Author Topic: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)  (Read 4347 times)

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Two Ravens

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Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« on: November 01, 2011, 02:30:25 PM »
Please bear with me on this long background.

My husband occasionally gets on these kicks where he re watches TV series on DVD.  We have an embarrassingly large DVD collection. This weekend, he started re watching Season 1 of Dexter.  Which I was fine with, I generally go to be earlier then him on weekends since I can't turn off my internal clock.

Last night I came home to him in the midst of what was clearly Season 2.  I said I didn't realize we had Season 2 on DVD, since I remember we had watched it On Demand back in the last place we lived.  He shrugged noncommittally.

Today, as I was cleaning I found a bag containing Season 3 of Dexter, and a receipt showing he bought both Season 2 and 3 of Dexter yesterday!  Why didn't he just say that when I brought it up?  We have plenty of disposable income and don't begrudge each other small purchases.  So why didn't he just tell me this yesterday???  I don't understand.  I mean, he didn't say anything to me when I bought Season 6 of Supernatural, even though I hated the almost all of it. (If fact, it is still sitting unwrapped on the shelf.) So what gives?

Any ideas, or similar stories?  :)

Reason

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2011, 02:38:07 PM »
Is it possible that he felt that this purchase wasn't important enough to be worth mentioning? If you have plenty of disposable income and the expense is minor relative to your available resources then I really don't see the problem.

Is it expected that he informs you every time he makes a purchase of anything? If not than I would probably just let this go if I were you. If he bought a car, or a pet tiger or something of the sort then yes, I would be interested in why I was not consulted.

<Edited for spelling>
« Last Edit: November 01, 2011, 02:51:43 PM by Reason »

Judah

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2011, 02:41:34 PM »
Is it possible that he felt that this purchase wasn't important enough to be worth mentioning? If you have plenty of disposable income and the expense is minor relatives to your available resources than I really don't see the problem.

Is it expected that he informs you every time he makes a purchase of anything? If not than I would probably just let this go if I were you. If he bought a car, or a pet tiger or something of the sort then yes, I would be interested in why I was not consulted.

This is what I'm thinking and I would agree with it.  It's a minor purchase and not worth mentioning.  Why make a big deal out of it?
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violinp

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2011, 02:42:30 PM »
Is it possible that he felt that this purchase wasn't important enough to be worth mentioning? If you have plenty of disposable income and the expense is minor relatives to your available resources than I really don't see the problem.

Is it expected that he informs you every time he makes a purchase of anything? If not than I would probably just let this go if I were you. If he bought a car, or a pet tiger or something of the sort then yes, I would be interested in why I was not consulted.

Well, that may be true. But, how hard is it to say, "Oh I bought this the other day."? It's just a little bizarre. Not rude necessarily, but a little odd.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


RuthieCohen

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2011, 02:42:59 PM »
I don't understand your issue with him.  You mentioned you have the income to buy these treats and he obviously treated himself.  And that he didn't question your Supernatural DVD purchase, so why question him about the Dexter DVD purchase.

Perhaps he thought you'd make a big deal out of it and decided not to say anything.  He obviously wasn't trying to hide the purchase from you as the bag (and receipt) was in plain sight. 

So, my answer is nothing "gives".   Just make a bowl of popcorn, sit back and enjoy the new DVD purchase with your hubby!  I can think of a million other things to "fight" about.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2011, 02:45:33 PM by RuthieCohen »

Twik

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2011, 02:44:35 PM »
Does he perhaps feel guilty about purchases? It sounds to me like he hoped you wouldn't find out, or at least notice. How do you two normally handle purchases of non-essentials? How about when he was a kid - did he have to "justify" everything he bought?
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Two Ravens

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2011, 02:45:19 PM »
Normally, I wouldn't consider it worth mentioning, but since I specifically said "I didn't realize we had Season 2." I would have thought that was the perfect opening for an "Oh, I just bought it."  I mean, I am not mad about it, its just a  ??? moment (maybe a Mars/Venus thing.) Again, why wouldn't he just say that?  Unless he wasn't listening to me, which is also possible... :P

violinp

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2011, 02:48:43 PM »
Normally, I wouldn't consider it worth mentioning, but since I specifically said "I didn't realize we had Season 2." I would have thought that was the perfect opening for an "Oh, I just bought it."  I mean, I am not mad about it, its just a  ??? moment (maybe a Mars/Venus thing.) Again, why wouldn't he just say that?  Unless he wasn't listening to me, which is also possible... :P

Could be a Mars/Venus thing. Still odd.  :P
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WonderWoman

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2011, 02:59:27 PM »
From the OP's perspective, it does seem odd not to just say, "Yeah, I bought it yesterday."

I may be projecting, but I have done the same thing OP's DH did to my DH. Even if we have the money to buy something and I know it is OK, I still have the tendency to just bring the shopping bag(s) in quietly and put them away without comment. He sees the bill (joint account) so it's not like I am hiding or even trying to hide the purchase. But growing up, my every move and especially every purchase, was scrutinized. My parents still do it. Whenever they see me, they do an inventory, "Oh new shoes? Hmm..." "Did you get your hair done? Hmm..." "I haven't seen that sweater before. . . is it new? Hmm..."

So I avoid bringing attention to my purchases after a lifetime of training. Maybe that's what he was doing?

Or maybe he was so engrossed in his Dexter episode that he doesn't even know what the OP asked him, hence the shrug.

P-p-p-penguin

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2011, 03:01:09 PM »
Normally, I wouldn't consider it worth mentioning, but since I specifically said "I didn't realize we had Season 2." I would have thought that was the perfect opening for an "Oh, I just bought it."  I mean, I am not mad about it, its just a  ??? moment (maybe a Mars/Venus thing.) Again, why wouldn't he just say that?  Unless he wasn't listening to me, which is also possible... :P

That's actually was I was going to suggest! 

Thanks to having to sit next to a woman our office nicknamed "The Tannoy" for over a year I've got really good selective hearing.  It's a frequent occurrence that my boyfriend will try talking to me when I'm watching/reading something and, even though I'm aware he's talking, I won't hear a word he says. 

Maybe your husband was just really absorbed in Dexter!

Judah

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2011, 03:03:41 PM »
Normally, I wouldn't consider it worth mentioning, but since I specifically said "I didn't realize we had Season 2." I would have thought that was the perfect opening for an "Oh, I just bought it."  I mean, I am not mad about it, its just a  ??? moment (maybe a Mars/Venus thing.) Again, why wouldn't he just say that?  Unless he wasn't listening to me, which is also possible... :P

I can see myself doing this very easily.  I'm in the middle of watching a movie and DH starts talking to me and comments that he didn't know we owned that movie.  But I'm in the middle of watching the movie and don't want to stop and chat about something as inconsequential as this so I just shrug while thinking, "well, I'm watching it, so we must own it." Plus, the question seems kind of rhetorical anyway.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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O'Dell

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2011, 03:03:46 PM »
Last night I came home to him in the midst of what was clearly Season 2.  I said I didn't realize we had Season 2 on DVD, since I remember we had watched it On Demand back in the last place we lived.  He shrugged noncommittally.

Sounds to me like he was shrugging you off so he could concentrate on the Boob Tube. :P
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PaddedPaws

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2011, 05:39:25 PM »
Was he in the middle of watching the show when you asked him about it? Perhaps he was so engrossed in the tv he didn't want to stop to talk, and figured that it was unimportant enough that he didn't need to talk.

The Wild One, Forever

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2011, 01:01:08 PM »
My husband does the same exact thing, except it becomes this big "conspiracy" when he involves our son.    :P  I'll come home and see them playing an unfamiliar video game on the XBox, and ask, oh hey, did you guys get a new game?  What usually follows is much hem-hawing, beandipping, and complete silence, until my son tells me the truth.  Aaaaand, I tell my husband the same thing, that I don't begrudge him buying treats now and again, so why not just tell me?

Off topic, but I just started watching Season One of Dexter, and I am really getting into it!  (Breaking Bad, as well.  I might like that one even more.  Both are awesome, though.)
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Virg

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Re: Why didn't you just say that? (Weird Fights)
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2011, 01:51:27 PM »
Two Ravens wrote:

"Normally, I wouldn't consider it worth mentioning, but since I specifically said "I didn't realize we had Season 2." I would have thought that was the perfect opening for an "Oh, I just bought it.""

I'd see it as a perfect opening for a "can we talk when it's over?" so I get the noncommittal shrug.  It took me ten years to train my wife not to see "entered room and found Virg on couch with drink and something playing" to mean "time to sit down and converse about literally anything".  I virtually never watch television, so it's not like I regularly ignore her for viewing (It's more like three times a year) but it got so bad that I needed to develop a catch phrase to indicate that she was doing it, and the result is quoted above.  If he was in the midst of it, he may very well not have considered it worth confirming that he'd bought it right then.

Virg