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Author Topic: Spinsters' Club Support Thread  (Read 203292 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #615 on: December 05, 2012, 01:07:55 PM »
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #616 on: December 05, 2012, 01:15:26 PM »
Most of the truly successful romance writers are happily married, interestingly.
Yes, many of the successful romance writers I've met through networking are happily married. Many of the successful women writers, period, are married. I suspect part of the secret is having someone to help with the burdens of day-to-day life, like shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry and all those chores that leach writing time out of the day. :)

On the other hand, being single allows me to idealize men a little, which probably helps me create heroes readers can love...

I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

I can identify so much! Both with the dating-poor environment and failed experiments with matchmaking and online dating, and knowing I'd be a nicer girlfriend than some of the partnered women I see. Granted, I'm not as pretty as I was when I was young, but I'm saner and better company. :) And yeah... battery-operated boyfriends are lousy kissers. ;) I'll take those cookies with the rum, TYVM!

Winterlight

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #617 on: December 05, 2012, 01:27:24 PM »
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #618 on: December 05, 2012, 01:29:22 PM »
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.

It's *definitely* not just you. (((hugs)))

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #619 on: December 05, 2012, 01:31:06 PM »
I can, too. 

By the time I got my working life established it seems the ship had already sailed.  I was ready to start looking at 30, and I almost never meet a single man.  People marry really young here.  I'm 41, and have started to wonder how culture has created this generation of single women.  I know in my case, it was jammed down my throat that I could have it all.  Great job, fabulous career, husband, house, kids, etc.  Everybody knows that's a myth, but a lot of people believed it.  I meet plenty of bitter divorced men, some with kids, a few without, but the bitterness is a common current that the dream didn't work out.

I don't deal well with being punished by a man for some other woman's trangressions.  I'll make plenty of mistakes just myself, I don't need to do her penance too, know what I mean?  So I've been out of the pool for quite a while, and the way things look it will stay that way.

It it happens, it happens.  If not, I have a pretty good life.

Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #620 on: December 05, 2012, 02:39:57 PM »
I have long ago come to the conclusion that most people approach marriage as something one gets "lucky" about rather than treating it as they would treat hiring someone for a job.  We tend to have a few specific requirements, just as an employer looking for an executive might, but we don't take an active role in seeking this out.

Hence, we take chances and make compromises an employer wouldn't.

I didn't want to have children and I still don't regret this decision.  I once thought that I would someday marry some divorced gentleman who already had children who would be living with his ex, but never looked around actively.

That men never really found me attractive is another factor.  The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.





TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #621 on: December 05, 2012, 02:49:58 PM »
The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

Why? If you are okay with that, then great, but I haven't gotten that sense from you and I don't think you have to be resigned to the idea that your ship has sailed!

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #622 on: December 05, 2012, 03:13:26 PM »
One of my issues is that, thus far, men who find me attractive, I don't find attractive and vice versa.  But I'd rather be single than settle for someone far less attractive than I'd like.  And by attractive, I mean the whole package, not just looks.  I mean, if he was drop dead gorgeous but dumb as a box of rocks, I might enjoy looking at him for a while but I wouldn't find him attactive in the long term.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

greencat

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #623 on: December 05, 2012, 04:08:35 PM »
After my last prospect abruptly went from "We've been seeing each other for almost 6 months and we're getting more serious," to me needing to tell the guy to lose my number, I am looking, but not very hard.  It's kind of hard to start a new relationship around the holidays with all the demands that friends and family place on your time.

Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #624 on: December 05, 2012, 10:07:45 PM »
The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

Why? If you are okay with that, then great, but I haven't gotten that sense from you and I don't think you have to be resigned to the idea that your ship has sailed!

After a number of failed attempts over two decades to correct the spinster situation I decided I was better off not making a fool of myself.  I am at an age when most men want someone younger -- much younger -- and I'm also very accustomed to being my own person.

Finally, it's been so long that there is no room in my life for romance anymore.  The idea is even almost alien to me.  There are more reasons, but nothing I want to post about.

Caso cerrado.





pinkyblue

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #625 on: December 05, 2012, 10:18:40 PM »
Pinkyblue, good for you and congrats on the house! I really admire your approach to life.

I've been prioritizing my writing life this year, and that's exciting and fulfilling. The only problem is that sometimes I realize uncomfortably that I've become the cliche of a woman who writes romance novels but has no romance in her own life. Still, though... I'd rather be writing than not. :)

Aw, shucks, thanks!  :)  It's a perspective that was very, very hard-won but definitely worth it in the end. 

I'm intrigued to see that you are a writer and am excited to hear that you're persevering.  That's one area I'm trying to not so much branch out into but return to after many years' loss of faith in my abilities.  I've recently developed a friendship with someone who is encouraging me to return to writing, so that's something very positive in my life right now (though, of course, scary as heck!!).

pinkyblue

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #626 on: December 05, 2012, 10:23:08 PM »
Congrats on your house Pinkyblue.  How exciting.

Thanks so much, Reader, especially as you have so much on your mind (and heart) right now.  I am surrounded by unpacked boxes and freaked-out cats ("what is this 'upstairs' and 'downstairs' of which you speak?! and where the heck is the food??"), but I'm amazed and shyly proud that I managed to pull this off all by my lonesome, thanks to hard work, saving and doing without, planning, and very, very good choices (thanks to my last decade's worth of work experience) when it came to choosing an agent, loan broker, etc. 

I'll finish reading all the other posts now and get back on topic, but I so appreciate the kindness and warmth received from my fellow spinsters, I can't just let that pass.  May you ALL find what and/or whom you're looking for!  :)

pinkyblue

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #627 on: December 05, 2012, 10:30:33 PM »
I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.

I'm sure I've said this ad nauseam, but better to be living a good life on your own than to be living your days in an unsuitable partnership simply to be identified as being "with" someone.  If there's anything I learned from my divorce, it's that it's FAR better to be alone (which does not or need not = "lonely") than to be in a bad relationship

Women who structure their lives and choices around needing someone/anyone as a partner, no matter how below par, I just have nothing in common with.  I've encountered so many who think that an awful, unfulfilling, and/or abusive relationship is "better than nothing."  It makes me blink and stare and lose the power of speech. 

pinkyblue

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #628 on: December 05, 2012, 10:35:23 PM »
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

LOL, Outdoor Girl, and +1 to the batteries comment. 

Reading your description, I don't get it, either.  Then again, I don't get a whole lot about this male-female thing, apparently, or I'd be posting different comments.  I don't meet single men in my line of work, either, and that's where most of us spend the majority of our time.  I've been advised many times to try the online option(s), but I haven't mustered up the guts to do that yet.  Plus, I photograph badly, at least I think so, and they say men are primarily visual, likely more so online, so ... yeah, well.   :'(

greencat

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #629 on: December 05, 2012, 11:56:37 PM »
I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   ;)

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

LOL, Outdoor Girl, and +1 to the batteries comment. 

Reading your description, I don't get it, either.  Then again, I don't get a whole lot about this male-female thing, apparently, or I'd be posting different comments.  I don't meet single men in my line of work, either, and that's where most of us spend the majority of our time.  I've been advised many times to try the online option(s), but I haven't mustered up the guts to do that yet.  Plus, I photograph badly, at least I think so, and they say men are primarily visual, likely more so online, so ... yeah, well.   :'(

If it makes you ladies feel better, I read a study the other day that indicated that although men judging women on their attractiveness falls moderately close to the bell curve, women judging men on their attractiveness rate 80% of men as "below average."  We're actually pickier on a visual level!