Comments About Weight from Passerby

[RingTailedLemur]

I can't imagine giving someone who just walked up and insulted me the time of day, pick up attempt or no.

Back on topic, I am frequently amazed that there are people who feel they have some sort of right or even duty to "tell it like it is" because "they have got to be told".  Ragen Chastain (I love her) has some excellent responses to that kind of thing on her blog.

[TurtleDove]

I am not advocating the "neg," but the idea is not to actually insult anyone, and done properly it's more flirting banter. I think sometimes people look for "insults" when really there is no actual insult intended (such as in a "neg" situation).

[Fleur]

I am not advocating the "neg," but the idea is not to actually insult anyone, and done properly it's more flirting banter. I think sometimes people look for "insults" when really there is no actual insult intended (such as in a "neg" situation).

I'm a little confused: are you saying it is more about tone, or wording?  I agree that with friends of long standing, things can be said in jest that are, by their tone, robbed of any sting of malice. But I don't see how that would apply to someone you (general) had just met. If a man came up to me and told me I was ugly, I wouldn't be offended: I know I'm not, and I have a thick enough skin to not bother what others think. So I wouldn't by crying into my wine spritzer, but no more would I be giving him the time of day.

[GreenEyedHawk]

The only time I've ever commented on a stranger's appearance is to say something complimentary like, "That's a really nice jacket!"  or "I love your shoes!"

Anything beyond that is no one else's business.  What would I possibly have to gain by insulting someone at all, never mind someone I'll probably never see again?

As a slight aside, the local radio station we listen to at work has a "nooner" type show where people call in at lunchtime (hence nooner) to comment on that day's topic of discussion.  A little while back, the topic of the day was things about modern life that get on your nerves. One...gentleman...called in and said he is bothered by "Huge, fat, 150lb(!!!) women working out at the gym.  They're gross to look at!"

First of all, 150lbs is not FAT.  I'm 5-foot nothing, and 150lbs would look fine on me!  Second of all, that's what the gym is FOR!  Working out, toning, dropping excess weight, getting fit.  The gym is NOT for ogling women.  Thirdly, I can't even FATHOM anyone thinking that that opinion is okay enough to air on a radio station with thousands of listeners.  All of which the DJ (a woman, I might add) pointed out to him.  She finished by saying, "Who do you think you are, judging women at the gym and calling them fat?  You know what you are?  You're a giant a**!"  Then she hung up on him.

I am a loyal listener of her show.

[Fleur]

The only time I've ever commented on a stranger's appearance is to say something complimentary like, "That's a really nice jacket!"  or "I love your shoes!"

Anything beyond that is no one else's business.  What would I possibly have to gain by insulting someone at all, never mind someone I'll probably never see again?

As a slight aside, the local radio station we listen to at work has a "nooner" type show where people call in at lunchtime (hence nooner) to comment on that day's topic of discussion.  A little while back, the topic of the day was things about modern life that get on your nerves. One...gentleman...called in and said he is bothered by "Huge, fat, 150lb(!!!) women working out at the gym.  They're gross to look at!"

First of all, 150lbs is not FAT.  I'm 5-foot nothing, and 150lbs would look fine on me!  Second of all, that's what the gym is FOR!  Working out, toning, dropping excess weight, getting fit.  The gym is NOT for ogling women.  Thirdly, I can't even FATHOM anyone thinking that that opinion is okay enough to air on a radio station with thousands of listeners.  All of which the DJ (a woman, I might add) pointed out to him.  She finished by saying, "Who do you think you are, judging women at the gym and calling them fat?  You know what you are?  You're a giant a**!"  Then she hung up on him.

I am a loyal listener of her show.

That is insane. I mean, it would be rude whatever weights the women were at. But 150lb? That is not in the least fat, even if it is a higher weight than some people would be comfortable with. I would hate to see this man's face if he saw a 300 or 400lb woman. He might just die on the spot (which would be no bad thing.)

[Ida]

"If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out."

Somebody or other said that, I do believe.

[Iris]

The only time I've ever commented on a stranger's appearance is to say something complimentary like, "That's a really nice jacket!"  or "I love your shoes!"

Anything beyond that is no one else's business.  What would I possibly have to gain by insulting someone at all, never mind someone I'll probably never see again?

As a slight aside, the local radio station we listen to at work has a "nooner" type show where people call in at lunchtime (hence nooner) to comment on that day's topic of discussion.  A little while back, the topic of the day was things about modern life that get on your nerves. One...gentleman...called in and said he is bothered by "Huge, fat, 150lb(!!!) women working out at the gym.  They're gross to look at!"

First of all, 150lbs is not FAT.  I'm 5-foot nothing, and 150lbs would look fine on me!  Second of all, that's what the gym is FOR!  Working out, toning, dropping excess weight, getting fit.  The gym is NOT for ogling women.  Thirdly, I can't even FATHOM anyone thinking that that opinion is okay enough to air on a radio station with thousands of listeners.  All of which the DJ (a woman, I might add) pointed out to him.  She finished by saying, "Who do you think you are, judging women at the gym and calling them fat?  You know what you are?  You're a giant a**!"  Then she hung up on him.

I am a loyal listener of her show.

That is insane. I mean, it would be rude whatever weights the women were at. But 150lb? That is not in the least fat, even if it is a higher weight than some people would be comfortable with. I would hate to see this man's face if he saw a 300 or 400lb woman. He might just die on the spot (which would be no bad thing.)

I recently read an opinion piece where the author was questioning why some women prefer to work out at women-only gyms. People like this jerk, that's why.

[TurtleDove]

Fluer, both tone and wording. For me, a "neg" wouldn't work unless I was attracted to the guy, but then no "pickup line" would unless I were attracted to the guy. My point was a true "neg" is flirting and generally I can tell when someone is flirting - there is no insult intended, usually more sarcasm or dark humor (both of which I enjoy). Some people do mean to insult....but then that us not a "neg."

[RingTailedLemur]

I've just looked up a few PUA website and read their "neg" examples.

Frankly I thought they all sounded PA and some of them downright nasty.

[Venus193]

I agree.  Letting a guy like that pick you up is opening the door to future emotional abuse whether or not it's disguised as humor. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/deadlineusa/2009/mar/16/rihanna-usa

This article is disturbing, as are these stats:

http://www.rwjf.org/files/research/startstrongbaselinetopline20120323.pdf

[TylerBelle]

Yeah, this hits close to home, I shudder when I see or learn about it happening to others. Even though I'm overweight, my height issue is what usually gets noticed more. I think I've mentioned before I'm a little person, just being a few inches over four feet. It amazes me how some people feel compelled to make comments, some nice, some not so nice and some down right nasty, and of course sometimes there's the unpleasantness of having "midget" called out.  :::Groan:::

It's *fun* to be out walking somewhere, like in a mall, and approach a big group of people, where one of them usually has glanced around and spotted you. They lean in and whisper to the others, and then everyone all turns and looks at you at the same time. I've learned to pretend they really want to look beyond me and I'm just in the way, so I step aside and make a show of looking back there, too.

[Outdoor Girl]

It's *fun* to be out walking somewhere, like in a mall, and approach a big group of people, where one of them usually has glanced around and spotted you. They lean in and whisper to the others, and then everyone all turns and looks at you at the same time. I've learned to pretend they really want to look beyond me and I'm just in the way, so I step aside and make a show of looking back there, too.

That made me laugh.  I'm not sure if it would be considered PA or not but I don't really care.  I think that's a great way to let people know they are being bacon fed knaves.

[TylerBelle]

Oops, if I leaned towards PA, it wasn't meant to be so . It was a way to handle the awkwardness of being stared at en masse. Bacon-fed knaves, hee.

[MissRose]

I am a bigger girl, but no one has dared to say anything to me about it in public settings.  I'd much rather compliment someone on their clothes or their choice of a favorite musician as an example.

In private, my mother still loves to make comments and telling stuff she finds out via the mass media thinking it will make me lose weight.  With all of the nagging she has done over the years, I should be a size zero by now if she could simply by her words make my weight go away!

[gramma dishes]

...  With all of the nagging she has done over the years, I should be a size zero by now if she could simply by her words make my weight go away!

And if you WERE a size 0, she'd be just as concerned that you were anorexic or something!  Some people are just never satisfied with how 'other' people look!