Author Topic: Spinsters' Club Support Thread  (Read 85628 times)

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whiterose

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #225 on: December 15, 2011, 07:45:12 PM »
I get dates, but not relationships:-[

Regarding my speaking Spanish, it is actually two separate issues:

- when they find out that I speak several languages (which is a MAJOR plus at my job, and which my friend think is cool), many men I am interested in are intimidated by my intelligence and knowledge, and they feel insecure and flee.

- when they find out that Spanish is my first language (which again, is an asset at my current job, which most of my friends have no issue with, and accent-bashing comments are just general xenophobic ones instead of specific ethnic-bashing ones), some men I am interested in assume that "Latina = hot temper", cannot see ANYTHING else about me, and flee.

It is like every.single.trait I have that is an asset (or at worst, neutral) everywhere else, is a drawback when it comes to dating and romance.

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katiescarlett

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #226 on: December 15, 2011, 09:23:04 PM »
Can I join the Spinster's Club? ;D

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #227 on: December 16, 2011, 10:12:14 AM »
Of course you can join, Katiescarlett--even though your namesake had three husbands. ;)

I was reading an article yesterday about the huge role that scent plays in choosing a mate, and that in particular women are likely to respond very strongly to a man's scent (not an applied, artificial one, like aftershave, but his actual, natural body odor). It made me wonder in a rather defeatist way what the good of internet dating is when you won't get to smell a guy until you meet in person. I wonder if technology will advance to the point that we can smell each other over the internet; that way we could do a much more efficient job of screening. :)

Wonderflonium

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #228 on: December 16, 2011, 10:35:46 AM »
I finally checked one site last night. I had a wink from one guy who is 11 years older than me and one from a guy who lives 6 hours away.

*sigh* I mean, I'm glad someone's at least a little interested, but could I please have someone at least a little closer to my age and a reasonable distance away?
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Reason

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #229 on: December 16, 2011, 11:13:05 AM »
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.

Of course, I don't really belong in this thread, being male.. and married, but that's my 2 cents. I also don't know what a wink is.

The age difference rule:

"Take the older person's age and divide it by two, then add 7. That's the youngest person they are allowed to date without raising the eyebrows of society."

Wonderflonium

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #230 on: December 16, 2011, 12:09:56 PM »
I haven't necessarily ruled him out, but based on... well, lots of things, some of which don't make sense (:P), my preference is someone within 5 years of my age, and my upper limit is/was 8. However, if his profile looks good, I'll probably still contact him.
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Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #231 on: December 16, 2011, 01:22:37 PM »
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.


The age difference preference isn't necessarily arbitrary. In my own case, I know that I'm not attracted to men more than a couple of years older than me, and I've had a lot of years to become aware of my own preferences and impulses. I would (and do) rule out men 11 years older than me because not since I was 13 and crushing on a 24-year-old TV star have I been attracted to a man that much older than me. It may sound arbitrary to an outsider, but for me it's just the way I'm wired.


Giraffe, Esq

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #232 on: December 16, 2011, 01:42:32 PM »
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.


The age difference preference isn't necessarily arbitrary. In my own case, I know that I'm not attracted to men more than a couple of years older than me, and I've had a lot of years to become aware of my own preferences and impulses. I would (and do) rule out men 11 years older than me because not since I was 13 and crushing on a 24-year-old TV star have I been attracted to a man that much older than me. It may sound arbitrary to an outsider, but for me it's just the way I'm wired.

Makes total sense to me.  I'm opposite -- I'm often attracted to men significantly older than me, and nearly NEVER attracted to men younger than me.

TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #233 on: December 16, 2011, 01:47:06 PM »
Regarding age, my first husband was within a month of my age.  The father of my child is 8 years younger than I am.  My second (late) husband was 9 years younger than I am.  My current boyfriend is 8 years older than I am.  I think I am attracted to people, not age groups, especially because so many people do not look their age!

ilrag

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #234 on: December 16, 2011, 01:50:39 PM »
Would it be out of line to suggest that 11 years older may not be all that excessive? You never know, you could meet someone special that you discounted because of a number.

Of course, I don't really belong in this thread, being male.. and married, but that's my 2 cents. I also don't know what a wink is.

The age difference rule:

"Take the older person's age and divide it by two, then add 7. That's the youngest person they are allowed to date without raising the eyebrows of society."

This isn't an actual rule that means anything, it's something guys in their late 20's say to feel better about hitting on college chicks. Generally when I hear a man say something like that it's red flag central.

Reason

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #235 on: December 16, 2011, 02:48:15 PM »
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.

DuBois

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #236 on: December 16, 2011, 03:09:48 PM »
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.

I think that the problem is when the guy (or woman) ignores what is said in the profile, though. I actually really, really like older men : 10 years older is a perfect difference for me. But if someone disregarded what I said in my profile (be it about age, or another issue) then I would wonder what they thought they were looking for, or if they realised who I was. It is as if they are not 'listening' for want of a better term. Does that make sense?

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #237 on: December 16, 2011, 03:13:42 PM »
There is nothing wrong with guys in their late 20's hitting on college chicks, provided everything is consensual and on an equal level.

My point is that age is just a number and nobody wants to miss out on a special relationship just because they were held back by some preconceived notions. Wonderflonium clearly has other reasons for refusing this particular romantic engagement which are perfectly valid, but age alone means nothing.

Well, that's simply not true. I would not date a 19-year-old or a 65-year-old.

Reason

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #238 on: December 16, 2011, 03:39:36 PM »
Because you would not do it, does not mean someone else would not do it. There are enough happy coupling between 65 years and 19 year olds to void that theory.

Sorry to derail the thread actually. I am bowing out.

Sirius

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #239 on: December 16, 2011, 03:48:48 PM »
I gave up a long time ago.   Most men look at me and feel they can do better (as in younger, thinner, prettier) and maybe Blanche is right in that they want women who are less intelligent.

Too bloody bad.

I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone or anything.  If someone is intimidated by my intelligence he is not worthy of my time or respect.  And there can't be love without respect.

That's me, too, Venus.  I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone.