Third baby shower...but wait....

[Chocolate Cake]

US2BCool -- If the replies to this thread provide you with nothing else, at the very least there is the value of knowing this topic elicits widely varied opinions.   If these replies are representative of the general population, including the people you would invite to this shower, you can see how the shower invitation might be received.   If I were that mother, I would want to stay far, far away from being center stage of something that sparks such strong opposing opinions. 

Tea, anyone?

[ZipTheWonder]

No tea for me, but every time I read one of your posts, I do get a craving for a chocolate petit four.  Got any of those?? 

I think you make a very important point.  *Not* having a shower for a 3rd baby would only be offensive in the most bizarre of situations where *having* a shower for a 3rd baby could relatively easily be looked at as inappropriate by many of the potential guests. 

I, too, would decline such a shower.  I would accept an invitation for lunch and a pedicure (where lunch and a pedicure are not gifts but an activity we share.)  That's a fun pre-baby get-together.

[Chocolate Cake]

every time I read one of your posts, I do get a craving for a chocolate petit four.  Got any of those?? 

Can't say that I do, but may I offer you an angel shaped sugar cookie drizzled with powdered sugar icing and sprinkles?

[LissaR1]

Normally, third showers aren't appropriate.  But isn't there some caveat about when the mother's moved to a new place (or has many years between this child and the one previous?)

If I got your (the OP's) invite, I would definitely accept, whether or not it's etiquettely correct- as long as I liked the new mom and considered her a friend, regardless of what you called it.  But I tend to accept any shower invite as long as I like the honoree (or hubby likes the other half), because there are some times I feel friendship transcends etiquette.  If there was a new mom in the community and I'd met her and quite liked her, I'd go. 

If I was the mom, however, I'd kind of feel awkward.  All these people that don't really know me being asked to bring a gift?  That would make me feel a little wierd.  I know I felt wierd at my shower for my first where some women in the neighborhood were invited, and they aren't people I talk to much at all.  (Totally sweet of them to come, but really- a "congrats!" shouted as we take the baby on a walk was all I expected!)  I'd prefer a lunch or brunch or whatever you want to call it, just because I'd feel awkward otherwise.

Just my two cents  

[MineralDiva]

I think the fact that the mom-to-be has moved to a new place, where people don't know her or her family well, is what wrankles me about this situation.  It's nice that some folks want to make her feel special.  But I don't think they should make others feel obligated to have a party to "shower" the newcomers with presents.

This is one of those, "Oh!  Congratulations!  Let's get together for a lovely brunch to celebrate!" occasions.  Anyone who wishes to give a gift, on their own, outside of a "shower" event, is certainly free to do so.  But that shouldn't be the implied purpose of whatever get-together they have.

[Joannie81]

I don't think it's such a bad idea.  My mother was given a shower when I was born and I was number 5.  A good friend of hers was also pregnant with number 2 and it was a joint shower.  I guess since everyone knew each would turn it down, they were both told it was a shower for the other person and a surprise.  They were both surprised when they arrived and discovered it was for both. 

[bibbety]

I've heard of a party for 2nd or 3rd time mothers where everyone brings a casserole to be frozen. I thought that was a rather nice idea.