Spinsters' Club Support Thread

[Carotte]

I wouldn't start assuming things until you can get better acquainted or actually meet, maybe he's trying to be interesting will not turn out to be sarcastic at all.
But I'd also advise against putting too much 'hope' into this conversations until you get to know him better - I know that one of by problem is to get attached to quickly and easily and I always need to refrain myself from picturing myself in a relationship before I actually know that the guy is interested in one, even with me. 

[whiterose]

Besides disliking sarcasm and snark, I also dislike constant criticism.

And snarky people tend to engage in constant criticism.

I have deep issues with this- to the point of trauma.

Hence I fear that using humor that is not the style I would use = being snarky/sarcastic = constant criticism of me and others in the long run.

Curiously, it was one of those eHarmony advice emails that helped me put my finger on my concern- it mentioned "constant criticism of everything" as a major turnoff and reason why relationships do not work. THAT is why I am so concerned.

[blue2000]

Snarky/sarcastic people are not always constantly critical of others. It may just be their humour style. We are currently having morale problems at work, and we have a lot of snark/sarcastic humour going to keep us sane. Some people are funny with it, some are critical without being at all amusing (I don't like constant critical comments either). It depends on the person.

I say meet him before you decide anything. He may be a nice guy.

[WolfWay]

I am a slender woman with curves in all the right places. I am in my 30s and look much younger for my age. I dress stylishly in clothes that flatter me. So I do not think the problem is with my physique or pics.

Having said that, it still hurts that the last person I had feelings for said absolutely nothing about my physique  People- relatives, friends, colleagues, strangers, other people I have had feelings for- tell me I am pretty...so why did he not think that I was good looking?

It is likelier that it is something else, though. So I will have bro's GF check it.

I have read research where they found that the personal adverts for woman that attract the most number of responses by men are adverts written by men (on behalf of the women in question).  It seems that men are better at describing the characteristics that will make the woman appealing to other men.

So rather than have your brother's girl friend look it over, try getting a male friend to look it over and help you rewrite it.

[Reader]

So I sent the guy I met last Saturday about checking out the new sushi place I had heard about from my friend yesterday morning.  So far no answer back.

[Petticoats]

So I sent the guy I met last Saturday about checking out the new sushi place I had heard about from my friend yesterday morning.  So far no answer back.

Hopefully he's just been delayed. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[Reader]

All the response I got from the message I sent him was a text on my phone last Friday night saying Happy Friday, so I replied the same back and silence again.  So At this point I do not believe he is interested.

[Petticoats]

Well, poop. I'm sorry. 

[whiterose]

Well, the fellow I have been talking ton in eHarmony and I have finally traded phone numbers!

I asked him if he wanted to meet in person- he said yes, but that he wanted to chat on the phone beforehand.

I told him I would call him tomorrow at 7PM (after I get out of work, but before Body Flow).

How long should I make the call? Would it be too late to suggest we meet this Saturday? After all, I work next Saturday, and he seems to have an M to F job.

Hopefully I will not be congested from my cold anymore- I sound awkward when I am congested.

Besides making the IRL date, what questions should I ask (other than how was your day/week)? How do I let out just enough while keeping the mystery? We live about an hour apart- is meeting at a restaurant in between but still in my county considerate and good form? Is The Olive Garden harmless and inclusive enough of a restaurant? Should I suggest we meet for lunch or dinner?

Due to Body Flow being at 7:30 (albeit across the street from my place), I do not want to make this call too long. But I do not want to be too abrupt/direct/focused/to the point/bottom lining/no nonsense either, since I do not want to scare him off and I am direct enough as it is already. If I ask him about his day, a couple general questions about his family (how is his niece doing, how many siblings), last place he traveled to, and then suggest we meet at the Olive Garden in between us this Saturday, would that be about fine?

As you can tell, I am awkward when it comes to this things and have not had much luck in romance.

[Teenyweeny]

1) I think setting up a Saturday meeting is fine. I've always heard don't set up a weekend date after Wednesday, otherwise you look too available. But you'll be right on Wednesday, so it's all good. 

2) Location: I'd actually arrange to meet for a late afternoon coffee. It's good because it's low investment (you can bail after half an hour if it's bad), but it can turn into dinner if things are going really well. Meeting half way is nice, I think. Have somewhere close to the coffee location to suggest for dinner, and travel in separate cars, if you are driving. Safety first!

3) I'd aim for the call to be no longer than 20 minutes, actually. So your time frame sounds good. Ask him about his week, his plans for the upcoming week, his job and family. But try not to 'interview' him. Let your questions flow from what he's saying to you. It shows that you listen, and he'll open up more. So if he mentions his job, ask him how he got into that line of work. Does he like it? etc.

Good luck

[Venus193]

See Cuteliness folder for photos of my new furbaby.

[Carotte]

Well, the internet has been useful for me, I think I might be out of here for a while!
Short of him being married/3 kids (highly improbable) or a serial killer (doesn't seem like it) or some other deal breaker I might have just found one of the last perfect guys out there, perfect for me at least. It's been a few days and I'm still sporting a stupid grin from all the bubbly happiness of it all.

So I wish everyone here some bubbly happiness too, from a SO or from cats, or dogs, or what have you.
What we don't have (yet) shouldn't keep us from being happy, we should make the best of what we have or of what we want, and never settle for less that what we are worth ( and for that mater we are all worth everything )   

[whiterose]

Well, I had a wonderful first conversation on the phone with this fellow. I only ended it because I had to go to my group fitness class.

I have a date for Saturday afternoon- late lunch at a chain restaurant. He did remember that I was vegetarian.

If it goes well, can I suggest we go out again right there at the end? Or should I just say good bye, email him thanking him the next day and saying that I would like to see him again? Or should I leave it totally open to him?

By nature, I tend to take charge. It is the way I am- decisive, take charge...but not domineering or bossy. However, I do know this can and does scare insecure men off.

What do you all suggest?

[wolfie]

Have you considered going to a counselor? A lot of the questions you are asking about are really hard to answer without actually knowing you in person. A counselor would be a neutral person who could look at your body language and help you come up with a natural conversation - also they could answer questions a lot more quickly then we could. We could give you a lot of advice but without really knowing you we might end up giving you advice that blows up on you later or lands you someone who isn't right for you afterall.

[whiterose]

Well, my first date with this fellow went great!

He paid for both lunches- which impressed me, since the previous guy I had gone on a date with turned out to be a cheapskate.
And he was very happy that I was whom I said I was and did not misrepresent myself at all- sadly, he had gotten people who were much heavier IRL than what their profile pictures would have indicated (I had no idea this was even possible, or that people really did it). Plus he was impressed with how good my grammar and spelling were.

He even lampshaded that we had a lot in common, and replied he had a great time too when I stated it originally.

I will email him tomorrow to thank him again and to tell him that I would like to see him again- to please call me sometime. We both have to work next Saturday, but when there's a will, there's a way.