Author Topic: Spinsters' Club Support Thread  (Read 84746 times)

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Wonderflonium

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #195 on: December 05, 2011, 10:26:10 AM »
Yay, whiterose!  Good luck. 

A friend and I had a day away this weekend, and we tried to get some photos of me, thinking ahead to having to put photos up on an online site if I ever get my courage up, and they were all dreadful ... another hurdle!  :(

I feel your pain! I am really not photogenic. At all. It's like that episode of "Samantha Who?" in which they are trying to take a good picture of Andrea and it Will. Not. Happen. Now, she's gorgeous (played by Jennifer Esposito), but it is possible for even the most gorgeous people to not photograph well. I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P
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WhiteTigerCub

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #196 on: December 05, 2011, 11:19:41 AM »
I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

But you are most certainly gorgeous on the inside.   ;D   

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Wonderflonium

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #197 on: December 05, 2011, 11:21:49 AM »
I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

But you are most certainly gorgeous on the inside.   ;D   

Aw, thanks! *blush* If only that were obvious across a crowded room.  :P
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Reader

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #198 on: December 05, 2011, 01:33:19 PM »
So I haven't been friended by the guy that asked me to friend him on facebook.  If he was not interested in asking me out why did he go through the whole song and dance of giving me every contact number he has, then say he lost my number after I called a week later, and when I called him he could have just politely declined my drink invitation instead of blowing me off?

 
So why this isn't exactlly ledge inducing, just reaffirming my spinsterhood lol.

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #199 on: December 06, 2011, 09:29:08 AM »
Maybe he's one of those people who has trouble being direct when confronted. I used to be that way--I had crippling anxiety about confrontations, and it meant I would sometimes give a favorable answer when pressed in person and then backpedal on the phone or over email. I'm not proud of it.

But then, this guy could have taken the out over the phone... I give up. Maybe he's just a flake.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #200 on: December 06, 2011, 11:20:02 AM »
Yay, whiterose!  Good luck. 

A friend and I had a day away this weekend, and we tried to get some photos of me, thinking ahead to having to put photos up on an online site if I ever get my courage up, and they were all dreadful ... another hurdle!  :(

I feel your pain! I am really not photogenic. At all. It's like that episode of "Samantha Who?" in which they are trying to take a good picture of Andrea and it Will. Not. Happen. Now, she's gorgeous (played by Jennifer Esposito), but it is possible for even the most gorgeous people to not photograph well. I'm a loooooooooooooong way from gorgeous, which makes it even worse.  :P

This made me laugh beacuse I was ata friend's Sunday for brunch, adn we wanted a photo of the three of us, in front of the Christmas tree.  Her DH was enlisted to take said photo, and we specifically told him, DO NOT take any shots wiht our lower halves in the photo.

He didn't quite get it, and at one point, we saw him turn the camera to get a full length view, and we all yelled "NO" - he finally got it when I told him "b**bs up only"

whiterose

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #201 on: December 06, 2011, 09:40:33 PM »
Sad update:

I asked him out for a second date via email. He said he only felt a "friendly" connection- and that it was very rare of him to be interested in someone, and that I was a nice and good person and he wished me the best.

Honestly, the more I thought about him, the more I was concerned. He gave a very stingy first impression overall. He said he did not go to movies at the theatre due to prices, did not have cable tv due to price, had a used car that he did not plan on replacing till it died, never bothered getting braces (could have used them), did not offer to pay for my pastry and tea, and so on. None of those things are problematic when isolated- but together they did make me raise an eyebrow. Plus he admitted to not being a big reader of either books or magazines- so that could be another incompatibility. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt on both- after all, he could have school/medical debt, and he has a bachelor's degree from my state's flagship university and a stable professional job. But it still gave me a very miserly first impression of him- I did not get a gold digger vibe, though, just a cheapskate one. Not 100% sure why is his being so frugal bothering me so much- but it did make me ponder.

Rationally, I understand we were not the optimal match for each other. Emotionally, I wish he would have given me a second chance. After all, first dates are awkward since both people are nervous. And his messages during the couple of weeks we had written to each other were so kind and thoughtful, not to mention well written.

Maybe I make a better friend than consort.

Maybe the same qualities that are an asset as a friend/employee/neighbor/etc., are a major hindrance when it comes to romance.
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Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #202 on: December 06, 2011, 10:32:28 PM »
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.

TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #203 on: December 06, 2011, 10:44:43 PM »
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.

Very insightful.

Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #204 on: December 06, 2011, 10:58:01 PM »
Thanks.  I learned that one the hard way.

dinvancouver

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #205 on: December 07, 2011, 01:58:00 AM »
For the online d.a.ting: A writer I really like (Advice Goddess) advises that you should only exchange a few email messages and then meet (something short, no dinners).  She gave a whole long explanation with research to back it up.  It boiled down to not building a fantasy about the guy AND having a very low sunk cost on him.

Sunk cost is when you have already invested in something, so you think you should keep investing to get a return.  Instead of a return you just end up losing more.

Warning: the Advice Goddess is not PC and sometimes she is not safe for work.  Her columns are great.  Hilariously blunt.

O/T: is advice supposed to be advice or advise?

blue2000

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #206 on: December 07, 2011, 03:11:26 AM »
For the online d.a.ting: A writer I really like (Advice Goddess) advises that you should only exchange a few email messages and then meet (something short, no dinners).  She gave a whole long explanation with research to back it up.  It boiled down to not building a fantasy about the guy AND having a very low sunk cost on him.

Sunk cost is when you have already invested in something, so you think you should keep investing to get a return.  Instead of a return you just end up losing more.

Warning: the Advice Goddess is not PC and sometimes she is not safe for work.  Her columns are great.  Hilariously blunt.

O/T: is advice supposed to be advice or advise?


I think one is a noun and one is a verb. So the Advice goddess advises people.
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blue2000

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #207 on: December 07, 2011, 03:20:19 AM »
Sad update:

I asked him out for a second date via email. He said he only felt a "friendly" connection- and that it was very rare of him to be interested in someone, and that I was a nice and good person and he wished me the best.

Honestly, the more I thought about him, the more I was concerned. He gave a very stingy first impression overall. He said he did not go to movies at the theatre due to prices, did not have cable tv due to price, had a used car that he did not plan on replacing till it died, never bothered getting braces (could have used them), did not offer to pay for my pastry and tea, and so on. None of those things are problematic when isolated- but together they did make me raise an eyebrow. Plus he admitted to not being a big reader of either books or magazines- so that could be another incompatibility. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt on both- after all, he could have school/medical debt, and he has a bachelor's degree from my state's flagship university and a stable professional job. But it still gave me a very miserly first impression of him- I did not get a gold digger vibe, though, just a cheapskate one. Not 100% sure why is his being so frugal bothering me so much- but it did make me ponder.

I was with him right up until "he doesn't want to pay for tea".

Someone who is very frugal with money is OK. Someone who won't spend a few coins on you is not. You should be worth more to him than his car or his movie choices.
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Larrabee

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #208 on: December 07, 2011, 06:31:57 AM »
Whiterose, you don't want to get involved with a cheapskate.  This is bad enough on a first impression but over time it will feel worse.  People like that are also usually emotionally stingy as well.

Absolutely.

Oh the stories I could tell about my ex's stinginess.  He earned a good salary as an engineer but begrudged every penny that left his account unless it was spent on his immediate desires.  So we had to spend hours at the supermarket comparing prices so we didn't accidentally spend 0.65 when we could have spent 0.55, but ski-ing holidays and Xbox games were bought with a second's hesitation.

There's nothing wrong with being sensible with money, but being miserly is something different entirely.

whiterose

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #209 on: December 07, 2011, 07:42:07 AM »
Again, I am not entirely sure why his being so frugal bothered me so much. I sometimes offer to go dutch on first dates. I can afford the things I want, do not expect presents, and am not high maintenance. And I have been hit on by gold diggers before- and this time I certainly did not detect any gold digger tendencies. 

I AM a stickler for dental hygiene and good teeth, though. Hence my currently having braces for the second time around. So maybe his not bothering getting braces when he could have used them and was likely to be able to afford them did strike a dissonant chord. After all, good teeth can only help him, right?

I do have some very miserly relatives who would do anything for money, did not give to charity, and would not purchase anything unless it was deeply discounted. Some even refused to spend money on anything beyond absolute basic needs. Though I am financially responsible (eg- I have no debt) and sometimes jokingly refer to myself as a cheapskate, the truth is that I do not always wait for sales, do give to charity, and do have hobbies and take trips that do involve spending money. So maybe I am sensitive due to this.

I am probably better off without him. But he was single, childfree, and did not want kids- plus is my type in physique, was educated and professional, and his personality was a good mix for mine other than the miserliness and apathy about reading. I am already 34. I do not want somebody who has kids or want kids.  I do like younger men. I look very young for my age- lampshaded by someone we visited yesterday who said that I look much younger than my brother, even though I am almost 2 1/2 years older than him. There are things that I can negotiate and compromise. But there are some that I cannot.
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