I chose "Ok for others, but not for me". I don't care if others choose to celebrate this way. To each his own as the saying goes.
However, I told DH that if he ever did this to me I would get up and walk out on the whole shebang. Last month we went to a fine dining place for my birthday. DH told the waiter and they wrote "Happy Birthday" in chocolate syrup on my dessert plate. That was okay. Singing waiters and goofy hats...no thanks.
The thing is, -someone- in the dining party has to tell the waiters about the birthday. Honestly, nobody should be doing that if the person doesn't want the attention.
Though I agree w/ CakeEater, that if you directly ask someone, are they going to think it's OK to say, "Oh, yes, make a fuss of me!" And it also ruins the surprise.
So I think that unless you really know the person well, you just shouldn't arrange it.
And I'm not realizing that I haven't seen it in a long time. Don't know why that it--maybe we're eating at such middle-market places that people don't do there for special occasions, or maybe dining out in NYC is such an everyday thing that the percentage of birthday celebrants is greatly watered down...