Comments About Weight from Passerby

[Venus193]

I like that.

[Sophia]

My mother was once told at a Victoria's Secret, "We only have normal sizes."  ...

Totally not surprising.  Back when I was not overweight, I was told basically the same thing because I wanted a D cup. 

On that same shopping trip, I'd gotten the distinct impression that I was too old (early 30's) to shop in several other stores in the mall so I figured out that the malls didn't want my money.  That seems to have changed lately though. 

[Venus193]

Really?  I never had problems finding D's in VS, but I don't shop there at the moment because I'm unemployed and living on savings.

[greencat]

I used to be incredibly thin due to genetics and people used to comment on my weight constantly.  It was usually obvious that the comments came from jealousy rather than concern for my health - they really didn't want to believe that someone could be as thin as I was without some kind of pathology involved.  I'm really sensitive to commenting on other people's weight as a result. 

Now that I'm firmly in the middle of the normal weight range for my height I don't really get the comments anymore.  I have been directed toward the plus size section and its extremely limited color and style selection when bra shopping.  In a lingerie store, I actually don't wear a large size - it's just non-specialty places where I have that problem.

[Luci45]

I was checking out a teen-aimed clothing store. The sizes were not much of an issue, because I am pretty much a size 16 at the most, but I am obviously way old, I think about 60 at the time. My granddaughters find one store rather offensive (Rue21), so I was just checking the store out to see if the girls and I approved of the merchandise.

I was told that I was too old and probably not the right size to find anything. I made it clear that I was about ready to buy two $100 gift cards for my granddaughters, but I thought I didn't feel welcome so I would leave for Kohl's. Thank you.

I do think they (the sales people) might have learned their lessons.

(I ended up just giving the girls cash.)

[Mental Magpie]

I was checking out a teen-aimed clothing store. The sizes were not much of an issue, because I am pretty much a size 16 at the most, but I am obviously way old, I think about 60 at the time. My granddaughters find one store rather offensive (Rue21), so I was just checking the store out to see if the girls and I approved of the merchandise.

I was told that I was too old and probably not the right size to find anything. I made it clear that I was about ready to buy two $100 gift cards for my granddaughters, but I thought I didn't feel welcome so I would leave for Kohl's. Thank you.

I do think they (the sales people) might have learned their lessons.

(I ended up just giving the girls cash.)

That reminds me of a time when I was about 14-15.  I looked like the punk rocker I mostly was, but I was out shopping with Dark Sister and Dark Cousin Awesome.  They went into American Eagle or Abercrombie and Fitch (can't remember), so I followed...then was promptly watched over like a hawk.

Everywhere I went I was followed, especially when I was looking at the bracelet.  Among my billions (or so it seemed) jelly bracelets, their leather ones would have stuck out like a sore thumb.  They thought I was going to steal something apparently, until I set them straight.

E-Hell probably wouldn't approve of what I said, but Dark Sister and Dark Cousin Awesome both followed me out when I told the associates exactly what I thought.  I parted with, "Good thing you judge a book by its cover, it loses you money and makes you look like a fool!"  I would have been fine if I had only thought that, but unfortunately I said it loud enough for everyone to hear me.

[Sanity Lost]

The first time it happened to me, I was wearing sweats and coming out of karate class. This guy pushed me aside and said "Out of my way fatso!" My feelings were hurt. So I used the family credo "Don't get sore, get even". (I should mention, at the time I would have given a young Mae West a run for her money). I showed up the next day in my size 10 bongo jeans, and my favorite bodice of Man's ultimate doom and watched him run into a water fountain twice.  Then had more fun leaving men tripping and falling all over themselves that day.... feelings assuaged.

The second time, I heard it, I turned around gave them my biggest ear to ear grin and said "Bless your obfuscated heart" and walked away. I loved the look on their faces as they tried to figure out if I had insulted them. 

[Emmy]

I was in a small bar with a friend near our hometown the year we turned legal.  We were talking with a guy who knew my friend's sister.  The guy's friend comes up and says to us "Those girls must have really sweet personalities because they aren't much to look at".  We were too shocked to say anything and just ignored him.  Funny how it always seem to be the ugliest guys who make those type of comments. 

[Redsoil]

I find it peculiar that someone would adversely comment on another's weight/appearance etc. especially when they do not know them.  Obviously it's a bullying tactic for whatever reason.

I wonder if it may be of use (should the person remain within earshot) to turn it back on them in a polite and enquiring fashion?

"Oh, wow - you're one of those success stories are you?  That's great!  Can you tell me how you managed to lose all your weight?  You must be so happy now you're a model for the rest of us!"  Tone is everything with this one - light and happy, "genuinely" interested.  I'd imagine that'd throw them off-balance, especially as it's polite and essentially "calls" them on their comment.  Unless they really are just that nasty.  Some people you just can't do anything with.

[Hollanda]

I used to stare and say nothing. Or a polite "Thank you for your interest." I was rather large for a short while a long time ago whilst my thyroid meds were being reviewed. I was on too small a dose aand therefore put on weight.

Also when I was pg. Yes, I was expecting a baby. No, that does not give anyone the right to negatively comment on someone else's appearance.

I have never done it and don't understand why some people do.

[Venus193]

Usually it's to make them feel better about themselves.  They don't care if they hurt you.

Which should make them realize they're jerks, but they never do.

[Miss March]

I was in a small bar with a friend near our hometown the year we turned legal.  We were talking with a guy who knew my friend's sister.  The guy's friend comes up and says to us "Those girls must have really sweet personalities because they aren't much to look at".  We were too shocked to say anything and just ignored him.  Funny how it always seem to be the ugliest guys who make those type of comments. 

That sounds like he was trying a "neg." It's this really bizarre pickup technique that I first heard about on some VH1 show called "The Pick-Up Artist." The man is supposed to say something to the woman that sort of insults her. The basic idea behind it is a man approaches a woman and she shoots him down. But if the man walks up and says something negative about the woman, that is supposed to challenge her to want to prove to him that she's NOT a negative, so she'll talk to him and he'll be in the power position.

[Danika]

I read this yesterday and felt so bad for the people who had this happen to them. I was teased a lot about my weight when I was a child and so I am super sensitive to people being mocked for their size (whether it's thin, heavy, tall, short) and will generally defend them if I overhear comments being made.

Last night, I kept trying to think of EHell approved responses that someone who is the target of such mean comments could use.

The reason bullies do this is to make you feel defeated and look sad so they can feel better about themselves. You have to do the opposite of looking soul-crushed because then the bully feels they've failed and isn't rewarded for their mean behavior.

I like the PPs suggestions of laughing. That's ideal, but very hard to pull off. If the offender is driving away, it's probably best to pretend that you didn't hear them at all, so they think their efforts were in vain.

But I think if they're still within earshot and there are witnesses, you want them to feel mocked instead. The best thing I can come up with is to say confidently "Gee, that's not what you said to me Friday night when you were trying to get me in bed." That'll get everyone laughing at the bully, which is the best way to stop that behavior and restore some of your self-confidence.

[shadowfox79]

That sounds like he was trying a "neg." It's this really bizarre pickup technique that I first heard about on some VH1 show called "The Pick-Up Artist." The man is supposed to say something to the woman that sort of insults her. The basic idea behind it is a man approaches a woman and she shoots him down. But if the man walks up and says something negative about the woman, that is supposed to challenge her to want to prove to him that she's NOT a negative, so she'll talk to him and he'll be in the power position.

I've seen that too. The idea is that stunningly beautiful women are used to being fawned over, so if you act like they're nothing special, they'll work harder to convince you otherwise. Of course, if you try this on a woman with a more realistic opinion of her strengths and weaknesses, you're likely to get "Yeah, whatever" and the sight of her fast-retreating back.

[greencat]

That sounds like he was trying a "neg." It's this really bizarre pickup technique that I first heard about on some VH1 show called "The Pick-Up Artist." The man is supposed to say something to the woman that sort of insults her. The basic idea behind it is a man approaches a woman and she shoots him down. But if the man walks up and says something negative about the woman, that is supposed to challenge her to want to prove to him that she's NOT a negative, so she'll talk to him and he'll be in the power position.

I've seen that too. The idea is that stunningly beautiful women are used to being fawned over, so if you act like they're nothing special, they'll work harder to convince you otherwise. Of course, if you try this on a woman with a more realistic opinion of her strengths and weaknesses, you're likely to get "Yeah, whatever" and the sight of her fast-retreating back.

Not to mention, this particular technique is meant to be used with a great deal of subtlety, like the delicate touch of a feather, and most guys only hear "say something mean to a woman to get her to talk to you," and apply it with a sledgehammer.