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Author Topic: Spinsters' Club Support Thread  (Read 197690 times)

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mbbored

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #705 on: June 10, 2013, 10:28:58 AM »
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

There was the guy who believed we were dating and were fated to marry even though he never had a conversation with me.

There's been the man who's old enough to be my father and is bitterly divorced, to the point where his ex-wife has a restraining order, his kids refuse to see him and he's barred from his children's school (and quite frankly, I don't blame them!)

Now there's the boy who's almost 10 years younger than me and has some kind of social anxiety order or mental handicap so that he never makes eye contact, but instead stares at my chest and pants heavily.

If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?


siamesecat2965

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #706 on: June 10, 2013, 12:01:02 PM »
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

  If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?

You just hit on my one very huge pet peeve about being single and people trying to "find" someone for you. Just because i am single and they are doens't mean we have anything in common!  My mom' BF tried to do this to me on more than one ocassion. I told my mom I think she sees me as her third daughter she needs to marry off! 

One time at Easter, with the son of a friend. She actually wanted her one daughters to go with me to her friend's house, where the son was, to "introduce" me. Thankfully both her daughter, who I am friendly with and me put the veto on that idea. And she really means well, but I just wanted to say to her "so besides the fact we are both single, do we have ANYTHING in common at all? do you know?" and also tell her there could be 100 reasons he's still single too, one of them being perhaps he doesn't care for the ladies!!!!

And then there are those well meaning, but clueless people, like my one friend, who said to me once "we need to find you man" Really? why is that? adn then proceeded to tell me her pastor was single, but desperate. oh, and did I mention I live in NJ and she's in TX?


Reader

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #707 on: June 10, 2013, 01:41:12 PM »
Checking in on all my fellow spinsters.  I'm still out on the ledge, there are a couple of interests, but I don't think they have much chance of staying power.  One is very religious, while I'm not and is about a month post break up with his out of state girlfriend, and the other I have hanged out with 4 times with him not evening make the move to kiss me.  And these were preceded by a quite a few men messging me just to play scrabble, or men that were way too old for me to date.  While my friends (who I love, I was in their wedding) just celebrated 8 years together today and the birth of their 3rd child a few months back  :'(

How about you take the lead and kiss him? Or ask if he wants to kiss?

That is, if you actually want to kiss him. Because there is a difference between "would not mind- and may even be flattered- if he kissed me" and "I want to kiss him".

Then again, I am an aggressive person.

He doesn't really give me good opportunity to try, as all the time we are hanging out is with his firends and I wouldn't be comfortable having a first kiss with an audience.  It might be a moot point anyways as I didn't hear from him all weekend.

Reader

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #708 on: June 11, 2013, 03:26:25 PM »
Just got to congratulate my third friend in 3 days after they told me they had gotten into a relationship  ;D  Makes me wonder what's in the water around here and why haven't I gotten a dose?

Waterlight

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #709 on: June 11, 2013, 08:25:20 PM »
I may not attract married men (yet), but I'm pretty tired of the men that are shoved in my path.

As a 30 year old single woman who goes to church, it feels like everybody there knows somebody who would be "perfect" for me, which translates to "they're single too!"

  If these are my only choices, are they really surprised I'd rather be single?

You just hit on my one very huge pet peeve about being single and people trying to "find" someone for you. Just because i am single and they are doens't mean we have anything in common! 

THIS is why I'm skeptical of anyone's attempts at matchmaking.  In my family, women generally marry very young--at 18 or 19.  One of my cousins got married while she was still IN high school (her fiance was about to be deployed to Iraq, which IIRC is why the wedding was moved to an earlier date).

So by the time I was 20, my family was desperate for me to find someone.  I got set up for an introduction by an uncle.  I wasn't interested, but I hadn't grown a polite spine at the time, so I ended up meeting the guy.  He seemed nice enough, but the only thing we had in common was that we were both single.

My mother still asks if I'm going to try online d@ting again, but for the most part my relatives backed off when they found out I was (because of some medical issues that would be TMI if I went into them here) ...let's say, past childbearing age.   Once I could no longer have children, they didn't see the point in my d@ting or getting married, I guess.
“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.”--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #710 on: June 11, 2013, 09:25:40 PM »
I was giving the captain of my ball team a hard time tonight.  I told him that I joined ball teams in hopes of meeting men and that after 4 years, it wasn't working.  He laughed and said he was trying.  I told him it wasn't all bad - I'm in better shape now than I've been in years.  I'm still way too heavy but I can do more.

Edited to fix typos
« Last Edit: June 12, 2013, 08:48:43 AM by Outdoor Girl »
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

greencat

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #711 on: June 11, 2013, 11:09:15 PM »
I'm waiting to be fully mobile again before I start trying to date - I feel too vulnerable trying to date without my own car and in my current physical condition (in a walking boot/fracture boot/cam walker due to a severe ankle sprain) hopefully, both those issues will clear up by the middle of July.  I wonder what kind of insanity I'm going to find online dating this time?

mbbored

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #712 on: June 20, 2013, 09:11:26 PM »
The other day I was catching up with a friend and asked her if she was dating anybody (frequent topic of conversation for us). She sighed and said she didn't know then asked me the same. I also said I didn't know.

How do two smart women in their 30s with decent social skills not know if they're dating anybody? This seemed ridiculous to us; by this age it should be clear.

She was seeing a guy two or three times a week for a month before she left for a week long work trip. While she was gone, he stopped responding to her messages.

I've been spending more time with a man from my social circle. We've gone out a few times for drinks, just the two of us, and at a party last weekend he never left my side and kept finding excuses to touch my shoulder or arm. This weekend he's taking me to a bluegrass concert, which we both love. Are we dating? I don't know.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #713 on: June 21, 2013, 07:27:01 AM »
You're "keeping company" according to my 80 year old mother.  :) 

TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #714 on: June 21, 2013, 08:20:22 AM »
If you want to be in a relationship, I think it is important to talk to the person you are seeing about what they are looking for and how they view your time together. For me, I either find we both want to be in a relationship (with each other) and the relationship takes off, or I learn the other person either doesn't want a relationship or not one with me and I can stop wasting my time. If you are happy just hanging out then enjoy it! But if you really want a relationship, push the issue sooner rather than later. Not in a "let's get married tomorrow" way but in a "here is what my goals are - do we fit into each other's goals?"

mbbored

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #715 on: June 22, 2013, 09:57:31 PM »
If you want to be in a relationship, I think it is important to talk to the person you are seeing about what they are looking for and how they view your time together. For me, I either find we both want to be in a relationship (with each other) and the relationship takes off, or I learn the other person either doesn't want a relationship or not one with me and I can stop wasting my time. If you are happy just hanging out then enjoy it! But if you really want a relationship, push the issue sooner rather than later. Not in a "let's get married tomorrow" way but in a "here is what my goals are - do we fit into each other's goals?"

Thanks to your advice I decided to go into today's event just to have fun with him. After the concert we had a nice conversation and decided that we're a couple. It feels a little odd since it's been 5 years since I've considered myself to be in a relationship of any kind. We agreed to take it very slow but for now we enjoy spending time with each other and have most of the same goals.

TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #716 on: June 23, 2013, 07:23:52 AM »
That's awesome, mbbored!

greencat

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #717 on: June 23, 2013, 08:36:41 PM »
I'm currently working on something with a longtime friend - I had some idea that he was interested, and I wasn't completely disinterested in the past, but we both, I think, had a problem with the age difference between us, because he had never tried to make a move before.  Fortunately, the years since we met have made that age difference seem like it's not an issue any more.  I'm not completely sure we're compatible as a couple, but I guess we'll see.

Reader

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #718 on: July 03, 2013, 02:17:22 PM »
Another one bites the dust.  Had a promising couple of dates with a guy last week ( I thought) that I met of the online dating site I'm a member of.  He went out of town for the weekend for a car show, said he would call when he got back.  When he didn't call, I logged back into the site a couple of days later to find his profile deleted.  So I sent a text asking about the show and got no response.  So I went from being "we have so much in common" to no contact.   ???

siamesecat2965

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #719 on: July 04, 2013, 05:01:03 PM »
Another one bites the dust.  Had a promising couple of dates with a guy last week ( I thought) that I met of the online dating site I'm a member of.  He went out of town for the weekend for a car show, said he would call when he got back.  When he didn't call, I logged back into the site a couple of days later to find his profile deleted.  So I sent a text asking about the show and got no response.  So I went from being "we have so much in common" to no contact.   ???

oh that stinks. why can't they just be honest and say hey, this isn't working out or i don't feel a spark, etc. rather than just dropping off the face of the earth?