a slammed door' question: I don't think so, but I'm not sure that it shows the requisite 'interest and openness' either, if you are potentially interested. If you can't find any time to go to the amusement park, how about something like 'Are you going to the anime convention and do you want to meet up and grab lunch together?'.

angilamae

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 451
Re: Has a window opened?
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2011, 02:21:24 PM »
I think he does seem interested actually.  He probably has other friends he could ask if he just wanted a "friend".  But I like romance so I dont know if I am right (but i am  :) )

I do totally agree that you have to counter with a date since you are the one that is super busy.

I think you asking about the anime thing doesnt say much at all.  It could mean "hey ill see you around" or it could mean "your cute lets look at japanese cartoons together"

I really think if you are at all intersted, you should set up a time for the park.  But dont assume your paying!
I can resist everything except temptation-Oscar Wilde