Third baby shower...but wait....

[JudiAU]

A shower is a very specific kind of event with a very specific kind of purpose. Showers are for the mother not each child and once is really enough. I can understand a second shower for very special circumstances (like the poster who mentioned a late term miscarriage, children born 15 years apart but not five) but not in this case. I would decline the invitiation regardless of my plan to buy a gift for the baby, as I do for all new babies I get to meet.

A luncheon, a tea party, brunch, or a day at the part with no mention or expectation of gifts to honor the mother and child is a lovely idea. Just don't call it a shower and just don't expect people to give gifts.

[fklwmn]

A shower is a very specific kind of event with a very specific kind of purpose. Showers are for the mother not each child and once is really enough. I can understand a second shower for very special circumstances (like the poster who mentioned a late term miscarriage, children born 15 years apart but not five) but not in this case.

Actually, based on your own description of a shower, it seems like it WOULD be appropriate in this case, considering the OP doesn't think the mother has ever had a shower for any of her previous children. In that case, if the shower is for the mother... there wouldn't be any reason not to throw her one.

[Slartibartfast]

This sounds more like a "welcome to the community" party, which is perfectly appropriate.  I wouldn't have a problem with this shower, assuming a) everyone knows it's an excuse to meet the mom more than a "give her stuff" shower, b) the mom wants it, and c) it's fairly small.  It could certainly be done tastefully, and if I were invited I would bring a small gift (but not something huge or expensive).

[Evil Duckie]

I think that your heart is in the right place, but a shower for the third baby I am not really for. As to never having a shower for the other children doesn't matter in my thinking.

I would suggest a luncheon or afternoon tea to honor the Mom to be and welcome her to the community, but don't call it a shower. This way you are not asking for presents, but honoring the Mom while she gets a chance to know others.  I have been to several of these and they were very nice, in fact nice than most showers I have been to.

[Gwywnnydd]

If you're 'fairly sure' she hasn't had other showers, how is this her third? It sounds like it's the first, and is thus entirely within the bounds of etiquette .

[sweedetobee]

If you're 'fairly sure' she hasn't had other showers, how is this her third? It sounds like it's the first, and is thus entirely within the bounds of etiquette .

Funny - first I thought it meant it was the third shower for the same baby/mom to be. Then i read the post and I thought it was "third baby" shower - meaning a shower for the third baby.  It is interesting how we all read the same thing differently!

[kingsrings]

I think it's nice. Second, third and fourth babyshowers are usually looked down on because people have already outfitted you for one child, but since she's new to the area no one has done anything for her yet, so the usual reason is not really there.

It's also nice because when you're new some place you don't have many friends and she's probably pretty lonely. I think this is an instance where the "rules" are over looked to do something special.

Agree with you. My mom had a baby shower thrown for her with me for these exact same reasons, even though it was her second child. She never had one with my brother. I do think that there are acceptable reasons for a baby shower to be thrown for a consecutive child.

[Suze]

Ok - toss me into E-Hell - I have been to several third - fourth baby "showers"

Ususally they are just a party and it is put out quitely that IF you want to bring something for a gift make it diapers, wet wipes, baby soap - Use it up kind of stuff.

While you might still have all the clothes, high chair, car seat, etc. from the first ones. The use it up stuff can be a welcome gift.

Especially the one bigger size diaper.  At midnight.

[kingsrings]

I guess I'll be the voice of dissention here.  I think a shower for a third baby is inappropriate from an etiquette perspective.    Despite the fact that the couple's first two babies were boys, I would expect she and her husband to be at the point where they should provide for their third baby's needs.   The idea that other people are invited to a party where the sole purpose is to provide the family with even more baby things just rubs me the wrong way.

More than just the idea doesn't appeal to me, however....in actuality, being invited to a shower for a third baby irritated me to no end.   I really felt that the mother/father were being very greedy to allow someone to throw them that shower. 

But why shouldn't subsequent children be celebrated and gifted upon, too? They don't mean any less than the others. Now I don't think that the gifts for subsequent children should be many or extravagant, as the parents should already have all of the baby essentials by now. Just little gifts are appropriate in this instance, such as outfits. And if the baby is a different gender than the others, then gender-appropriate gifts.

[Sterling]

Ok see I just don't have a problem with it.  In fact we just had a shower here for a co-worker who is having her first boy and it has been 12 years since her last child.  She literally had nothing for a baby.  No one felt that it was wrong.  

[Alida]

I don't think there's a seat in eHell for you for that.  She will need things for a little girl and she's not demanding a shower, you're doing this because you want to.  I think you're a sweetheart for being so thoughful!

[Chocolate Cake]

Kingsrings -- As I stated in my previous post, I do think all babies should be celebrated.  Absolutely.   But, not necessarily with a shower where the intended purpose of the event is to give gifts.   When the parents have already enjoyed a gift shower with a previous baby and/or if the parents are fully capable of providing for the new arrival themselves, a gift shower becomes a sullied concept.   It can be viewed as a gift-grab.   That is why a tea or dinner or luncheon of honor is more appropriate for the "experienced" mother.  

[kingsrings]

Kingsrings -- As I stated in my previous post, I do think all babies should be celebrated.  Absolutely.   But, not necessarily with a shower where the intended purpose of the event is to give gifts.   When the parents have already enjoyed a gift shower with a previous baby and/or if the parents are fully capable of providing for the new arrival themselves, a gift shower becomes a sullied concept.   It can be viewed as a gift-grab.   That is why a tea or dinner or luncheon of honor is more appropriate for the "experienced" mother.  

But what if the parents are financially capable of providing all of the baby necessities for the first child? Should they then not get a shower? And why shouldn't the new baby be entitled to new things, too? In my experience, when I've been to a shower for the subsequent baby, it's just basic necessities that are given as gifts, such as diapers. Obviously one wouldn't have those left over from previous babies.

[Chocolate Cake]

why shouldn't the new baby be entitled to new things, too

Eek!  Entitled?   Really?  It should be noted that hand-me-downs have been a way of life for a whole lot of babies who grew up to be just fine despite not having everything that touched their bodies something that's fresh out of the package.   

But what if the parents are financially capable of providing all of the baby necessities for the first child?

Keep in mind that my post speaks only to showers for subsequent babies.  I haven't stated anything one way or the other about showers for first babies. 

[dietcokeofevil]

I'm kind of confused...don't people typically buy gifts for 2nd...3rd...10th children?  I certainly do, as do all my friends.  Why is it different for each person to give their gift seperately, than to all gather and "shower" the mother with them?

It is different from the first shower.  You're not sending invites to every female that the Mom-to-be knows.  It's a select group of people, who should be close enough to know the whole story.  It's not shopping off registeries and buying strollers.  It's buying a cute outfit or a bag of diapers. 

It's ironic that I'm defending them, when I had tell my MIL rather sternly last week that it was not appropriate for their family to throw me a shower for my 2nd child.  But this would have been a shower with women, whom I see once a year at most.  Now if my circle of girlfriends were to make the same offer, I would accept.  Because I would know, they were doing it purely out of enjoyment for me and not out of obligation.