Spinsters' Club Support Thread

[greencat]

I think I may be turning in my membership card!  I went out with the guy from last week and a few other people including one of my few close female friends to a movie, and when he went to the restroom, she turned to me and said "He's gorgeous, he's nice, he's smart, he's charming...Is he a robot?"

I swear I did not go to Build-a-Boyfriend. 

[Redneck Gravy]

"I was just shocked that she lumped us in with her."

If she doesn't have children, and you and your friend do, don't you think your response was a little cruel? Being alone with no partner is very different to being single with children.

We each have two children.  We are about the same age as are our children.  The three of us have been friends for at least 20 years and we do go out/get together at least once a month plus our birthdays and a holiday dinner. 

I think calling me "cruel" was a bit assumptive before you found out if she had children. 

[siamesecat2965]

And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

Me too. Its just me and mom. And while I hope to be as independent and healthy as she is, and her mom was, the thought is a bit scary.

On a lighter note, and i can't post the cartoon, but my mom sent me an email with a bunch of Maxine cartoons. One said 'A man without a woman is a bachelor, a woman without a man is a genius" it made me giggle.

[Stormtreader]

And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

Me as well - Ive never really been a kids person but I do wish I had that security of someone being around for me when I get old and doddery. My family has never been close at all, so im pretty much looking at doing it alone. Although I have thought that really my ideal scenario for kicking the bucket is the rest of the WoW raid saying "you know, shes been AFK for quite a long time now...." :p

[Venus193]

The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

[TurtleDove]

I like Venus's approach. If you can be interested in other people and interesting to them as well, you might not find a romantic partner but you will not be alone.

[Twik]

The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

[guihong]

I admit I have kids, but the "Who will take care of you when you're old?" argument was trotted out as early as high school, when I doubted I ever would!  I don't think having kids is a guarantee that they will take care of us later.  I'm handling that myself (moving myself into a senior's home before I'm forced to, like my dad).

[Petticoats]

The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.

[siamesecat2965]

The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.

Thankfully I do have that going for me. I have a good group of friends, and some single cousins, close to my age, and we constantly joke about hanging out on the porch, in our rocking chairs. Except the one I couldn’t live with, and the feeling is mutual!

But I think I’ll be ok.  Unlike a former neighbor. She’s about 20 years older than I am, so in her late 60’s, with multiple health problems, very limited income, and the best way I can describe her, is very unworldly. She has never lived more than 5 miles from where she does now, has been her same apt for 40+ years, and my former landlord, who is still hers, is contemplating selling. I have another friend who still lives there as well. The problem is, Sue, as I’ll call her, seems to think that when/if the house is sold, the new owner will continue to keep it as a rental property. The problem with that is a. the house is old b. I’m not entirely sure all 4 apts in that house are legal, and c. very little maintenance has been done. Its basically only good for a teardown.

She has some family, but not close, and very few friends. Her world is very small. My friend who still lives there told her about the possible sale, and suggested she might want to apply for low-income senior housing, for which she would qualify, but there is also a waiting list. she has chosen to bury her head in the sand thinking that he won’t sell, and that the new owner will keep things as they are, which really is the most unlikely scenario. Its kind of sad really, but you can’t force someone to do anything.

[Outdoor Girl]

My family is small but I do have one brother that I (mostly  ) get along with.  He has two sons.  The boys are my heirs.  I've let them know not to bump me off because I'm not worth all that much yet.   

I will make all my own plans and move into an arrangement that will suit before I need to.  But my nephews are aware that they'll be helping make decisions, same as they'll have to do for their father.

I'm lucky because we have a good relationship and I'm sure they'll help me out a little as I need it.  But I intend to hire people to do the things I can no longer do easily - I've been planning for my retirement and I'm sure I'll be able to afford it, unless something unforseen happens.  I'm as healthy as I can be with some chronic issues and do my best to eat well and get some exercise.

And I still play the lottery in hopes of supplementing my retirement plan!   

[Venus193]

I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.

[siamesecat2965]

I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.

My mom, who is almost 79, and a widow, joined several "singles" groups, some wiht folks her age, and one through her church. where she is by far, the oldest in the group. Which is mostly ladies, and none or very few men. But she did it for the company, and to get out, not to "meet" someone new. And they all love her.

[Venus193]

It's proof positive that age doesn't have to define you.  Neither does marital status or any other individual thing.

[Outdoor Girl]

I play ball on a couple of teams where almost everyone is younger than me by 10 to 15 years.  A few are even 20 to 25 years younger.  I've told both teams that I'll play as long as I'm able and they still want me to play.  I'm not a good player but I show up for every game and don't bail last minute with or without a phone call to the captain the way some people do.