Spinsters' Club Support Thread

[Petticoats]

(((Reader))), I'm so sorry. It must be a double-edged sword that he was a stand-up guy about breaking up, too, because if he'd been a jerk it might have been easier to console yourself for the breakup.

I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

[siamesecat2965]

I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.

[Reader]

It does feel that way.  I have one friend asking why I'm not mad at him.  Maybe be I'll be able to get angry about not hearing from for most of the weekend until he could tell me to my face, but currently all I feel is sad. I know I am in mourning for the loss of the relationship, and I know I have to emotionally calm down from that before I can logically look at things better.  Especially so close to the holiday as I was so excited to have someone to shop for.  I always refuse to watch any of the enagement commericals if I am single around the holidays. 

[Petticoats]

It's funny; last night at work, the manager who was on had her BF come in to pick out a gift for his mom. They're both divorced and met on a d@ting website. he seems nice enough, but after he left, I was asking her what she's getting him for Chanukah, etc., what does he like, hobbies, etc. I kind of got the feeling she's settling, as she wasn't 100% enthusiastic, and this apparetnly is his ONLY forary into the d@ting scene since his divorce, a number of years ago.

While I don't doubt he's a nice guy, she's the type who MUST be with someone, and from other comments she's made, it seems like they are together for lack of anything better, harsh as that may sound. 

I think I'd still rather be single than with someone just for the sake of NOT being alone.

Oh, I agree with you. It's still possible to feel very alone even in a relationship, if it's not the right relationship for you (general "you"). It's just been such a long time since I've had anyone to smooch, if you'll pardon the Calvin & Hobbes terminology.

Reader, I think you're fine feeling what you're feeling. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling sad; let yourself grieve as much as you need to. (((hugs)))

[pinkyblue]

Reader, I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment.  It really takes courage, going into a new relationship with all the hope and prospects associated with that, so I really admire you for giving it another try and also for having some empathy and understanding for the guy, based on your own history.  Still ... it's a rotten shame! and I agree, it's a rotten time of year to be going through a break-up.  Hugs!

I agree with whoever said it's good to hear again from our fellow spinsters at this time of year ... company is appreciated, though I'm sure we'll all cheer if anyone leaves for a great opportunity.    I've kind of set up camp semi-permanently on the ledge, it seems.  I've dabbled in this and that possibility in the last year, but nothing and nobody truly worthwhile has come along. 

It's OK, though; I've been branching out in other ways, both personal and professional, and amongst other things, I bought my first home this year.  Yay!  So, again, life is good as it is, and if someday I chance to run into someone who proves to be the kind of partner I want - well, then, life will be even better.  But I'm not drooping and languishing around waiting for that. 

[Petticoats]

Pinkyblue, good for you and congrats on the house! I really admire your approach to life.

I've been prioritizing my writing life this year, and that's exciting and fulfilling. The only problem is that sometimes I realize uncomfortably that I've become the cliche of a woman who writes romance novels but has no romance in her own life. Still, though... I'd rather be writing than not.

[Venus193]

Most of the truly successful romance writers are happily married, interestingly.

I have tried many times to write romance novels until I realized that because no man has ever love me I am absolutely unqualified to write them.  Maybe I should have tried mysteries.

[Reader]

Congrats on your house Pinkyblue.  How exciting.

[Outdoor Girl]

I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

[Petticoats]

Most of the truly successful romance writers are happily married, interestingly.

Yes, many of the successful romance writers I've met through networking are happily married. Many of the successful women writers, period, are married. I suspect part of the secret is having someone to help with the burdens of day-to-day life, like shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry and all those chores that leach writing time out of the day.

On the other hand, being single allows me to idealize men a little, which probably helps me create heroes readers can love...

I've never dated very much, even when I was in target rich environments like high school and university.  Now that I'm working, and I'm 44, I find it really difficult to meet single guys.  On-line stuff doesn't seem to work for me.  I even tried a matchmaking service with no success.

But what I can't figure out is WHY no guy wants to date me.  I'm not a 10 but I'm not unpleasant looking; I have a lot of interests, both inside and outside the house; I like spectator sports; I like playing sports; I can bake and cook; I have a good sense of humour; I'm reasonably intelligent; I own my own home (close to being paid off, in fact).  Heck, technically, I even have my own engagement ring.  My Dad gave me Mom's when she died and I intend to have it remade into a style I'd like to wear sometime down the road.  And to me, it would be crazy to go spend a pile of money on a ring when we can use that money for something else.  So you can add practical to my list of endearing qualities.  And, frankly, I'm getting tired of buying batteries.   

So now that I'm done with my little tirade, I finished my gingerbread last night.  Who wants Christmas cookies?  With or without the rum special chaser?

I can identify so much! Both with the dating-poor environment and failed experiments with matchmaking and online dating, and knowing I'd be a nicer girlfriend than some of the partnered women I see. Granted, I'm not as pretty as I was when I was young, but I'm saner and better company. And yeah... battery-operated boyfriends are lousy kissers. I'll take those cookies with the rum, TYVM!

[Winterlight]

I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.

[Petticoats]

I'm selfishly glad this thread has been resurrected, since I've had some acute attacks of spinsterosity lately. The holidays always seem to make it worse--all those danged commercials for engagement rings. It helps to feel that my sistren are out there for support.

I'm selfishly glad it isn't just me! This year has been depressing on the romantic front, and the holidays aren't helping.

It's *definitely* not just you. (((hugs)))

[Lorelei_Evil]

I can, too. 

By the time I got my working life established it seems the ship had already sailed.  I was ready to start looking at 30, and I almost never meet a single man.  People marry really young here.  I'm 41, and have started to wonder how culture has created this generation of single women.  I know in my case, it was jammed down my throat that I could have it all.  Great job, fabulous career, husband, house, kids, etc.  Everybody knows that's a myth, but a lot of people believed it.  I meet plenty of bitter divorced men, some with kids, a few without, but the bitterness is a common current that the dream didn't work out.

I don't deal well with being punished by a man for some other woman's trangressions.  I'll make plenty of mistakes just myself, I don't need to do her penance too, know what I mean?  So I've been out of the pool for quite a while, and the way things look it will stay that way.

It it happens, it happens.  If not, I have a pretty good life.

[Venus193]

I have long ago come to the conclusion that most people approach marriage as something one gets "lucky" about rather than treating it as they would treat hiring someone for a job.  We tend to have a few specific requirements, just as an employer looking for an executive might, but we don't take an active role in seeking this out.

Hence, we take chances and make compromises an employer wouldn't.

I didn't want to have children and I still don't regret this decision.  I once thought that I would someday marry some divorced gentleman who already had children who would be living with his ex, but never looked around actively.

That men never really found me attractive is another factor.  The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

[TurtleDove]

The ship has not only sailed, but the pier has been dismantled.  I'm OK with that.

Why? If you are okay with that, then great, but I haven't gotten that sense from you and I don't think you have to be resigned to the idea that your ship has sailed!